


Still the Same

by Tien



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - In the Veil, M/M, troll!John
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-11-16
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-26 03:26:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 92,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tien/pseuds/Tien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The surviving trolls and humans meet up in the veil. An accident turns john into a troll. Now he has to deal with his new troll instincts and convince his friends he's still the same as he always was.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys Tien here, this is a cross-post from my DA account.  
> I will be making updates on these chapters but not now, I just wanted to post. I love suggestions and hearing from readers. Please excuse derp mistakes on this chapter, I never gave it to my beta. If there is something really wrong tell me, PLEASE.
> 
> This is a veil!Stuck AU. Also, I started writing this before the shoosh pap Gamzee thing, I didn't feel like changing my plot to fit the new cannon, so Gamzee is dead. Karkat killed him.  
> Um...If i think of more stuff to add I will.
> 
> OH YEAH! FANART. Ok, this has been getting a ton of fanart, I love it! I will be posting chapter's here that just include the fanart I get. This also has a comic by ChibiEdo on DA. Here's the first page: http://chibiedo.deviantart.com/art/Still-the-Same-ch01-p001-267822080

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY BIG NOTE: These early chapters will be getting major revisions to iron out all those weird OOC moments and plot holes.  
> This fic spans over two years of my work, so it's probably riddled with continuity errors.  
> This is what happens when you don't plan things out, haha. Anyways, yeah, up to around chapter eight will get a face lift, so please be gentle when reading such earlier chapters.  
> ******This edit still stands. I have not yet completed the revisions of these early chapters. I fully understand that many of the characters are out of character but there are quite a few people who have been looking forward to the next chapters being released, which means this will float to the top of the search based on update times. I had been holding off on updating so that any new readers I attract could get the newly re-done chapters, but I have no idea how long the revisions will actually take me, so I'll just update and deal with it. ******

"Hey Karkat, what do you think this does?"

"For the love of god Egbert do not touch anything." Karkat walked over to where John was standing. He had found a large device with what looked like a transportation pad on it. "It sort of reminds me of the machines in the ectobiology lab." Karkat remarked. John agreed next to him. They had been sent down into the lower levels of the asteroid to search for usable machines to bring upstairs. They were supposed to be focusing on finding a new alchemiter so they all don't starve to death. "It's not what we're looking for let's go," Karkat turned to leave, tugging John behind him.

"But Karkat we haven't even seen what it can do." John complained while being led away from the strange device. "It sorta looks like it is used to transport things. Maybe it works like the alchimeter? It could just be an old model or something, we should check it out!"

Karkat sighed at let John drag him back to the machine. "Well, it seems to be a device used for the production of something. With all the crazy shit in this lab it wouldn't surprise me." He ran his hands over the controls, brushing dirt off. "I don't see a spot to enter codes; this might be too old to be of use."

John was kneeling down on the other side of the device, on the platform. He was busy brushing off more dust, "It was worth a shot, Karkat." He coughed a bit, "this thing must have been sitting here for ages, it's coated in dust!"

"Maybe I Sollux can use it for parts or something," Karkat offered. "It seems to be in working order."

"Should we should fire it up? See if it reveals anything else when the screens are on."

Karkat hesitated, his hand resting on the switch to turn it on. "Egbert, I think we should leave it alone. It's not what we came here for, that much is obvious, we don't need to cause any more trouble. Let's leave."

"Oh come onnnnn! Aren't you even a bit curious about what it does?" John was still brushing off panels, he hadn't left his spot.

Karkat watched him pull out a piece of metal and grumble as he noticed some of the wires had been ruined. "See? It's broken, let's go." He was amused by the boy's efforts, he watched as John toyed with the loose wires and attempted to re-establish connections. "You know, for a derp you're not too bad at that."

He looked up, "Ha,ha, thanks!" he stood up and admired his work, "I think I fixed that." He cocked his head, "though I don't know for sure, it's not turned on, but they seem secure." He ran to the other side, and examined the panels checking the wires on that side as well. "I don't know why I'm bothering with this, you said it's useless right?" Karkat nodded. "I just have some sort of feeling that we need this." He ran back to the side with platform, he knelt down again and noticed a spot still covered in dust. "Hey Karkat, I think I found something important."

Karkat knelt down beside him, "What is it?"

"I don't know," there was a long sharp point sticking out from beneath the panels John was just fixing. He reached out to clean off, "It's weird, why would they put something sharp way down here?"

"I don't know," Karkat ran his finger down the point, "It doesn't seem too sharp anymore, more like a dull blade." His finger lingered on the tip, suddenly gasped pulling his hand back, "What the fuck?" he brought his finger to mouth.

"Karkat you ok?"

"Yeah, fine," he licked the blood off his finger.

"Lemme see," John reached up and pulled the troll's hand out of his mouth. Karkat hesitated briefly but allowed John to look.

"It's just a pin prick, really, I'm fine." Karkat was still nervous about his blood, but John had seen it before so it didn't bother him as much. He pulled his hand back from the human and returned it to his mouth. They returned to looking at the machine.

"Maybe there was something attached to this piece?" John suggested, "And it broke off, leaving this sharp piece behind."

Karkat stood up and walked over to the control panel. "Maybe" he didn't seem convinced with that explanation. "Should I start it up? We've wasted so much of our time on it anyways."

"Sure," came John's voice, he was sitting down again examining the point.

Karkat's hands ran over the keys, he was looking for something that would turn it on. His fingers found what he was looking for, he flipped a switch and was greeted with a soft humming noise. The lights blinked and the screen flickered, Karkat waited till power had reached the whole machine. "Hey Egbert, look at this," Karkat called, John was still sitting. "Hey idiot look at this." The troll was annoyed that John was refusing to come over.

"No way, Karkat this is way more interesting."

"What is it?" Karkat was preoccupied with the screen. The display showed a status of some sort. Karkat leaned in to get a better look. The monitor was horribly dirty, he tried to wipe away some of the grime. The text on the screen made no sense to Karkat, it wasn't written in Alternian or English. He growled in frustration and wiped more of the dirt off. The troll stood back and tried to make sense of the screen. There seemed to be something preset in one of the command areas, he tried toggling between the two options. It showed that under option one was a green bar that was completely filled, while option two had an empty white bar. "John, I really think you should look at this."

"But Karkat, I think I figured out what this thing was." Came his reply from the other side of the machine.

"What is it?" he moved the curser over the green bar.

"I think it's a needle," he replied.

"A needle? What the hell would a needle be doing on the side of a fucking machine?"

"I have no clue Karkat." John paused, "Think we should get the others now?"

"Yeah, I mean, this could actually be something Egbert." Karkat was still focused on the screen. "Look at this display, it's almost like something you'd see when transferring files, or copying data." He clicked around a little more, exploring the options, "I wish I could fucking read what these prompts say." He grumbled and accidently hit a key too hard, instead of just scrolling through the options he selected one. "Oh shit," he backed away from the machine. It didn't seem to be doing anything. He let out a breath he was unaware he was holding. "Looks like the wiring might still be shot there Egbert."

John grumbled and opened the panel again, "It looks fine Karkat." He rolled back on his feet and met the trolls eyes, "why did you press something?"

Karkat was about to shake his head and tell his friend to forget about it when a blinding light flashed down where John was. Karkat immediately had to shield his eyes from machine, he tried opening them once but the pain was too much that he screwed them shut again. He could hear John scream in surprise, then pain.

"K-Karkat!" he wailed, "Karkat it hurts! What's happening?!"

"JOHN!" Karkat called back, "JOHN HANG IN THERE!" he had no clue what was happening, he could hear John still crying in pain, "JOHN!" he hissed and opened his eyes, determined to see what was happening to his friend. From what he could see, there was a large searing white light that had enveloped the boy; it appeared to be coming from a large pointy part of the machine positioned directly above John. 'How the fuck did I miss that?' Karkat swore. He ran to the machine desperate to find a way to make it stop. The controls wouldn't respond and the light only intensified.

John didn't know what happening, one minute he was kneeling down examining wires then the next he was screaming in agony. As soon as he rolled back on his feet and stood up a bright light enveloped him. He couldn't stand the pain, it was intense, almost like his body was being ripped apart and put back together. He could feel parts of himself moving, and changing. His voice went raw screaming, but he couldn't stop. Karkat's voice sounded in his eardrum, John could tell the troll was as scared as he was. He listened as his name was called over and over again, but all John could manage to reply with was another ear-splitting scream. Suddenly everything seemed to stop at once. The light intensified then disappeared, the pain retracted and John fell to the ground.

Karkat's head whipped around as soon the light vanished, he saw John fall to the ground and instantly he was alongside the boy. "John!" he knelt down, "holy shit, are you ok?" John nodded, Karkat was so wrapped up in the fact that the human was ok it took him a minute to figure out something was different. It was when John tried to speak that he actual noticed what had happened.

"K-Karkat, what th-OW!"

Karkat couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was John, that much was clear, but the boy had features all too familiar with Karkat. He had grey skin, pointed ears, yellow claws, glowing eyes, and on his head two bendy horns grew. One was curved up while the other curved down, much like his Heir of Breath symbol. "J-John I think you're a troll" Karkat said quietly.

"What?" The boy looked down in disbelief, but when he saw his hands he knew Karkat hadn't been joking. He ran his tongue over his teeth, noticing each one had a sharp point, and there were many more than before. He brought a hand up carefully to his head and winced when it came into contact with a new growth. John looked up at Karkat, "I think you're right" he focused on each word carefully so he didn't bite his tongue again. "How did this happen?"

"I don't know." Karkat replied honestly, shock was still clearly visible on his face. He watched as John gave a toothy grin, his buck teeth still prominent, only now they were sharp.

"Well, I guess we'll figure it out, but this isn't all bad," he said optimistically, "in fact it's kinda cool!" He stood with Karkat's help, and looked around. Everything in the lab was suddenly so much clearer, even though it was dark. When he breathed he could smell Karkat, he noticed that the troll had a distinct scent he hadn't been aware of before.

"I can't believe you're so calm about this." He said helping the boy to stand steadily. "You are such an idiot, I swear." Karkat couldn't help but smile too, an action he rarely did. Karkat examined the new troll carefully, John looked normal enough; he didn't appear to have any defects. He carefully ran a hand across one of John's horns; he felt the boy shudder and look up. "They're still soft," he murmured, "don't touch them, and try not to bump into anything. They'll need at least a day to harden."

"Troll horns don't start off hard?"

"No," Karkat replied, "They are supposed to be super sensitive, when we're grubs they help us navigate the dark caverns, they harden when we pupate, but even so, they never really lose all their sensitivity."

John nodded, not sure why his would be soft. He met Karkat's eyes. "What should we tell the others?"

Karkat walked back to the machine, "Maybe we won't have to tell them anything." He started looking over the device, "maybe this thing still works and we can change you back."

As much as the thought of being put under that much again scared John, he nodded and walked over to where Karkat was standing. He glanced at the controls and monitor, the boys heart sank a bit. The machine was completely trashed, smoke was coming up from the panels and rouge sparks of electricity came from the buttons. "I don't think it's going to work anymore, Karkat."

John watched the troll slam his fists on the machine, "Damn it John!" he pounded the machine again, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen to you. We should have just left the damn thing alone."

The new troll placed a hand on Karkat's shoulder, "It's ok, Karkat, I'm at as much fault as you. I mean, I was the one who kept saying we should see what it does." He smiled again, "Besides, maybe the effects wear off?"

"Somehow I doubt that." He looked back at John, who seemed to be completely back to normal personality wise.

"Should we continue our search for something useful?" he asked.

"You don't want to tell everyone what happened?" Karkat asked, a bit surprised.

"Well, they'll figure it out sooner or later," he sighed, "Why waste the time it took to get down here?"

Karkat agreed and they continued the search. He watched John very carefully, for any signs of his body not working right. All he could see was a perfectly healthy troll boy. John's muscles reacted exactly how they were supposed to, and it seemed all his senses worked as well. John was able to help to Karkat move heavy pieces of broken metal and the stupid grin never left his face.

"I think I like being a troll." He said tossing aside a large chunk of scrap metal.

"You've only been one for a half hour, nookwhiff." Karkat commented and looked at another machine carefully. He was no longer willing to risk turning one on. He blew dust off the keyboard and stood back in shock. "Damn, Egbert I actually found one."

"What? Really?" John ran to his side and looked at the contraption. The device looked exactly like the alchemezer they all had. "Yeah, it's even got a slot for the cards!" he turned and started running towards the staircase out, "come on! We gotta tell everybody!"

Karkat blinked in surprise, 'Damn, Egbert can run fast.' He took off after the boy catching up and running alongside of him. He could hear John babbling on and on about how pleased everyone will be now that they found a way to keep producing food. Karkat smirked when John tripped over a step and Karkat caught him before he could hit the ground. "Just watch where you're going, we don't need you busting up your face." The other boy laughed his goofy laugh and kept running. They burst through the door and both winced in brighter light.

"Guys! Guys! Come quick we found an Alchemiter!" John shouted as soon they hit the top floor. John was panting slightly but the grin never fell from his face. He waited for his friends to show up. Soon Rose, Dave, and Jade appeared from one hallway. Following behind them was Terezi and Kanaya leading Sollux. "You won't believe it!" he said happily, "Karkat and I found one! We have no worries now!"

They stared dumbly at them. Karkat could feel the stares, well except Sollux, his face was confused and he just looked blankly in their direction. "What'th the matter?" he asked, his lisp back in full force after his teeth grew back. "Why'th everyone tho quiet?"

John blinked a few times, realization setting in. He glanced at Karkat, then back at his friends, then his gaze fell to the floor. "I-I uh, I sorta did something stupid."

Dave stared at him through his shades, "John are you, a troll?"

"So THAT'S why you smell different!" Terezi exclaimed.

Rose cut in, "how did this happen," the question was directed at Karkat rather than John.

"Perhaps it would be best to discuss this in a more comfortable area?" Kanaya suggested.

John nodded and hurried to main room. There were some couches spread out, and a table in the middle. Karkat flopped down on one, glad for once that the humans had come up with a decent idea. Rose wasn't bad at accessorizing, and Kanaya loved to help. John sat right next to Karkat instead of by his friends, who were all on one couch staring directly at them. Terezi and Sollux flanked either side of Karkat's couch and Kanaya kneeled down by the table.

"So," Rose asked again, "what happened?"

Karkat sighed and explained the story, "You see, we were down there looking for useful equipment, when we stumbled across this one machine. John thought it looked promising and was fixing the wiring; I went to the controls and turned it on. It was an odd machine; I couldn't read anything on the display. I was tampering with the options when John discovered this pointy piece jutting out of the side. It was sharp and I cut my finger on it, basically we decided it was useless and went back to what we were doing. I had hit a button, on accident, but it didn't do anything. Then John stood up and the machine went out of control and blasted him with some sort of white light."

"It hurt, really bad," John added. "If felt like my body was being ripped apart. I could hear Karkat trying to stop the machine, he was calling my name, but then it just suddenly stopped."

"When the light went away John was still there, only he was a troll."

"KK, wath that mathine alongthide the wall?" Sollux asked. "Did the dethplay look like thomething you would uthe to copy fileth?"

Karkat looked up surprised, "Yeah, actually, it did."

"Oh, well I know what that wath then." Sollux said confidently. "We thould be able to put John back too. It wath a replicator, uthed to make two pietheth of matter thimilar to each other the thame. I played with it a bit, it thould be eathy to get John back to a human, we jutht need thome human DNA. KK, when that thing pricked you, it wath taking a thample of your blood, of your DNA. It then saw John ath not the thame ath you and turned him into a troll to match." He chuckled a bit, "Luckily for you, troll DNA and human DNA theem to be thimilar enough that you didn't die."

Rose then asked, "So John's not stuck like this?"

Jade added happily, "That's great news! Aren't you glad John?"

John nodded, but he glanced over at Karkat's worried face, the same expression on his own face. Sollux continued, "Jutht lead me to the mathine and I'll have John back to normal."

"I'm afraid it won't be that simple."

"Why not?" Sollux asked, already fearing the answer.

"The power it took to change John destroyed the device. It doesn't work anymore." Karkat answered glumly.

"How bad, KK?"

"Like it won't fucking turn on or do anything. John's stuck as a troll and it's all my fault."

"Karkat that's not true," John tired again to convince him.

"So," Dave said slowly, "John is going to be a troll forever?"

"Unleth I can fixth the divithe, yeah." Sollux replied.

"I don't believe this shit." Dave got up and started to walk away. Rose stopped him. "Lalonde, I don't have time for this bullshit."

"But you have all the time Dave!" John said trying to lighten the mood.

"John shut up." he said curtly. He turned and faced Karkat and John, he gestured to the other trolls, "There is no way I'm just going to accept that my best bro was turned into one of you. Let me make myself clear, I do not trust you. I will never trust you; you're not called trolls for ironic purposes. Now get John back to normal, this quit being funny a long time ago."

John couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Dave it really was an accident! I swear!"

Karkat was watching the other trolls for their reaction, Kanaya seemed a bit shocked, and Sollux had a blank expression on his face, 'he's probably 0k with it,' but Terezi, she was harder to read. She looked hurt, but her glasses were as good as Dave's at hiding her emotions. "Fine, we'll all go there and look. You will see that I was telling the truth, the machine really is busted."

Karkat got up followed by the other trolls, John hung back a bit and waited for Rose and Jade, Dave hadn't said another word and followed behind the trolls not making eye contact with John. "Did I make him mad?" John asked Rose as they were walking.

"I think he's shocked, he's not handling it very well." Rose answered calmly.

"Do you two think badly of me now?"

Rose laughed, "Of course not John, I am not prone to judging my friends based on appearance. I know that you are John Egbert, the very same who helped save all of us countless times over."

"I think it's really neat!" Jade said bouncing along side of him. "Think of all the cool things you can do now!" She hugged him tightly, "You're still my friend, that would never change!" She hung off of him while they walked. Jade couldn't believe how different, yet the same John was. He was definitely still her brother, she looked up at his face, which had for the most part stayed the same, she noticed his pointy teeth and new yellow eyes, she was a bit sad the blue irises were gone, replaced with grey ones. Finally her eyes rested on his horns, she had always wanted to touch one, but none of the other trolls seemed too fond of that idea. She reached up and carefully ran a finger across one, it was smooth and almost felt soft, she pressed down a bit.

John was talking with Rose when he was assaulted with a quick searing pain from his head, he dropped to one knee and noticed Jade had a hand around one of his horns. "J-Jade stop it, that hurts!"

She immediately recoiled her hand and apologized, "I'm sooo sorry John!"

He smiled again, "It's ok, Karkat said they'd be super sensitive for a day or so, then they'll harden up, after that I don't mind if you want to feel them, they are pretty weird!" He got up and continued walking.

Jade walked alongside him again, "Is there anything I shouldn't touch?"

"I don't think so" John thought hard, "I mean, this only just happened, maybe I'll ask Karkat."

"You seem to be in the mindset that this is how you are going to be for the rest of your life, is this a fair assumption John?"

John looked down, "Well, I mean, Sollux said it changed my DNA. It's not hard to understand that this is serious. And, I'm not going to get my hopes up that I'll suddenly be able to return to normal, if that machine can't be fixed, this might be how I stay."

"And you're ok with this?"

"Yeah I guess." He let out a shaky laugh, "I mean, I don't feel any different than before, I just have grey skin and horns now." He continued walking, "What's done is done, so I should look on the bright side, right?"

"Yeah that's the spirit John!" Jade clasped her hands together.

They reached the basement levels and Karkat lead them to the broken machine, where not even an hour ago the accident had occurred. Sollux bent down and examined the device with sightless eyes. Kanaya was kneeling beside him explaining everything in great detail. He reached out with hand and brushed the machine, he ran his hands all over the surface, taking it all in. He stood up and walked around it, Kanaya still giving him a steady flow of information. He walked back to the others and said grimly, "I don't think it'th repairable." Dave was about to open his mouth to yell when Sollux continued. "I can try, but I don't know how much good it will do." He turned back to Karkat, "Now, KK where wath thith Alchemiter you found?"

"It's over here," he started walking to where they had found it. Karkat turned to see John running up to walk shoulder to shoulder with him. "Sorry about the Replicator, John."

"It's no big deal; I've already decided that living as a troll won't be so bad."

"Idiot you obviously haven't thought this through at all." He sighed, "We'll talk later, ok?"

He nodded, "Yeah. Come on! We have to show them our great find!"

Sollux had checked out the Alchemiter and confirmed that it was actually useable. "Now, KK, can you and Kanaya carry it?"

"I don't know, it's pretty big."

"I can help too you know," Terezi scoffed, "I may be blind, but I'm not useless."

"I can help too," John said.

"I guess you can," Kanaya confirmed, "You would be a great help."

John smiled and grabbed a side of the device; thankfully it was a compact version of the ones they had used, so it wasn't as bulky and heavy. John smiled when it came off the ground with relative ease. The four of them lifted it up the stairs and into another room; this one had the hum of machines and was dimly lit. Sollux requested they put the machine along the wall and then leave so he could start hooking up things. Thankfully he had spent his entire life around electronics and didn't need his eyes to see what he was he was doing.

John re-grouped with the others in the main room. Rose and Kanaya were chatting on one of the sofa's. John saw Dave fiddling with a new iPod he made before the old Alchemiter broke. He sat down next to him and asked what he was listening to. "One of my bro's mix's." He replied without looking up.

"Can I listen too?" John asked, curious as to what his Dave's older brother's music was like. Dave grunted and pulled out an ear-bud handing it to John. John put it in and was amazed at the sound. The bass line enveloped him and he closed his eyes letting the music wash over him. The volume hurt his ears a bit, but he wasn't going to complain, he just sat beside his friend listening to the awesome beat. He could see Dave's fingers moving with the sound, and he smiled. The song ended and Dave retracted the ear-bud from John's ear. "That was really good. Your brother was talented."

"Yeah, Bro tended to be the best at fucking everything." He said still watching his iPod.

John laughed, "I'm sure you're catching up to him though, you're pretty awesome at a lot of things!" John leaned against Dave, the human visibly flinched. "There's something you want to say to me, isn't there?" He asked softly so only Dave could hear, well Kanaya could probably hear too, but she didn't give any indication that she cared.

"Yeah," came his short reply. He stood up and John followed behind him. They walked through the halls a bit, before he stopped.

"Out with it Dave." John said when they stopped.

"I don't know if I can trust you anymore."

"What?!" John said surprised. "Why not?"

"Because you're a troll, not human." His answers were simple and blunt.

John tried desperately to search his friend's eyes, but the shades only reflected his own hurt expression. "I'm still John, Dave. Really, nothing has changed."

"Yeah, until you start hanging out with them more than us. Soon you'll be talking like them, eating like them, acting like them. You might be John now, but for how long?"

"For forever!" he protested, "I'm not going to just change who I am! Dave that's stupid. The only thing that separates humans from trolls is our stupid looks!"

"That's not true John!" Dave said a bit louder than his cool-kid façade usually allowed. "You think that that is all, but I listened to Terezi's stories. I paid attention every time she told me about something that made her skin crawl and she felt like ripping another to pieces. I was there when she told me her past, and how aggressive trolls are. The ones you see before you are like tamed wild animals, the look docile until something snaps. You know what happened with their friends right? How that clown one went crazy, how another killed his love? It could happen to any of them, including you now."

"Dave, that's stupid, Dave I-"

"It's not stupid Egbert. To me, my friend, my best bro, John Egbert died today. He died in a horrible accident in the basement of an asteroid. You're nothing but a monster wearing his face." He pushed past John and muttered, "Now leave me alone."

John was left standing alone in the hallway. Tears were slowly beginning to form around his eyes. "I'm not a monster Dave" he said to himself.

"Hey has anyone seen Egbert?" Karkat asked walking into the commons, "I've been looking for him everywhere."

Rose looked up from her knitting, "I believe he left with Dave a few minutes ago, they went that way."

"Thanks," he headed off in that direction before Rose's voice called out again,

"You might want to wait until they get back. Dave is still unsure of what to think about John's new condition, so I believe they left to work things out."

"Yeah, he wasn't exactly taking it very well." Karkat said leaning against the wall. "I mean, yeah we're some weird aliens you just met but still, he could give us some more credit."

"I agree, however it is not my place to tell Dave what to think."

Karkat asked hesitantly, "What do you make of this mess, Lalonde?"

"It will be different, but I have faith that John is still John no matter what, besides, I've already grown accustom to Kanaya and I am beginning to see beyond your appearance."

Karkat nodded and looked up when Dave walked into the room, John was not with him. "Where's Egbert? I thought he was with you."

Dave didn't say anything, just walked right by and into the hallway that lead to the room the humans shared.

Karkat walked into the hallway Dave had emerged from, he didn't have a good feeling about this. He rounded the corner and heard the sound of someone softly crying. He took a deep breath and proceeded, "Hey Egderp," he tried to sound casual, but when John looked at him he could only feel pity for the poor kid. "What happened?" he asked.

"D-Dave said I'm a monsterhe, he said I'm not John, that his b-best bro is dead to him"

"John you know that's not true." He walked over and put a comforting arm around his neck, "he's just being an ass, you know that. He'll come around." Karkat waited patiently until John could walk with him. He eyed the blue tears falling down his cheeks, "You're a blue blood," he said trying to switch topics.

"What?"

"Your blood, it's blue."

"How can you tell?" he asked, wiping his face.

"Troll tears are the color of their blood." He explained. Karkat lead to an abandoned room, he sat down on the floor and motioned John to follow him. He wasn't at all surprised when John leaned against him sighed. "You ok, Egbert?"

"Yeah, I'm just starting to re-think this whole, "it's going to be great being a troll" thing." He closed his eyes tight, "I mean, Dave is one of the only friends I have, I'd be crushed if he continues to hate me."

"I understand the feeling." Karkat said beside him, deciding that John didn't need to discuss being a troll right now; he needed to talk about his friends. "Jade and Rose don't seem to mind," he said in a lighter tone, "maybe Dave will come around?"

"I hope he does." John said. "It's going to be awkward talking to him."

"If anyone can get someone to open up, it's you." He said reassuringly.

"What about you? Do you mind that I'm a troll?"

"No, I don't really care. I was more concerned about if you would hate me for allowing it to happen to you." He ran a hand through John's messy black hair, "Come on, let's go back to the others, it's late, you should think about sleeping."

John got up and followed the other troll out the door. They arrived in the main sitting area again and John sat on the couch and watched the others.

"Sollux said the new Alchemiter should be working by tomorrow." Kanaya said while helping Rose with her knitting.

"That's great!" John said excitedly. "I'm starving!" he laughed and yawned.

Karkat eyed him worriedly, "Maybe you should go to sleep early tonight?" John looked up at him, "I mean, you did just overhaul your DNA, you should rest." Karkat watched as he nodded and left going down the hall.

"See you tomorrow, Karkat."

"Go to sleep, fuckass."

John continued down the hall to the room they shared. The trolls all had separate rooms because they liked the privacy, but the humans all shared one big room. It was nice, being surrounded by all his friends. John eyed Dave sitting on his bed, but he didn't bother saying hello. His words still stung and John wasn't ready to talk to him about it yet. The lights in their room were brighter than anywhere else in the asteroid. It was nice when he was human, but now it hurt and he could already feel a headache forming. He ran his hand over the dimmer switch and lowered the intensity just a bit. Dave looked up at him and said, "Turn them back up."

"Dave, please? The lights were giving my headache."

"No,"

"You're wearing fucking shades, what do you care?" He said a bit more harshly than he intended. He could feel blood pulse behind his forehead; he flopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He heard Dave get up and turn the lights back up, in fact, he was pretty sure Dave made them brighter. He growled in annoyance, then stopped as soon as the noise left his throat. He was unaware he could even make such a sound. He could feel Dave's glare on him. He sat up and faced his friend. "Was that necessary?"

"Yeah."

"Oh fuck you Strider." John laid face down on the bed and buried his head in the pillow and drew up all the blankets over his head. He tried to sleep, but it was hard. He could barely breathe under all the blankets, but he didn't dare take them off or open his eyes due the ruthlessly bright lights. John was confused; he didn't know why he acted so sharply towards Dave, or why it angered him so much. He hoped it was just stress, he prayed it was just stress; the boy didn't want to prove Dave right. He also found sleeping with horns a bit of a challenge, every time he tried to roll over he was reminded by a sharp pain that they were there, on the side of his head. Finally his body gave up the struggle and he fell into a restless sleep.

Just in time to be tormented by horror-terrors and nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two. Not much to say.  
> Another cross post from DA. Pretty much this whole story is going to be double posted, here and there.
> 
> Once again, if anyone notices really big mistakes shout at me.  
> I love hearing from my readers.

Karkat walked wearily back to his respiteblock, he had been up late helping Sollux with the new Alchemiter and could use some time to relax. He opened his door and fell onto his bed. The troll really missed his recuperacoon but nothing could be done about that. Karkat had barely drifted off into a shallow sleep when he heard the sound of padded footsteps and the small clicking of claws on the metal floor. A knock sounded on his door, and a frantic voice called from the hall. Karkat shot out of bed quickly realizing it was John. He opened the door and the new troll ran in breathing heavily. "John, what's wrong?" the boy just hugged him close and buried his face in Karkat's chest. "John, you have to tell me something."

"It was horrible, Karkat, horrible." The small boy was shaking, "All this blood, and the screams, why won't the screams go away?!" John was now crying, gasping for air as he remembered the horrible dreams. He would wake up from one, only to be tormented by another. A hand was rubbing his back and Karkat was talking to him a soft voice.

"Shit, John, I'm sorry. I should never have left you to go to sleep on your own. I should have warned you." He watched as John lifted his head to look at Karkat, blue tears all over his face. "All trolls suffer from horrible dreams; it's because we're seeing the visions of the people our ancestors killed. Thousands of years of death and destruction and we get to see it all." Karkat kept hugging John and talking to him. "Also, trolls are a violent race, I'm not going to sugar coat that, our subconscious gets assaulted with aggressive thoughts as well."

"All trolls?" John asked, still scared.

"Yeah. Why the hell didn't I realize you would be no different?" he pushed John's head back into his chest, where he continued to cry. "We usually sleep in spoor slime, it blocks out the dreams and lets us rest in peace, but we have long since run out. I'm really sorry, John, you're going to have to get used to it."

John couldn't stop shaking and crying. The scenes he just saw were too horrific. He just sobbed against Karkat.

"John," he knew his entire explanation was lost on the boy. John let out another wailing sob, "John it's ok, it was just a dream; please calm down." He resumed rubbing the boys back, "You're fine, I have you, it's going to be ok, trust me." He kept reassuring the quivering troll, speaking softly. John didn't seem to be responding, he was almost hyperventilating. It was then Karkat noticed his throat vibrating, he was making a sound, deep in his chest, it sounded like humming growl. The troll blinked a few times and realized his instincts had kicked in, and he was trying to calm John down.

The other troll was still sobbing into his friend's chest when he noticed Karkat making a growling sound. It didn't have a threatening tone, but a soothing one instead. It vibrated his chest and had an odd relaxing effect that he found himself immediately reacting to. His breathing slowed and he stopped crying. Karkat held him in close and never stopped making the sound. John looked up into Karkat's eyes; Karkat was entirely focused on him. "K-Karkat?"

"You feel better?" he said, the sound still resonating from his throat.

"Y-yeah," he said, "I do."

"Good," he replied and led him over to where his bed was. He sat down and John still clung to him.

"W-What did you just do? I felt so calm, all of a sudden."

Karkat looked away, almost embarrassed, "It's a sound that trolls can make, it's supposed to have a calming effect on other trolls. I've never used it, and I've never really heard much about it. But apparently your brain could pick up on what I was trying to do." He laid John down, "I know it's frightening, but you're going to have to try to sleep."

"No, I don't want to."

Karkat sighed softly, "It's ok, I'll be right next to you. If you wake up in a panic again I'll be here." John's eyes were wide and scared; he gripped the blankets and trembled a bit. "John, really, I won't leave. You should at least try to sleep; we have to attempt to work through this."

John nodded and slipped under the covers, closing his eyes wearily. Karkat was right beside him and he attempted sleep. Karkat heard the boy whimper beside him, he turned and rolled into him and resumed the calming noise. He had thought such a sound was pointless for trolls; he never imagined he'd be making it. He also never thought it would be for John, but didn't mind; he could get used to it.

That was, until John woke up screaming every ten minutes and needed to be calmed down. By the time morning came around Karkat felt as if he hadn't gotten any sleep, which was partially true. About halfway through the night Karkat decided to just stay awake and monitor the boy, it was better than sleeping for a short time and waking up. He heard his alarm go off; reaching over John he shut it off. John heard the noise and shot straight snarling at the loud sound. Karkat retracted his arm before it could be shoved in a mouth of sharp teeth. The boy's eyes were unfocused and he was growling. "JOHN," Karkat said loudly and commanding. The troll blinked a few times and looked at Karkat.

"Wow, Karkat you look terrible." He commented, returning to normal.

"I always look terrible," he said climbing out of bed. "Come on, let's get something to eat."

John scrambled out of bed grabbing his glasses, "Wait, Karkat!" he caught up to the other troll, "Karkat were you up all night?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"It was because of me, right?" he sounded apologetic.

"Yes, it was." Karkat said, opening the door. "But you can't really sleep on your own right now, the humans don't know what to do, and I doubt any of the other trolls would want to deal with it, so it's up to me."

"But I feel so bad"

"Don't. It's normal troll behavior; you just have never experienced it before." They entered the main area where Jade was sitting brushing her hair; she looked up as they approached.

"Hey Jade!" John said brightly entering the room. "Do you know if the Alchemiter is ready yet? I'm starving!"

"I haven't seen Sollux around, so I really don't know."

"I just talked to him," Rose said walking up, "he said to give it another hour, then things should be ready." Dave appeared silently and wordlessly sat down. "John," Rose turned her attention to her friend, "I did not see you this morning, where did you go?"

"Oh," he paused, "I, uh, stayed with Karkat last night."

"Why'd you do that?" She asked.

Dave replied instead, "Obviously because we're not good enough anymore."

"Dave!" John exclaimed, still hurt.

A growl rose up in Karkat's chest, "Shut the fuck up Strider. John had to go through something truly terrifying last night, something you stupid humans could never understand, and I'm the only one who could fucking help him. So get the idea out of your head that he was 'abandoning' you guys or some shit like that. He had no choice."

"Karkat" John said softly.

"And if you don't like it, tough, because he's going to be staying with me for a while."

"Why are you staying with Karkat, John? What's wrong?" asked Jade.

"Well I, gosh, this is embarrassing." He struggled to find the right words without making himself sound completely stupid. "Trolls have these, um really bad nightmares I guess, and before you laugh, I mean really bad. Horrible things happen, and I'm forced to see it all. Karkat says it's normal, but I can't really deal with it, but he can help, so I'm going to stay with him until it gets better." He sighed, "It sucks we can't all be together, but it's not like it's going to be forever, so that's something to look forward to."

Jade was going to protest, but she saw the bags under his eyes and the tired strain on his voice. She nodded sympathetically and said, "Whatever makes you feel better you do!" She turned to Karkat, "and if you really think this is going to help him, I trust you."

"Thanks Jade," John hugged his sister. She giggled and hugged him back. He sat next to her.

"Just remember no sloppy interspecies make outs Karkles!" Terezi said walking into the room.

Karkat groaned, "Oh god, Terezi shut up!"

John was laughing and reminded the room he wasn't a homosexual. Suddenly the conversation switched to Alternian and John was thoroughly lost.

"Karkat, you're not flushing for him are you?" she said slyly in their native tongue.

"Hell no," he spat back. "I just feel responsible for him is all."

She dropped her voice lower, even though they knew the humans couldn't understand them. "How bad was it last night?"

"Remember our first night without sopor slime?" She nodded. "Worse."

"Worse?" She glanced at John, "aw dude that sucks." She said sympathetically to the boy.

"You know he can't fucking understand you, right?"

"Yeah I know, hey, he should learn Alternian." Terezi suggested. "He is a troll; he should know his own language."

Karkat sighed, "Yeah I'll ask him about it later." He paused, "who's going to teach him?" another pause, Terezi's smiled, "oh no, fuck no! I'm not doing it!"

"But you have to! Think any of us could teach him?"

"Kanaya could. She could probably do a better job at it then I could."

Terezi shook her head, "Nope, she's busy helping me with Sollux, speaking of which," she added, "I was going to go find him. See you later Karkat!" she wandered off in the direction of the electronics room.

John watched Karkat swear and sit down next to him. "You need to learn Alternian."

"What? Why?" John asked.

"Because, idiot, you're a troll now. You should know your own fucking language."

"Well I have always wanted to know what you guys are saying, and it does sound pretty cool, but last time I tried it didn't sound right. It just sounded stupid."

"That's because you were speaking with your human mouth, and human vocal cords. You couldn't even make the sounds needed for proper Alternian."

John asked, "So now I can?"

"Obviously. You've probably already made new sounds you weren't aware of already."

John nodded, remembering the feral growl he let out at Dave earlier, "But who's going to teach me?" He looked over at Karkat, "you all seem pretty busy."

"Me fuckass."

"Oh, this should be good." John groaned. His stomach groaned as well. "Is Sollux done yet?"

"We could go check, though he's probably getting pissed at the amount of people bugging him." Karkat moved to get up, "But I should at least look at his progress, I'm still leader of this shit heap."

"Palhoncho," John corrected.

"Whatever."

They both got up and proceeded down the hall. Karkat could hear John following him as he went to check in on Sollux. The boy hadn't bothered throwing on shoes and he could hear the soft clinking sound of his claws on metal. "We should probably trim you claws, on your feet and hands."

John looked at Karkat's hand as it swung back and forth, "But you don't cut your claws, why do I have to?"

"Because idiot, you don't realize you have them yet." He reached the room, "It's better if you don't accidently scratch someone." He walked in through the doorway, "Sollux is that thing working yet?"

"Yeth KK, it'th finithed." He stepped away from the monitor and sat down massaging his temples. "I'm going to go path out now, you can thank me for thtaying up all damn night to finith thith."

"Thanks Sollux! You're like the best blind computer hacking troll I know!" John said happily, he moved over to the machine and entered the code for his favorite cereal that he knew by heart. It materialized and in no time John was retreating to their eating area. Karkat sighed and punched in a code that was similar but different; he grabbed a bowl of food, thanked Sollux for everything he does around the lab, and started after John. He sat down and took a mouthful, watching the troll eat. He almost laughed when he saw what a hard time he was having.

"How do you guys eat with these stupid teeth?" he complained, taking small bites and chewing slowly. The pointy troll teeth were nothing like his old flat human ones.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "we just do." Karkat heard him grumble and continue eating. "You know, you're pretty lucky that human food and troll food are almost the same, you won't need to adopt a new diet."

John looked up, "Oh, yeah that is pretty nice." He glanced back at his food, "I don't know if I could have handled that on top of everything else."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," John paused, "I mean, I'd feel like I changed too much, like none of me is the same anymore. Although, my mind is still me, I guess, so maybe I wouldn't have cared" he trailed off.

"I understand." Karkat took a few more bites, "you're still upset over Dave right?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so. Look, John, just try not to think about it."

"How can I not? He is my best friend" John picked at his cereal. "I wish there was something I could do, you know, to convince him I'm still me"

"Just keep doing what you're doing. If you try to act like you're the same it will only look like you've changed more."

John tried to keep that in mind when he was sitting with his friends in the main room again. He was chatting and being the same overly-hyper kid he always was, but something just seemed different. The boy couldn't place it; he looked at his friends, trying to figure out what was off. He noticed the slight pauses in their responses; he became hyperaware, noticing every single movement, or tiny falter in voice. He couldn't stand it, he felt too out of place. Standing up he excused himself from the group. He wandered around until he found Kanaya and Karkat sitting another part of the lab. They were talking about something, John didn't notice what; he just sat down next to them and pulled his legs up to his chest. Karkat gave him a worried glance, but John smiled, assuring him he was ok. He listened to them discuss everything from life on Alternia to things that happened during their session. Terezi walked in followed by Sollux and soon were joining in the conversation as well. Terezi's laugh and Karkat's angry g  
rowls filled the room. John was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice that the conversation had grown silent; he looked up to see that all eyes were him. "W-What?" he asked, almost shyly.

"What was it like to be god tier?" Kanaya asked again.

"Oh, it is really fun!" he answered.

"Is? You're still god tier?"

"I think so, I don't think it just stopped, I mean, why would it?"

"Can you still control the wind?"

John smiled big; a slight breeze came in out of nowhere and whipped around Karkat, blowing his hair all over his face. "Stop that bulgemuncher," John continued, "ok, ok, we know you can still do the damn windy thing, now stop it!"

The others laughed and John stopped the wind. He stretched out his legs and proceeded to talk with the others. He found himself jumping up and acting out all of the fun things he did during his session. John noticed that the trolls were behaving as if he had never changed, Terezi and Sollux couldn't even see him, so I guess they'd have no reason to act differently and Kanaya and Karkat didn't seem to care at all. He lost track of time just talking with the trolls, he loved hearing their stories about their session, and he was even more interested in stories about Alternia. "Did you really have red clouds? That is so cool!"

"Yes we did," Terezi was telling him all about her home in the forest, "It was so nice there, and the trees were so pretty when they were in bloom. It was really something. I wish you guys all could have seen it," she concluded.

They all agreed. "Where did you live Sollux?"

"Oh, me? I lived in a communal hive thythtem. I think humanth call it an apartment building. It wathn't anything thpectacular."

"I didn't even know you guys had big cities, I was under the impression that you'd all try to fight each other."

"Well, most trolls do live apart from each other." Kanaya spoke up, "I'm not going to try to tell you that we aren't violent, but we are also not wild beasts. We are very civilized and, as you can see, good with technology."

"Ekthept for KK, he thuckth." Sollux laughed. "But theriouthly we may have violent thtreaks but our race is very thimilar to yourth. I mean we grow up a bit different, but we are much the thame."

"Kanaya, where did you live?" He asked the faintly glowing troll.

"I was a bit special; I lived in an oasis in a desert. I could also walk around freely in the sunlight. It is a rare trait among trolls, we usually cannot stand the rays of the sun, and if stared upon, blindness occurs."

"That's how" He glanced at Terezi who just sat there with her huge grin on her face.

"Of course, as you may have noticed, we are sensitive to light; it is because we're nocturnal, although, that might be hard to catch due to the fact that we all sleep on the same schedule here on the asteroid."

John sat there absorbing all the information he was getting, "wow, compared to you guys, my life was boring," he laughed, "I can't believe you watched the whole thing Karkat."

"It's not like I enjoyed it," he grumbled. "I just wanted to know what kind of idiot was responsible for fucking up our lives." They continued to talk deep into the day, none of them seeming to care that they hadn't eaten.

Elsewhere in the lab Jade and Rose were talking. "John seemed different today," Jade said, watching Rose knit.

"He seemed preoccupied with other thoughts."

"You think it's Dave? I heard they had an argument yesterday."

Rose nodded, "That is most likely the cause. He is still shocked; he could possibly have a fear of trolls we didn't know about, or something similarly stupid."

Jade laughed, "No way! Dave's too cool to be afraid of trolls! Besides, what have they done to be so scary?" her smile fell, "I hope they become friends again soon. I can't stand to see my friends act this way. It hurts."

Rose agreed. "It would be ideal if Sollux could get that machine working again, then John could be returned to normal."

Jade spoke up, "I thought you didn't mind him as a troll?"

"I don't. I just think he does. More than he'll admit. John might actually be afraid of himself, I think he's scared that he be won't accepted by us anymore, and this nonsense with Dave isn't helping. It's only reinforcing the idea that John cannot be John unless he's human, and he's picking up on that."

"What should we do? How can we help?"

"Simple, we have to do nothing." Jade tilted her head a bit confused, "You see, if we try too hard to make it seem like nothing is bothering us it'll be obvious that we're trying to make him feel wanted. We don't want it to seem like we're forcing ourselves to be around him. So just react naturally, if he does something that bothers you or he acts a bit differently don't hide your reaction. Laugh or smile, let him know we're ok with how he is now, that he doesn't have to be ashamed of being different."

"I can do that!" She laughed and asked Rose, "Where is John, anyway? He just sorta disappeared on us."

"I'm not sure, though I'm certain we can find him easily." She stood up, "would you like to come with?"

"Of course!" And they went off looking for their friend.

\---

Dave Strider was used to the feeling of being alone. Bro had always left him alone for long periods of time, he was ok with that. He knew that it was hard taking care of a small child when he barely qualified as an adult. He was fine with not having friends at school, with being the cool kid, all alone and strong. He was ok with all of this because he had his friends waiting for him back home. He could accept anything bad that happened as long as he could chat with one of them. They made his life better; they made it so he wouldn't need anyone else's comfort. "So why am I pushing John away?" he asked himself quietly while taking a walk through the stark halls.

He searched his brain for the answer, but couldn't find it. The only thing he could he could think of was his fear of trolls. 'It's not like I'm afraid of John, I'm just afraid of what he could do.' He thought back to when Terezi had told him how she went blind, he remembered that she said they were violent and that thought scared him, they looked so normal. Dave couldn't stop seeing the pointed teeth and claws that adorned each of the trolls, he could only see their yellow eyes and think 'predator', and he was glad they couldn't see his own eyes behind his shades.

He rounded the corner and found John's voice greeting his ear. What he did not expect was to find the other trolls sitting next to him. He stood by the doorway watching them, seeing John talk animatedly and watching as he listened to what the others had to say. Dave couldn't stop the feeling of bile rising in his throat when he saw John smile with those large sharp fangs, or how easily he was conversing with the others. He made himself more visible to others and Karkat finally spoke up.

"Hey Strider," he said casually.

"Dave?" John's head whipped around, "Dave! Want to talk with us?" John's voice had a hopeful sound to it.

Dave felt almost no remorse in crushing it. "No John. Why would I want to talk to the aliens that ruined your life? Why would I want to sit here talking to them, when they could be figuring out how to get you back to normal, or how we're going to leave this damn asteroid?"

"Because, they're our friends?" he said quietly. "And because what happened to me was an accident, and they're not that different from us, and "

Dave interrupted him, "Of course they don't seem that different to you, you are one now."

"Dave," Terezi stood up, staring in his direction, her sightless eyes looking directly at him. "cut this bullshit, I know you. This isn't you Dave. This isn't YOU."

"Oh? And what IS me, Pyrope?"

"Dave Strider is a friend, and he's certainly not this pansy ass douche standing in front of me right now. He's calm and cool and understands. He's one of the best friends I've ever had. So when you're ready to be Dave Strider you can come back, but until then, I don't want to hear your voice, or even so much as smell you." Her voice was firm and cold. Dave turned to leave but was stopped by her voice again, "Oh and Dave, you can leave John alone too. You stupid humans might not get it, but your friend hasn't changed. I don't need sight to tell me that."

Dave just flicked them off and continued walking.

"Terezi, are you ok?" Karkat said watching his friend very carefully.

"Yes, I'm fine, just disappointed." She said sitting back down. "I really thought Strider and I had something." A small tear fell from behind her glasses but she wiped it away as fast as it appeared. "I didn't think being different species mattered to him, apparently I was wrong."

"Thtrider didn't theem thure of himthelf." Sollux spoke slowly.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been lithtening to hith thpeech a lot rethently. I've notithed that he'th not the thame. He ithn't confident, he'th thcared." He turned his sightless eyes to John, staring at him through different colored lenses, "I've notithed the thame about you. You're thcared too, maybe more tho than Thtrider." John didn't look, he only nodded.

"You don't need to be afraid," Kanaya said, "nothing is going to happen to you."

"You are a blue blood," Karkat told him, "but you don't seem to be too violent, you shouldn't have anything to worry about." He wrapped an awkward arm around John, "I'll make sure nothing happens to you."

"Thanks, I guess. What does my blood color have to do with anything?"

Kanaya answered, "Traditionally the higher on the hemospectrum you are the more aggressive you are. You know the hemosectum right?" John nodded, "So Karkat was just saying that you don't appear to be affected by that yet. But you have only been a troll for a little over a day; your instincts might kick in soon."

"W-will I still be the same?" He remembered how easily he snapped at Dave the night before.

"Yeah, I don't see why not. You find yourself quicker to anger, but other than that, nothing should change."

He let out a sigh, "that's good." He looked up, "So, do you think Dave will come around, I mean eventually?"

"Yes." Terezi spoke up, "But I'm not sure how many of us will be welcoming." John heard the pain in her voice. "He can't say things like that and expect us to just welcome him back in, like none of it mattered."

John thought about that, he knew Dave was being a jerk, he knew what he was saying was harsh. John also knew he wasn't just joking. That thought scared him; he didn't want to think about the fact that his best bro could easily become the outsider. "Will you give him one more chance?" he asked. "I mean, after he's done being scared or whatever, will you give him a chance to apologize?"

The other trolls looked at him, understanding. "Yeah, we will give him time, and when he stops acting foolish he can ask for our forgiveness."

John sighed, "Thanks," he said quietly.

Dave found himself alone again, this time he was trailing the halls looking for something, anything to distract himself with. He found Jade and Rose wandering the cold steel lab as well. They greeted him to which he replied with a "sup," before moving on.

"Dave," his sister called out to him, "have you seen John? We've been looking for him."

"Yeah, he's with the rest of his kind up ahead."

"Dave," Rose called again, "you can't keep this up. John is your friend, I know he is. Stop this stupidity before it goes too far to repair."

"I'll do whatever the hell I want, Lalonde, you know that." He continued walking not stopping when Jade's voice sounded with Rose's. He knew he was being a huge dick, but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't stop himself from pushing his friends away. The thought alone made him sick, but he couldn't help it; it frustrated him and just angered him more. "God. Fucking. Damn. It."

John was talking with Karkat again when he heard Rose and Jade approach. "Rose! Jade!" he called happily, thankful for someone other than Dave to talk to. "Wanna talk with us?"

"Yeah, that's why we were looking for you." Jade sat down between John and Sollux. Rose sat alongside Kanaya. "What were you guys talking about?" Jade asked the group.

"Nothing much, we were talking about our adventures, our game sessions." Terezi replied, "and we were telling John a bit about Alternia."

"Alternia, that's your home planet right?" Jade asked again.

"Yeah, it's where all trolls are from." Karkat explained, "It's where we're all born, then we move to other planets as adults to help our elders conquer." He lowered his voice, "it's the only home we'd known."

"I miss Earth too," John spoke up, "It was a nice planet, I'm sure you would have liked it too." John was overwhelmed with pleasure when the conversation moved on as normal. He was so relieved when everyone was just talking, talking like nothing had ever happened between them. The new troll frowned when his stomach growled, not wanting to break the feeling of familiarity that had settled over the group. He glanced to the side, feeling himself blush a bit at his stomach's noisy outburst. "I guess I'm hungry." He laughed, "Anyone else?" he asked reluctantly.

The others agreed and they made their way to the newly operational Alchemiter. They each made a plate of food and sat down to dinner. John was still having trouble eating and Karkat watched amused. "You know, those fangs work better on meat." John nodded and kept at his bowl of soup, determined to eat the bits of vegetables. Karkat leaned against an arm and continued talking, "you should probably grab whatever stuff you need to sleep after dinner. You'll be staying with me anyways."

John looked up; his eyes widened a bit at the thought of having to try to sleep again, but he sighed and nodded. "I just need some clothes, that's all."

"Should we move your bed? Or do you want a new one?" he asked, picking up on John's unease. He hated bringing up this topic, especially when the boy had looked so happy, but it had to be done.

John glanced up at Karkat, "Can't I just sleep with you? Like last night?"

Karkat was a bit embarrassed by the question but he heard the innocence in John's voice and couldn't say no. "Yeah, that's fine, I guess. As long as you don't fucking mind, it's ok with me." They excused themselves and left, Karkat waited outside John's respiteblock while he grabbed some stuff. They walked to Karkat's and he opened the door. Karkat watched the boy look around again, the new troll seemed to be trying to find somewhere to put his stuff. "Hey, you put your clothes in here." Karkat opened an extra drawer in his dresser. John put his stuff down and sat on the bed.

He smiled a bit nervously, "What should we do? I don't really feel like sleeping right now."

Karkat pulled a movie out of a pile and put it in. "Feel like a movie?" he asked, though he was already pushing play so John didn't have much of a choice. "It's a rom-com, don't laugh."

John didn't laugh, he was just thankful that Karkat was able to provide a distraction from his worries, although he would have preferred to be watching Con Air. Karkat sat next to him and leaned against the wall. John watched as the movie started, after a few minutes he glanced up at Karkat questioning. "Karkat, this um, movie, it's in Alternian."

"Yeah?"

"I, um, can't understand Alternian."

"I know, is there a problem? You should be able to figure out what's going on from body language; I'll narrate parts that are really important, just watch the movie idiot."

John nodded and tried to watch the movie, the characters seemed simple enough, and the plot seemed easy to follow. Until the other quadrants started coming in. "Uh, Karkat, I thought those, other trolls were a thing? Why is this new one"he paused trying to understand and not sound like an idiot. He heard Karkat chuckle.

"Quadrants, Egbert, quadrants. Those two are matesprits, but the new troll is going for a kismesis relationship, which is totally fine. They're two different quadrants and two different types of what humans would say "love." I guess. I told you; trolls have more complicated relationships than humans. Don't hurt your thinkpan too much, you'll get it eventually." Karkat looked at John and was surprised to see him actually paying attention to everything he was saying and watching the movie intently. The troll couldn't help the small smile that crept across his face, he was glad John seemed to be enjoying the movie.

John was fascinated at the movie; he was more interested in the fact that he could understand most of what was happening rather than the plot itself. The growls and clicks of the Alternian language were lost on him, but Karkat was right, he could tell by body language what was being felt. He focused in on the softer growls given by matesprits and the harsher snarls of kismesis. Other noises were apparent too, that somehow he instinctively knew how to interpret. Soon he was leaning against Karkat his head resting on the other troll's shoulder. He made it to the credits before his eyes shut wearily and sleep over took him.

Karkat felt the weight on his shoulder and looked down to see John close his heavy lids. He stopped the movie and laid John down on the bed, pulling the covers over the boy. Karkat slid in beside him and waited for inevitable screams of terror to escape John's mouth. He had his full attention on John, ready to comfort him. It was faster this night; Karkat had barely had time to get comfortable before the troll next to him started shaking and whining, his breath coming out in quick shallow gasps. Karkat knew better than to wake a sleeping troll, he knew that John's instincts weren't as strong, but they were there. Karkat waited patiently for the other troll to shoot straight up in bed and scream.

John wasn't aware he was awake until he heard Karkat beside him, talking calmly, reassuring that he was ok. His heart was still pounding and his eyes darted across the room but eventually he was able to focus in on what Karkat was saying. "S-sorry," he mumbled.

"Don't apologize, you have nothing to apologize for, this is normal, remember?" he felt John shiver and Karkat held him a bit closer, "Just relax, ok?" John tried but he couldn't, it was too much.

"W-why is there always so much blood?" He whispered to Karkat.

"I don't know," he answered.

"It's so horrible, Karkat, why did they do things like this? Is this how all trolls think when they grow up?" John could feel himself shake harder. "I-I don't want to end up like that, Karkat I'm scared! Dave's right, we are nothing but a bunch of violent monster!" John found himself being tightly hugged by his friend.

Karkat pressed John's head against his chest and made the same low humming growl he used the night before. The effects were almost immediate, he felt John relax and breathe easy. "You won't end up like that. Neither will I." He told John, confidently. "What they did was horrible, and It's not how I'm going to live. I promise it won't be how you'll live either." He rubbed the boys back, "when this stupid fucking game is over everything will be ok. You'll see. You don't have to be afraid" he trailed off when his voice was overcome by the growling noise. He was almost embarrassed at the inability to talk while doing it, but John didn't seem to mind; or notice, in fact he seemed almost peaceful. It was only when John was in his arms; pulled tightly against him did Karkat realize that he might have been wrong when he told Terezi he didn't pity John. 'I might fucking pity him a lot.' "You know, you're the only troll I'll ever do this for." He whispered into John's ear, the hum never breaking.

John focused on Karkat's words, Karkat's promise. He felt himself react to Karkat's calming growl, he let his eyes close. John was amazed at how much a simple noise could affect him so. It was as if his whole body went into a trance, he relaxed and allowed Karkat to hold him tighter. The troll focused on the noise that almost seemed like a purr. He found he only woke up twice more that night; both times Karkat was able to get him calmed down and asleep within minutes. That night they both got more sleep than the first.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok caught up with DA posts. Now it'll be updated as I finish chapters. About once a week.

Once again Karkat was up before his alarm, he waited until it started chiming before stopping it. He rolled over and observed John, he was still sleeping. The boy was curled up in a ball of blankets and limbs, breathing normally, his hair swept messily across his face. Karkat brushed the strands out his eyes carefully; he didn't want to risk waking the boy. Waking a sleeping troll was like asking to get your throat slashed out. It was a defense mechanism that they hadn't been able to outgrow; only matesprits could get away with waking each other. Karkat slid out of the bed carefully and threw on some fresh clothes. He was surprised at how well John slept this night compared to the last. The difference was astounding. He felt horrible for disturbing his sleep, but the day was starting and he needed to be up for it. "John," he called, from across the room. "John, get your lazy sorry excuse for an ass out of bed right now. We have shit to do and it's not going to get done with you laying there." John growled in response.

"Egbert, I am not kidding, up, now." Karkat let a growl of his own punctuate the sentence.

John opened his eyes slowly, and blinked a few times. "Ugh, Karkat what time is it?"

"Time for you get out of bed. That's all you need to know." he threw a shirt at the boy, "Change, come on fuckass we don't have all day."

"What's the big rush?" he asked yawning.

"Just hurry up." They went and made food, then sat down. He watched John look around.

"There's no one here," he observed out loud.

"That's because we're up a bit early." He cut John off before he could ask why, "Troll training," he said, "I'm going to spend today attempting to teach you Alternian."

John groaned, "All day?"

"Yes all day. With your thinkpan I'll be lucky if even half of what I say gets through to you." Karkat finished eating and waited for John to follow suit. The boy was still having difficulties chewing. As he waited a few others made their way into the eating area. Kanaya and Terezi greeted them.

"You two are up early, what are you up to?" Kanaya asked.

"Teaching this idiot Alternian." Karkat answered.

"Good luck," Terezi cackled.

Karkat grabbed John's wrist and led him away from the table, John protested, "I'm not done eating yet!"

"You are now," he responded. He found a quiet room away from others and sat John down. Karkat sat across from him and took a deep breath, "Ok, here goes nothing. As you've probably heard, Alternian isn't like your human English, it's rougher, more feral, likefuck how do it put this into idiot?" Karkat paused again, trying to find an equivalent. "Look, first off, we have two sets of noises we can make. The first is general Alternian, that's what you hear us talk in, and that movie from last night. The second iswell the best way to describe it is like a combination of beast noises, I guess. We use them to communicate emotions better. It's easier to display them like that instead of telling another troll. Your instincts should catch on soon. Today we're going to work on spoken Alternian."

"Ok, so you guys have two versions of Alternian?" John asked to clarify, "and I have to learn the both?"

"Yeah basically, but like I said before, only one of them is spoken like a language."

"Um, ok?" he still sounded confused but he smiled shyly and asked, "Ok, so where do we start?"

Karkat took a deep breath, "Fuck, I'm not sure."

"Well how did you guys learn English?"

"We just picked it up from watching you. It wasn't that hard to do."

"You learned a whole language from just watching us? That's amazing Karkat!"

"It is?"

John leaned in closer, "Yeah! Wow! You must be really smart! When this is all over you are so going to be my study buddy!"

"John, what is this nonsense spewing from your mouth?" John just smiled at him like an idiot. "Ok, just repeat what I say." He switched to Alternian, "Hi my name is John Egbert."

John looked up, "Hey you said my name!"

"Just repeat it."

"Um, ok" John paused trying to remember the bizarre string of sounds he heard Karkat say. He stumbled through the sentence the best he could. "How was that?"

Karkat rested a hand on his face, "This is going to be a very long day." He looked up again, and spoke slower, repeating the line. He listened to John repeat it back. He said it again emphasizing the parts that John had trouble with. After a few more times John was able to say the sentence without sounding like an embarrassment. "Ok, that was actually pretty good. Now let's try some other things."

John was amazed at how complex this language was. There were so many little sounds, and clicks, the boy struggled to remember them all. Thankfully, Karkat was a very patient teacher. That surprised John; he didn't think Karkat was capable of being patient.

Karkat was going very slow, teaching John all the different syllables, making sure he was saying them right. Then he went through all the noises that would be different to a human's ear. There were buzzes and clicks that he needed to teach the former human. Some growls were important too. Karkat was glad he seemed to be getting the hang of it. "Ok, now we'll learn some words, I guess." John nodded, a bit eager. Karkat pointed to the wall, "Wall," he said in Alternian, John repeated it with a bit more successes, "floor," he then pointed to himself and said in English, "me," the repeated it in Alternian, "you," in English first, then Alternian. He was actually proud of how much John seemed to get. "Ok, let's try that first sentence again."

"Hi my name is Karkat Vantas," he responded laughing.

"Ok, smart-ass you still remember that part, that's good." He smirked, "Ok, let's try some easy phrases, like, I'm tired, hungry stuff like that."

John was very amazed he could follow Karkat as well as he did. His vocal cords and tongue had no problem forming and pronouncing the alien words. In fact, he found them easier to say than English words were. "Uh, Karkat, how do you say 'I have to use the bathroom?'" Karkat repeated the phrase in Alternian. John repeated it. "I actually do have to pee, that's a good phrase to know." he got up and walked swiftly out of the room, "I'll hurry back," he called from the hall.

Karkat flopped back on the floor and stared at the ceiling. He heard the sound of feet pounding on the floor again and John came back. "Wow that fast," he said sitting up. He heard John whine, Karkat eyed the boy, "what's wrong?" he asked noticing the boy's face turn dark blue.

John could feel himself flush. "I, uh. Karkat" he fumbled with his shirt, "I can't umhow do you, you knowum use the bathroom?" he seemed completely embarrassed. "Can youmaybeum"

"John, I am not going to fucking help you go to the bathroom."

\---

Karkat Vantas stood back against the door helping John go to the bathroom.

John was standing on the other side, and was talking way too fast for Karkat to understand what he was saying. "John, fucking calm down." He heard John take a few deep breaths. "Now why the fuck am I here?"

John pressed his back against the door. "Well, it's justwhat IS that?"

"What is what, John?" he asked through the door.

"There's this, like hard thingI don't get it." Karkat started laughing. "Karkat! This isn't funny!"

Karkat heard the slight edge of fear in his voice. "It's ok, idiot, that's your bonebulge."

"Butbut how do youwhere ishow do you pee?"

Karkat laughed again. "Relax John, just relax." He told the boy.

John did as he was told; he took a deep breath again, and tried to calm down. He could feel himself start to relax. He sighed feeling better. He felt something strange; he watched and felt something move. "K-Karkat?"

Karkat reassured the boy, "That's your bulgeyes it's supposed to do thatYES Ebert it moves, deal with itNo it is not strangeJust hurry up already."

The new troll just stared, 'At least it looks the same' he thought. 'It's just, thinnerand uh, moves. Ok weird.'

John was thoroughly freaked out when he grasped the door handle and let himself out. He moved to the sink and washed his hands. Karkat's reflection joined his own in the mirror. "That was the most terrifying and awkward thing I've ever done."

Karkat smirked, "Yeah well trolls are a bit more protective of their reproductive organs, in fact, I can't believe humans just walk around with their reproductive parts outside their bodies. It's a miracle you guys were even able to reproduce, fuck, if a troll tried that he'd be missing a bulge. Also, how the hell did you go this long without using the bathroom?"

"I didn't need to, I guess. I mean since the alchimeter broke I haven't eaten anything" he trailed off. John glanced down, blushing blue again, "So then it only comes out when you're relaxed?" he asked.

"Not quite, I mean going to the bathroom, obviously is something that needs to be done daily, but the only time another troll will ever see your bulge is if you really trust them. I mean really trust them, like matesprit or kismesis, usually matesprit. You can be relaxed all damn day and it'll stay behind its sheath."

John tried not show that he was still freaked and followed Karkat out of the bathroom. "So what's next?" he asked

"More Alternian lessons." He replied while walking. John watched him turn into the same room as before and sit down. John hovered by the door, eyeing Karkat. "What?" Karkat said in Alternian.

John picked up on the question, he searched his head for the right vocabulary, "Nothing," he managed to say. He switched back to English, "It's really nothing Karkat, I'm just being stupid." He sat down in-front of Karkat, and waited for him to begin the next round of language training.

"John," Karkat said gently, "you're not being "stupid" if something is bothering you, I need to know. We have to be able work this shit out with you now." He scanned John's face for a reaction, thankful he was easy to read. There was something bothering him, a lot. "John, you can tell me."

In the former human's head, all that replayed was Dave telling him that soon he'll be just like one of THEM. Eating like them, and talking like them. "This is my third day as a troll right?" Karkat nodded, "Well, don't you think we're going a bit fast? I mean, do I really need to learn Alternian now? Can't it wait?"

Karkat could tell where John was going, he sighed, "Egbert, you have to realize this, you're a troll now, I'm sorry, but you are." He briefly lost his train of thought when John looked away, "I mean, the fucking reality is that Sollux won't be able to fix that machine. It's easier to teach you these things while your instincts are still developing too."

"But, I feel like I'm becoming too different from how I was before." John looked at his hands, "Dave said-"

Karkat cut him off, "Don't you give a fuck about Dave. That idiot nooksniffer doesn't know what he's talking about. I know he's your friend, but he's being a moron right now. Listen to me, you are John fucking Egbert; that is never going to change, even if your skin is grey and your blood is blue. But, if you're uncomfortable with learning Alternian, we can stop. I understand. Just remember that it's only going to get harder the more we wait."

John stared into Karkat's eyes, which were now the same as his. "No, we can keep going." He gave a weak smile, "See? I knew I was being stupid, it's ok, let's continue."

The rest of the lesson was spent on vocabulary building. Karkat went through tons of new words, saying them in Alternian, and having John repeat them, then quizzing him by saying the Alternian name, and having John repeat the English, then he'd switch. By the end of the day John could successfully say many key phrases. Karkat lead him into the main room again and announced to the group of trolls in Alternian, "Hey idiots, look at what I taught Egbert to do. Please use small words in congratulating him though, don't want to fry his little thinkpan."

"Hey! Karkat, that's not nice," John commented. The other trolls looked up at John curious, Rose and Jade turned their attention to him as well. John nervously cleared his throat, even though there was nothing in it. "Um," he started, "Karkat this is stupid," Karkat just growled and told him to do it. He sighed. "Hi, my name is John Egbert," he began in Alternian; "I'm six sweeps old and came from Earth. I'm learning Alternian, I don't know many words. I can try to hold a conversation though." He finished and looked at Karkat for approval. Relief washed through him when he saw Karkat give him an approving nod.

"Wow, I can't believe you learned so much!" Terezi congratulated him in Alternian as well.

"You don't have an accent at all," Kanaya added.

"It was pretty good for your firtht day," Sollux complement, John noticed his lisp wasn't as bad when he spoke Alternain, but still present.

"Thanks," John said, "I'm working really hard; I really want to be able to understand everything you say soon."

Jade stood up and threw her arms around John, who was surprised by the sudden movement. "That's sooooo cool! Wow, you can speak alien now!"

John laughed and put an arm around his sister, "Thanks, but it's not "alien", it's "Alternian."

Jade looked up at him and laughed, "English please?"

John blushed a bit, blue spreading across his cheeks, "Sorry, I said, it's not "alien," but "Alternian," oh and thanks!"

The next few days went by in much the same way. John would fall asleep with Karkat, and Karkat would comfort him every time he woke up from a nightmare. Then Karkat would spend the rest of the day with John, teaching him Alternian, filling him in on troll culture and life. After John had gotten over what Dave had told him he was very eager to learn. He tried to soak in as much knowledge as he could. Karkat had instructed the other trolls to speak in Alternian around John, so the boy was getting very familiar with the language very quickly. The movies they watched before bed were also in Alternian; Karkat noticed as the days went on he didn't need to narrate as much.

John had slid into in the bed next to Karkat one night. He pulled the covers up and without realizing it made a distressed whine. Karkat rolled over and asked, "John, what's wrong?"

"Mmm? Nothing." He could feel Karkat's eyes on him, "Ok," he admitted, "I guess I just miss my friends. I miss sleeping in the same room as them." He added quickly, "I mean, you're being really nice to me, and I thank you for that, but it's just not the same."

Karkat nodded understanding. "You're making good progress, last night you only woke up once. If you can sleep through the night steady and not need me then I don't see why you wouldn't be able to go back to your room."

John's eyes brightened, "Ok, yeah, that sounds good."

That day came a bit sooner than Karkat had expected. He watched John run down hallway and hug Jade, "Guess who's staying with you guys tonight?" he asked the group of humans.

"Really?!" Jade exclaimed, "That's great John! I really missed you!"

"So you're alright now?" Rose asked.

John nodded. Karkat came up behind him, "Yeah, he should be good, Rose."

Dave didn't say anything, but John thought he saw the edge of his mouth twitch, 'was that almost a smile?' he wondered.

Karkat watched John chatter on endlessly for the rest of the day. He hadn't seen the boy so bright for a while; it was refreshing, if not a little annoying.

"KK," Sollux came up behind him, "could I borrow you for a while?" Karkat turned around and shrugged. "I mean, you're not doing anything with John today right? I need thome help with the computerth."

"Yeah, I'm free." He left with his friend. Sollux led Karkat into the main electronics room, sat down, and motioned to a bunch of cables. "You need me to sort cables?"

"Yeth. Thorry, I would do it mythelf, but I'm thtill not very good with the whole 'thmell color' thit that Terezi ith teaching me."

Karkat sat down taking a few cables and started to make piles, "No, it's ok, I can help." he said went through the cords. "You want them by color?"

"Yeah, color and maybe length, if that'th pothible." Sollux was back at a computer typing in strings of code. "When you're done, I need thome help coding too. I know you thuck, but thith ith eathy work. Even you can't meth it up."

"Fuck you Sollux," he grumbled and went back to work.

"There'th the KK I know." Sollux said typing away.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the patht few dayth you've been so dithtracted, and acting weird." Karkat stopped what he was doing. "Almotht like you're pitying thomeone."

"Don't be stupid Sollux, who here would I fucking pity?"

"Terezi?" he guessed, "You two were almotht matethpritth oneth." Sollux paused, "Are you jealouth of me thpending time with her?" Karkat sighed, "You are, aren't you?" he asked.

"No, Sollux, I'm not jealous of you and Terezi spending time together. She's teaching you right? I don't really care anyways." Karkat put the cables on the table, he sat down next to Sollux, "so what needs coding?" he tried to change the subject.

"Oh, here," he reached over and showed him a large string of code, "run thith program and put thethe in." Karkat nodded and started typing too. There was a bit of silence, the only sound was the taping of keys. "Tho," Sollux spoke up, "If it'th not Terezi, then who are you feeling matethprit feelingth for?"

"I already told you nookwhiff; I'm not flushed for anyone."

"John?" Sollux guessed, sightless eyes still watching the screen.

"Fuck no!" Karkat swore, "That idiot?" he laughed.

"I think you pity him." Sollux said.

Karkat was silent, his fingers hesitating over the keys. "Maybe I do." He said uncharacteristically quiet.

"Hmm?" Sollux asked.

"Nothing, shut up. It was stupid."

Sollux laughed, "Whatever you thay KK."

Karkat left the room tired and stiff from sitting hunched over the keyboard. He also left a bit more confused. 'Sure, it would be fucking easy to pity him, so easy, butI just don't know.' he put a hand up to his head and rubbed his temples, 'if I get a fucking headache because of this shit' he turned the corner and glanced down the hallway to the human's room. He saw John standing outside the door. He walked behind the boy amazed he didn't seem to sense him. "John, what the fuck are you doing standing out here?" Karkat knew it was late; the others were probably inside that room.

John spun around eyes wide, "Oh! Karkat, you surprised me," he smiled a bit.

"I repeat, why the fuck are you standing out here?"

John looked down, a bit nervous, "I'm worried I guess, and maybe a bit scared."

"Of what, idiot?" Although he already knew the answer.

"I dunno," he mumbled, "I think I'm scared they'll think I'm different again, and I'm worried that I'll wake up and make scene, or-"

"John," Karkat cut the boy off, "I told you, you're fine. You've done great these past few days; you worked hard to earn this. You miss your friends, and I'm sure they miss you. Now get in your ass in there before I do it for you." He spun the boy around and shoved him in-front of the door, "Do I have to press the button too?"

"N-No, I got that." John said, a real smile spreading across his face. "Thanks Karkat, for everything."

"Whatever," he replied walking away, he heard the sound of the door opening and Jade squeal with delight. Karkat stood outside his own door. Finger hovering over the button, he sighed and pressed it. He walked into his respiteblock and looked around, noting the odd silence that hung over him. As much as he hated to admit it, the lack of John's presence felt weird. He moved to his bed and just flopped down on it. Breathing in deeply he caught the strong scent of John, it made sense, the troll did spend a few weeks with Karkat, sharing the same bed. Karkat knew he wouldn't be able to sleep right away even if he tried; instead he put on a movie and wrapped himself in blankets. He caught himself whispering the plot to a John who wasn't there; he silently cursed and focused on the movie again. Soon his vision blurred and the troll fell to the side. An uneasy sleep followed.

\---

John walked into the room boldly and sat down on his bed. He squinted a bit at the bright light but didn't complain this time. Rose, Jade, and Dave were still up, John noticed thankfully. They turned their attention to him as he sat down. "Hey guys."

Jade hugged him, "John! I'm so glad you're back! It was awfully lonely just staring at your empty bed."

"I missed you guys so much." John told them. "You have no idea."

"So what's it like being a troll?" Jade asked sitting back down on her bed across from him.

Rose asked too, "I've been curious as to what Karkat has been teaching you."

John smiled, "It's so weird." He started, "First off, all of my senses are different, my hearing, taste, smell, it's all different, but most of all is my eyesight. I mean, I still need glasses, but I can see in the dark, really well, like it's day out."

"That makes sense," Rose said, "trolls are nocturnal, and your eyes seem a bit bigger than ours. It would make sense that you're able to absorb more light then us."

"Of course, bright lights give me a major headache, but that's getting better too. Other than the senses, there's not much else that's different about me. Oh, the nightmares, but Karkat said I'm getting better at dealing with those, that's why I'm here tonight, plus, I'd rather not talk about them. We're very similar I guess, I mean more so than I thought."

"What about learning Alternian? You seemed to be getting quite good at it." Rose asked.

"Oh, yeah! Their language is really fun to learn, it's like you're not even learning words, but you are! I didn't even think I could make some of the noises I've done."

"Show us John!" Jade insisted excitedly.

"Um, ok." He thought for a moment then spoke in Alternian, "Hi Jade! How are you tonight? Um, I'm very happy to be here, and I missed all of you." he stopped, "how's that?"

"So cool!"

"You're right; it didn't sound like words at all." Rose added, "That is very interesting."

"Yeah, it's pretty strange, what's even weirder is that I know some of this, like without having to be told. It's like I've always known."

"So you feel instincts that trolls have?" Rose asked to clarify.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Jade eyed her brother again, "What about your horns? Aren't those different?"

John laughed, "Oh, yeah, I guess they are. I already got used to them though; I hardly notice they're there." He paused and watched Jade stare, "I promised you that you could touch them, if you want to that is."

"It won't hurt?"

"Nope, they're all hard now, just like bone." Jade was reaching for one, "Although, Karkat mentioned not to touch the base, I don't know why, and I'm not sure I want to find out."

Rose spoke up, "that seems like a valid concern. I would assume there would be plenty of nerves in that area."

Jade ran her hand over the hard surface, they were surprisingly smooth, not what she was expecting. "You have horns, that is sooooo weird."

They stayed up for what seemed like hours just talking, and laughing like they used to. Even Dave participated every once in a while to the conversation. John was so happy, he couldn't remember the last time he had smiled as much as he did. He had no problem falling swiftly asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Karkat awoke early that morning. He groaned and rolled out of bed. For the first time in weeks Karkat had actually had nightmares of his own. They were terrible dreams, but they were not the dreams of his ancestors. He dreamed of his friend's deaths, over and over again, he saw his remaining friends die as well. But the one that hurt the most, the one that had Karkat sitting up in bed, gasping for air, and nearly clawing his blankets to shreds, was his dream of John. It was a dream where John died, saving Karkat.

The troll shook his head and cleared his thoughts. Growling he set off to do what made him wake up early in the first place. His hand rested on Sollux's door, he was suddenly overcome with nervousness. He took a few steps back and looked around. "What'th up KK?" a voice sounded behind him making him jump.

"Sollux, god, you scared the shit out of me."

"That'th thuprithing. Uthually you're more alert than thith." Sollux continued, "What did you need? I athume you're in-front of my room for a reathon."

"Yes I am. I wanted to talk to you. You are my moirail right?"

"Yeth KK," Sollux replied. Noticing the tone in Karkat's voice, he was serious. 

"It's about John."

"I figured."

"Shut up and let me finish." They started walking down the hall, towards the main room. "Well, you mentioned that I might have flushed feelings, right?" Sollux nodded, "I couldn't stop thinking about that last night. Then it-it just hit me. I DO feel fucking flushed for Egbert. I mean, there's so much about him I pity. His stupid teeth, his thinkpan that doesn't seem to work, when he was human he had the most ridiculous body, and now that he's a troll, there's even more." Karkat could feel himself turn red, he was thankful Sollux was blind, "I figured it out, but, what should I do?"

"And thith ith why you came to me?"

"Yeah, you're my moirail I came to you for advice, and maybe to vent."

"John'th thtill got that 'I'm not a homothexthual' thing right? So he doethn't realithe you could be pitying him. And if he thtill doethn't like guyth, and if you tell him, he might never pity you back. That'th a problem KK. You thure do pick thitty matethprits." He laughed a bit, "thorry. Why don't you tell him when you think he can handle it? That way you can make thure of your feelingth, and hith. Altho, it would give you time to prepare yourthelf for the rejection that might happen."

Karkat nodded, as they entered the main room, "I think you're right Sollux, I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I'll just-" Suddenly Karkat heard a female voice scream in pain. Karkat's head whipped to look in the direction of the humans's hall. 'That sounded like Jade…Fuck,' Karkat could hear a crash and some shouts, before he was even aware of himself the troll was sprinting down hall. He opened the door. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

John was standing in the middle of the room, arm outstreached, claws tinted red, apologizing as fast as he could, tears already streaming down his face. Jade was behind Dave with Rose comforting her, she had scratch marks on her cheek. Dave had his sword out and was telling John to back away. Instantly Karkat was at John's side, holding him tightly and talking to him in a reassuring voice. "John it's ok, it's ok, it wasn't your fault. John this wasn't your fault."

Dave still had his sword pointed at the two, "Not his fault? That's bullshit! He attacked Jade!"

Karkat turned around and growled fiercely, "Yes, it isn't his FUCKING fault. It's hers!" Karkat pushed John's face into his chest and hugged him tightly, "Jade, you woke John up right? You shook him awake, didn't you?" Jade nodded. "I knew it," he turned his attention back to John, still telling him over and over again that it wasn't his fault. "John reacted how any other troll would react. His brain thought he was being attacked. Any of us would have done the same, even Kanaya." John was sobbing loudly and Karkat could feel the front of his shirt become damp. 

"What were we supposed to do?" Dave asked, "I saw an alien attack my friend, draw blood, how do you think I felt?" 

Karkat spun around, leaving John to cling to his back. "You were supposed to respond in any other way then you did. Are you a fucking idiot? Couldn't you SEE he was back to his senses immediately after it happened? How he was fucking apologizing? Are you blind? Could you not see the fucking tears streaming down his face? So what do you do? You pull a fucking sword on him! What a GREAT friend you are." Karkat glared at Dave, then at the others. "Do you have any idea how HARD John worked so he could be with his friends again? With YOU again? Do you know how HAPPY he was when I said he could go back? And THIS is how you show it? By treating him like an animal? You have got to be the shittiest friends I've ever seen." He turned back to John and snarled at the other humans, "Get the hell out of here. I don't even want to see your fucking faces. Take Jade to see Kanaya, it doesn't look deep, she'll help her." He heard the others shuffle out, except for Dave. The knight approached them sword still drawn. He pointed   
the blade at Karkat's neck. "Strider," he growled.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't cut you all down now," he said coldly.

"Dave I'm sorry!" John whimpered and pressed into Karkat.

"I was right, wasn't I? All you trolls are the same, just ticking time bombs, wild animals, monsters-"

"Does this look like a wild animal to you?" Karkat hugged John tighter, "does he look like a monster to you? Sound like one?" Dave was silent; the only sound was John's crying. Dave lowered his sword. "Now get the hell out of here."

John didn't know what to do, his mind was reeling, all he remembered was the intense fear when he woke up, and then standing in the middle of the room, with blood on his claws. Then Karkat was there, holding him tight and talking to him. He realized that Karkat was still holding him, still talking to him. He noticed he was crying, and sobbing. His body shook and his legs felt like giving out, but somehow he managed to cling to Karkat. 

"It's ok John, it's ok, I'm here, it's ok, you didn't do anything wrong." He spoke quietly and gently. Karkat ran a hand through John's hair, "You didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't your fault." He could feel the boy tremble.

"K-Karkat…" he choked out between sobs, "I-I hurt Jade, d-didn't I?"

"Shhh…John, listen to me, yes you did hurt Jade," he wailed again, "John, stop, it's ok, you didn't do anything wrong." He didn't bother explaining it now; John wouldn't be able to process it anyways. He just kept holding the boy close and repeating the same words over and over again. Karkat was aware of the other trolls peeking in occasionally to check on him, to make sure he had everything under control. Karkat ignored them and focused on John. He couldn't believe how much the boy was shaking, and was surprised to see that he still had tears to shed. 

 

Karkat realized that someone else was standing in the hallway as well. He knew it was a human, but he didn't know who.

\-------

 

Dave Strider felt like the world's biggest jackass. Not only had he ruined his friendship with his best bro, he also threatened to kill him. The boy walked through the halls alone, feeling more regret then he ever thought possible. He approached their room and stopped. He could still hear John crying, and Karkat was still telling him everything was fine, and that it wasn't his fault. Dave realized that it had been almost an hour since the incident took place. Another pang of guilt hit him. He sat down with his back to the wall and listened to the room just behind him. Dave pulled his knees up and rested his head in them. 'I'm such a worthless asshole.'

\-----------

Karkat watched John closely; he could tell the boy was starting to calm down enough to talk. Karkat gave him a worried growl. John growled back, softly but confident. "Hey, are you ok?" Karkat asked.

"No," John whispered. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I-I didn't mean to," he choked out. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt my friends." He clutched the front of Karkat's shirt; "I care about them so much…" he trailed off, taking deep breaths. John felt Karkat's hand on his back, rubbing gently. "This is what I was afraid of."

Karkat focused on John, his concern growing. "What were you afraid of?" he asked quietly. 

"I was afraid Dave was right." John choked back a sob, "He said I was different, that I was a monster, and he was…" He felt fresh tears roll down his face, "H-he was r-right." He hiccupped and started crying again.

"John…" Karkat pulled the boy close.

"H-how could I?" he said into Karkat's shoulder, "Jade is my, my s-sister, and I hurt her. I'm no better than an, an animal!"

Dave sat outside, hearing everything. He heard John's words, those were not the words of an animal, those were the words of his best friend, of John. 'How could I have been so stupid?' Then he heard what John said next, about what he told him. 'Fuck, and now John believes it…' he knew now that John couldn't help his reaction, Kanaya had explained it to them while treating Jade. Dave stood up and left the crying troll to someone who could actually help him. He instead went to find Rose.

When John had quieted down Karkat began to explain what had happened. "Trolls have that stupid fear of being vulnerable; actually it's not stupid but whatever. When we sleep, that's about as vulnerable as it gets. Our brains are programmed to strike at anything that disturbs our sleep. None of us can help it." 

"Even you?"

"Even me." 

John stared at the floor, and then back at Karkat, "So, that's why you would always wake me up from across the room, right?" Karkat nodded. "and this instinct won't go away?"

Karkat shook his head, "But, there is one troll who could wake you up and not get attacked, and that's your matesprit. You have already shown your most vulnerable side to them, so your brain will recognize their scent as one you don't need to fear." 

John nodded, "It seems matesprits are pretty important."

"Yes, they are very important. Every troll wants to find one, at some point in their lives." Karkat answered, happy that John seemed to be calming down. "Well, that and you have to fill a pail when the drones come, but mainly matesprits are good for releasing stress, and letting yourself be relaxed."

"Do you have a matesprit?"

"No I don't."

"Do you think you'll ever find one?"

Karkat looked away, John could see hurt briefly flash across his face. "Don't be an idiot John, with what troll?"

"Terezi?" he asked slowly, "I thought you and her were a thing."

Karkat groaned, "No, we are not a thing. Besides, she has a flush crush on Dave so hard. Sollux is with Aradia, but we're moirails so it doesn't matter, and Kanaya is flushed for Rose, so that leaves me out." He didn't know why he just spewed all that quadrant information at Egbert, but it happened anyways. 

"Wait, Terezi is crushing on DAVE?" he asked,

"Are you stupid? Yes, she is. Isn't it obvious?" Karkat rolled his eyes. He stood up and pulled John up with him. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up and put some food in you." John nodded, and followed Karkat out. They reached the bathroom and Karkat let go of John's hand, it was the hand he had used to scratch at Jade with. He turned on the water and pulled John's hand in. He watched the boy's eyes widen when he saw the red empty into the drain. Blue tears formed again, sobbing followed after. Karkat dried the boy's hands off and wrapped himself around John again. 

John felt bad for crying on Karkat so much, but he just couldn't help it. He thought he was done with most of it, but seeing Jade's blood, his sister's blood, run down his hand and into the sink made him cringe and feel sick. John followed Karkat into the kitchen, his hands wrapped around Karkat's shirt and his face pressed in the troll's back.

Karkat made John a bowl of soup; he set it down in front of the boy. "Here, eat; it'll make you feel better."

John looked down at the food, he didn't notice half of the vegetable in it, but he shrugged and put took a bite anyway. A smile spread across his face. "This is good," he said to Karkat. He took another bite and sipped the broth, warmth spreading through him.

"Glad you like it," Karkat sat next to him and rested his head on a hand. "I used to make it all the time when I felt bad." The remainder of the day was spent doing nothing. John followed Karkat around never straying more than a few feet from his side. Whenever they passed another of the humans John would grip Karkat's shirt and shove his face against the troll. 

John was scared and ashamed of himself. He couldn't believe he was cowering and hiding from his friends, but he couldn't face them. He didn't want to face them. Clinging to Karkat seemed to be the only thing he could do. They were now seated in the main room, Karkat was talking to Kanaya and John sat right beside him. He listened halfheartedly to their conversation; they were discussing supplies and taking inventory. His eyes felt heavy and he shifted to rest his head on Karkat's shoulder and tuck his legs underneath him. 

Karkat felt the added weight and glanced down to see John asleep. He caught his lip turning up to smile but forced it back down and grunted at Kanaya, "We should be good for another month, provided we keep a steady pace with the supply usage."

She nodded and wrote some numbers down. The glowing troll looked over at John, "Is he sleeping?" 

Karkat looked fondly at the other troll, "Yeah," he replied quietly. 

"You care for him, don't you?" she asked. Karkat's head whipped back, his eyes widening briefly. "I could tell, even before he became a troll. But those feelings are stronger now, aren't they?" Karkat couldn't disagree. "It's ok, you don't have to go into detail. This type of conversation is for Moirails. I just wanted to confirm my suspicion.

"Consider it fucking confirmed. Yeah, I care for the idiot. I don't know how much is pity and how much is guilt, but yeah, I already talked to Sollux about it."

"Oh? And what did he say?"

"For me to calm down and take it slow." 

"He's a good moirail. That's exactly what I would have told you as well." Kanaya got up and excused herself, "I should report these numbers to Sollux."

He watched her leave and sighed. Karkat felt a slight tingling sensation in his arm, the tiny pricks of claws digging in. His attention was on Egbert, who was obviously having a nightmare. 'Fuck, the poor kid has only been asleep for a minute and he's already plagued by haunting dreams.' He gently brushed his bangs from his eyes, and made his special growl for John. The twisted expression eased from John's face and his eyes blinked open.

"Karkat?"

"Yeah."

The boy nuzzled into him, "Sorry, I was having a bad dream,"

A hand found its way onto John's head and began ruffling hair. "It's ok, you don't have to apologize."

"Aren't you tired of this though? Tired of me?" 

"No," Karkat responded softly, "and I don't think I could be sick of you."

John didn't how to take Karkat's words; Karkat knew he wasn't a homosexual, so he couldn't mean anything romantic by it. 'He's just a really good friend,' John decided. "Thanks," he said quietly. "I don't think I could have done this without you." 

"You probably wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for me." He said back. 

John laughed a bit, "I guess," he looked up at his troll friend, "But, you have helped me so much. I knew you weren't a mean angry person in heart."

Karkat looked away in embarrassment, "Shut up fuckass, you don't know anything about me."

John continued to chuckle, "I know tons about you Karkat. I know that you are really nice, and you care for everyone, even though you swear a lot and tell us all to fuck off. I know that you like romcoms, even though I think they're boring, I know that when you sleep you often growl, I think it's because you have bad dreams too. I know that there are nights when you don't sleep. You stay awake and make sure I'm ok, you make sure everyone is ok." John paused, suddenly aware of how weird that sounded. "It's not like I watch you sleep or anything, god that would be creepy!" he continued on, "I know that you have the same worries, and stress out about the same things I do. We were both in charge of our friends, I know how it feels to watch helplessly as someone dies, and to feel like it was my fault." John sat up and looked Karkat in the eyes, "I know that you are like me, and I know that you care for my friends just as much as I care for yours. You care for me, like I care for you."

Karkat just listened to John; he couldn't believe how much of the truth John was hitting. He wanted to look away, to do anything besides watch John. Somehow the boy always saw through him, 'and I don't need him seeing how I feel about him.' "Whatever, you go ahead and think that, idiot."

John laughed again softly and rested against Karkat again. "You know I'm right," he teased.

"Take your nap, you look like shit." He grumbled. 

John nodded and closed his eyes, "hey Karkat?"

"What?"

"Should I sleep in your room again tonight?" he asked.

"If you want, I'm not going to stop you."

"I would like that," he paused, "thanks."

"We'll grab your stuff when you wake up." Karkat didn't get a reply; he glanced down and saw John was already sleeping, his chest moving up and down slowly. Karkat put his head on Johns, he could start to feel the slight shaking that comes from nightmares, he softly growled and the boy relaxed again. Karkat breathed in John scent, part of him was sad that John would turn back to him instead of his friends, but he also missed the former human and was happy he was returning. Karkat moved so he was leaning against the couch better, he put John between his legs so the boy was resting against his chest. He glanced around, but no one was near. Carefully he put his arms around John held him close.

"Aren't you two the cutest little couple," a voice sounded from behind. "You know he's not a homo right?"

Karkat turned his head and snarled. "Strider."

Dave sat down across from him, "It's ok dude, calm down, I'm not here to start anything. I just want to know if he's ok."

"How about this? You can kindly fuck off before I make your statements truth." 

The troll and the knight glared at each other. Neither seemed willing to extend the olive branch just yet. "Karkat, I was just curious was all."

Karkat growled again, lifting his lips up a bit to expose sharp teeth while gripping John tighter. "You can know this. John is terrified of himself. He's afraid of his friends, and it's all your fucking fault." 

Briefly Dave's cold stare broke, he frowned, "Listen, Kark-"

John groaned and opened his eyes, he looked up at Karkat, "What's going on?" he saw Dave and flinched. "D-Dave, h-h-hi." He stuttered and looked anywhere but his shades. "How's J-J-Jade?" 

"She'll live. It's not like you ripped out her throat or anything."

John nodded, smiling hesitantly. He watched Dave flinch and frown, the troll turned back to Karkat's chest and hid again. 

"I think you should go." Karkat told him, trying hard to keep the growl out of his voice around John. Dave nodded and left. "He's gone," Karkat whispered in John's ear. "It's ok."

John's dreams were chaotic. He wasn't bombarded by the usual torments of his ancestor's victims, but now a new development presented itself. Fear. John was running, he was running from something, he wasn't sure what. A bright splash of color drew John's attention to his hands and arms, the skin was still grey but it was splotched with bright red. His first thought went to Karkat, 'Is he ok?' He knew the amount of blood on his arm proved otherwise. John looked at the ground and noticed he was following red bloodied footsteps. "Karkat!" he called, running faster. The grey walls gave no hint to where he was, he knew it was the veil; it had to be the veil, but where? "Karkat! Karkat don't worry, I'll find you!" he called out until his voice was hoarse. He ran down the hallway, but with each door that he opened and saw no one his heart dropped. "Karkat!" He was crying now, blue tears streamed down his face. He was so afraid he would find Karkat dead, find him in a pool of candy red. 

John stumbled into the last room in the hallway where the bloody footprints ended. "Karkat?" 

"About time John," Karkat answered in Alternian. John's eyes widened at what he saw. Karkat was standing, coated in blood. He claws gleamed, "did you take care of Dave?"

'Dave?' he asked himself, but found he replied with "Yes." He watched himself walk over to stand next to Karkat. 

"Good, that means the only one left is you," attention to turned to a shape on the ground. Jade was up against the wall, knees pulled up and sobbing into her arms. "Would you like to do the honors, or should I?" Karkat asked, grinning, all teeth. It was then John understood what happened. He'd Killed Dave. They'd killed his friends. 

"I'd love to," John was shocked to find his dream self reply. He stood before the quivering mass on the floor. "What's wrong Jade? Didn't see this coming?" He was screaming in his head for Jade to run, 'Run Jade please run!' "I thought you had that foresight crap? Guess it just wasn't working today."

She was crying, "John, it wasn't supposed to be like this!" She sobbed, "Don't kill me! We're friends, remember?" 

John raised a clawed hand, red running down his arms, "friends?" he looked at the blood, Dave's blood, "Whoops, should have reminded me sooner, hehe I think it's too late for Dave," he grinned back at Karkat, "Think Rose could pull through?"

"Not if she's missing her fucking throat." John was horrified at the pleased expression on Karkat's face.

"Hmmm…" he turned back to Jade all smiles, "well, since my other 'friends' are dead, I guess it really makes no difference. Besides, it'll be nice to join them, don't you think?" He paused, "Hey Jade, think humans taste good?" She just cried into her arms. He walked over to Karkat and grabbed the trolls arm. 

He licked some of the blood from his arm running his tongue down to the other troll's fingertips. "Huh, Rose tastes a bit like salty seaweed." He frowned, "I guess it fits, not really all that good." 

Karkat took John's hand and lapped at some of the fresh blood, "Bluh, I'd like to say Dave tastes like cherries or some shit like that, it'd make Terezi happy as hell, but, he reminds me of that tomato drink shit they tried to shove down my fucking throat." He smiled and laughed, "And here I thought Strider would be ironic down to the last drop." 

"Hm, well I guess the only mystery flavor left is you," attention turned back to Jade. John walked over and crouched in front of her. "So, you wanna go fast or slow?" he smiled wide, "Your choice!" He giggled. "I haven't used the windy thing yet, Karkat think that'd be too messy?" The boy took his hand and cleared away the hair from her face. "Shoosh, shoosh, at least it's family right? Would you rather be killed by some random ass stranger?"

"Y-You aren't my brother!"

John frowned. "Hmmmm that was NOT the answer I was looking for. If you were trying to get me to spare your life, that is not how you do it. What did you take lessons in manners from Karkat?"

"Hey nookstain, don't get cocky. Just finish her already."

"Yeah, yeah, fine Karkat, jeez. You act like we're on a schedule or something." He watched in horror as the dream version of himself lunged at Jade and ripped her apart with deadly claws.

John jolted awake screaming, his eyes flew open, and they were met by wide green ones. Jade was looking over him, all he could remember was that same face twisted in fear and sobbing. 

Jade jumped back surprised, "John are you ok?" 

He was aware he was still screaming and Karkat had him, "Jade, go!" Karkat ordered. 

"What's wrong with him? Is he ok? Did I do something again?" Jade watched the troll thrash and cry out.

"It's just a nightmare, he'll be fine, go!" he snapped at Jade, the girl fled and Karkat started talking to John. He had never seen the boy, or any troll for that matter, so freaked out. "JOHN! John fuck! It was a nightmare, you're ok!" He tried to hug him close but John thrashed and wouldn't allow it.

John was gripped in fear, his dream and reality were merged into one, he spun and saw Karkat's face, the same monster that had killed Rose and enjoyed it. He growled at Karkat. 

Karkat found himself staring at a very enraged troll, 'John's lost it…' "John," he called one more time. He watched the boy's eyes grow wide, and his pupils shrink. There was no recognition in his face. The troll's teeth were bared and he snarled at Karkat. He couldn't believe this, 'John is going to attack me.' 

The newer troll lunged at Karkat and slashed, Karkat was able to avoid having his throat ripped out and instead opted for his chest. The troll's claws ripped into his shirt and skin. Karkat hissed in pain and roughly shoved John off. The boy hit the floor and jumped back up snarling slashing, he tried to jump on Karkat but the troll grabbed his arms. John was now lying on top of Karkat. Still growling he sunk his teeth into Karkat's shoulder and held fast. 

Karkat clenched his teeth and held John's hands firm. The troll struggled and released Karkat to head-butt him. Karkat let go, dazed and stared into John's crazed eyes. "Shit, John! Stop!" John paid him no mind, he moved to strike again but Karkat got his feet under the boy and kicked out. Karkat was able to sit up better and he looked around, no one seemed to have heard the commotion yet, there was still time to end this before it got worse. John lunged for Karkat again but this time Karkat let him get close, he reached up and pulled down on one of John's horns, tugging his face down into his chest. He wrapped his hand around the base and squeezed. He felt John immediately tense and go limp. "John?" he asked quietly, "John are you with me?" 

"K-Karkat?" he asked voice small and frail.

"John. Thank god." Karkat hugged him tighter. 

"What happened?"

"Sleep rage, I've never seen it affect someone so bad."

John was dazed, coming out of sleep rage as well as having his submission reflex triggered took its toll. "D-did I hurt you?" he slurred. 

"John, we are not going through this again, yes you did, but you didn't mean it." He whispered quietly. "All that matters is that I got you to calm, and that no one else was around."

"What'd you do?" he asked a bit scared. "I can't move."

"I'm sorry, trolls have a submissive reflex, I used it on you, I didn't know what else to do." Karkat felt a bit ashamed, but he knew it was the best option. Karkat scooped the troll up and proceeded back to his room. Thankfully John was light and Karkat was able to move fast. He set him down on his bed and watched his eyes widen when he saw the wounds on Karkat's chest. "John, don't. I already know you're beating yourself right now. Stop it." He walked towards his attached bathroom, "I'm going to clean up real quick. Just wait here and relax until you can move again." he had locked the door to his room; just in case, he wanted to make sure they stayed alone. When Karkat emerged from the bathroom he was sporting a new set of bandages over his chest and medical patch over his neck and shoulder. He pulled a shirt over his head and looked around. He noted that John was no longer on his bed, and that the blanket was missing. He walked around his bed and over to the corner where he found the blanket, and a quivering mass underneath. "John…" he stepped forward but froze when he heard a warning growl sound from under the fabric. He backed up and sat down, waiting, he knew John needed time. He was content with waiting until he was ready to come out.

John was so terrified. He didn't know what scared him more, the dream or what he did after. He decided they were both equally as scary and he didn't ever want to experience something like that again. He hugged his knees under the blanket and heard Karkat approach; he growled at him, he needed to be alone. John felt like he just wanted to curl up and die. 'This is two friends I've hurt today.' He felt himself cry and he didn't bother stopping. He didn't understand anything, everything was confusing and his own brain felt foreign. He needed someone to explain what happened, he needed Karkat, but he couldn't bear to face him at the moment. John buried his head in his arms and sobbed.

Karkat sat on the floor, patiently waiting for John. He stayed like that for over an hour. Finally a grey hand poked out from under the blanket, John crawled out and hugged him. Karkat held him tight. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Karkat grabbed the blanket again and threw it over both of them. They could both see in the dark, their eyes glowing faintly, but the enclosed effect was nice and John visibly relaxed. "I'm here for you, you know that right?" John nodded, "So you talk about it when you're ready." 

John took a few deep breaths. "It-it was horrible." He gripped Karkat, "I've never had a dream like that before, we-we both KILLED Karkat, and I don't mean imps, or Jack, or monsters, we killed my friends. You killed Rose, and I killed Dave and J-Jade." He paused, feeling tears again. "The worst part was, we enjoyed it, the blood, the power of tearing another apart." He shuddered, "Karkat is that normal?" 

"John, relax, it's ok," he spoke quietly and gently, "it was just a nightmare. You're really susceptible to terrifying dreams, and what happened with Jade earlier today is acting as a trigger for them." He rubbed small circles in John's back, "You don't want to hurt your friends, I don't want to hurt your friends, there is no pleasure gained from an action like that. It was just a horrible, horrible dream, nothing more. 

"But I hurt you…" he hiccupped. "And I couldn't stop, it felt right."

"In your dream I hurt Rose right? I was the "bad guy" so naturally in your confused sleep rage state I was the target. Your brain saw me as a threat, that is all, you were confused, you didn't mean it." John curled into him more, and shook. "I anticipated something like this to happen. When you first turned into a troll I was expecting this."

"You were?"

Karkat paused, "Yes. I'm sorry." His voice got softer, "I'm so sorry. It seems that every time something happens to you it could have been prevented by me. It's always my fault, I didn't warn you about the nightmares, I didn't tell the others not to wake you, I never told you about sleep rage, and I failed to mention the biggest weak spot trolls have. All your pain, it's from me, because I can't see that you're a troll, you're just John fucking Egbert. And that hurts you."

John looked up at Karkat, "No, that's not fair, not everything is your fault Karkat!" he clutched the other trolls shirt, "Just because something bad happens doesn't mean you're to blame every time. You're too hard on yourself." John released the bunched up fabric and continued, "And, I'm really happy, that you see me as the same John, like nothing's changed." He fell against Karkat again, "I mean it, that makes me feel better about myself. I've been so scared, and worried." He hugged him, "Thanks Karkat, for being there for me."

"John…" he pulled him close, and waited for his tears to stop and his body to cease shaking. The troll started thinking; he held John tight and rubbed his back slowly. 'Should I confess I'm actually flushed for him?' He had John in his arms, the boy was trusting Karkat, he was open with him, 'I mean, it seems like this could work. I'll just tell him now, John, I have red feelings for you, no, that's stupid. Oh god, no that's fucking stupid. There's no way he'd feel it. But on the other hand, he's closer to me than any other troll is now, he's sitting here, crying on me, showing me how vulnerable he is. Maybe this could work.' Karkat took a deep breath, "J-"

"Karkat, this is what a Moirailship is right? What we're doing?" Karkat looked down at the troll clinging to him, "This is the red one without…pail filling right? The one without love?"

Vantas gripped John and looked down at him, the boys eyes were locked on his, Karkat replied softly, "yeah," he put his head on John's shoulder so he couldn't catch a glimpse of glistening tears. "Yeah, Moirails." The troll's heart was torn. 'I KNEW this was a stupid idea. Why the fuck did I ever let myself feel this way? I should have known he'd want nothing more than a pale relationship. I was so fucking stupid.' He clung to John and forced himself not to cry, the only thing he allowed were the tears to flow from his eyes onto his sleeve. 'I have to be strong, for John. Pull yourself together Karkat Vantas.' 

\----- 

Sollux heard a loud pounding on the door to his room. He sat up and fumbled for his cane calling out, "Who the fuck ith it?"

"Sollux you ass it's me," he heard Karkat's voice sound from the other side. "Let me in, I need to talk to you."

The yellow blooded troll got up and made his way across the messy room. He was careful not to trip and fall over cords. The door opened and Karkat walked in. "What'th up KK?" He couldn't see the other troll but he could hear the pathetic whine that escaped his lips. "KK?" Karkat was hugging and sobbing. "KK are you alright?" Sollux hadn't seen his leader break down in a long time. 

"He wants to be Moirails, Sollux." 

"John?"

"Who else?" Karkat lead Sollux to his bed where they sat down. "I just, I don't know what to do." Tears still fresh and streaming. 

"You thould justht be Moirailth with him, it'th what he wantth."

Karkat fell against his own Moirail. "But what about you? I can't have two Moirails."

"You don't. You'll be hith and I'll thtill be your'th." Karkat sighed, "KK, you can get him to feel fluthed later."

He growled and protested, "but Sollux, do you have any idea how hard it is to hide flushed feels from a Moiral? This shit's going to be impossible."

"Yeah, I know." He said softly, and the other troll could hear the sadness too.

"Sollux?" Karkat sat up, rubbing left over tears from his face. "Sollux are you-"

Karkat found his lips suddenly captured by Sollux's, his eyes widened with shock and he pushed away. Sollux held firm though. When Karkat broke away he gasped for air. "Sollux what the fuck was that?"

"KK, you're not the only one with red feelingth for their Moirail." He said quietly. 

"Sollux…" he paused, "I, I had no idea…" the yellow troll leaned in again. This time Karkat returned the kiss. He couldn't help himself from grabbing Sollux and pulling him closer, or the chirps rising up from his throat. When they pulled away Karkat stared at him. He smiled shyly, even though he knew he wouldn't see. Then his brain caught up with the moment. "No, Sollux, this isn't right." Karkat moved away.

"KK, what'th wrong?"

"No, Sollux, we can't. You-Aradia, I can't." 

Sollux moved in again his hands finding Karkat as easily as if he had sight. "KK, it'th ok." He said softly and reassuring. He kissed him again.

Karkat internally swore at his body for reacting positively to it. He chirped and moaned as Sollux kissed him and ran a hand up his shirt. "Fuck, no, Sollux." The troll kept on kissing his neck, and pushing Karkat down. "S-Sollux!" His Moirail moved for his pants, Karkat panicked. The next time Sollux went to kiss him he bit the other trolls lips, hard.

"Fuck, KK, what'th wrong with you?"

Karkat got an arm underneath him and sat up. "No nookwhiff, what's wrong with you? You don't act like this Sollux."

"Come on KK, you were enjoying it." Sollux moved in again but was stopped by the feral grow that vibrated from Karkat's throat. "KK?"

"No, Sollux." He couldn't believe he was actually growling at his Moirail in a threatening manner. "Kiss me again and I will end you." Karkat watched as Sollux backed away.

"Oh god." The tall skinny troll shrunk into himself. "Oh god, Karkat." 

"Sollux, what the hell just happened?" He moved closer to him, his Moirail was visibly shaking. 

"Karkat, I'm tho thorry. I-I don't know what came over me."

"Idiot, just try to explain." He put a hand on Sollux's shoulder, noticing how he flinched away from the touch.

Sollux was silent for a while, "Thorry KK."

"You've already said that."

"I've alwayth had red feelingth for you KK. For a long time." He admitted quietly. "I'm thuch a worthleth, pathetic Moirail." He shoved his head in his hands. "A Moirail thhould NEVER have to growl like that. Definitely not at each other." Karkat was patient, quietly waiting for Sollux to continue. "I'm an awful troll. I have red feelingth for both you and AA." 

"Sollux, it's ok to have multiple red feelings, just as long as you only act on one." He laughed "I know you like duality and all, but you probably shouldn't have two Matesprits you know?"

The other troll seemed to relax and stop shaking, "KK I don't think now'th the time to joke." 

"Why now, Sollux?" Karkat asked. "I mean, you never act this forward."

"I was afraid." Karkat looked over and gave him an encouraging growl. "I was afraid, that, that Aradia isn't alive out there, that she's dead. And by the end of this game I'd be blind and alone somewhere."

"Sollux, that's stupid, you said so yourself, she's alive. She contacted you; she told you she was out fighting for us." 

"I know, KK, I know. But it doethn't thtop me from worrying. You know how I get. I thtart thinking the wortht and it taketh over."

Karkat moved so they were back to back. "I know you do. But listen to me, Sollux, she's fine."

"I haven't heard from her in a long time, thince the humanth got here." he let out a sigh, "What if thhe doesn't want to care for the blind troll? What if thhe realitheth how utheleth I am? KK what if-"

Karkat stopped him and grabbed his hand, "You are NOT useless." He gripped it harder, "You can stop that thought right there." 

They both sat in silence, the hum of Sollux's computer providing the only noise. There was something unexplainable about Moirails. They were able to both calm down by just sitting back to back in silence. "KK, thankth."

"It's what I'm here for. Just, don't try that again."

He let out a shallow laugh, "yeah, I won't. You really want Egbert don't you?"

Karkat bit the bottom of his lip. "Well, yeah, I want that fucker. I want to just watch over him, and make him feel safe. I've never felt like this before. When I see him, I want to hold him and protect him from everything." Karkat sighed and leaned on Sollux harder, "But the shitsponge just thinks of us as Moirails. He'll probably never think of me like how I want him to." 

Sollux pushed back and said, "Well, I know how you feel at leatht, tho I can tell you it'th going to be hard." Karkat sighed and the other troll could feel his breath catch again, "KK, it'th not impothible for you get him to feel red for you. He'th thtill getting to uthe being a troll, KK, he probably doethn't even know hith own feelingth. Didn't I tell you thomething like thith wath going to happen?"

"Yeah, you did. I just, what if he doesn't come around?" Sollux heard Karkat sniff and take a deep breath.

"Eathy, you thand by him. Make thure you're alwayth there for him."

"Like you're always around for me?"

"Yeah, KK."

"Even though I'm a huge asshole and worth less than dirt."

Sollux chuckled, "KK, you're not that bad. Trutht me." he paused, "I thtill can't believe you're not killing me for my behavior earlier."

"I can't believe you held in red feelings for this long. Shit Sollux, you should have said something. I don't blame you; in fact, I'm impressed you were able to even talk to me. You've had to listen to my whiny shit every time something went wrong with Terezi or John. For being a borderline schizophrenic and overall mental troll you sure can hold it together sometimes."

"It wath mainly for you KK. And I'll continue to hold you together for ath long ath you thtill need me."

Karkat reached behind him and gave him an awkward hug. "God, Sollux, I have no fucking clue what I'd do without you." he added, "I'll be here for you too, always. There's no way in hell I'd let you get kicked to the curb now."

"Thankth."

"So you think there's still for hope for John and I?"

"Yeah, and you think Aradia'th out there thtill?"

"Of course." They both were relaxed and calm. Karkat laughed, "See, Sollux, THIS is why we make such fucking amazing Moirails."

"Yeah, I'll agree with that." 

"We can come in and both act shit hive fucking maggots and somehow we'll pull each other back."

"And act like nothing even happened. Even though tho much did."

"I know you still have red feelings, but Sollux, do you think we could stay in this quadrant?"

"Yeah, KK, I think thith one workth well for both of uth."

\-----

It had been a few days since the incident with Jade. John was now sporting freshly trimmed claws on both his hands and feet. Karkat made sure to file them down every day, and John was grateful for that. Eventually Karkat would stop, and he'd have to get used to having them, he'd have to learn to be mindful of them and watch himself. But for now, they both decided the added stress wasn't worth it.

John was leaving Karkat's room when a voice sounded from behind him.

"John, I need to thpeak to you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh heh this time my Archive gets the update before anyone else. 
> 
> Chapter six and seven should be really soon, I'm in the middle of writing them now.  
> I wanted to note that I've only read through this once or twice, so the chances of me editing this are high. Especially when I start piecing together chapter six and seven. Also note I haven't sent this to my beta's yet, so there's the very real possibility of spelling/grammar derps. But hey, at least it's done. 
> 
> Enjoy.

John was surprised at Sollux’s presence outside his door. ‘Why does he want to speak to me? Sollux hasn’t shown much interest in me or the other humans, so why now?’ It puzzled him, he thought that maybe Sollux was just being friendly. “Sure, what do you want to talk about?”

“I’m going to be blunt. KK.”

“Karkat?”

“Yeth Karkat.” He took a few steps forward towards John, “I think it’th time thomeone on thith thtupid athteroid talked to you. Thinth KK theemth unable to do it I will.” 

“Talk about what?” John asked, “This is sorta random,” he laughed a bit, “I mean, you never talk to me.”

“I know.” He continued past John, “We’re going back to my room. It’th more private.” 

John followed Sollux, watching the troll move through the halls carefully and slowly. He kept a proud stance, even when stumbling over something. He carried a cane, much like Terezi’s. “So, um, Sollux…do you need any help or something? I mean, I can lead you if you want, it might be faster…” He trailed off when the troll turned around and just stared, eyebrows tilted down. 

“I don’t need your thympathy, and I don’t need your help. I’m not thome thtupid athth wiggler who can’t fend for himthelf.” 

John watched him pick up the pace and growl angrily under his breath. “Hey um, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything. I was just trying to help.”

“Goddamn it I know. I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”

John chanced getting a bit closer. “It must be hard.”

“You have no fucking idea.” He growled again and John responded with a quite whimper and a soft growl of his own. Sollux looked surprised, “Shit, you really are like one of us.” John glanced over smiling a bit sheepishly, “You’ve gotten the hang of figuring out Alternian that’th for sure.”

“Karkat, he’s pretty good at showing me the range of emotions, and I also think that maybe I have some sort of built in instinct about this stuff? I dunno. It’s still so confusing.” John continued to follow Sollux. “Sometimes I get afraid of myself…”

Sollux glanced down at John, “Really?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, this was very sudden. And sometimes it really does feel like my whole brain has been rewired.”

“It probably hath.” Sollux opened the door to his respiteblock and stepped inside. “Your whole body changed drathtically, it’th not too much of a thtreach to athume your mind did too. But, that might actually make our converthation today eathier.” 

“How so?” He sat down on Sollux’s messy bed. “What are we discussing? You mentioned Karkat, what about Karkat?”

“Quadrantth Egbert. We need to have a talk about troll feelingth.” 

“Quadrants? Why? Karkat already explained them to me.”

“Obviouthly not well enough.”

“Is this…is this because we’re Moirails now? I’m sorry, I can stop or something, I mean, weren’t you his before? I didn’t mean to ruin anything or come between you two…”

“John no, that’th fine. You didn’t do anything wrong there. I’m thtill KK’th Moirail, he’th jutht yourth right now.” Sollux rubbed his temples and sighed. “Lithten, you need to thtart uthing that thinkpan of yours before you hurt thomeone.”

“Sollux I don’t get it.”

“Jutht, lithen to me Egbert. You’re a troll now, any human inthtinctth you had should be deleted.”

“Why? What’s wrong with them? Just because I’m a troll doesn’t mean I should give up everything that made me, me. That’s unfair Sollux.”

He growled again angrily, “No, what’th unfair ith watching the people around you get hurt becauthe of idiotth like you!” He took a deep breath. “I jutht don’t want anyone to get hurt John. You need to underthtand that the longer you thtay a troll the more the inthtinctth you mentioned are going to mature. You might notithe that a troll or hell even a human might start wanting to fill a quadrant with you. And if it’th a troll…well, you know our rathe doethen’t care about the thame thtuff humanth do, and you should be open to that.”

“Ok…” He wasn’t sure if he was following or understanding what Sollux was getting at.

“John thith ith theriouth,” he paused, “fuck my goddamn lithp.” 

“Sollux…”

The other troll switched to Alternian, “I hope you’re fluent enough for this. I can’t stand speaking English tho much. It drives me insane. My thtupid fucking lisp. I can’t just have KK punch out my teeth every other week. I hate the damn thing, I hate so much about me…” he trailed off and growled again. “Anyways, I’m a pathetic sack of shit, but that’s not what we’re talking about.” He watched John for any signs of confusion, just in case he was speaking too fast. “Trolls have very thtrong emotions. Once developed they’re really hard to break. The worst case scenario is having a troll get really clothe to you and you freak out or something. These feelings aren’t to be played with.”

“You said this was about Karkat? Where does he come in?”

Sollux hesitated, there was no way in hell he’d give away his Moirails secret, “I just want you to be careful around him. He’s so guarded and closed off from the others, don’t hurt him.”

“Isn’t it a Moirail’s job to make sure their partner doesn’t get hurt?”

The yellow troll wanted to strangle John, but he held back, “Yeah, Moirails are supposed to listen to each other, really listen. Tho I want you to pay attention to KK with everything you are. Can you do that?”

John nodded, “I…I think so.”

“Good. I don’t think I could stand to thee him miserable again.” He clenched his fist. “And one more thing,” He hesitated again debating on if this was too much of a giveaway, “you can flip quadrants, tons of trolls do so, just make sure you don’t commit before flipping. They aren’t set in stone right away.”

“Right, I will try to be a good Moirail. I imagine you’re pretty good at it Sollux. You seem to know so much.” 

“I’m not half as good as Kanaya. But I have had to put up with KK’s shit longer than anyone else.”

John laughed, “I suppose you two are good friends then?”

“Yeah.”

“So…was that all?”

“I guess. I just wanted to start telling you that it might get even more confusing for you in the coming weeks, and that you should be aware of your feelings and those of the trolls around you.” Sollux leaned back on his chair and stretched, his cane falling out of his lap and rolling across the floor. “Fuck.” He got up and started searching for it. 

John got down and picked up the cane and handed it to Sollux. “Here,” he offered and sat down.

“Thankth.” He took it from John and sat back down. “I’m not used to this thing Terezi’s been teaching me. I don’t get it; I can’t just smell colorth like she can. It’s frustrating.”

“When did you go blind?” He asked hesitantly. 

“Ugh, god, it feels like sweeps ago. But I think it’s only been a few months.” 

“Can I ask how? Not many of the others feel like talking about what happened.”

Sollux paused again; he had to think through his words to make sure John could understand. “We had some trolls go crazy. Eridan, he was the one who blinded me. All the trolls who went inthane, they were all highbloods. Blue or higher.”

John was silent, the computers hummed in the background. “So,” he started speaking again, “will…will I go crazy like them? I’m a blue blood too.” 

“I don’t know John. Maybe. No one can tell for sure. You might be just fine, or you might not.” He could feel that the boy was worried; he didn’t need eyes to know that. “But, you’ll be fine. You have friends to back you up. Even if you do start becoming more aggressive they’ll help.” 

“…I don’t want to go insane. Sollux…”

He sighed and moved to the bed. “You’ll be fine John. Don’t stress out about it. You’re doing great.”

“That’s what Karkat says.” He stared down at his trimmed claws. “But…I already hurt my friends. I already attacked them…” 

“Everyone knows that was an accident. I told you, don’t thtrethth out.”

“What was that Sollux?” John giggled joking. 

“Ha ha.” John could see a bit of yellow spread across his face. “God that’s embarrassing ath hell.”

“I don’t think it’s that bad, it makes you unique.” 

Sollux laughed, “Yeah sure, thouding like a complete idiot is great. I’m tho ok with that.” John was still giggling a bit. “English is even worse. And when I get flustered or caught off guard, ugh. And you guyth wonder why I don’t talk much.”

“I really don’t think the others mind that much.” John continued, “I mean, I just thought you were quiet, or maybe didn’t like us. But you’re really pretty nice. I think talking to the others would be a good thing.” 

“Yeah ath long ath…as I can I can handle it. It’s not a matter of if everyone is ok with my speech, but I get annoyed at myself. It’th thorta a problem.” 

“Well then…maybe we both need to work on some self-confidence. You with your lisp, me with my, well everything.” 

“You’ll get it John. Look at how well you’re doing with Alternian, jutht wait till your instincts fully develop. You’ll do fine; trust me John, everyone else thinks too.”

“Heh heh thanks…Everyone is so nice, all this support feels great.” He stood up and walked towards the door, “I should probably go; you’re usually pretty busy right?” John excused himself and went looking for food. But Sollux’s words didn’t leave his mind. “I have to listen to him huh? I’ll try…I’ll be a good Moirail.” 

He tried hard to watch Karkat without the other troll noticing too heavily. He learned a lot about him that he never knew before. Things became clearing in all his actions. Trolls, he found out, could pick up on the tiniest of changes in another’s mood. He became hyper aware of Karkat, it was weird, it wasn’t the same as the other trolls, he had to really focus on them but with Karkat everything came naturally. One glace and John could tell if he was distressed or feeling good. Unfortunately it seems like his presence couldn’t calm him. It wasn’t like when Karkat would hug him or sit by him, John didn’t have that effect on Karkat at all. If anything Karkat became more nervous or uneasy. “I don’t get it,” he said to himself frustrated, “I’m able to pick up on Karkat so easily, yet I can’t seem to help him…what am I doing wrong?” 

It had been a week since Sollux’s talk with John, he was feeling a bit more confident in himself and how he carried himself around other trolls and humans too. When Dave would glare or try to aggravate him he would simply turn to him sadly and walk away. Once or twice he would bare his teeth and snarl at, what he was now sad to say, his former friend. He would get a brief moment of pleasure in seeing Dave’s poker face break and a worry flash across his features. John would grin and walk away. He was done being afraid of himself. 

“Karkat told me not to take your shit anymore Dave.” He said confidently moving past. “If you want to be a dick and shove your head so far up your ass you lose all your friends, well I guess I can’t stop you.” He glanced back before leaving the room, “Just don’t think we’re all going to take it from you anymore. You’re walking a dangerous line Dave, keep going and you’ll have no one left.”

The cool kid stood alone in the room, his shades reflecting the image of his friend retreating back into the lab. 

John still kept his claws trimmed short, he may be getting more confident with himself, but he didn’t completely trust himself yet. Sometimes he’d remember what happened; he would see himself attacking Jade, or Karkat. The sick scent of blood and the sight of it, thick and red, under his claws couldn’t be forgotten. Occasionally he’d even gag when remembering the taste of Karkat’s blood in his mouth. It wasn’t a flavor he’d want to experience ever again. The only nightmares he had that would cause him to shoot up were ones of him hurting his friends. The others, the blood, the killing, the rainbow spray of carnage, that was all normal by now. As depressing as that thought was, he was used to it. Even the screams became nothing more than mere background noise.

Karkat said he was proud of John, that he was beginning to get used to being a troll. John would laugh and tell him he wasn’t all the way there yet. There was still he was uncomfortable with. He still felt very alien in his own skin, but he wouldn’t let that show. The others had enough to deal with. They were still trapped on an asteroid and Bec was still out there. He knew the situation looked bad, and he wouldn’t drag the others down, he would try to be the bright cheery force he used to be.

He wanted so desperately to make everyone happy again. Dave may be a lost cause, but he knew Karkat wasn’t. The troll had been in a slump recently. It happened around the same time John broke down; around the time they became Moirails. ‘Moirails….when we became Moirails Karkat got worse. Is it my fault? Am I a bad Moirail? I must be, why else would he be getting worse. I’m not helping him at all…’ It was still early in the morning, way too early for anyone to be up. He rolled over and watched Karkat sleep. He was having a nightmare, that much was clear. He would twitch and growl in his sleep. John wanted to help, to make him feel better. But his nervousness won over and he just laid motionless watching Karkat claw at the blankets and snarl. He would see a flash of yellow when Karkat would open his eyes briefly, not seeing anything, not really awake. 

It was when he would mutter in his sleep that John got worried. He often wondered what Karkat dreamt about, he was genuinely curious, but the troll never told him. He preferred to keep that to himself. But as John listened, his ears catching words not meant for him, he realized why Karkat never said anything. 

“Fuck, no…John. Goddamn it! You bastard, how could you!” He would trail off into growling and random bits of Alternian. He was shaking badly, his breath catching. 

“Shit, Karkat…” John sat up and tried to think of something to do.

“JOHN!” he roared into nothing, “John!” He called over and over again. “John don’t die, please don’t. Fuck, I didn’t…It’s my fault! Don’t die! John!”

Without thinking John reached over and shook Karkat, “Karkat, wake up, I’m fine!” He could feel tears on the edge of his eyes, he couldn’t stand listening to his friend suffer like that. 

A low rumbling growl resonated from the mass under the blankets.

John froze. Fear suddenly shooting through him. “Shit.” His actions dawned on him; he just woke up a sleeping troll. Even worse, he shook awake a troll mid nightmare. He braced himself for the worst, for the feeling of claws raking across his chest and fangs buried in his arm.

But what happened wasn’t anything that he was expecting. Karkat rolled over and opened his eyes, calmly looking over at him. He yawned and curled into John’s side, obviously still half asleep and dazed. “K…Karkat?” He made a purring sound and growled, hugging John’s side. The display shocked John. “Karkat. Wake up.”

The troll opened his eyes and looked up at John. “What?” he said half annoyed half drowsy. “I was sleeping.”

“I…I know that.” He paused, “And that’s what I want to ask about.”

“Hm?”

“You were having a nightmare, Karkat, and I woke you up.” He paused again, “I uh, woke you up Karkat. I shook you awake. And you didn’t attack me.”

He watched the troll sit up suddenly and his face flush red. “S-Shit.”

“You said that only trolls considered Matesprits can wake each other up. So…does that mean…”

“Fuck.”

“Karkat do you feel that way about me?”

“Fuck.” He repeated. His head rested on his hand, “Damn it. I didn’t want you to find out like this.” He sighed. “Yeah, Egbert, I’m flushed for you.” 

“You know that I’m not a…”

“Yes, I know you’re not flushed back. Don’t bother yourself with it.” He never once looked at John. “Just forget it happened.”

“But Karkat…Shit, it all makes sense now, why you’ve been so down. You don’t want me as a Moirail…”

“Shut up.”

“You want me as more.”

“John, I said shut your mouth.” He rolled over and growled. “Please drop it.”

“But Karkat-“

“Drop it!” He sat up and turned back around shouting at John. All his teeth were bared and his eyes seemed to glow with intensity and anger. Karkat was still snarling and glaring down at the other boy.

John trembled and shrunk back into the bed. He flattened his ears and broke eye contact. For the first time ever he was actually scared of Karkat. The other troll was showing his dominance, and John was submitting as quickly as he could. “S-Sorry, Karkat…” After one last growl and flash of teeth Karkat flopped back over and pulled the blankets over his body. 

John was left frozen in place. 

Karkat had never growled at him like that before. He had never threatened him before. John glanced nervously over at the troll lying beside him. He was sleeping again, his chest rising and falling softly. Slowly John slid out of the bed and grabbed his pillow. He curled up on the floor next to the bed and hugged the pillow tightly. ‘Shit, I pissed Karkat off…I didn’t mean to, it just happened. How was I supposed to know he was hiding anything from me? And why’d he get so angry? I’m so confused.’ Then he remembered when Sollux first talked to him. It was about Karkat. ‘I bet this is what he was referring to. I bet he wanted me to watch Karkat so maybe I could pick up his hints. Instead I just angered him. Now he probably hates me. I really do make a pitiful Moirail…’ He shivered and gripped the pillow tighter.

Karkat was a mess. He didn’t expect to be woken up by John, ever. There wasn’t any doubt in his mind that he would be found out that way. There was also the shock of yelling at John. Regret was already sinking in and the troll felt terrible. He sighed and decided it was the only way to show John he wasn’t messing around, he was serious. His feelings were out on the table, and it scared him. He knew deep inside that rejection would be the answer, but when presented with it he backed away into a snarling mess of teeth and glares. Growling and scaring John wasn’t the right thing to do, he knew that. Especially since it was someone he felt flushed for. Instincts collided; he was torn between protecting himself, and leaving his feelings out in the open. 

There was no way in hell he was getting any rest. “Listen, John,” he rolled over but found the boy missing. Panic set in briefly as he sat up and looked around the dark room. His door was still sealed shut and he didn’t hear it open. “John?” He whispered again. Karkat went to get up, but stopped when he almost stepped on John. The blue troll was curled up tight in a ball hugging a pillow. He was shivering badly and breathing uneasy. He placed a careful hand on John’s bare arm and recoiled when he felt how cold he was. ‘Shit, trolls shouldn’t be sleeping unprotected in this temperature.’ Even though the asteroid was usually warm and perfectly suitable for trolls, the timeframe they picked to sleep corresponded with a sudden temperature shift. If they stayed moving or active it was usually fine, but while sleeping the trolls encountered a bit of a problem, their bodies weren’t meant to cope with low temperatures.

While Karkat saw John as a Matesprit there was no such feeling in John, he couldn’t risk waking him up or lifting him back into the bed. Instead he grabbed all the heavy blankets from the bed and gently put them over the sleeping boy. Karkat then moved to the floor himself and joined john under the covers. Carefully he made the calming noise that had stopped John so many times and wrapped his arms around the quivering troll. He was cold, but it wasn’t serious, Karkat would have to lecture him the next day about sleeping without some form of covers. 

But the whole reason he left in the first place was because Karkat reacted so aggressively towards him. He still felt bad about that, but nothing could be done now. He was almost certain things were going to go downhill from here. 

He was correct too. The days that followed were a cluster-fuck of emotions that spiraled out of control. 

Karkat Vantas didn’t mean to automatically growl at John whenever he saw him. In fact the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind the night before. But when he saw the troll enter the room and attempt to sit next to him a snarl would let loose from his throat and his lips would curl up. The boy looked so confused and hurt. He would whimper and back away showing complete submission to Karkat. This went on for a few days. 

Every night however, Karkat could still feel John slide hesitantly into bed next to him and fall asleep. Karkat never showed the aggression when John was sleeping, it was confusing even himself. He knew he still felt flushed feelings for John, he could tell as soon as the boy would lie next to him. There was no fooling himself; he had picked John Egbert as a Matesprit. ‘So why the fuck am I acting like this to him?’ He assumed it was fear. There was deep source of fear whenever Karkat dealt with his own emotions. They had been kept locked in a cage more secure than his damn fetch modus. It was a self-defense he developed years and years ago.

‘If no one knows my feelings, my emotions, they can’t hurt me. But,’ he looked over at the sleeping troll next to him, ‘he does. He knows.’ It was that reason alone why Karkat believed he was behaving the way he was. Deep down he was protecting himself from pain, but at the same time he was causing it as well. 

As the days went on John Egbert finally did snap at Karkat, there was only so much he could take. The others had picked up on the tension between the two and managed to keep out of it. John was entering the living room when he heard the now familiar growling of Karkat. He spun around and flattened his ears, “H-Hey Karkat,” he said weakly. The other troll dropped the growl lower. When John walked by Karkat bared his teeth and snapped at him. Something deep within John pushed itself forward, there was a bubbling surge of anger and John growled back harshly. Karkat looked shocked when the other troll pinned him to the wall and snarled. Karkat struggled underneath John but the blue troll was stronger. Instead he opted for digging his claws into John’s wrists and shoving him away roughly when the pain distracted him.

After that whenever they met it was a struggle for dominance, both trolls would snarl and growl and throw punches. John had never felt that way before. Never in his life had he had such a desire to make Karkat kneel in front of him and whimper at his feet. It was a strange feeling, the sudden rage and sudden hatred for his friend. And the part that confused John the most was that Karkat seemed perfectly ok with it.

Karkat was ok with it, in a way he was more than ok with it. Every time John would fight back, return a growl and flash his own teeth made his blood boil. ‘Maybe…maybe I can get him to flip to blackrom?’ Karkat had always thought they were fated to be Kismesis’s, maybe this was their chance. If he couldn’t get John to be in a red relationship with him then black would have to do. 

The other trolls were swiftly becoming aware of the rising aggressiveness between John and Karkat. Their fights were becoming something done on an hourly schedule and often ended with Karkat running to his room covering various wounds, his blood still remaining a secret. They were getting more aggressive, the cuts and bite marks a bit harder to hide. Karat would spend a lot of time in the shower just cleaning the open wounds and bandaging them. But the troll would smirk and slip back on his shirt ready for another round. He always thought he wasn’t suited for blackrom, but maybe he was wrong.

John didn’t understand why they were fighting, but he had a pretty good idea it was because of quadrants. The whole troll romance stuff confused him, his body and instincts were urging him to do one thing, while his brain would scream something else. He was scared, and had no clue what to do next. 

Wearily he fell on one of the couches in the main room, carefully licking a long gash on his arm. Terezi sat next to him. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

She was quiet for a while before speaking. “So, what’s up with you and Karkat?”

He growled softly, “I don’t know. Wish I did.” He sat up and looked over. “He just started growling at me one day, out of the blue. I don’t get it. He won’t say anything; he just acts aggressive all the time. I think he might be fighting me for top spot as leader or something.” John shook his head, “Which is stupid, because I’m not a leader, I’ve already decided that the term doesn’t apply to my friends. Has he ever done this before? Is this maybe some sort of troll puberty thing and he’s gone off the deep end because of like crazy hate hormones or something?” 

Terezi chuckled, “No, I don’t think that’s why. Though you might be getting close with the mention of hate. Have you ever thought that perhaps he’s trying to get you into a blackrom?”

“Not really. I hope not. I don’t want to hate him. And plus, don’t you have to fill buckets or something in that quadrant? Like, have sex? Terezi I’m not a homosexual. I was pretty sure I made that clear.”

“And you do know that means nothing to us right?”

“Well it should mean something, you guys can’t just ignore someone’s wishes, it’s rude.” John crossed his arms. “I just wish I knew what he wanted from me.”

“Karkles has never been very good at expressing his emotions. For someone who watches as many romcoms as he has, he should be master of it. I think he’s so bad at it because he’s scared. And most trolls don’t like the feeling of being vulnerable. Deep down it’s our worst fear. We’ll do anything to make ourselves seem strong and cover that weakness.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Sometimes what trolls do doesn’t make sense. If you don’t hate him, then I don’t think you’ll end up in a caliginous quadrant with him. You both have to feel the same.” 

“Terezi, I’m worried what he’s doing will have a permanent effect on me.” He could feel her rub his shoulder gently and make a few calming noises. “What if he sets something off deep inside of me? What if I stay this aggressive? Sollux said that high bloods were the reason everything got so bad on the asteroid.” 

“Yeah…Eridan, Gamzee, and Vriska. They were all high bloods; I suppose I should put myself on the list too. I did kill her. I’m a teal blood, the border between high and medium blood. I know you don’t like hearing about the bad things Vriska did, most of them weren’t her fault, but she was naturally aggressive, Eridan and Gamzee, they both just lost it. I’m almost certain Equius would have too if he didn’t have Nepeta with him. You’re the closest to Equius blood color wise. In fact, you’re really high.” She stopped when John rested his head on her lap. “John…” She ran a hand through his hair. “I want to tell you that you’ll be ok. I want to say nothing will happen to you. But I can’t…” She could feel his shoulders shake and his breath catch. “I do believe however, that you’ll control it. I truly believe that John. You’re a troll, but you’re strong. It’ll be tough, but I think you’ll stay John.”

He clenched his fist and tried to wipe the tears from his face. “I-I hope so. I'm so scared of losing myself.” He paused, “Oh gosh, sorry Terezi. I didn’t mean to be a bother to you.”

She laughed, “You’re not a bother John, you’re just another friend. And I don’t mean the troll version of friend either.”

He nodded and just rested near her. He was physically exhausted from the last fight that he had with Karkat. There was just so much he didn’t understand. Everything hurt and nothing was right. His arm throbbed from where Karkat scratched him, his shoulder burned from a bite mark that hadn’t healed. He had scrapes and cuts from hitting the hard floor or the corner of a wall. He was tired and just wanted to sleep. He found himself growling in frustration and standing up. “I’m going to go take a nap. If anyone asks that’s where I am, I’m shutting off my PDA too.” Terezi nodded and said she’d spread the word.

\---

“KK what are you doing?”

“I don’t know Sollux. I think I’m courting John into a blackrom.” He sighed and fell back on Sollux’s bed. The other troll was busy typing away at his keyboard. 

“Why the hell are you doing that?” Sollux didn’t break the steady stream of clicking.

“Fuck if I know. I just thought, well, maybe if he doesn’t want a redrom with me, then blackrom will do.”

“But the two are completely different KK. You can’t really be conthidering thith can you? You pity him right?” Karkat nodded, “You can’t pity and hate him at the thame time.” 

Karkat switched to Alternian to give Sollux a break, “I know.”

“This is only going to hurt you both.”

“Or maybe, just maybe I’ll hate him too. I did hate him, so much back then. It probably won’t take much longer for those original feelings to return.”

“But what about John? Have you ever asked him?”

“No,” Karkat admitted. “I just assumed he was fine with it. He seems to be responding with the correct amounts of aggressiveness, he’s even started attacking first.”

Sollux looked worried. “Are you sure he’s displaying blackrom and not just general troll aggression?” Karkat froze. “I take it you haven’t thought of that.”

“Fuck. Sollux, you don’t think…no he has to be showing the start of a Kismessisitude. I’m not wrong…”

\---

The fighting did get worse. Karkat was beginning to worry about his blood color getting out. They would fight roughly, way rougher than a normal Kismesis pair would. When John would attack him his blood would boil, but not in the way black feelings would be, this was for survival. John became a different troll, his pupils would contract and he’d growl and snarl so much that normal words were impossible for him. Karkat was seeing the same patterns and actions as a troll under sleep rage. 

They were in the eating area when the last main fight they had took place. Karkat was eating quietly when he sensed John walk in through the door. The other boy was already alert and flashing his teeth. Karkat gave a warning growl, he was eating and didn’t want be disturbed. John ignored it heading straight for his table.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing bulgelicker?” Karkat stood up and faced the other troll. “Meal time is off limits, we discussed this.”

“Yeah and so were times when we were sleeping, but you betrayed that trust.”

Karkat stepped back, “yeah that was one fucking time, and it was a damn nap, it wasn’t actually night.”

“You still broke it first.”

“Fuck, fine.” He snarled at the other troll, he figured maybe if he struck fast and overpowered him the effort wouldn’t be worth it and he’d leave. Karkat lunged at John and tackled him to the floor where he raked his claws down his sides and leaned down to bite, but John wasn’t caught off guard and kicked Karkat off of him. Karkat slid across the floor and hit the wall. John stood faster and pulled Karkat up by his shirt collar. Karkat asked John something a growl still deep in his throat, “Doesn’t this feel good John? You know, like it was meant to be? This hate?”

John looked back confused, “N-Not really. I just want to hurt you. I thought this was more of a who gets to be leader dispute thing.” John furrowed his brow, “I have no idea anymore Karkat, I just want to cause you pain, it doesn’t make sense.”

Karkat looked at John’s expression, he was definitely confused, but in a flash that was replaced with rage. The other troll tore into Karkat’s arm and kicked him roughly to the side. John was on him as soon as he hit the ground, his claws were still trimmed short but that didn’t stop him from punching and covering the troll in small scratch marks. 

They were both growling fiercely and looked more like animals than people. They were a twisted mess of limbs, fangs, claws and horns. 

This is what Dave Strider got to walk into.

“Holy shit.” He dropped the tray of food he was holding. John looked up from attacking Karkat long enough to growl at the human. He saw Karkat underneath bruised and clearly in distress. “Fuck, Vantas do you need help or something?” He looked over at John who was bleeding heavily from large gashes on his arms and chest. But the blue troll did have Karkat pinned, and it didn’t look like the Vantas was wining. 

“S-Stay out of this Strider.”

“Hell no, I may hate you guys, but this is insane. I can’t have you two killing each other in the damn kitchen. If you need to play your stupid troll hate game at least do it in some deserted part of the asteroid. That way when one of you dies the corpse doesn’t need moving.” He drew his sword and moved to pull John off. 

John growled viciously at Dave, the savageness in his eyes not disappearing. “What the hell is wrong with you John?” Dave was able to trap John’s arms and he held him from behind. “Vantas did he finally snap? Is that it? Did he become a monster? Like the rest of you will? Was I right? Fuck man, I was right wasn’t I?”

John was still snarling and struggling to get away; he was tired from dealing with Karkat and didn’t have the energy to break free from Dave.

“Fuck bro calm down.” Dave held what he used to consider his friend. But now he only saw a wild animal whose only goal was to rip the skin off of anything in front of his claws. Holding back a troll was probably the scariest thing he’d ever done. And he’d seen his own death a million times. 

When the blue blood couldn’t break free with is strength alone he tried instead to smack Dave with his horns, but the knight avoided it. John eventually was able to turn and get a look at Dave’s face. He growled and bared his teeth again, and then he saw Dave’s expression. His shades had slipped and underneath the black glass were crimson eyes filled with fear. John recoiled and lost all the will to fight. His ears lowered and covered his teeth. “D-Dave?” He breathed quietly. He glanced back over to the beaten troll that was Karkat, then at the pools of blue blood forming around him. “Shit…Dave please understand, I’m not…Dave I’m not an animal, I’m just…”

“No it’s cool dude, I get it. This is that weird alien hate love shit right? Kis me whatevers. It’s gory and violent and by my standards really stupid, but that’s what this is right Vantas? Sorry I ruined your boner.” 

John looked back at Karkat. “Karkat?”

“That is what this is right? Or were you two actually fighting? Should I have let one of you tear out the others throat? I guess we’d have less trolls to worry about then.”

Karkat didn’t answer; he looked from Dave to John. Dave asked again and Karkat responded by head-butting John hard with his horns. 

John’s vision went blurry and he blacked out.

Karkat lifted John up and started to carry him away. “I don’t know what that was Strider. It was supposed to be blackrom, but now, I have no fucking clue. Thanks for the help. Don’t expect anything in return.”

“I wasn’t counting on it.”

“You haven’t exactly been all that friendly to trolls. And after witnessing what you just did, I doubt you ever will be. We’re different, and you can see that. I can’t defend our actions, not all of them.” He quietly walked away.

When John next woke he was on the couch in the main room. His injuries had been bandaged and a blanket thrown over him. “John? Oh good, you’re up.” He turned to see Rose and Kanaya watching him carefully. “Karkat fixed you up. He looked really concerned…”

Kanaya spoke up, “I think it would be in both of your best interests if you spoke civilly about your string of conflicts. I cannot tell if I need to intervene as an Auspistice between you two. You both looked terrible, I’m afraid you will kill each other soon.”

John sat up weakly, he nodded, “Yeah, I have to ask him a few things anyways.” He could already feel his anger rising at the mere thought of talking with Karkat. He suppressed the urge to growl and stood on shaky legs and made his way to their room. 

He paused at the door and took a deep breath before entering. “Karkat…can we just, you know, talk? Maybe…” he walked into their room carefully. “Maybe without you know…fighting? Is that something we can do?” John made sure to flatten his ears, look away and not growl. 

Karkat looked up from the bed, “Hm? John?”

“Yeah. Hi. I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff lately.” The other troll stood up and moved closer. John had to fight the sudden overwhelming urge to attack Karkat right there. It surprised him, how that became a normal reaction. “I’ve been thinking about the past few weeks. Karkat I was confused.”

He stopped and stared at John. “Go on.”

“I was confused, but now I’m not.” He raised his eyes slowly to look at Karkat. “Y-You, this whole thing, you wanted me in the caliginous quadrant didn’t you?”

He waited for Karkat’s reaction. The other troll was also observing John. He was watching his body language and opening his senses again. “Yes.” He answered confidently.

“Why though?” John clenched a fist. “I don’t understand. You hurt me Karkat.”

“I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do!” He took a few steps forward, noting that Karkat didn’t fall back. “I don’t think you realize how much this stupid idea of yours hurt me.” John was now standing inches from Karkat. “I didn’t want to act like this. You know I hated being aggressive. You know I feared that my reactions would go too far. You fucking knew I didn’t want to act on my blue blood, yet you did this anyway!” The fist he had clenched found its way to Karkat’s face. The other troll stumbled back a bit. “Do you have anything to say? Anything at all?”

Karkat kept his mouth shut. He was beginning to see what went wrong. “Fuck, John. I-“

“No, no excuses Karkat, no apologies. I don’t want to hear them. I’m so angry you have no idea. I want to punch you again, then dig my claws deep into your arm and…Karkat I want to hurt you. I want to injure you until you can’t stand. Then I want to leave you there. I want you to cry out and I want you to suffer.” 

Karkat listened while John was talking. The boy was trembling slightly, Karkat could see his fists clenching and relaxing, he saw blue blood drip to the ground from where his claws were digging into flesh. “That’s exactly what being in a Kismessisitude is about John.”

The other troll snarled and charged Karkat knocking him to the ground. He pinned him there, claws digging into his arms. John was inches from Karkat’s face. “But Karkat…”

Karkat saw and felt blue tears hit his cheek and roll off.

“I don’t want to hate you.” He released his grip on Karkat and leaned over him. “I don’t want to hate you. Karkat I don’t. I really, truly don’t.” 

“John?”

“Karkat please,” his forehead rested on Karkat’s, “please don’t make me hate you. Don’t make me hurt you. I can. You know I can. But I don’t want to. All this…everything I’ve done in the past weeks…it wasn’t because I wanted to, it was because you were using my instincts against me.” Tears were now flowing freely from his eyes, “you used those, you used me. And I was too weak to control myself.”

“Fuck.” Karkat didn’t apologize, John didn’t want one. But once again the overwhelming feeling to protect John washed over him. There had never been a moment were Karkat had felt anything this strong before. John was shaking and crying, and couldn’t even hold himself up anymore. Karkat slowly made the same calming noise he developed over a month ago on the boy. He put arms around him and held him close. “I won’t.” 

John was once again reduced to crying hiccupping mess that was clinging to Karkat. “I don’t want to be an aggressive troll Karkat! I don’t want to hurt anybody. Don’t make me.” 

“I already said I wouldn’t, it’s ok. Shoosh.” Karkat rubbed his back softly and let the other troll cry on him. “I’m so sorry; it wasn’t supposed to be like this.” After a while John stopped sobbing hard but he still had his face pressed into Karkat’s chest. 

“W-Why did you…?”

“I was scared John. I was scared of being hurt, so I threw up walls to try to protect myself I guess. Then when you growled back, I thought…well I thought maybe you were looking for a Kismesis.” He let John press his head harder against him and cry. “I didn’t realize how much I hurt you.”

“I-I scared Dave again too. Now he’s never going to trust me.” He gripped Karkat’s shirt and shut his eyes. “This is all your fault.”

Karkat didn’t say anything. He knew it was probably his fault. It was his fault for not confronting John first about his emotions. It was his fault for acting so angry all the time. It was his fault for egging on the aggressiveness that he knew would surface in John. Very gently Karkat picked up John and carried him to the bed. The other troll looked up, “Was this all because I was a bad Moirail?” he asked. “Could this have been avoided if I was a better one?”

Karkat leaned over him and nuzzled him resuming the calming noise. “No, of course not. You weren’t a bad Moirail; I just don’t think we’re suited to be Moirails.”

“Then, friends?” He could feel sudden drowsiness wash over him. “Can we be co-friendleaders again?”

“Sure,” Karkat smiled down at him and pulled a blanket over John. “Rest up nookwhiff, you’re probably exhausted from kicking my ass.” John’s eyes closed and he breathed out wearily. ‘John…you have no idea how much I want to protect you. How much I want you in a quadrant with me, any quadrant. I was even willing to sacrifice our friendship for it.’ He looked fondly at the sleeping figure and then walked away; he was ready to collapse on the nearest thing he passed. Luckily that nearest thing happened to be Sollux and Terezi.

“KK?” Sollux asked confused, he couldn’t see the person who just leaned on him, but he thought he recognized the weight and smell. 

“Hey Karkles, glad you could join us, it saves me the trouble of finding you.”

“For what?” He mumbled.

“We decided it’s time all the trolls had a talk. Well, all the trolls except for Egbert.”

Karkat nodded and tried to stand a bit better, “Yeah, sure, fine. Just let me pass out first.” He wasn’t joking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I'd post this chapter too since I did on DeviantArt.
> 
> It's not edited yet, and I wrote a good chunk when I was tired, so please excuse major errors, I'm sorry! I'm thinking I can get around to editing it after this weekend. 
> 
> This chapter was split up on DA, mainly because of its size, but I'm posting it as one chapter here, tell me if it's too much and I'll break it down here as well. Also I'll color code the Pesterlogs when I have time.

Karkat woke up to the sound of muffled talking. Actually, he realized the voices weren’t muffled he just couldn’t hear them clearly at the moment. He leaned up and stretched, wincing at the pain in his shoulder. He looked around and noticed he was on a familiar bed; the humming of computers joined the sounds of people talking. Grumbling he leaned against the wall and rubbed his temples.

“Oh good, Karkat you’re awake.” 

His eyes caught the faces of Kanaya, Sollux and Terezi. They were all seated in a somewhat circle around the bed Karkat was napping on. “What’s going on?”

“We need to discuss something,” Terezi started. “It’s something I’ve noticed.” Karkat looked around again and noted the lack of humans or John. “Something that is troll to troll.” 

“And that is?”

“The humanth KK.” Sollux answered.

Karkat nodded and Terezi took over again. “Sollux and I have been talking, and this recent thing with John really pushed the subject into the forefront of our priorities. I know we all thought that the humans and could get along with us, but,” she paused to look at all of them, her sightless eyes seeing more than they’d know, “just look at some of us. The strain is starting to show. Karkat, you’re about at the end of your mental capacity with John, and the rest of us are having problems too.”

“There’th Dave, the racist asshole too. He’s been stressing all of out, I know it. I can feel it.”

“Even I am starting to feel the effects of the humans on us. We apparently do not mesh well.” Kanaya nodded sadly.

“What are you guys suggesting we do?” Karkat asked, though he already knew the answer.

“Split up,” Terezi replied. “The whole point of this was to work together, but it’s been months and nothing has happened. Neither of us has accomplished anything besides turning one into the opposite species.”

“I’ll be sad to lose Rose, she’s not that bad, but I’m sure we’ll stay in contact, it shouldn’t be too hard.” 

“What about John?” 

It seems everyone was waiting for that question. No one seemed to want to answer. “KK, I’m sorry, but chances are he’ll go with his friends.”

Karkat looked away and clenched his fists. “Fuck.”

“Karkat, you’re still our leader, we’ll follow whatever you decide, but look at us, look at yourself.”

He did. He saw the tired faces everyone was wearing. He could feel his own exhaustion and irritation. “But…John and I, we finally sorted our shit out…”

“I know,” Terezi got up and rubbed his back comfortingly. “I’m sorry the troll you picked as your Matesprit is a dumb human.”

“Maybe he’ll come with us…he is a troll now, he might decide following us is better.”

Kanaya said softly, “Or he will decide to go with the friends he’s had for years. You have to be ready for that possibility.”

Karkat looked down at his lap. “I know.” He looked back up and saw his friends, the trolls he’d even begun to think of like family. He saw that they weren’t happy. When trolls lived like they did, in close quarters, they become super attune to the emotions of each other. Everybody was feeling the strain that came from merging with the humans and the cultural differences. Their emotions had been spread thin and he could tell they were about dead. Even his Moirail looked worse than normal. “We should split up. You’re right.” He sighed, “When should we announce our decision?”

“Well, when do you want to tell John? He’s going to be the one hardest hit.” Kanaya answered. 

“Not right this minute. He needs to calm down from the shit I put him through before we assault his thinkpan with more to worry about. I’ll tell him in a week, think you guys can hold out until then?” He glanced around at the weary faces, they nodded. “Thank you. I’m sorry this idea turned out so shitty.”

“It’s not your fault. And honestly, this probably would have gone better if we had been better prepared.”

“Also,” Terezi cackled, “it probably didn’t help that you turned one into a troll.” 

“That was an accident!” But he smiled because he knew she was joking. “Can’t anything in this stupid game work with us for once?” Without waiting for an answer he asked, “So have you guys come up with ideas on after we leave the pink monkeys?”

“I’ve been thinking about it.” Sollux spoke up, “I’ve basically mastered all the technology of the lab, at leatht for now. I assume either both parties leave this lab or just us. Either way we’re going to need a new alchimeter. If we make a bunch of food ahead of time, and captchalogue all of our belongings we should be fine for a while.”

“And none of us are in a Kismesis relationship so we don’t have to worry about sabotage that way.” 

Karkat stood up, “We’ll live like we always have. We’re Alternians, we’re tough, we can do this.” He gave them all a confident smile even if his own faith was wavering. He left the room but paused at his own door. “Damn it, John’s still in there sleeping.” He spun around and went back to Sollux’s room. He knocked once and entered, “Sol, can I sleep in your room tonight?”

The newly blinded troll didn’t even look his way; he just nodded and motioned toward the bed. “Sure thing KK, I’ll probably be up all night with this anyway.”

“Thanks,” he said gratefully. “John was in my room again, I didn’t feel like waking him up or anything.”

“I understand, just thleep.”

“You should to,” Karkat moved closer to Sollux and took off his glasses. Underneath the red and blue lenses were the dark black orbs that used to hold so much light and color. And underneath those were bags that may have been worse than his own. “Sollux you barely sleep anymore. It’s going to kill you.”

“I’m fine KK.”

“Sollux, I’m worried about you.”

The other troll sighed, “KK, goddamn it.” He got up and tossed his shirt to the floor. “Fine, I’ll fucking go to sleep like you asked.” He collapsed on the bed and rolled to the wall. Karkat followed him. “It’s not like you have to worry about being useful or anything.”

“Not this again. Sollux you’re useful, you do more than even my lazy ass.” He could feel the other troll laugh shallowly, “You need to eat more too.”

“KK.”

“I’m not just being a worried Moirail. Sollux I can see all your fucking ribs. That’s not healthy.”

“I know.” he rolled over and ‘looked’ in Karkat’s direction. “You have too much to worry about, forget me, I’ll live. I’ve been doing just fine up till now.”

Karkat sighed and nodded, even though he knew Sollux couldn’t see. His eyes used to bother him, but now they’re just like anything else the game had ruined, they had become normal. “Just try to take better care of yourself.”

“Yeah sure thing KK.” He yawned and pulled a blanket over his head.

“Told you, you needed sleep.”

“Thut up athhole.”

“Sure thing Thollukth,” he joked back and closed his eyes, not before getting a boney elbow to the rib.

The next morning Karkat ran into John while getting breakfast. John was right; he wasn’t going to just get over what happened. As soon as the new troll picked up on Karkat’s presence the growling started. His eyes looked surprised and sad. “I-I’m sorry Karkat, I don’t mean it! I don’t!”

“I know. Don’t apologize. I basically trained you to respond like that.” He moved by and grabbed food and sat down. John followed him the whole time the boy was trying hard to suppress the growls that kept vibrating in his throat. “John it’s fine, don’t try so hard, if you feel like you have to growl at me go for it. It’s better to work this all out of your system.”

John nodded sadly. “I’m not mad at you ok?”

“Yeah I know.” Throughout the rest of the day Karkat ignored the way that John would bristle and growl when he passed. 

Later that night John wandered into Karkat’s room. “Should I…uh, sleep somewhere else? I’ve been staying with you so much, but if you don’t want me here anymore I can leave. I’ll take a new room or something.”

“You idiot, of course it’s still fine.” He flipped on his TV and put on a movie.

John settled in next to Karkat. “Do you really think I’ll get over this aggression?”

Karkat was silent for a bit, the movie playing in the background, the trolls on screen were arguing about something trivial. John watched Karkat’s hand twist the remote around and his eyes seemed distant. Finally he spoke; each word was deliberate and well thought out. “I don’t know John.” Ok, so maybe it wasn’t so deliberate or well thought out. He rested his head against the wall. “I’m just not sure. I don’t have much experience with high bloods, and I know I messed with your head. I really am sorry about that.”

John inched a bit closer. “I know you are.”

“I’m sorry I fuck with your emotions and hurt you.” Karkat admitted again. “And, I’m sorry for when I do it later too.”

“Sollux…he told me to be careful of the feelings of the trolls around me. But I’m not doing a very good job at it.”

“John you’ve been a troll for a little over a month. You’re doing fine.” Karkat slumped forward, “It’s me that’s fucking up, and I’m not saying that just because I blame myself for everything.” He turned to face John, his head resting on drawn up knees. “I should back the fuck off, because at this rate we’re both going to get hurt.” 

John wanted to reach over and put a hand on Karkat, but he didn’t. Instead he opted for just nodding and facing the movie again.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to back off though.”

John remained silent and didn’t saying anything else. He was still battling the aggressive impulses the next day, and the day after. Karkat would become scarce around him and the troll thought maybe their friendship was done for after all. But eventually enough time passed to where they could both be comfortably around each other again. “Karkat, I was really worried,” John started while grabbing lunch. “I was worried that we wouldn’t be friends anymore. I was worried the damage had done too much.” He looked up his eyes bright and hopeful again, “But, I think it’s ok.” He sat next to Karkat and smiled, “I don’t feel like ripping your throat out and tossing it across the room now!”

“Well that’s a relief. I enjoy my throat where it is, attached to me.” He reached over and pulled John closer, “Glad you got it out of your system.” 

John growled at the sudden movement Karkat made, the other troll released him and backed off. John started giggling, “I was joking, Karkat.” He smiled wide and pushed the other troll gently. “Seriously, I think I’m over the worst of it. I’m so glad this didn’t turn into something permanent. Gosh that would have sucked.” He ate a few bites of his food and turned back to Karkat. “I really hope you don’t try that whole blackrom thing with me again. Or anybody for that matter. Hate isn’t something to base a relationship off of.” 

“I’m not going to argue with you about the finer points of troll romance, but…I guess you have a point. Blackrom isn’t something I find all that satisfying. I would make it work, if I had to.” He assured John, “I’m not in a big hurry to try it again. I still have bruises that haven’t healed from last time.”

“Speaking of bruises, are you going to tell them your blood color ever?”

Karkat dropped his fork and his eyes widened in shock, “Shut the fuck up about that John.” He looked around hastily to make sure no one was around. “I’m content to never tell them anything. Ever.”

“Karkat that can’t be healthy.”

“Don’t tell me what to do regarding that issue of my life.” He picked up his fork and shoveled food into his mouth quickly and left the room. A few minutes later he came back and sat across from John. “Sorry for going off on you again. Just, I don’t like to talk about it ok?”

John nodded and dropped the subject. At least, until later that night. The two were in Karkat’s bed again, the lights were off and they were just about to sleep. “Hey Karkat,” John asked softly, “why are you so paranoid about your blood color? You never really explained to me.”

Karkat was too tired to growl and put up protest. Instead he gave in and started talking slowly, “I told you its mutated right? Well, on Alternia it’s very bad to have anything wrong with you. To be blind, deaf, mute, paralyzed, it doesn’t matter; all those are sure fire ways to get your ass on the culling block. The hemospectrum is an even bigger deal. My blood isn’t on it. I’m not even sure how I managed to live this long without anyone figuring it out. Probably my biggest paranoia and constant worry is my blood color getting out.”

“But, these are our friends. They’ll understand right?”

“I can’t take that risk John. There’s a part of every troll that might be disgusted at me, a part in every troll that would want to kill me on sight. So I’m going to hide myself forever if I can.”

John looked at the unmoving mound under the blankets next to him. “But I don’t feel like that,” he whispered.

“I know. But I’m worried you might. When all your instincts kick in, and you see me for the first time as a troll, well…” he took a shaky breath, “you might have that urge.”

“Karkat, I won’t, I promise.”

Karkat laughed harshly, “You can’t promise stuff like that Egbert. Just like I can’t promise my feelings for you away.” 

John was going to press him for more, but he stopped and let his eyes close. 

Karkat still hadn’t told John about the plan they had come up with. He was still putting it off, still trying to think his own thoughts through. It wasn’t working, but that wasn’t a shocker to Karkat. He was sure John could take it now, but he wasn’t so sure about himself. He still wanted John to know how he felt, for real this time. Not just half jokes or suggestions. He decided that today was going to be the day he came clean, about everything. 

He cornered John in their room after he came back from showering. “Hey Karkat!” He said with the same happy smiling face he always had.

“Listen, John, can I talk to you?”

“Yeah sure!” he walked over tossing his towel aside.

Up close Karkat could see his hair was still wet and dripping making little puddles of water on his white slime ghost tee. He could see grey skin show through and his face was slightly flushed from the hot water. He shook his head to clear those thoughts, “I…I’ve been hiding stuff from you Egbert. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to make sure you were ready.” John nodded slowly and allowed Karkat to continue. “The other trolls, well, we’ve come up with a plan recently. And it’s uh…not that great for campaign ‘troll-human teamwork’.”

“What are you saying?”

“They proposed we split up and go our separate ways.” John’s eyes widened and he took a step back. “Now, before you say anything you should know that the choice to come with us or stay with your friends is up to you. We just have to leave.”

“Why Karkat? I don’t understand.” He was hurt and lost. Karkat hated seeing him look like that.

“We’re stressed, John. All of the trolls are. Our species don’t mix as well as it seems on the outside. There’s been a lot of anxiety and stress put on us. We hide it well, but it’s been brought to my attention that some of us are nearing their breaking point. We’re leaving in a few days.”

John looked devastated; he didn’t know what to think. “K-Karkat, this is all so fast. I mean…shit, Karkat are you really going to leave?”

“Yes.” He confirmed sadly. “There’s…one more thing I have to tell you.”

“I don’t know if I can handle any more bad news.”

Karkat glanced away, John could spot a bit of red creeping across his cheeks, “This…isn’t really bad news.” He thought in his head, ‘yet’. He approached John and pulled him close. “Listen, there’s something I wanted to tell you before we left. Something that I want to make clear to you.” He paused and taking a few deep breaths. “I’m flushed for you John Egbert. Really, really flushed. I care a lot about you, so much it hurts. I want to protect and watch over you forever. There’s nothing I want more than for you to be in a quadrant with me John, I was even willing to ruin our friendship for a chance.” The troll searched John’s face for his response, John was still blank, “I wanted you to know, before we leave. I would never forgive myself; I know you have to feel something back John. I can see it. You are closer to me than any other troll I’ve ever known, you show your vulnerable side to me, and I share mine, John I know there’s something there.” 

“K-Karkat, I don’t know what to say, I just…”

Fear struck Karkat quickly and he panicked briefly, he had to make John understand, he had to show him. The troll pulled John closer and kissed him. His arms wrapped around his side and he pulled him in deepen the kiss. The other troll froze at first, and then seemed to melt in his arms. Karkat felt overwhelming joy when he heard John chirp and kiss back. Karkat moved a hand up his side and gradually worked it through his hair. John was trying to desperately get more from Karkat his hands gripping tightly onto Karkat’s and he made needy noises. 

This was exactly the response Karkat wanted, it was the response he knew John would have. He smiled and rested his forehead on John’s. When he broke the kiss John made a protesting growl. But when Karkat went to kiss him again and John chirped for the second time that day he froze. Karkat froze too. The sudden realization of what was happening hit John and he was scared. Too many thoughts were going through his head and none of them made any sense. 

He pushed Karkat away and curled into a ball facing away. 

“John?” Karkat went to put a hand on His shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” He shouted. “Don’t. I’m confused, Karkat I’m not a homosexual. I’m not. I’m not…” His voice fell away and hugged his knees tightly.

“But you were responding positively to it, I know you were! Those sounds, that was a troll enjoying himself, John you have to admit that felt right.” 

“No!” He started shaking, “That was you taking advantage of me again! That was you using me! It wasn’t me, it wasn’t my feelings.”

“John no…”

“Karkat go away, turn around and leave. Please.” He heard Karkat whine and step back. 

“John…”

He gave a warning growl, “Karkat…” Karkat whimpered and retreated out of the room. He left John alone and afraid. John touched his lips and could only remember the feeling of Karkat’s against his. “Fuck…Karkat what are you doing to me?” Hot tears slid down his face as he sat confused and alone. ‘Karkat was right; deep down a part of me did enjoy that. But…I’m not, I’m not attracted to guys, I know this. I’m not attracted to Dave or Sollux…’ his thoughts trailed off. He remembered the way Karkat sounded when he told him to leave, the pathetic whimpers and disappointment. Then there was the way he reacted, sounds he never thought he’d make suddenly bubbled from his throat. He thought about the way Karkat felt, the way their bodies seemed to match up perfectly and how he felt against him. He knew he was blushing and it disgusted him. “F-Fuck…” he got up and sought out someone to help. 

“R-Rose…can I maybe talk to you? I need your help with something…” He knocked quietly on the door of the room he used to share with his friends. 

It opened and Rose appeared, “Sure thing John, what’s bothering you?” 

“Can we maybe talk about it inside? Alone? Are you alone?” He tried to peek inside the room.

“Yes John of course.” She let him in and he sat down on his old bed while Rose sat across from him. 

The lights were bright and John covered his eyes a bit. “I…I’m really confused Rose, and I thought maybe you could help. You’re good at that psycho stuff right?”

She nodded and got up and turned the light off completely. “What was it that you wanted to talk about John?”

The darkness made him feel instantly a million times better. “It’s about Karkat…”

“I pretty much knew that John. What about Karkat? I assume he’s finally made a move on you?”

John froze and laughed a bit hesitantly. “Y-Yeah you could say that.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“Confused. Really confused.” He found himself walking across the room and sitting next to Rose. “I, I just don’t know what to think.” He could feel tears at his eyes again, “I’m not a homosexual Rose, I’m not. But I liked that, what Karkat did.” He sniffed and wiped his eyes with his hand. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“Shhhh, John it’s ok.” She moved closer and put an arm around his shoulder. “It’s ok.”

“Why can’t this be simple? Why can’t we just ignore these feelings and focus on something more important, we should be working on escaping, not…you know…”

“Love?” She felt him nod. “John, it’s ok to be confused. This is a time in your life where you are allowed that sort of freedom. It’s perfectly normal to second guess and doubt yourself.” 

“I just want things the way they were.” He fell back on the bed and felt Rose’s hand brush the hair from his face. “I don’t want to think about loving someone, or pitying, or whatever the fuck this is. I just want to worry about growing up and doing the windy thing and beating Bec.”

Rose was quiet and pet John’s head softly. “So he came clean right?” He nodded. “And how did you feel?”

“I was ok with it at first; I was just going to turn him down but then he…” 

“Go on.”

“He kissed me.” John tensed and shut his eyes tight.

“How did you feel after that?”

“Good, really good. But, it wasn’t me; it was the troll in me that wanted more. I freaked out and pushed him away. Then I yelled at him.” John sniffed a bit and felt more tears on his face. “I hurt him Rose. Again. I hurt Karkat. I don’t want to hurt Karkat.”

“I know you don’t.”

“I don’t like being a troll Rose.” He expressed suddenly.

“What’s so bad about it?”

“All these stupid feelings and emotions! I hate them. They mess with who I am.” 

Rose got into a more comfortable position and continued talking calmly to John. “Did you ever think that maybe it’s ok to think new things? That perhaps it’s ok to embrace new feelings, even if the come in conflict with old beliefs?”

“I don’t know Rose, it’s all so fast.”

“You do know there’s nothing wrong with liking someone of the same gender right?”

“You’re only saying that because I’m a troll. Trolls aren’t supposed to care about that stuff, it’s not a thing.”

Rose admitted quietly, “John did you know I happen to fancy Kanaya quite a bit?”

He looked up at her, his glowing eyes wide, “Really?”

“Yes John, really. I’m pretty sure she believes the same. There is nothing wrong with your feelings; they are just new and different. None of us are going to judge you.”

John nodded and relaxed a bit. “But I still think it’s too fast. I need time to adjust to the idea. I’m not sure if I’m entirely ok with this yet.”

“Take as much time as you need, there is never a rush. We are all still young John; we have our whole lives ahead of us. You should trust yourself though, follow what you feel is right. It doesn’t matter if that feeling comes from a troll part of you, or a human part. Just make sure it’s right.”

“What should I tell Karkat? I hurt him pretty bad, I told him to leave and I growled at him again.”

“Just tell him what you told me. Make sure he knows you’re confused and need time to accept new feelings. He should understand.”

He bit his bottom lip and asked a new question, “I’m sorry that I’m changing subjects but…do you mind that I’m a troll? Are you bothered by it?”

“Not at all. The differences between how you were and how you are now are minuscule. You have a temper, but you’re obviously still the John who is deeply concerned about his friends. There is no hiding that. While Dave sees something else in you I do not. Neither does Jade.” She ran a hand over one of his curvy horns, “Your appearance certainly does not bother me.” There was a small knock at the door. “Kanaya is that you?”

“Yes, may I come in?”

Rose looked to John who nodded; he was too emotionally drained to care about much at the moment. “Yes Kanaya we don’t have a problem with that.” 

“We?” She asked opening the door. “Oh, John, hello.”

“He was having some problems; we just talked about them a bit.” Rose said as Kanaya shut the door. Her glowing figure sat next to Rose. 

“Hey Kanaya, is it true? Are you guys really leaving?”

She looked down at him, “Yes, John, but how did you find out? Did Karkat finally tell you?”

“He did.”

“Kanaya what is he talking about?”

She sighed, “We have decided to split up. We will go our own ways. Well, technically just the trolls decided to leave. It was actually what I came here to discuss with you.”

“Kanaya you can’t…It’s much too soon.”

She looked away sadly, “I know. I wasn’t happy about it, but I agreed. I’m sure the others wouldn’t mind if you accompanied us.”

“I couldn’t leave Dave and Jade alone like that.”

“That’s what I thought you’d say. It’s ok Rose, we’ll still talk daily through our computers.”

John listened to them talk; he could hear the strain in Kanaya’s usually calm voice. This was hard on all of them he realized. Then something else struck him that he hadn’t had time to think about before. “What,” he started weakly, “what will I do?”

They both looked down at him, the boy who was a troll, yet not quite. “I cannot answer that for you John. Sorry.” 

\---

They walked in silence to the split in the hallway. John was trailing behind everyone else, his feet having no desire to carry him to the decision he hadn’t made and probably wouldn’t make. The tone was very somber; it was like the choice to split groups didn’t seem real until now. Closer and closer the time ticked by. John realized, choking back a sob that this might be the last time the group was all in one place. The last time he would be able to look from Dave or Rose to Kanaya and Sollux. The last time trolls and humans would be together. 

He didn’t want this to be the last.

John moved beside Karkat and pressed his forehead to his back. He whimpered quietly. “John…” Karkat murmured to the other boy quietly, trying to reassure him. He didn’t know what to tell him though; he knew John valued his friends more than anything. He was the one under the most stress. Karkat was fairly certain that John hadn’t chosen to go with the trolls; he knew that he probably wanted to go with his friends. For the most part, Karkat was ok with it. He had always known that he would never have a Matesprit, even as a little kid he knew that. Karkat was just glad he got the chance to know what it felt like to care about another troll like he cared for John.

The other humans were nervous too. John had yet to tell them his choice, and the idea of losing their friend as well as another member of their group was devastating. Rose was unsure about how Dave would feel about John’s presence with them, but she hoped he’d be ok with it. It was John after all. 

Everyone seemed to hold their breath when they entered the circular room and the break from one hallway into two. “Well,” Karkat said turning around to face everyone, “this is it.” He motioned to the right hall, “We’ll be going this way.” Sollux and Terezi had already stared down the path. “We’re not forsaking anybody, if you guys run into trouble contact us, we’ll try to help. We’ll do the same to you.”

John was still standing with the humans, more behind them than with them. He watched Kanaya hug Rose tightly before she departed to. She waited at the entrance to the hallway while Karkat said goodbye to John. He pulled the other troll forward and clung tightly. “I knew you would choose them over us. I don’t blame you.” 

Egbert could feel Karkat’s claws digging into him as he trembled. He heard him say, “I know I’ve said this before, but I want you to know. I chose you as my Matesprit, I know you don’t know the full extent of what that means, but I wanted to make sure you knew.” He gave John one last deep purr-growl before letting go and joining the other trolls. 

John watched them leave then waited while his own friends started moving down their hallway. Rose looked back when she noticed John had stayed in place. “John, what’s wrong?”

He hesitated; looking from their hallway to the one Karkat went down. “I-I’m not actually going with you guys.”

“Are you going with them?” Rose asked. Dave snorted.

“No. I’m not.”

“Then…where John?”

He stepped back, ears flattening, “I’m staying here.”

“But why?”

“I can’t decide what I want.” He rubbed his arm nervously, “I want to go with both of you guys but I can’t. So I’m going to stay here until I decide.” 

Jade ran up and hugged him, “John no! You have to come with us! You’re my brother…”

“Jade…I’m sorry; I’m just so confused right now.” He pulled her away and looked down at her, “Can you give me some time?” She nodded silently and stepped away. 

Rose hugged him and said quietly, “I’m sorry, I really want you with us John, you’re a good friend. I’ll leave notes for you to follow if you do decide to come with us. Let us know, we all have computers still.”

John nodded and sat down. “Just…no matter what, keep walking. Please leave me here.” He could feel tears start to form in his eyes. They left and John watched as they disappeared down the hall and into darkness. When they were completely out of sight he broke down. He screamed and cried and sobbed out loud. He curled into a ball on the floor and just shook. 

Karkat froze. His ears picked up the sound of John whimpering and crying through the hall. He spun around and started walking back without even realizing it. A firm hand grabbed his arm. “No, KK.”

The other troll struggled and snarled, “That’s John! He didn’t go with them! He’s crying, that’s my Matesprit let me go!” He pulled free but then felt Terezi grab him too.

“Karkat, I know it’s hard, but you have to let him make his own choice.”

“No fuck you, he needs me!” He growled and snarled at his friends trying to get back down the hallway. “I have to help him. He’s in pain, he’s crying out. Guys please!”

“He’s not your Matesprit Karkat, he never returned the feeling. I know it’s hard, we need you too. We’re your friends Karkat, and we need you.” 

Karkat slumped to the floor, he could hear his Matesprit crying, whimpering, and he couldn’t do anything to help. His heart was tearing in two. “John!” He screamed back to where the other troll was. “John!” His voice broke and he punched the floor a few times before standing up and charging past his teammates so they couldn’t see his tears. 

The humans could hear him too. They could hear John cry and scream and then his voice drop to a pitiful whimper and eventually they couldn’t hear a thing. Dave made sure they all kept moving and kept covering more distance.

John heard Karkat say his name back. He heard him scream then fade into silence. John stayed curled up in a ball for a long time, long enough for the cold to settle in and he started shiver. His tears stopped and he slowly pushed himself up and wandered back to the quiet lab. He fell onto his bed and let nightmares take him from reality.

\---

“Karkat, you know you had to right?”

“No,” he replied quietly, “I didn’t have to do that. I could have gone back for him, convinced him.”

Kanaya settled next to him and wrapped a comforting arm around him, “And what if he wouldn’t come with? What then?”

“Fuck, I don’t know.”

“KK he needs do make up his own mind, you can’t make all his decisions for him. It would only hurt him more.”

Karkat pushed Kanaya off and grabbed a blanket and headed for the wall where he curled up and went to sleep. Only, he wasn’t really sleeping, the others could hear his muffled sobs. 

“Fuck, KK…” Sollux stood and followed him kneeling beside him and petting his head softly. “KK, it’ll be ok. Thomehow.” The yellow blood grabbed his own blanket and slept next to Karkat, giving the other troll something to cling to and cry on. “You mithth him tho much already, and it’th only been a few hourth.”

Karkat whispered to his Moirail, “He was my Matesprit Sollux. He was the one I picked.” Sollux nodded and held the other troll while he cried softly, “I won’t get over this.”

“Shhh, sure you will.” Sollux tried to calm him down, but he was almost certain that he was lying. 

On the other side of the small room they were using as a camp Kanaya and Terezi sat silently. “Do you think Karkat will be ok?” Kanaya asked.

“I’m not sure. It was his Matesprit, not just anyone. He’ll pull himself together for us, but I’m not sure he’ll ever be as strong. Sollux will help him through a lot of this.”

“Do you think we made the right choice? Leaving the humans?”

Terezi leaned back on her hands. “I think so. We might actually get some work done now. Move forward and maybe even find a home.” 

“I’d like to get off this asteroid and out of the veil. It’s so depressing.”

“I just want a place that isn’t cold and grey.”

\---

John woke up to an empty bedroom filled with silence. He glanced around and remembered that his friends wouldn’t be here anymore, he won’t wake up and find them sleeping in the other beds. Wearily he pulled himself out of bed and wandered around the lab. They hadn’t taken any of the equipment when they left, everything was still here. He made a bowl of food but it didn’t taste like anything when he ate it. He moved to the bathroom to take a shower, he didn’t want to leave, even when the water ran cold. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a long time. His wet black hair fell over new yellow eyes and grey skin. “Though, this isn’t really new. Not anymore. It’s been way over a month. This shouldn’t be surprising or new.” He ran a hand over one of his horns, feeling how smooth it was, how natural it felt to have them. He growled a bit and brushed his teeth before moving back to the room that used to be the main living room. It was so odd having no one around. 

Even when he was gripped with the aggressive impulses from a few days ago there were always people around. Now there was nobody. He sat down on a couch and leaned back, “Why couldn’t I have just chosen?” He rubbed his eyes and rolled in facing the cushions. “I wish it was simpler. Why did I have to choose between friends? It wasn’t fair. Everyone else just had to follow their own stupid kind. And I couldn’t, because…because.” He trailed off and mumbled into the couch. It wasn’t easy for him; he didn’t see trolls or humans, maybe because he had a foot in with both. He didn’t blame the others for the choice. When he looked back at the months they spent together, even before he was a troll, he noticed that they kept their distance from each other. They didn’t mingle as well as he had hoped. 

“And I just got the fucking short end of the stick.” He growled again low in his throat. He just sat there growling. He let the sound take over his voice and he let all his frustration out. It felt good to sit and snarl at the cushions, he growled at the choice that was made, he growled at himself, and he growled at the game that started it all.

\---

The next day was better for Karkat. He woke up and started packing right away. “Guys, get your lazy asses up we have to keep moving.” The lab looked vastly the same. Every corridor was just as dark and poorly lit as the next. It didn’t help that any signs were written in a language that was foreign to the trolls. They just had to move in a relatively straight line and hope they ran into something decent. 

They really had no clue what they were looking for. New transport pads were what they were hoping for. Or something that could be used to break the game even further than the scratch did. 

“What are we doing?” Karkat mumbled half to himself half to the others. 

“We’re trying to live Karkat. Any way possible.”

He sighed and opened the door to another sealed room, and looked inside. Dust was covering everything and even with their enhanced night vision it was hard to make anything out. Karkat shut the door and moved on. “How much food do we have? How long will it last?”

Kanaya responded calmly, “Enough for a week at least. We can make it longer by limiting meals and if we really need to, we can live for a month without any food and probably weeks without water.”

Karkat snorted, “For once our race did something good for us. Being stupidly hard to kill is useful when trying to survive on a frozen rock in the middle of a killer game.”

Their second day ended with no new discoveries or anything changing in the dull landscape. 

The humans were having the same amount of luck.

“Dave, we should take a break, we’ve been walking all day.”

The blond slowed and stopped. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He sat down and produced his headphones and retreated back the world of his beats and remixes. 

“Rose, do you think John’s ok?” Jade asked pulling out a sandwich to eat.

“I don’t know.” She replied and opened her computer, “He’s not online, and he hasn’t shown signs of following us.”

“Maybe he went with the other trolls?”

“I don’t know. He might of; I would like to think that he would have told us if he was.” Rose scribbled down some notes on a piece of paper, directions for what way they decided to go next and how many days it took get to get to this point. “I’ll just keep leaving him notes like this, which will have to do until he decides to contact us on his own.”

She looked down at her screen and noticed the pesterchum icon was blinking.

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:32--

GA: How Are You Doing Rose?  
TT: I’m very fine, thank you. How are things on your end?  
GA: Nothing Spectacularly Amazing Has Transpired. In Fact, Nothing Has Happened.  
TT: Have you had any contact from John?  
GA: No. I Assume Based On That Previous Statement That You Have Heard Nothing From Him As Well?  
TT: Regretfully, we have not.  
GA: I’m Sorry.  
TT: It is not your fault. Don’t apologize.  
GA: I Miss Your Company Rose.  
TT: I miss yours as well.  
\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:36--

\---

It was getting to the point where John was imagining his friends when there weren’t any. It wasn’t because he was delirious or insane, but because he could smell them everywhere. The memories of where they sat day to day coupled with the overwhelming power of their scents would create an illusion so strong he’d have to blink and shake his head to clear the vision from his eyes.

The scents followed him everywhere, he couldn’t escape. No room was spared from the memories his nose could pick up on. He missed them. He missed all his friends so much. But as the days drifted by he never left the boundary of the lab, his feet would carry him to the split in the road and he would hesitate and fall to the ground, becoming a pitiful whimpering troll who was afraid of making one decision, of choosing one thing over the other. He thought he was selfish, so many times he would think that as he cried on that cold floor. John believed he was selfish for wanting all his friends, his troll ones, and the human one’s he pestered for so long. But he couldn’t have both. Having both was impossible. The line that divided them was as clear as the hallway before him. He had to choose or stay here forever.

He decided on staying.

Every night he’d fall asleep and tell himself that tomorrow would be the day he finally made his choice. He had a store of food prepared, and with his windy powers he could probably catch up in no time, but he always made it to that same fork in the path and stopped, his progress halted by the desire to have all his friends. So he’d turn around, curse himself and walk back the lab that held nothing but memories. 

John began thinking a lot about Karkat, and what their friendship meant. He was even beginning to see what Rose and Kanaya had been trying to tell him, and what Sollux had been hinting at from the start. Karkat. That one troll would weigh on his mind more than any of the others. It was Karkat he missed the most.

When he’d wake up screaming from a nightmare there was no one there. When he’d have a panic attack and hyperventilate in the corner there was no one rubbing his back and calming him down with the mere sound of his voice. The sudden urges to rip something apart where not calmed by his embrace. John couldn’t count how many things he’d destroyed since his friends left. There were deep claw marks that ran down the side of the metal walls where he’d take his frustration out. He stopped trimming them down, there wasn’t a point, who could he hurt? 

He was alone. But opening pesterchum seemed like a nightmare. He wanted to talk to his friends so bad, but he knew that if he opened that program he’d just get asked the questions he couldn’t answer. So he avoided the computers like the plague and stuck to watching movies over and over again on Karkat’s TV. Some of them were his, but others were Karkat’s. The troll couldn’t take everything with him; he left behind a rather large collection of films behind. John would watch as many as he could before falling asleep.

He didn’t particularly like the movies, but he wasn’t watching them for the plot. He was watching them because each one reminded him of Karkat. He would smile and remember the angry troll that would sit beside him and curse at the screen. He would remember all the times Karkat would have to pause the scene and explain it to him. John would grin as he watched those same scenes now and not miss a beat. He didn’t even have problems understanding the rough language of Alternian. Eventually his eyes would refuse the order to stay open and he’d fall asleep.

There honestly wasn’t much to do in the lab now. He would wake up, shower, stare at his reflection, eat then wander back to bed. Sometimes he would mess with the machines and make really weird stuff, but mostly he’d lie around and think. 

Mostly he’d lie around cry.

John hadn’t given much thought to the choice he made weeks ago. Now it dawned on him that a life of solitude sucked and he should have just followed someone, he should have gotten up and ran when Karkat screamed his name. Even with his god powers he doubted he could catch up to either group now. He just sulked around the lab and watched movies.

Nights were the hardest. He stopped sleeping in his bed and moved back to Karkat’s permanently. He would surround himself in Karkat’s scent; it was all over the bed still. He would curl into the blankets and pretend Karkat was next to him, he’d imagine that he was there, ready to calm him down and purr in his ear. But he was never there. Even though Karkat wasn’t there, his scent alone was enough to provide comfort to the troll.

He would sleep and occasionally his nightmares would be replaced with the memories he had of his friends. John began to realize that maybe there was more to troll relationships than he thought. But he couldn’t tell if that was because of his own inner revelations, the words Rose told him, or the large number of romcoms he’d been watching. He just knew that he missed his friends, and there was a deep ache in his heart that grew stronger with each day that fell away.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:25 --

GG: john? Are you there?   
GG: please answer  
GG: you havent replied in a long time im worried :c

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 8:10 --

TA: john are you there? ii know that ii don’t u2ually pe2ter you, but KK’s falliing apart over here.  
TA: can you at lea2t tell hiim you’re aliive? talk two hiim plea2e.

\-- tentacleTherapist[TT]began pestering ectoBiologist[EB]at 9:36 --

TT: John I am very concerned about you.  
TT: You haven’t been online in days.  
TT: Please message me and let me know you’re ok.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 23:59 --

CG: JOHN?  
CG: FUCK, JOHN I CAN’T SLEEP.  
CG: I’M WORRIED SICK, MY STUPID STOMACH THROWS UP EVERYTHING I PUT IN IT BECAUSE I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.  
CG: I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU’RE ALIVE.  
CG: AND WHERE YOU ARE.  
CG: I KNOW I’M AN ASSHOLE, A HUGE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT THAT ISN’T EVEN WORTH A MENTION BUT CAN YOU PLEASE JUST SEND ME ONE LITTLE THING?  
CG: ONE TINY MINISCULE THING.  
CG: IF THAT’S NOT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK.  
CG: I DON’T EVEN CARE IF IT’S A STUPID SMILY EMOTICON.  
CG: JUST…LET ME KNOW YOU’RE OK.

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 1:50 --

GC: H3Y JOHN 1 KNOW YOU H4V3NT B33N 4NSW3R1NG 4NYON3 BUT 1 THOUGHT 1D TRY MY LUCK  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH3R3 YOU W3NT BUT YOUR3 WORRY1NG 3V3RYBODY  
GC: 1F YOU W4NT YOU C4N JUST P3ST3R M3 1 WONT T3LL 4NYON3 >:]

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 21:34 --

GA: John You Have Given All Of Us Quite A Good Scare.  
GA: It Would Be Much To Our Relief If You Gave Us A Sign Of Life Soon.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 5:13 --

TG: hey bro  
TG: it’s cool if you dont want to talk to me  
TG: i totally get it  
TG: ive been a huge ass lately  
TG: and frankly i dont think ill stop being that ass  
TG: but youre my friend egderp  
TG: even if your skin is all grey and you want you sound more like an animal than a human  
TG: and even if i say horrible godawful things to you  
TG: im worried about you  
TG: and you should say something soon  
TG: or ill start believing my bro died for a second time

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:55 --

GG: joooooooohn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: this stopped being funny a long time ago!  
GG: please tell your sister youre ok  
GG: :( 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 6:12 --

CG: I’M COMING TO GET YOU.

\---

The rest of the building, as it turned out, was filled with countless empty chambers and void halls. The trolls had no clue what half the rooms were even used for. Very few of them had any markings or visual cues to allude to what they were for. It was now day three since the split and everyone was nervous. 

“KK we haven’t found anything yet-“

“Shut up I know.”

“I’m jutht thtarting to worry ith all.”

Karkat could tell he was worried too. The psionic was usually more careful about his lisp and embarrassed when it got that bad, but his mind was elsewhere and he allowed more slips than usual. “I’m worried to.” He put a comforting arm around the skinny troll; it was tough being a Moirail when his own mind was so troubled. 

“I wonder if the humanth have had any luck…”

“No fucking clue.”

Karkat pulled out a tiny phone-like device and opened trollian.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 8:59 --

CG: ARE YOU THE LEADER NOW?  
CG: OR DID JOHN COME BACK?  
CG: FUCK, THAT DOESN’T MATTER. ANYWAY, STRIDER, WE WERE JUST WONDERING IF YOU GUYS HAVE HAD ANY LUCK YET.  
CG: WE’VE FOUND NOTHING BUT DUST HERE.  
CG: REPLY BACK IF YOU’RE FEELING LIKE LESS OF A DOUCHE.  
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:01 --

“There, all we can do now is wait for a reply.”

As they were walking Kanaya brought up a question that was weighing on probably everyone’s mind. “Why did they make so many empty rooms?”

“I have no fucking clue. But it’s starting to weird me out. We’ve opened countless numbers of chambers and found jack shit.” To prove his point he opened another door and then froze. “Damn.”

“KK what ith it?” Sollux was standing next to him but couldn’t figure out what the big deal was.

“Guys, there’s actually something in this room.” Karkat started to walk in slowly.

“What ith in there KK? Half of uth are blind!”

“It’s just…equipment.” He walked further in and fumbled for a light switch. “It’s so fucking dark in here.” He decided to forget the damn light and move deeper into the room. “Remember all that shit we had in the basement of our part of the lab?

“Yeah the place directly beneath our transport pads, back when we still segregated the lab into different rooms.”

“Well there’s more of it. A lot more.” They continued on moving past dusty control pads and large glass tubes. “This place isn’t that old, it shouldn’t be covered in dust like this.” Karkat wiped some of it off and glanced at long vacant screens. “Half of this shit has to have a purpose. But what the hell is it?”

“Karkles I wouldn’t go around touching stuff,” she cackled and started wandering from the group. “All this stuff is the same gross grey color, like cement.” 

Sollux stayed by Kanaya and Karkat even with his cane he was pretty useless. “If you guyth see anything particularly useful describe it to me. I thtill want to know about the technology here.”

“Sure thing Sollux,” Karkat moved from machine to machine. “Do you think if we hadn’t overthrown the queen Derse would have won?”

“What do you mean Karkat?”

“Look at all this stuff; it’s all things to produce weapons for the battlefield. They must have been able to produce vast amounts of warriors.”

“That could explain the many empty chambers we’ve found.” Kanaya looked at all the screens and long dead components. “This would have been a rather large facility, able to transport large amounts of troops and weapons to the battlefield.”

“If that’s the case,” Karkat asked, “Then where the hell are all the transport pads. So far it’s just production equipment and briefing rooms.”

“Karkat,” Terezi called from across the room, “come look at this.”

They started walking in her direction, “KK, think of it like an assembly line. Thith is the thtart. The product gets made and labeled, then it needs to move to a different part of the line for quality control and shipping.”

“So the stuff to ship it might be in another area.” 

“Exactly.” 

“Shit, Terezi what the fuck is that?” Karkat broke from the other two and ran towards it. 

“I don’t know, I was hoping you could tell me.”

“Holy shit, it looks like an experiment gone horribly wrong.” There was a huge glass container; easily spanning thirty feet across and forty feet tall. The sheer size of it reminded everyone how large the lab complex really was. Inside was a monster suspended in still glowing liquid. “It’s like…a hoofbeast got smashed together with several pawbeasts and half a featherbeast. Fuck.” 

“Is that a snake tail I see?” Kanaya asked examining it more.

“So this is some of the stuff they were producing.” Terezi walked around the large capsule sniffing and grinning ear to ear. “Think if this thing was let loose, that would be a sight to see.” She tapped the glass with her cane, “Think it’s still alive?”

“I have no clue.” The monster filled the majority of the tank. The liquid it was suspended in was green and the base still emitted light. “The whole thing looks like it’s turned on, but I wonder why it’s the only one left?”

“Perhaps the battle ended before it could be deployed?” 

“Maybe…” Karkat got a really unnerving feeling around it. “We should probably leave the fucking thing alone.” He stared up one last time before turning around and walking away, “This room seems to be filled production equipment, nothing we can use here, let’s move on.”

They all agreed and started walking back towards the door. Karkat froze when his ears picked up the small sound of cracking glass. He faced the giant beast again. “Run.”

“What?” Confused voices asked as Karkat repeated himself.

“God damn it now is not the time to question me. Run!” Karkat pulled his sickles out and shouted at his teammates. The glass behind him completely shattered and liquid poured out covering the floor in the water like substance quickly. Karkat sprinted for the door grabbing Sollux and pulling him along. 

“There’s no way we’ll make it!” Terezi shouted back to them. The beast roared in the background. 

“Fuck…Sollux keep moving, Terezi keep an eye on him!” He saw her nod and run towards the psionic. Karkat turned back around and caught Kanaya’s arm. “We’re going to have to fight it.” She nodded and uncapped her lipstick transforming it into a chainsaw.

“How did it get out?”

“I have no idea, maybe it sensed us.” He raised his sickles, “Get ready.” 

The monster climbed out of the shattered remains of its tank and started walking towards them. It roared and lunged in their direction its clawed and hoofed feet stumbling over each and smashing the smaller containers sending more glass and liquid to the floor. 

“Ugh my skirt is going to get soaked. I hope this comes out.”

“Kanaya can you please worry about something other than your skirt? Like, maybe for instance the huge ass monster charging towards us? Just an idea.”

She revved her chainsaw in an answer. The monster finally reached them and struck out with a clawed paw; the two trolls each dodged in a different direction and started their attack. Kanaya was able to cut a rather impressive chunk out of its side while she ran by. Karkat jumped up and landed a few quick blows on its back and side before being tossed off. The beast howled and clutched it’s side, dull green blood pouring from the gash left by Kanaya’s chainsaw. It was times like these Karkat wished he had made a chainsaw-sickle or something. He got up and charged again, there was no clear weakness on the monster so he struck at the standard vulnerable points. The throat was out of the question, it was too high, the only other options were organs and maybe a neck vein. 

Karkat growled in frustration when he couldn’t seem to land a solid blow. The monster seemed to be more interested in Kanaya. Whether that was because she was causing it more pain, or because she glowed white like a soldier of Prospit didn’t matter. It meant that the beast was open to attacks from all other sides. Karkat would slash and cut at any opening he found. The foe was just too big for his attacks to mean anything. He snarled again when the tail whipped around and sent him flying. 

Terezi watched her friends fight anxiously. “Sollux…they need help.”

“Go. I’ll be fine.” He clutched his cane tightly and hid the fear in his voice. “They need you more than me.”

“I know that’s a lie, thanks for trying.” Sollux pushed her forward a bit.

“Go. Make sure KK doesn’t end up dead.”

“I can do that!” She pulled Karkat up and charged over to the beast the blade from her own cane already removed. 

“Terezi you’re supposed to be with Sollux!”

The troll girl grinned and hacked at the monster’s leg. “He’ll be fine! Let’s kill this thing before it becomes a problem!”

Karkat looked at Sollux and then to the thing before him. “Sollux!” He called, “Watch your scrawny ass!”

“You watch your’th firtht KK!”

With the added help of Terezi the beast was confused even further. It couldn’t focus on one target when so many were attacking from different angles. Thanks to Kanaya it was no sporting a missing wing and useless leg. She sawed through one of its thick tendons rendering the rear left leg useless. It would roar in pain and thrash trying desperately to shake them. The backside drooped down due to the useless leg, Karkat took advantage of that and hastily climbed up getting onto its back. He removed one sickle so he’d a have a free hand to hold on with. Quickly he discarded his shoes so he could grip with the claws on his feet as well. The others kept it distracted enough for him to reach the neck. Karkat plunged his blade deep into the creature’s spine and held on as it shook and tried to throw him off. 

The beast suddenly took off running towards the exit. Towards Sollux. Karkat was still gripping the blade lodged in its neck. “Sollux move!” He shouted.

Sollux couldn’t see a thing, which, was normal by now. But he could hear, and he what he heard filled him with fear. The monster was running, and each splashing step got closer and closer to him. He heard Karkat shout for him to run, so he did, he ran to the side as fast as he could, but in his haste he slipped and landing in the water. The sudden movement and noise drew the monster’s attention to Sollux. It wasn’t stupid; it knew that Sollux was the most vulnerable of the group. It lunged at him jaw snapping. 

“Sollux!” Karkat screamed even louder.

Captor panicked, he didn’t know what to do. He picked himself up and started running again. “Fuck, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he cursed while he ran. Sollux really wished his psionics were in working order, he wished he wasn’t fucking blind and he wished he could do something useful instead of die in a stain of mustard yellow. He spun around to face the unknown danger and screamed back. He willed everything he had into using the once familiar psionic energy he had. 

Karkat was trying to rip his blade free from the monster but wasn’t having any luck. They were closing in on Sollux and Karkat wasn’t going to stand by and watch as his Moirail died, not this time. He was about to ditch the sickle when the beast ground to a halt. Karkat fell forward a bit and caught himself. “What the fuck?” He heard a sickening snap and watched as blue and red surrounded the monster, the beast’s neck twisted around and it dropped to the ground taking Karkat with it. 

Sollux meanwhile was standing just a few feet away shaking. “Holy…shit…”

Karkat ran over to him, his dark blank eyes were glowing faintly with blue and red. “Sollux are you ok?”

“KK. KK…I can thee.” He mumbled.

“What? Sollux are you crazy?”

He stepped forward a bit, “No, KK. I can thee. My eyeth, my eyeth work.”

“Sollux?” The other troll was still shaking.

“I mean, they don’t, but they do. I can thee…I can thee the shapes and outlines of you guyth.” He moved to Karkat and hugged him. “I can thee you KK.” 

“Sollux, this is insane. I can’t believe it.”

“It’s my psionics, I’m sure of it. I’m using them to thee. I can spread them out and feel with them.” Sollux sudden put all his weight on Karkat, “Fuck, that really drains my energy.” 

Karkat helped lower to the ground that was still covered in a foot of green liquid. The other troll’s eyes stopped glowing and he clutched Karkat. “Sollux, this is great news.”

“I know. If I practice…I won’t be the weak link anymore.” A small grin was tugging at his lip. “Fuck, KK, I haven’t actually felt good like this in a long time.” 

Karkat helped him up and shouldered his weight, grabbing his cane and moving towards the exit. Terezi managed to wrench his sickle free and hand it to him. “Sollux can use his psionics again.”

“That much was obvious; I can smell Mr. Apple-berry blast anywhere.” She helped Karkat support him and they sloshed through the room and opened the door leading to the hall.

“It gets better TZ, I can use them to sense everything around me. I can see again when I use them.”

“Sollux, that’s great! I’m really glad something is working after failing to teach you to smell and taste colors.”

Kanaya sealed the door shut and they continue on for a while. “Hey guys, note for future fucking reference, if we see any more creepy monsters in huge ass containers, we leave the room immediately. We do not need to deal with that shit every day.” There were no objections to that idea.

When they settled down for the night their clothes were still damp, “We should all change, it would be problematic if one of us were to freeze.” 

Karkat did so and turned on his husktop briefly to troll some people. Dave got back to him; it appeared that the humans had no luck either. He trolled John again, but the kid wasn’t replying. It was really bothering him. “I hope he’s ok…” Karkat muttered to himself and prepared the usual nest of blankets that he would sleep in. Sollux took his place right next to him.

“KK.” He whispered. “I could see…”

“I know,” he gave him a quick smile and then told said, “now go to sleep idiot.”

The trolls began to notice something as the days went on. They started to realize that they had grown closer than most trolls ever would. They would walk closer, sleep closer, and vocalize more than they ever did in the lab. Eventually the pile of blankets stretched in a straight line with each troll more or less sleeping back to back. It was something none of them had ever expected to happen. Karkat came to the conclusion that the violence that was bred into them was slowly being overridden. 

Everyone would talk before bed. They would discuss everything they wanted in the new world.

“I just want a place where it’s finally peaceful.” Kanaya said.

“One where there isn’t a caste system based on blood.” Karkat added.

Terezi cackled, “And a true form of justice.”

Sollux smiled and added, “And maybe one where being a mutant freak didn’t mean a damn thing. And of course, lots of technology.”

Each troll would laugh and joke, they talked about their dreams and aspirations for the new world well into the night. Eventually everyone did fall asleep in the same close-knit group that was quickly becoming habit. 

They continued to find nothing until one day one they stumbled upon the end of their hallway. It dropped off to an open room that had a staircase that led down to a bridge. Everyone stopped at the top and gazed out across the asteroid that was visible through thick glass paneling that stretched across the whole wall. “So, that leads to a new lab complex right?” Terezi asked.

“I think so.” Karkat said sitting down. He unpacked his computer again and sent a few quick pesters to the humans before looking back across. 

“So,” Kanaya asked, “do we cross it?” 

“I don’t know. It seems like our best bet by now.” He glanced nervously down at the name that was still blanked out on his trollian, ectoBiologist. “Let’s rest here for the night and decide what to do next.” There weren’t any complaints about the idea and they settled down. Their food supply was now gone, but there wasn’t any fear of starving. They were all tough and confident that they would survive. 

“Karkat,” Terezi sat next to him. “You don’t want to leave do you?”

He stared out over the expanse of grey craters and black space. “No.”

“Not without him, right?”

“Yeah.” 

Kanaya joined them. “He still hasn’t replied?” Karkat shook his head. “The humans haven’t heard from him either?” He shook his head again.

“Then let’s go back for him KK.”

Karkat’s eyes widened, “Really? You guys would be ok with that?”

“To be honest, we’re worried too. And it’s pretty clear that you’d be regretting it forever if you left him behind.” Terezi added.

“We’ll follow whatever you decide, Karkat, you are our leader.”

“Thanks guys.” He shot one last message to John. “We’ll leave in the morning.”

\---

John was in the living room when he heard them. The sounds of people. Actual voices, not just the projections of his mind. There wasn’t a time when he’d left a couch so fast and ran down a hall. Their scents were becoming clearer as well. It was the other trolls. He was sure of it. 

Karkat on the other side could hear John’s footsteps and smell the familiar troll. He broke into a run and sped down the corridor leaving the others behind.

John could see him now. He chirped and hugged him tightly feeling the other troll bury his head in his neck. “You came back for me.” He whispered almost crying. “You came back.”

Karkat was busy purring and nuzzling the boy, he couldn’t hold him closer but he wanted to. “Of course I did, I couldn’t leave you behind. I just couldn’t.” His voice dissipated to more purring and chirping. 

“Karkat I missed you so much. I was so lonely. You have no idea.” He clung to Karkat and cried on his shirt. He was smiling and so happy, he couldn’t believe this real. He half expected to wake up alone and realize it was all a dream. But it wasn’t, it was real and Karkat was holding him close and he didn’t think he’d ever get to feel this again.

“I missed you too idiot.” He pulled himself away and looked into John’s eyes, “Don’t do that to me again.” John shook his head and smiled wider. “Why did you stay here?”

John didn’t answer, he didn’t want to answer. His reply didn’t matter, Karkat was here and he was holding him. Suddenly everything felt like it was going to be ok again. His friend examined his shirt, “Someone was busy making stuff.”

John laughed, “Yeah I made myself a troll shirt, to match you guys, it’s even in my blood color.” He pressed his face into Karat and rested against him. “I’m so happy, you have no idea.”

“I think I have an idea, you did chirp when you saw me, that’s rare for you.” He watched the blush spread across his face. 

“I’ve had a lot of time to think. And I was so tired of being alone. I guess I couldn’t stop myself.” 

“It’s not a bad thing, John, it’s actually a good reaction.” 

The others caught up and saw that Karkat was already embracing John tightly. The boy looked and noticed the other trolls. “You all came?”

“Of course, we follow where Karkat goes, and we decided that you were an important friend. We couldn’t leave you alone like this.” 

John found himself in the middle of a troll reunion hug party. He was amazed at how friendly everyone was; he always thought trolls were standoffish and solitary. But the group embrace he was now in the middle of was nothing like he’d ever experienced before. He could hear Karkat’s purring in his ear and the other trolls all had similar noises. He noticed that he was producing a low humming buzz sound deep within his chest, Kanaya was also humming while Terezi had a low growl and Sollux made a rumbling buzz. John was fast to notice that he felt safe and like he belonged. Finally something felt completely right.

Karkat was overcome with emotions as well. He couldn’t believe that all his friends were together and happy. The sounds that rose up from the group were amazing. He’d never witnessed anything that felt so peaceful before in his life. The dangerous race of Alternian Trolls, the very same who raided planets and killed millions were all contently happy. It had to be nothing short of a miracle. Deep down he hoped that the new world they made would be filled with peace just like this.

Eventually they broke apart and went back to the lab. John was still firmly clutching Karkat while they walked. He was so glad he wasn’t alone. They ate together and John got to hear all about what happened. He didn’t care that all the food served was Alternian, or that the language used was Alternian as well. There was a joy he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Karkat informed him that he told the humans where they went as well, he was expecting that they’d arrive soon. Possibly even within a few days. Instead of retreated to their single rooms all the trolls gathered for one last blanket pile. 

“Since when do trolls sleep in groups?” John asked settling in next to Karkat.

Karkat laughed, “I have no fucking clue. It’s something that just sort of happened when we were out there together. We’ve grown so close, it’s insane. Never in my life did I dream this would be possible.” 

John didn’t complain, he just curled in closer to Karkat. “I missed this the most.” Karkat wrapped a comforting arm around him, “I missed the safety I felt when you slept next to me.”

Karkat fell asleep with his potential Matesprit wrapped in his arms. He knew right there that his decision to go back was worth it. The weeks they spent walking the halls wasn’t for nothing. They’d found their new lead, now they just had to take the big step and cross that bridge. He smiled and pressed his face into John’s hair. He didn’t regret for a second coming back for him. He was sure he’d make the same choice over and over again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I finished chapter eight I suppose I can post chapter seven.  
> Even though I still haven't edited it at all.

When John woke the next morning he was still surrounded by quietly sleeping trolls. He went to move but found himself trapped in Karkat's embrace. He didn't mind, for the first time in almost a month he didn't wake up alone. It felt nice to be surrounded by others he could relate to a little bit. His senses were off, compared to the others, the closeness was getting uncomfortable but he would rather be uncomfortable then alone. The troll next to him shifted and pulled John with him. He couldn't help giggling when Karkat couldn't pull him over with him like a huge stuffed animal.

Karkat opened his eyes blinking a few times, "Oh, hey Egbert."

"Oh hey yourself," he said back. "Good morning." Karkat nuzzled into John and sighed deeply. "Sleep well?" He nodded. "Do we have to wait until everyone is awake to move?"

Karkat sat up and looked around, "Not really." He started talking softly, "Hey guys, get your lazy asses up. It's time to move on with the day. Don't you growl at me, come on let's move."

"Jethuth KK, it'th thtill early. Shut up."

John watched as one by one the trolls got up and stretched, yawned and started moving around. "Uh, Karkat…you just woke up a group of trolls and they aren't killing you. I don't get it."

Karkat laughed a bit, "Something happened when we were separated. Our small group grew closer than I've ever seen any trolls get. It will probably wear off when we go back to sleeping separately, but for now…there's this peace we can't explain."

He was right too; all the trolls around him were calm and were acting way different then he had ever imagined. It seemed like he was the only one who still had aggression embedded in him. "Karkat this is crazy. Everyone's so calm…"

Karkat could tell John was on edge, even if he was smiling and looking around wide eyed. He moved closer and instinctively made the calming noise. John looked over and raised an eyebrow in question. "You're really tense." Karkat replied. He saw John look down at his clawed hand that was currently ripping bedding. "It's ok, you can relax. Although I don't blame you, this is a lot of contact after being separated for a while." John nodded and unclenched his hand.

"Sorry about that…"

"John you're fine. Come on you must be hungry." He pulled the troll up and together the group walked to the dining area. "What did you do all this time you've been alone?"

"N-Nothing really. I just sat around I guess. I did a lot of thinking." He leaned against Karkat, "I don't really want to talk about it right now, you guys are back, can I focus on that?"

Karkat eyed his shirt, "I see you made some new clothes."

"Heh heh yeah. I'm not sure what came over me, I just wanted a shirt to match everyone else's I guess."

"I figured you would eventually. We have a bit of an attachment to our signs and blood color."

Terezi laughed, "Except for you Karkat, you never show yours."

"That's because it's still none of your damn business."

Sollux joked too, "You know, you'd think after being friends this long he'd tell us. I guess being betht friends doesn't mean what it used to."

"Shut the fuck up now. We're not having this debate ever. My personal decisions are not open to discussion."

Terezi was still laughing, "I bet he's secretly a high blood and doesn't want to admit it."

"Or maybe he'th really low and thtill ashamed or something, even though I'm lowest blood here besides AA."

Kanaya spoke up, "What if perhaps he something like human blood and isn't even on the scale? That would be reason to hide."

John felt Karkat tense up quickly. He quickly pressed against his friend again trying to comfort him somehow. Terezi cackled again, "Heh heh heh good one Kanaya, but I doubt he would have lived through the culling drones with something like delicious candy red blood. Someone would have found out. His mutation would have been a bit more severe than say, Sollux's."

Karkat looked pale, "Can we please not talk about me like I'm not standing right behind you? I mean I even fucking asked nicely."

"Karkat were we stepping on a nerve?" Terezi turned around walking backwards, "Or was one of us right?"

"Terezi…"

Suddenly John's low growl reverberated through the hall, "He said drop it."

Everyone's eyes widened a bit, "Yeah sure John, it was just fun." They walked back in silence.

"You don't have to protect me nookwhiff."

John's shoulders sunk, "S-Sorry. Was that out of line?"

"Pft, no. Those idiots need that sometimes. You're fine." He cracked a rare smile. "It was a nice gesture though."

"I just…really don't like it when you look cornered like that. Is that weird?"

Karkat glanced over at John his own thoughts going too fast for him to analyze. "No John, it's not weird." 'It's just something that Matesprits concern themselves with.' He began to wonder if John's time alone had an effect on him.

Just like normal Karkat opened his husktop when they got to the table and began pestering the humans. He informed them that they had met up with John and are currently back at the lab. He also told them that they found a possible way out to a different complex.

"Do you think I should say anything? I haven't opened computer up since everyone left. Think they're all mad at me?"

"I don't know John; you talk to them when you're ready." He nodded and instead asked what had been found while they were separated. "Oh, we discovered the end of this lab complex. There's a bridge that leads to the next one, I'm hoping there will be more useful stuff in that one. This whole building seems to focus on the production of weapons for the battlefield. There's a strong possibility that the next building will specialize in something else and contain useful machines."

"So we're going to leave for that one? When?"

"I don't know. I think we'll wait for the humans to reply and plan ahead better. Our food stores lasted us until we got to the bridge. This place is a lot bigger than I thought. Though, we should be able to move a bit faster now that we don't have to check every damn room."

John rested his head on the table. "Do you think the others would want to come with us? Can they come with us? The whole reason we split apart was because my friends were putting too much strain on you guys."

He observed the other troll sink into himself and sigh. "You still can't choose can you?" John shook his head. "It's ok; we'll travel as one big group this time. I still think that we needed the break, but it was an overall bad idea to split up. I realize that now."

"I don't understand why I couldn't just pick a side," He mumbled into his arms. "I should have just left with you."

Karkat placed a hand on his back, "Maybe it's best that you didn't. Because if you had chosen then the group might have stayed split forever. Besides, I don't think you would have been happy with one or the other."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, think about it this way, your friends are important to you right?" He nodded, "Well, if you had gone with them, you would have been pretty happy. But then the troll in you wouldn't feel right ever. I know you'd start to feel out of place. But if you left with us, you'd be fine instinct wise, but miserable because you weren't with the friends you've had for years."

"So basically I'm fucked no matter what?"

"You're just in a different and difficult situation John. This has never happened to anyone before. I didn't expect it to be easy, plus you're balancing the emotions of two very different species inside you." He said a bit softer, "Actually I'm surprised you've lasted so long. I'm amazed that you haven't lost it yet, and I haven't had to kill you."

John looked up but he lacked the energy to be shocked any more. "You will though right? If I ever do get out of hand, you'll take care of me?"

"Y-Yeah, of course. But it won't come to that. You've made it this long."

John laughed harshly, "This long? This long has been two months; I still have my whole life ahead of me. According to you guys, that could be hundreds of years. I could easily go insane by then."

Instead of agreeing with him Karkat pulled him into a hug and said quietly, "But you won't. Because I won't let you. I'll make sure of it, just like a promised when you first became a troll. You're strong, John, the fact that you haven't gone insane just from the pressure of adapting is proof of that."

"I wish I could believe that."

Karkat wanted to lift his mood, but he wasn't entirely sure how. So he got up and tugged John with him. "Let's go for a walk, ok?" John looked confused but nodded and followed him. They started ascending the stairs in what used to be Terezi's chunk of the lab. "Listen, John I didn't mean to bring up all that shit about your blood. I didn't want to worry you."

"I know you didn't. But it is facts. I didn't know so much could be decided about you just based on blood color. Troll's are…well really different. There was always a part of me that thought we were the same, that it was only looks. But that I am one, I realize that I've been wrong this whole time. You guys are so different." He trailed off, the started talking again, "I can't imagine how hard it must have been for to lead them all. Especially after what I've been told, how much fighting there was."

The staircase leveled off to a hallway and they continued walking. "It was hard, and maybe in the end, I was the reason we lost. I think I was too good of a leader. I forced everyone together, it wasn't natural. Maybe that's why they started fighting so bad in the lab. You know that we all survived our session right? With Aradia's help we all made it. Then things went to hell so fast. In one day almost all of us died." He punched the wall hard, "Sometimes I think that I could have avoided it, that somehow it wasn't supposed to be like that…because, well, you saw earlier, trolls can be peaceful, even if we're not with our Moirails, or Matesprits. I think we can be a peaceful race."

"Karkat…"

"I want to believe that. Which is why I think you'll be ok."

"So if our behaviors are influenced by our blood color, I wonder why you act the way you do?" Karkat stopped. "I mean, you're blood isn't on the scale, so maybe that's why sometimes I don't even think of you as a troll?"

There was a silence; John wondered if he should apologize for bringing it up, but then Karkat spoke, "I've been wondering about that my whole life. I have this drive to be a leader, to make sure everything is ok; I got lonely living by myself. And, unlike other trolls I was obsessed with making sure someone noticed me. I'm a fucking mutant, with probably a fucked up thinkpan. Who knows what else is wrong with me. I'm the worst candidate for leadership, but everyone followed me anyways. I have these ideas that aren't normal for trolls, I believe in ideals that should have gone extinct."

"Karkat you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you're fine."

"And then there's a part of me on the other side of the fucking spectrum. Sometimes I get filled with such and intense hate, it's blinding. It'll come out of nowhere…it makes me feel like screaming and killing the nearest thing to me. It's like suddenly I went from being a docile low blood to something like Gamzee. It scares me, how much I can hate something. How much I'll hate myself."

John listened quietly to Karkat; he didn't notice himself moving closer to him and grabbed his hand. He tried to give him one of his trademark stupid smiles in hopes of cheering him up. "Karkat, I can't answer why you're mad, or why you hate so easily, but I think your idea of a peaceful Alternia and peaceful trolls is wonderful."

"Heh, thanks John."

"You shouldn't worry about your blood color Karkat, I mean, it's just a color. I doubt anyone cares anymore, not after what we've been through." They reached another staircase and began climbing that too. "Hey Karkat, where are we going?"

"To the roof, I thought a change in scenery would be nice."

"But we're in space, can we breathe?"

Karkat laughed softly, "It doesn't make any sense, but yeah we can." He followed John up the rest of the stairs and onto the roof.

"Wow…it's pretty." Karkat stood next to him as the boy observed the stars. "Are…are those your planets?" He pointed to what was now just shimmering dust on the horizon.

"Yeah, what's left of some of them." Karkat sat down on the ledge and let his feet hang. "Bec Noir took care of any hope we ever had of wining our session. He destroyed our gate to the new world, your world, he also wiped out Prospit and Derse and all of our solo planets. Pretty much the only fucking thing here is these asteroids."

John sat next to him, "Well, I guess it could be worse."

"We could all be dead, you're right. We could have let you die as well. And as long as we're still alive we'll keep fighting." Karkat growled low, "We won't let this game win."

"That's the spirit Karkat!" John looked into the inky blackness. "You know, I'm glad you trolled me."

"I still think there's something wrong with your thinkpan. I can't believe you enjoyed that." John laughed again, "Though I'm glad I gave enough fucks to harass you too."

"Hey Karkat…"

"Yeah?"

"You asked before what I did when I was alone. I can feel like I can talk about it now." He moved so he could lean against Karkat's side, being careful of his horns again. "I spent a lot of time thinking. I cried a lot too. Also, there may or may not be a few broken computers. And uh gashes in the wall from where I maybe attacked it with my claws." He laughed a bit, "But seriously, I was really broken up inside. I don't think there was a night I didn't cry myself to sleep. I uh, really missed you the most Karkat."

John felt Karkat nod and put an arm around him. "I really did miss you Karkat. It was one of those feelings where I didn't know what I had lost until it was gone. I don't want to feel that again."

Karkat rested his head on John's. "I missed you too idiot."

"I don't want to be alone ever again. It sucked. There was too much time to think."

"What did you think about?"

"I thought a lot about being a troll, and what it means…and feelings and stuff like that. Boring shit. You don't care about," he laughed a bit shakily. "I just spent the weeks missing you guys and drowning in a pool of my own sadness. It wasn't much really, but it feels better to talk someone."

"It didn't feel right moving forward when we all knew you were still behind. It didn't sit well with any of us. So before we left, I decided to go back to you. I'm glad I did."

"Same. I think I might have actually gone insane had I been left alone." He gave Karkat a shaky laugh and sat up on his own. "I didn't think out of all the craziness a birthday can hold that I'd end up playing a game like this. That we'd be the only humans left fighting to make a new universe. It seems silly to imagine that few months ago I was an average human boy going to school, and now I'm not even human." He looked back out across the asteroid belt, "It's amazing to think about how much can happen in so little time."

"Are you sad about any of this?"

"No, overall I'm happy I'm not dead. I'm glad you came back for me, and I'm glad I have friends like you. I'm glad I have you."

Karkat stared at John for a while, watching his grey eyes dart from star to asteroid to remnant of a planet. He smiled thinking about what the troll said.

"And Karkat."

His heart stopped briefly.

"Quadrants are confusing, but…I'm going to try my best to understand them ok?" He looked over at his friend, "So uh, I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm sorry for the mess that happened before you left. Although I know for sure that I don't like Kismesis stuff."

Karkat laughed, "Yeah I figured that much out." He fell backwards and looked up at the weird black sky that surrounded the asteroid belt.

John flopped down beside him too, but grimaced and shot back up, "Ow." He rubbed his back.

"Are you ok? Did you lay on something?"

John muttered under his breath, "Didn't fold right…"

"What didn't fold right?"

"Oh, uh, my shirt you know? Fabric gets all bunched up and hurts to lay back on." he laughed and resumed lying next to Karkat. "So did you ever hear back from the others?"

Karkat growled quietly, "I was hoping to forget about them for a while." He rolled over and opened his husktop up. "Oh what do you know, I did. They're on their way. They'll be here in a few days."

"I should probably turn on my computer now…" Karkat could hear the hesitation in his voice. "Maybe say hi or something." He continued to watch John load up his pesterchum account and see the wave of messages that bombarded him from friends who tried to contact him over the weeks he was out of touch. John read through the messages his eyes growing wider and wider with each one. "K-Karkat," His voice broke and he just pressed up against Karkat. "Oh god, they were so worried. You all were so worried. I'm an asshole."

"Shooosh no you're not. You were going through a lot. It's not your fault."

"You always are so quick to say it's not my fault, but this time…Karkat I ignored them, I didn't even turn on my stupid computer to check. All because I was scared of talking to them. I was scared they'd make me choose."

Karkat didn't know what to say, "I'm sure they'll forgive you, they are your friends."

\---

Those few days went by very quickly. John was glad for the time he had alone with Karkat, he really did miss the troll and rarely left his friends side. It was nice walking into rooms and seeing familiar faces instead memories. The feeling of safety and comfort when he slept again was something he didn't want to lose again. He even began think more about Karkat in ways he hadn't before. The idea of becoming Matesprits didn't sound so awful anymore. He had to live without Karkat and it sucked, he couldn't imagine doing it again.

He missed is friends, but Karkat said they'd be coming within the hour. There was no way John was missing this. The troll waited with Karkat by the split in the all in the same room where they all parted ways originally. John heard it first, the sound of footsteps and voices talking. He got up and looked from Karkat to the dark corridor again. "Karkat it's them. Can you hear? it's them!"

"Yeah I can hear them," He replied quietly.

John was now bouncing from foot to foot, "Oh gosh I can't wait…" As soon as Rose and Jade entered the room John ran forward and tackle hugged them to the floor. He was careful to make a cushion of air so they didn't hurt themselves. "I missed you guys so much!" He hugged his friends tighter and laughed.

"J-John," Rose said a bit surprised.

"John! I missed you too!" Jade hugged her brother back.

The boy looked up, "Hey where's Dave?"

"Over here Egderp." John's eyes moved to the side of the wall where Dave was waiting. "Whoa, whoa Egbert, man, hey stop that!" John tackled him to the floor too, squeezing him.

"Dave!" He was so happy that everyone was back.

Eventually he let Dave stand and grabbed all three of his friends for another group hug. He made the same humming buzzing sound he made around the trolls. "I'm so glad you're all back."

His friends laughed and agreed. Even Dave seemed a bit relieved to be back. They had a group meeting in the living room again, John nestled himself in-between Karkat and Sollux while everyone else filled in around the table. Rose and Kanaya drifted towards each other. They discussed what they found, or didn't find. The humans reporting that they made no progress while they were out. The trolls had the better end of the story; they not only found large expanses of equipment to make weapons for the battlefield but also found access to the new lab.

"So what do we do now?" Rose asked.

Karkat spoke up, "I was thinking we should rest here, re-group and get ready. Then we all leave as one for the new lab. We'll be stronger with a larger group."

"A-Also I don't think I could handle another group split," John added, "I didn't exactly do so well the first time."

"What were you up to John?" Jade asked innocently.

He looked away, "I uh, well. Basically I just had one huge panic attack followed by depression." He smiled weakly, "But I don't really want to talk about it, because it doesn't matter, my friends are back and that's all that matters."

Dave broke his silent cool kid act to say, "I'm really sorry about what happened to lead up to the split. I understand that most of it was my fault. I caused useless drama like a high school girl. I'm sorry about that. I'll work on getting better around you guys, but don't expect me to change overnight."

John smiled wide, "All I need to hear is that you're trying!"

They all agreed to spend at least another month in the lab. Sollux wanted to see how much of their equipment could be made smaller or duplicated for transport. Kanaya and Rose expressed interest in making sure everyone had adequate supplies and John was just happy to have the group back.

There was one night were Kanaya and Rose approached him during dinner, "Hello John." The glowing troll started.

"Oh, hey guys!"

"I was going to ask if you were going to make any moves on Vantas before we left."

"A-Any moves?" John choked a bit on his food. "What do you mean?"

"The way you've been acting suggests you are more comfortable with the idea of a flushed relationship with Karkat. Is this true?"

"I…uh, um. Heh heh Kanaya that's really sorta personal, do I really have to answer? I mean I'm only thirteen I don't know what I want yet. Are you sure I have to make this choice now? Oh gosh…" He could feel his face blush.

"John I regret to inform you that the entirety of what you just said was lost on me, you were speaking in Alternian again."

"Oh, sorry Rose. Sometimes I don't notice when that happens." He rubbed the back of his head, "I uh, I don't know yet. I mean I know that you guys are cool with the whole homosexual thing, and uh I'm starting to realize that maybe it doesn't mean that much to me either. And uh…well I really like Karkat, he's very important to me and-" he paused noticing both their eyes were on him. "Oh man this is sorta really embarrassing. Can I uh, just deal with it?"

"Of course John, I know you'll make the right choice." They left the troll boy flustered and his mind racing.

'Whenever I see Karkat I do feel happier, no matter what. I feel like I need to rush in and protect him, or keep him safe. And,' he made himself blush, 'he's kinda cute I guess…oh god I can't believe I'm thinking about Karkat this way…I also…don't think I could stand to be apart him. Maybe being boyfriends wouldn't' be so weird. We're already pretty close…' He thought more about it that night.

Karkat flopped down on the bed next to him, "John are you sure you're ok with sharing my room still? You've pretty much gotten used to being a troll; I don't think you need to be with me if you'd rather go with your friends."

"No," he said almost too quickly, cursing himself for reacting so fast. "No, I'm fine, really. I like sharing a room with you." Karkat rolled over and shrugged. "I spent too many nights away from you. I really missed your presence beside me."

Karkat didn't even pretend those words had no effect on him. He grinned into his pillow and pulled the blanket over his head. He was aware of John moving closer to him throughout the night.

John slept next to Karkat again the next night too. Each time he kept thinking about the troll and what he meant to him. He decided that the next day he was going to make his move.

It took him all day before he was able to muster up the courage to say anything at all. "Hey, uh Karkat?" The troll looked up from his computer. "Could we talk?" He nodded and moved over on the couch. "No I mean, like maybe in private?"

Karkat looked confused got up and together they went to their room. "Ok, what did you want to say?"

John blushed, blue spreading across face quickly, "I, uh. Karkat could we maybe…I mean if it's still open… I might be ok with being…you know…a…a…" he look away more embarrassed than he should be. He couldn't believe how bad he was messing this up. 'Is this really what everyone sounds like?'

"John you have to actually fucking say something to me. I can't comprehend all this stupid babble spewing from your seedflap."

"I really, um…" he said in a small voice. "Like you," and even softer, "Maybe even flushed…" and softer still, "if that quadrant is still open."

Karkat listened to John's words. He saw the boys quivering body. "John," he put a hand on the troll's shoulder. He saw a few blue tears fall from his cheek, "John why are crying?

"I-I'm sorry. I've been so s-scared." He admitted weakly averting his gaze.

"Of what? John, it's ok. I've been telling you over and over again, flushed feelings are natural."

"I know." He sniffed and turned back to Karkat, "You were right, I talked with some people." His eyes were still adverted, "I thought about a lot. And I-I really do like you Karkat." He wiped some of the tears from his face. "I was caught up in the whole homosexual thing Karkat, I was being stupid."

Karkat let John rest his head on his shoulder. "No, you weren't being stupid. You felt that way, it wasn't fake, or false, those were your feelings."

"But they were human." He paused, "I've decided, Karkat. I've decided that I'm going to throw that part of me away, it's in my past now." His confidence was growing with every successfully completed sentence.

"John?"

"I'm a troll, and my instincts are telling me that I have flushed feelings for you. And I'm going to be true to them."

Karkat hugged John close, "John, that's a big step, are you sure?" He was trying hard to hide the overly obvious feeling of happiness at John's confession.

He softly growled in Alternian, "I already know the language, I've been acting like a troll for weeks, I think it's time to let go."

"And you're ok with that?"

"Yes." He pulled away and looked Karkat in the eyes, "So, are you still open for a…a flushed quadrant, with me? I'm asking as a troll."

Karkat smiled, "My feelings never changed."

"So…that's a yes?" he asked quietly, the hesitation returning to his voice.

"Of course, idiot, what kind of troll admits they have flushed feelings then backs out of filling a quadrant?" Karkat carefully took John's hands in his own. "I care about you so much John," he murmured. John's face flushed another shade of blue darker. He made a soft chirping sound and his eyes flew open, he backed away a bit and looked to the side. Karkat chuckled, "John, what's the matter? Embarrassed?"

"Y-Yes actually." He looked away. "That stuff still makes me nervous."

Karkat stepped closer trapping the other troll in his arms. "You said you were throwing your human side away."

"I-I know. Just, I can't do it all at once." He smiled again, "You understand right? It's hard…"

"Why wouldn't I? You've already impressed me a million times over. There were some bumps in the road but you're doing great as a troll. I'm sure you'll make a good Matesprit, John, I hope you do."

"Thank you, Karkat." John got up the nerve to place a small kiss on Karkat's lips. "I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm going to try hard ok?"

"Now," Karkat said, his tone getting a bit firmer. "Do you know what getting in a Matesprit relationship means?"

John looked at him, confusion crossing his features, "Isn't it like being boyfriends?"

Karkat rolled his eyes and explained, "Sort of. Trolls pick only one Matesprit for their whole lives. They form a bond, a bond stronger than anything else they've ever experienced. The two trolls are bound to each other forever. Your Matesprit is the only one you will totally open up to, they are the one troll you'll risk your life for, the one troll you'll trust with everything you are."

"And you…you picked me? Gosh, Karkat…I,"

"You picked me as well. And quiet, I wasn't done yet."

John smiled and let him finish. "Now, we can't officially be Matesprits until we form this bond. It's very important that you let all your instincts take over. Even you don't know what you're doing, or are worried. Just go with what feels right. We'll know if we're meant for each other."

"And if we're not?"

"We'll know that immediately. If it doesn't work the first time, there are no second chances, you understand?"

"I think so…but wait, Karkat? You said that trolls could flop between red and black feelings, but just now, you said a Matesprit is for life…"

"Yes, when we grow up on Alternia our lives are very chaotic. There's lots we have to figure out very quickly. That's why most trolls start trying to figure out their quadrants early. We're also under a time limit. In order to make sure that we can have at least one quadrant filled the feelings that go with red and black emotions are very fluid. We can experiment until we figure out what is right with a that troll. That's why you can flop from red to black to ashen to pale multiple times, but as soon as you chose one, and go through with making the connection to them you're done, that quadrant is filled forever. Even if your Matesprit dies." He carefully held John again, "Do you understand now?" John nodded. Karkat smiled, "I know we're moving fast, but if you chose me and I picked you, I think we should go for it. Right now."

John rested against Karkat; he took a deep breath, "Yes. I think so too. I'm ready."

"John, I just want to say before we start that, that I'm glad you picked me." 

He led John to his bed and they sat down. "Karkat, is this going to…you know…involve pails?"

Karkat laughed, "No, of course not John. We're only six for fucks sake. We don't have to worry about filling a pail till we're at least nine or ten. This isn't sexual, at all." He pushed John gently down on the bed and kissed him. "I promise. Now, trust me, like I trust you."

Karkat lowered his head so John could see his horns, John imitated the gesture, his brain was working on autopilot. Their eyes met and he couldn't stop himself from kissing Karkat, and he didn't want to stop. Their tongues collided and both trolls worked on staying away from sharp teeth. Every movement Karkat did was gentle and soft, he was careful and would take breaks from kissing to nuzzle John and breathe in his scent.

Shirts were discarded as Karkat moved to kiss John again. The troll beneath him giggled and ran his hands down Karkat's side. His fingers brushed the ridges of where Karkat's grub-legs had fused to his body. Karkat was doing the same, each finger memorizing every inch of his partner. His hands slipped behind the blue blood's back and John froze. "John, are you ok?" Karkat was terrified that they had already failed. The other troll nodded, Karkat continued until hit something on John's back. John tensed again. "John what are these?" The blue troll didn't say anything. He just looked away. Karkat's hand explored around the edge of the raised patch of skin. His fingers met a soft membrane. "John…are these, wings?" He sat up allowing John to prop himself up as well. "You DO have godtier wings, don't you?"

"I…I, yeah," he smiled weakly, "surprise…" He looked like he was going to be sick.

"John let me see…"

He turned his back to Karkat and let him explore on his own. Karkat noticed the raised areas near his shoulder blades. When he looked closer he could see blue sticking out from underneath. Karkat growled quietly, and soothingly, his fingers grazing the folded wings. John sighed and looked back at him. "I'll show you, but just this once."

Karkat felt the muscles in John's back relax and slowly his wings unfurled. Karkat's eyes widened. "Holy shit, John these are beautiful." When they were fully extended the wingspan was about equal to his arm span, maybe a bit longer. The wings were dragonfly shaped and were a deep blue, just like his blood, and strong, and healthy. The base was darker than the rest. And the darker parts faded into lighter membrane. At the very end was his symbol in light blue. "John," he ran a hand down one of them, watching the boy twitch and shiver. "These are amazing…" as quickly as they came out he hid them again.

Before Karkat could ask why, John kissed him. "Please, Karkat, don't tell anyone."

"I won't, but why?"

"Just, not right now, I want to focus on us, not me. Please?"

"I don't understand, why hide something this amazing? Are you in pain? Does that hurt?" Karkat remembered back to when John was on the roof with him, 'That must have been what didn't fold right, not his shirt…'

"No, no, no, they don't hurt. They're supposed to fold in like that." He relaxed and let his wings out again to demonstrate. "See? They slide in and out and fold up neatly against my back. It doesn't hurt them at all." John turned back around to face Karkat, "And the reason why I haven't told anyone is because I don't like them. At all."

"They're so beautiful though…"

"They just make me feel really different, ok?"

Karkat was confused, but nodded. "If it's something you don't want to talk about, we don't have to."

"Thanks." He troll continued to kiss Karkat, this time he got to explore Karkat and feel him. Karkat made lots of sounds, he would purr and chirp and growl and utter bits of Alternian, John loved it. "Karkat, what do we do next? Kissing can't be the only thing…"

He looked at John, a bit surprised, but smiled anyways. "I told you, follow what you think is right." He dipped his head to kiss John's neck again. He felt John tug at his pants, Karkat allowed them be removed, he pulled John's off too. Karkat never stopped nuzzling him; he never ceased kissing him and telling him he pitied him more than anything else in paradox space. His heart would skip when John would return all the affection, even stronger sometimes. Boxers went the way of their pants and John continued to hold him close.

Karkat could feel his bulge start to come out, John's responded too, "K-Karkat, I thought you said this wasn't going to be sexual?"

"It's not," he said quickly, a chirp punctuating his sentence. John looked up at him a bit worried, but he relaxed when Karkat kissed him again. "Don't worry, you'll be fine."

"I know, I trust you."

"That's all I ask," he moved to kiss him again.

The two trolls felt their bulges meet and wrap around each other. At the same time Karkat's fingers became intertwined with John's, they moved their hands together, memorizing each part of each other. Karkat was right, even though they were naked, and their bulges out, John didn't feel any desire to do anything but hold Karkat. He just wanted to be with him, always.

Karkat hadn't ever felt this happy before, his grin couldn't be hidden. He would chirp and lick John's neck following his throat down to his chest where he broke into kissing. The troll felt his bulge around John, his mind briefly flashed back to a past experience, the growling and snarling he remembered made him freeze. But John wasn't doing that, he was buzzing softly and moving his hand through his hair. Karkat pushed the memories from his mind and rested his head against John's chest.

"Karkat," he whispered. "This feels right. I feel right."

"Do you feel whole?" John nodded. Karkat smiled and kissed him, grinning when John kissed back. They moved as one, breathed as one, and their hearts were even beating in synch. He watched John's face flush blue when the low humming sound resurfaced from John's chest. "You can purr too it looks like," Karkat said smiling, "Each troll has a unique sound, this is yours."

John smiled wide and pressed against Karkat, "It's embarrassing, but I'm glad I'm making all these sounds, and I'm glad you're here with me." He rolled Karkat over so he was on top, "Does this mean we passed the bond forming thing?"

His partner chuckled and leaned over him, staring into grey eyes that reflected his own, "I think so."

"I don't feel any different."

"You will tomorrow," Karkat assured him.

"I…I think I love you Karkat." John pulled other troll and kissed him again softly.

Karkat fumbled for a blanket, pulling it over both of them. "I love you too." They stayed wrapped in a tight embrace for the rest of the night.

\---

There was a knock at the door the next morning. "KK are you in there? I'm coming in, don't flip your shit. I know how much you like to."

The blind troll entered, and Karkat was still hazily trying to wake up. He heard something growling beside him.

Sollux froze. "KK?"

Karkat blinked a few times, "Shit, Sollux, get out of here."

The growling beside him grew louder, snarls being thrown in the mix. "Ith that John?" Sollux stepped back, his eyes widened. "You guys," he sniffed a bit catching their combined scents, "You guyth are Matethpritth…" He smiled still backing up. "Uh, it'th ok, John, I'm not interethed in Karkat." He moved to shut the door, "Thorry, I'll leave you two alone. Uh, congratulations, KK, I'll tell everyone."

John was still growling even after the door shut and Sollux left. "John, relax, it was my Moirail," he laughed and flopped back down. John curled up against him.

"Heh heh, sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Karkat put an arm over him, "We're going to act a bit differently, just so you know. I'm not sure how different; none of us have actually seen a new Matesprit pair before. Sollux should warn everyone."

"Awww, so we don't get to tell them?" John pouted a bit.

"We can still tell them ourselves, Sollux is just going to inform everyone to keep their distance for a bit. At least until the initial protectiveness wears off." He kissed John quickly, "And you'll be worse than me, Mr. High-blood." John giggled and hugged him.

"Don't say it like that, it's weird!"

"But it's true." Karkat purred and closed his eyes. "We're the first," He said quietly, "we're the first trolls to become Matesprits from out group…I never thought it would be me. You know…because of my blood." He yawned and rested against John.

"I still think I would choose you no matter your blood, it's so silly."

Karkat yawned again, "You might change your mind if you grew up a troll…" He trailed off and went back to sleep.

John watched over the sleeping form of his boyfriend-Matesprit, he corrected, until he also became to weary to resist the soft blankets. 'They can find out from us later.' He sighed contently and let Karkat hold him a bit tighter.

The times John felt secure and alright were rare since entering the veil, and even scarcer since he became a troll. But finally, after all the hardship and emotional stress that came with his transformation, he finally felt ok. There wasn't anything that suggested otherwise to him, the feeling of Karkat beside him and knowing that he had someone who would care about him for the rest of life kept his mind at ease.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update.  
> I'm sorta unhappy with this chapter, but I've postponed it long enough.  
> I may go back and make edits later, after school starts and stuff.

The hall was shrouded in shadows, but none of this was new to Sollux. It had been a few months since the accident that rendered him blind and weak, seeing darkness was something he had long begun accustomed to. 'Though,' he thought about it, 'it wasn't really an accident, Eridan and I were both asking for it.' He proceeded down the hall, sweeping the cane back and forth feeling for objects on the ground.

Being blind was a hassle, but it wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to him. At least he had someone who had gone through it before, 'Thank the fucking gods we are aren't on Alternia anymore.' The news about Karkat and John's recent Matespritship was startling but also pretty great. He was happy for both his Moirail and John. But as eager as he was to tell the others Sollux slowed his pace and stopped. This was one of the rare opportunities to test his 'vision' with his psionics.

Carefully he summoned up the tiny amount of power he did have and focused it, moving out across the ground and through the hall as best he could. Hesitantly he took a few steps forward and expanded the range of energy. Sollux could feel his psionic energy; it was like having his own personal sensors that branched out from every part of his body. Using them he could 'see' objects, his brain could receive the information that the psionic energy was sending. He laughed thinking it worked like a bat's sonar. Then all at once the world went dark and blank again. It took a large amount of his energy to keep the psionics running and Sollux was still rather weak from the trip into the lab a few days prior.

With his daily practice out of the way Sollux could focus on the new development, that interesting development being the Matespritship of his Moirail and John. It wasn't so much of a surprise, he knew that they would eventually fill a quadrant, but he was surprised to find it happened so quickly. The yellow troll was expecting them to become Matesprits after the game, perhaps a sweep, not within weeks.

\---

John woke up next to Karkat and laid in silence, soaking up every new feeling. Karkat was right; the connection was unlike anything he had ever experienced. His new Matesprit sat up as soon as he did. They stared into each other's eyes; John could feel Karkat's heart beat and he could sense the air weave in and out of his lungs. He wondered if Karkat was feeling the same thing.

Karkat could feel John as well. There were so many new sensations he was dealing with for the first time. He could feel John's pulse match his own and his back flexed as John's blue wings pulsated. For a long time they sat facing each other, learning each other in a whole new way. Karkat cracked a smile and nuzzled John's bare neck. "This is so weird," he heard John say quietly. "It's like we're one person."

"I think that's the point nookwhiff," he kissed John softly; "it's not bad, is it?"

"N-No of course not! It's just strange, I can feel you breathe and your heart beat."

"Is that it?" John looked puzzled, "I can feel when you're uncertain and when you had a bad dream without waking up. The blood flowing through your veins is only the start."

Nodding John rested his head against Karkat, "So, what do we do from here?"

Karkat leaned back, "Obviously we have to leave our room, even if all I want to do is lie around with you."

"Oh Karkat swooooon!" John fell on top of his Matesprit and laughed. Then his voice dropped and he was serious, "I'm actually worried…"

"About what?" Karkat reached up and put a hand on John's face, "You're fine, we're fine."

"I'm not worried about us, it's just…how do you think the others are going to react? I mean, they just got over me being a troll, now suddenly I'm dating you. And not just casually dating, I bound myself to you forever. I hope that doesn't make any of them mad."

Grey eyes looked away and Karkat purred softly, "They'll be ok, and if they're not, we'll deal with what comes. They should be happy for us; this is a big step and a big commitment." Karkat could still feel the waves of uneasiness flow from John. So he pulled him down into another kiss and ruffled his hair, "We just have to be careful," he said slowly.

"Why?" John paused, "You don't think…you don't think I'll attack anyone, do you?" Karkat felt another surge of panic and worry course through John. "I don't want to hurt my friends, not again. Oh god not again."

"Shhhhhhh, John, it's ok." The troll lying on his chest was trembling, "You'll be ok. I just wanted to let you know ahead of time that we will probably be attached at the hip for the first few days. Our connection is strong, way stronger than I thought it would be. So don't blame yourself if you growl or snarl at someone for stepping to close to me, or if I do the same to someone who gets near you."

"You won't let me attack anyone right?" Karkat shook his head. "Good, I'm just worried, you know, because I'm a blue blood."

"I'll make sure you behave yourself," He sat up and grabbed John's arm, pulling him out of the tangle of blankets. Karkat looked down at himself then at John, "We should uh, probably put some fucking clothes on…" John nodded, a blue blush already spreading across his face.

"I actually forgot we were naked…oh man wouldn't that have been embarrassing!" John quickly found his boxers and pants and looked around for his shirt. "I still can't believe what has happened over the past few days. So much has changed, everything feels completely different, but at the exact same time, it's as if nothing has changed."

"Being Matesprits can do that to a troll," Karkat tugged his shirt over his head opened the door to the hallway. "Are you ready?" He asked, noticing John's nervousness, "Here," he grabbed his hand, "We'll go together."

\---

Sollux now faced the little problem of telling everyone the news. It would be great if he could just walk away and let Karkat and John deal with it themselves, but that wasn't possible. He knew the basics of a Matesprit bond, and he knew that they would be too busy trying to figure each other out and dealing with new emotions to have the energy and room to deal with their friends. He wanted to make the process as easy on both of them as he could. So when he reached the main room he searched for Kanaya. He couldn't see her, or smell her so instead he just asked the room if she was around.

"Sollux? What do you need?" He heard her calm clear voice respond from across the room.

"Could you come with me for a thecond?"

"Yes, of course," she followed him around the corner, "what is wrong Sollux?"

"Nothing, nothing ith wrong. It'th actually good newth, great newth. John and Karkat are Matespritth."

"What? Are you sure?"

Sollux nodded, "Yeah, I walked in on KK thith morning, they definitely made the bond, I could tell."

"And you're sure?" She asked again.

"There'th no way that'th not what I thenthed…" He could practically see Kanaya try to hold back a giggle, "Sensed!" He switched to Alternian. "Anyways, we have to figure out how to break the news to the humanth. I have a feeling they aren't going to be so excited." Sollux paused, "And I'm not all that great with explaining this kind of stuff."

"I understand, that's why you told me first." She saw Sollux nod, "Are they on their way now?"

"I don't know, I left because John immediately started to act aggressive."

"Ok, well, hopefully Karkat can calm him down. And with any luck they can keep each other in check and not try to kill us." Kanaya stepped back into the main room with Sollux close behind, they waited until the whole group had assembled. "Ok," Kanaya started, "it seems there is some big news to be shared. I'm not sure how exactly to ease into this topic, so I'll be blunt; I've been informed that John and Karkat are now Matesprits."

Everyone in the room was silent. Rose smirked and spoke first, "I knew that was going to happen, I'll have to congratulate them."

"So you mean to tell me that my bro is dating Karkat?"

"Much more than dating, Dave," Kanaya seated herself across from the others, "much, much more. They have been joined for life."

"What?"

"They will explain it better, but for now I must warn everyone to not rush the new pair. Trolls become highly aggressive and possessive of their Matesprit. They might not mean it, but either of them could strike out at you if you get too close. That goes for trolls too; even Sollux has to approach carefully."

Dave still looked stunned and Jade was giggling. Rose picked herself up to sit next to Kanaya. The room began to fill with voices as small conversations started up. A while had passed before they heard a soft cough and a quiet "Hi guys," come from the hallway.

"John!" Jade said happily.

He nervously waved and pressed himself against Karkat. "So, uh, I take it you guys heard what happened right?" Everyone nodded, "Good, uh, great. Ha ha." Karkat grabbed his hand and they moved to the couches, John snarled as they sat down then immediately apologized. "S-Sorry guys, we're both a little weird right now."

"So it's true?" Rose asked.

"Yes," Karkat scooted closer to John after suppressing a growl of his own. "We're officially a 'thing,'" Karkat even used air quotes with his fingers, "Becoming Matesprits with another troll changes them…" He paused trying to figure out how to describe what just happened. "John and I share a bond now, one that cannot be broken, not even by death."

"Yeah it's really cool," John added, "I can feel Karkat breathe and all his emotions and stuff."

"Unfortunately, as you may have heard, I'm not sure how much was talked about before we got here, but we're going to be a bit on edge for the next few days. The two of us are going through something that no other troll here has experienced, so it's a mystery on how we'll behave. As you've noticed, John will probably be the worst."

"Sorry…"

"It's not his fault; his blood color makes him more aggressive. So please refrain from approaching us quickly or surprising either of us. It sounds weird, I know, but I don't want to accidentally hurt one of you, and I'm sure John doesn't want to either."

"Karkat thinks we should be able to work out of it in a few days," John laughed tensely, "So uh, yeah… I'm Karkat's Matesprit now."

Dave spoke slowly, "So, you two are like married? Basically…if I'm getting this shit right." John nodded. "Fuck. Wow."

"Yeah, uh, we're bonded for our whole lives…" John tried to gauge Dave's reaction.

He stood up a bit too fast causing them both to growl, Dave flinched and stepped back, "Sorry!" John apologized quickly.

"What the fuck did I just get done explaining to you?"

Dave took a few hesitant steps forward, "So, like, that's it for you? No more dating, no waiting to find the perfect soul mate or whatever? You just hitch yourself to whatever is closest?"

John snarled loudly, "I did not simply settle for Karkat!" His Matesprit grabbed his hand and purr-growled in his ear. John's breathing slowed down, "S-Sorry again. Dave, what happened last night was more than just becoming boyfriends; it was more than making a promise. It's hard to explain…"

"Save your breath, I don't want to hear it."

"Dave! I thought we were getting better! I thought we were working through this whole 'I'm a troll now' thing?" John accidently growled again in frustration. The blond started edging towards the door. "Fuck, wait! Dave!" This time Karkat was the one snap his teeth, "Karkat! That's not helping!" But Dave was already gone. John rushed to follow him but a firm hand held him back.

"You are not, and I fucking repeat, not, going to chase after your friend in this state," John sighed and sat back down next to Karkat.

He leaned against him and closed his eyes, "I thought we were working things out…"

Rose spoke softly, "He's just surprised, that's all. This is huge news, John. We are young, saying that you found something like your soul mate is a lot to process. Give Dave a minute to calm down." She eyed John and Karkat, "All three of you need to calm down." They nodded. "So, do you mind telling us about your link a bit more?"

"Oh, uh, not at all. I mean, can we Karkat?"

"I don't see a problem," he responded smoothly. "It's a link, like I said. Trolls only make it once in their lifetimes. Basically it binds me to John and John to me. We can feel each other, and it will only grow stronger. It's said that a troll only has one true Matesprit and when they find that partner it changes their lives."

John laughed, "So I guess your perfect Matesprit wouldn't be around if I hadn't turned into a troll?"

"I don't know…I might have been able to make the bond with you while you were human too, I just don't know if you would have been able to feel it."

This time Kanaya spoke, "So, Karkat, do you want us to leave you alone for the next few days?"

"No, we'll be fine. Just watch yourselves. I'll be paying close attention to John to make sure he's ok. I mean we're not suddenly animals…"

"Thith bond, will it help you in combat KK?"

"Probably," Karkat shrugged, "I'm not really sure what the effects of this will be. It's not like any of us have ever been in a Matesprit relationship before. This is as new to me as it is for you guys."

A few more questions were asked, and John and Karkat tried their best to answer, eventually the group split up to do their normal activities. "Are you ok, John?"

"Yeah I'm fine, hungry, but fine." John added, "But you're really tired."

"Yeah I guess I am, no more hiding that I guess."

John smirked and pushed him down on the couch, "Nope, you can't hide anything from me."

"I bet you fifty boondollars I can," Karkat smirked and kissed John lightly on the cheek. The other troll rested his head on Karkat's chest.

"Hey Karkat? Think we made the right choice?"

"Of course. You know we did."

John smiled and let Karkat rest a bit. Carefully he got up and walked around the lab. It was odd, he still felt like he was right next to Karkat even though he wasn't even in the same part of the asteroid anymore. "This is too weird…" He was about to say hello to Rose when he froze. Suddenly panic shot through every nerve in his body and dread seeped in. It didn't make any sense, he whirled around but he was alone in the hallway. "What? I don't…" The feeling of alarm and dismay overwhelmed him and he ended up curling into a ball right smack dab in the middle of the hallway. He could feel himself cry for no reason, he wasn't hurt, nothing was wrong, and then his thoughts flew to Karkat.

The other troll shot up and noticed the absence of a very familiar blue troll with a dorky smile. There were tons of logical reasons why John wasn't on the couch with him anymore. He could have gone to the bathroom, he got something to eat, Rose needed his help with something, he forgot something in their room, there were many possibilities but for reasons unknown and unexpected Karkat panicked.

John was gone, John was gone and he didn't know where he went. He could have been taken, he could be dead. Of course this all seemed silly and he knew deep down he was overreacting but what if on the slim off chance he wasn't? "Oh god. John!" In the middle of Karkat's internal panic attack John came stumbling back into the room.

"For the love of god Karkat, I'm fine! Stop freaking out!" He watched his Matesprit freeze then hug him tightly. "Seriously, Karkat, your freak-out caused me to lose it."

The other troll laughed uneasily, "Ok, so rule one, we don't separate until this wears off."

Everyone else was handling the situation well. No one made sudden movements near John or Karkat and all the humans seemed to understand how important it was to keep their distance. Rose found it highly amusing and very informational to watch the two behave. Her eyes would be trained on them as soon as they entered the same room as her. She could watch them interact and move together, it was all so fascinating. She also got to witness when the groups company got to be too much.

Often time she would find the two trolls huddled against the wall in the hallway holding each other and making that growling purring noise.

"Rule two; we need copious amounts of alone time."

There were of course the unfortunate violent encounters. Most common of the offenders were Sollux and Terezi. They were so used to being around Karkat that they made the most mistakes, Terezi was now sporting a new gash down her arm courtesy of John and Sollux had a few bite marks peppering his skin via Karkat.

"Rule three, if we growl, back the fuck away."

By the end of the day both trolls were exhausted mentally and physically. "Holy shit Karkat I can't take another step." John collapsed on their bed and rolled over to allow Karkat to fall next to him. "This is draining…wow."

"No kidding."

"And we still have two more days of this?" John asked wearily.

"Yup."

John sighed and grabbed for a blanket, "This is going to be a long week."

Together they fell asleep to the feeling of each others heart beats and breaths. The next days were far from the chaotic first day. Instead of trying to brave a whole day of interaction they smartly took retreats back to their room and lounged around watching movies or napping. At all times they remained within three feet of each other, preferably touching. John tried his best to hold back the instinct to growl at everything that looked at Karkat, but often he failed. However, he didn't strike out; he only snarled or barred his teeth. Karkat on the other hand did lunge at Rose once for stepping too close John.

With each passing hour they were getting better. By the third day they didn't feel trapped while sitting with the group and John could leave Karkat's side without having a panic attack and breakdown. When they reached the end of the week it was like everything was back to normal. Between the trolls there were a few bouts of growling or snarling, but mostly things had drifted back to how they were. "Hey Karkat," John started as he walked up to his Matesprit, "I'm going to go find Dave. His behavior is still worrying me."

"Be careful," Karkat warned.

John nodded, "I will, don't worry."

Karkat muttered to himself as he watched John run down the hall, "How can I not?"

Dave was seeking refuge in a small room he converted to a recording studio. He always had his headphones on and was either mixing or listening to songs. John waited by the door hoping that perhaps his friend would notice him. When he did not John awkwardly knocked and let himself in. "Hey Dave, mind if we talk?"

"Depends, are you going to lunge at me and go for my throat?"

"No? Dave I would never do that!" The troll sat down on a small armchair and watched his friend go back to mixing. His ears could pick up the sound through his headphones, even though he was seated ten feet away. John always loved the way Dave could spin notes into songs and create beauty from chaos. "Dave?"

"What, John?"

John could hear a hint of annoyance in his voice. "Um, why are you mad at me? Can we work this out?"

Dave sighed and lifted the headphones from his ears and hung them around his neck. He unplugged the cord and seated himself across from John. The troll could pick up on every little hint of nervousness and fear. "Yeah, let's talk."

John gave him a smile that made him flinch, "Uh, can we maybe start with why you're back to being an asshole?"

"I'm mad, that's all," he said avoiding eye contact with John.

"Ok…care to explain?"

Dave shifted, "I just don't like where you and Vantas are heading."

"You mean our Matespritship?"

"Yeah. Dude I don't like it. I think thirteen years old is way too early for you to be promising yourself to a troll. I mean, this shit is like child marriage, did you even want to? Don't answer that, hold on sec. What I'm pissed about is that just a few months ago you said you weren't into relationships. You told me you didn't want that kind of stuff. Then all of a sudden it's zap zap I'm a troll now let's fuck. I don't get it."

"Dave…" John hesitated and thought over his words. "Listen, when I became a troll things changed about me…"

"That's something else I don't like." He saw John nod. "I don't like that you're different, you've changed."

"Yes I have. But not really. I'm still the same dude. Open your eyes and look at me."

"I am. And I still see that refection of a monster that killed my friend."

John bit back tears. "I'm sorry that's what you're seeing. I'm really not that different. I mean, yeah, I am, but not. I'm still John. I can just hear better, and see in the dark, and speak a funny language."

"That's not all though," Dave reminded him.

"Yes, I know. I have odd habits now, desires that weren't there before. But that's to be expected…I changed my whole DNA Dave. I'm still your friend. Sometimes I just have to act a bit different." John wanted so desperately for Dave to understand. "Please…listen to me. Really listen. You've got great ears, I know you do, I've heard your music. So please, listen to my words now?" Dave nodded slowly. "Ok, so yeah, you were right, a few months ago I wanted nothing to do with relationships. In fact, even I, deep down, think that this moved too fast for myself. It was a whirlwind of new emotions and instincts. When you are a troll things feel different. I feel things differently. I get extreme bouts of anger, or sadness, than days of carefree happiness. Karkat…Karkat said that a Matesprit bond is only formed once in a lifetime. It doesn't matter what time that bond is formed, but it will always be with your one fated Matesprit. So no matter what, I was Karkat's and he was mine." 

He could tell Dave wasn't following. "It's an instinct engraved in us. When we find the one troll we can become Matesprits with, well that is really hard to ignore." He waited for a reaction from Dave, "Apparently Karkat and I were compatible…Dave?"

"So basically you're telling me that you and Karkat were destined for each other?"

"Yeah, pretty much…weird huh? I'm just happy that half the confusion I faced within myself is over," he looked away from Dave, "I was scared for a long time. Well, I'm still scared, but I'm getting better. I have someone now, and that helps. I know we're both young, but having that is a hell of a lot better than doing this alone. Rose helps too, and Kanaya, and Sollux, everybody really."

John glanced over at Strider, "So, uh, can we be friends again? Please?"

Dave smirked, "Yeah." He leaned forward, "So, are you and Karkat done with that whole weird protective thing you were doing earlier?"

"Oh that? Yeah, I think so. Sorry, we were both sorta losing our minds briefly. I don't know if Rose told you or anything, but the connection I forged with Karkat is really strong. If I concentrate I can feel him and he can feel me. Making that link took a lot out of us. It also supercharged all my protective instincts."

"Good, glad to hear you're back to normal…ish. Because to tell you the goddamn truth, I'm scared of you guys. I'm terrified of trolls, and that's not me being ironic. You actually scare the shit out of me." Dave rubbed his temple, "That's why I was an asshole, that's why I'm still being a dick sort of. You've always been my best bro John, so you can imagine how worried I was when you turned into a troll. Then my…what, like trollphobia kicked in and I wanted nothing to do with you."

"What can I do to help? Anything?"

"Just be John, ok?" John watched his friend attempt a smile. "Don't hold back. I need to get used to you. I know you're not going to eat me, but it's hard."

John sat down next to his friend, he noticed Dave flinched yet again, "Hey, relax." He let himself slump against Dave's shoulder. "We can both be scared I guess. I just want my friend back. You know, before all the bullshit with the game…you were always the friend I could talk to the best. I want that back. So when I get scared of myself will you try to be there for me? No swords, no threats, no yelling?"

"I can try Egbert. I can sure as hell try."

"Thank you." John giggled, "And Dave, we haven't fucked yet."

\---

"Do you think we moved too fast Karkat?"

"You've asked that before Egbert. I don't know. On Alternia we were instructed to fill our quadrants as quickly as possible. Failing to fill one before you were nine was like a death sentence." Karkat rolled over and looked into John's eyes, "Maybe by human standards we moved too fast, this is all probably way too fast. But as a troll, I strongly think we made the right choice."

John nodded and nuzzled into Karkat's chest, "If you say it's normal for trolls then I'm ok with this." He smiled and breathed in Karkat's scent. "Also, I think I got my friend back."

"So Strider decided to cease being a maggot writhing around in filth?"

"Ew gross Karkat, I did not need that imagery. But yeah, he said we're all cool. He was just concerned, and can you believe it, he's scared of trolls too? It makes more sense now. He never hated us, he was just afraid of us."

Karkat agreed, "Yeah it does make more sense. I'm glad you were able to reason with him."

\---

John was running. Again he found himself running down the long corridors of the lab. He couldn't remember why he was running he just knew that he had to. His lungs felt like fire and his throat burned with dryness. Quickly John ducked into a room and slammed the door shut. It locked behind him and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't re-open it. Finally he decided to examine his surroundings. The room he was in was small, and covered floor to ceiling with mirrors. No mattered where he looked he saw his reflection. But…something was wrong.

It wasn't his troll grey skin and now familiar yellow eyes looking back. He was pale, he was human. "Oh god. I'm…I'm back." He walked forward on trembling legs. "It can't be, I'm a troll, I'm not a human…" Carefully he approached the mirrors, when he reached up and touched the glass the reflection didn't change. "I'm human…but why?"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw something move. He spun around but no one was there, only refection after reflection of himself. But then he saw that same movement again. This time the figure froze in one of the mirrors. It was himself, only split down the middle. A perfect half and half, the right side was troll and the left side was human. John gasped and pressed himself against the wall when the figure stepped out of the mirror and began walking towards him. Instead of hurting him the figure extended both hands. In the grey hand was one necklace with Karkat's symbol on it. That hand was dyed red with blood. In the other pale, human, was a small cupcake that read, "Happy Birthday, John". The figure held the items out to the boy, he knew what it meant, he had to choose, either the human hand or the troll one. His human side or his troll side.

John bit his lip, running through the options in his head over and over again. Everything he wanted was in the hand with the cupcake, his old life, his old body, and his own brain. But the troll side, it offered something else. It offered him excitement and personal strength. One was a cage and the other was freedom. Without hesitating he grasped the bloodstained necklace. "This belongs to a friend of mine."

The figure nodded and stepped back, suddenly all the reflections shifted and changed. When John stared back at them he was looking into his troll self. A quick check to the top of his head confirmed he did indeed have horns. A voice sounded from all around the room. "You have made your choice. You have chosen the side of the trolls. Remember that John Egbert, remember it well."

"There was never a choice to make. What happened can't be changed. I'm a troll now, it's who I am."

All the reflections stepped out of their mirrors and began to walk towards him. "What the hell is going on?" The troll versions of himself inched closer and closer, John could now pick up the sight and scent of blood. It hung heavy in the air and saturated everything with its presence. It dripped from the fangs and claws of his troll self. The mirrors were splattered and smeared with crimson.

"This is what you have chosen John Egbert."

"N-No. No it isn't."

The smell of blood grew stronger. It began to ooze from the ceiling and drip on the confused troll. "You chose bloodshed and death. You chose this."

"No!"

"You chose. You chose. You chose." The voice boomed from all around. The reflections were closing in, but before they could reach him red drops of blood that were leaking through the mirrors intensified. The stream shattered the mirrors from above and swallowed John, hurling him into a never ending pool of red. "You chose."

"No!" He screamed and shot up out of bed.

Karkat was right beside him holding him. "Fuck John, shit, wake the fuck up."

"Karkat?" He was gasping for air and sweat plastered his hair to his face.

"Yes, I'm here, don't worry, it's ok."

"Karkat," John said quietly, his voice shaking with fear, "I haven't had a nightmare in months. Not like this."

"I know. I saw."

"You saw?"

Karkat swallowed and clutched John tighter, "Yeah, through our link, I saw everything." John started crying and shaking. "Shhhhh I know. It's ok, it was just a dream." John's Matesprit rubbed his back and tried to sooth the other troll. "I think…I think our fears might have mixed. Red blood, that's usually my fear because it's my biggest secret. Apparently we're going to share dreams as well as nightmares."

"I don't like this. Karkat I don't like this."

"I know, I don't either. Just remember it was a dream, nothing more. It was feeding off your uncertainties as a troll, and your fear of hurting your friends. Throw in my phobia of blood and you have yourself a perfect hell storm of fucked up scenarios."

John was still trembling, "But it knew…It knew exactly what I was going to choose, and-" he sobbed again.

"It was only a dream. It wasn't predicting the future, John. You're fine, you're safe."

John thought darkly, 'I'm just not sure anymore.'

\---

Terezi Pyrope was in the middle of one of the biggest court cases in scalemate history. But before the judge could lay down her final ruling there was a knock on her door a very familiar "Sup."

"Dave…what are you doing here?"

"Interrupting the justice system. I've come to set that poor bastard free, it turns out he had an evil twin brother that was causing all the crimes. Sorry sis, you got the wrong man. But that's ok, it's more than ok, because I'm here to set things right. I'm here to make it happen."

"Dave, I have a feeling you aren't talking about Mr. Blueberrybutt anymore."

He shifted awkwardly and sat down amongst the stuffed animals. "No, I'm not." Dave looked up at Terezi's face, trying to read her emotions, but hers were just as guarded as his own. "I've been an asshole lately. And it's hurt everyone, and I'm sorry."

"Apology unaccepted cool-kid."

Dave winced, "I thought you'd say that. But that's ok, I wasn't expecting to stroll in here and be forgiven just because I said sorry." He placed his hands on his knees, "I've come here to ask for your help."

"My help?" She sounded skeptical.

"Yes. Can you help me with my idiotic fear of trolls?"

She cackled, "You're afraid of trolls?" She was going to call bullshit, but hesitated. There was a tone to Dave's voice that was different. He wasn't fucking around, "Y-Yes, of course, I can help you."

"Thanks."

All at once Terezi Pyrope got see the Strider barrier fall. Everything that was the Dave Strider she knew fell apart. His voice would crack and he'd choke on words as he explained himself. She listened to his fears, to his confusion and anger. He put himself out in front of her, he was exposed and vulnerable and he trusted her to not fuck with him.

"I see. So all this time you've been afraid that we'd turn on each other and cause a blood bath much like what I described over trollian…I'm sorry."

"For what? For telling me the truth?"

She sighed, "No. I'm sorry for only describing the bad things that Alternians are capable of." Carefully she got up and sat next to Dave. "Now cool-kid scardy-cat, do you trust me? Can you trust me? I promise that I will not hurt you."

The human hesitated and took a few breaths, "Yes, Terezi I trust you."

"Good, because I'm going to show you something amazing."

Dave felt her forehead touch his then his vision went blank. First he panicked, second he panicked some more, and third he about pissed himself. When his sight came back he found himself in a place that in no way resembled the grey lab. He couldn't see his own body; he couldn't really see anyone at all. "This is Alternia." Dave could hear Terezi's voice. "This was my planet, my home."

The scenes shifted and Dave was blasted with images of trolls helping each other, of Karkat helping their team. He was shown Aradia beating Vriska half to death but stopping when she saw Tavros, he watched Nepeta pounce tackle Equius and saw Sollux and Feferi laughing in a pile of horns. "These are my friends Dave, these are the brave trolls who, for the most part have died." Over and over the scenes shifted and moved showing things from the great past and what Dave could only imagine was the distant future.

"Trolls are a violent and deadly race." Dave saw worlds being invaded and people enslaved. He watched a world suspiciously like Earth become a flooded wasteland. "But underneath that we can be kind." His eyes widened to images of adult trolls taking in small trolls who lost their lusii and two trolls he assumed were Matesprits embracing. "Just like a coin trolls have two sides."

Everything snapped back into focus, Terezi heard Dave's labored breathing and spoke again, "As a seer I can show you these things. I can show you anything, really."

Dave looked back up at the troll girl in front of him. "Was all that…true?"

"In one timeline or another," She leaned back, "I regret deeply only talking about the bad. If anything, our group should illustrate the vast range of emotional capabilities our species possesses. We had gentle highbloods and lowbloods that show extreme courage and strength. Trolls don't have a word for friend, it's always enemy, but I think we're learning."

She grinned, knowing full well her grin would scare even the Cheshire cat, and continued, "You were right to fear us Dave, I could mop the floor with your boney human ass and I'm blind. I have a handicap." Her grin widened, "But, you must also realize that's there's a difference between a troll under the harsh rule of an Empress without a soul, and a group of children just trying to survive in hell." She placed a hand on Dave's shoulder, her expression softening, "I will help you understand that there is nothing to fear from us. I won't delude you, but I'm done blowing things out of proportion. The stories I told were of revenge gone horribly, twistedly wrong. That wasn't fair to you; my venting gave you a phobia of an entire race."

Dave nodded and tried to smile back, even if she couldn't quite see it. "I get it Terezi; you're not all that bad. But Jesus fuck, next time warn me before you shove my brain through a movie marathon like that. I think some of it leaked out my ear. I never knew half of this shit…I'm sorry things went so wrong."

"There's a reason I'm into justice, I'm not just insane. When we make this new planet Dave, when we create this new universe, I want to make things right." She helped Dave to stand. "I want to show everybody a world in which fairness isn't a dream but a reality. Equality is enjoyed by everyone and fear isn't something we're born with. And," she paused gripping Dave's hand, "I'd love it if my favorite cool-kid Strider was beside me."

Dave smirked, "Are you sure the planet is ready for this? The amount of pure awesome that we'll be radiating could be too much, we'll override the systems, blow a few fuses."

"Dave, shut up."

"I'll be there 'Rezi," he hugged her, "I let you down once, and that was already once too many."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly not the best chapter I've ever written. But it'll do.  
> This is almost like a set up up for the events in the next chapters that will move the plot along at a significant pace. So yeah, there's that to look forward to.  
> Please ignore the heavy amounts of angst in this chapter. I won't do it again.

"John are you ok?" Karkat stuck his head out of the shower they were previously sharing and looked at his quivering Matesprit. John never answered and through the fogged mirrors Karkat could see blue tears. "John?"

The other troll blasted Karkat with a wide range of feelings from anger to depression before covering his face with his hands. "No I'm not ok Karkat!"

Carefully Karkat moved from the shower to stand behind John, "Would you like to tell me what's wrong?"

"No," John sniffled.

Moving slowly Karkat wrapped his arms around John and pulled him close, "You have to tell me, I can't help unless you tell me what's wrong."

"I don't want you to help!" John spun around, breaking contact, and snarled, "I want these gone!" He flared his wings, "I want this gone!" He clawed at his skin, "and I don't want these!" He pulled down on his horns, "Or this, or this, or any of it!"

Karkat watched John point to every part of his body that had changed since he became a troll. His Matesprit fell to his knees and curled up under the sink. He growled when Karkat crouched down to his level. "John…" The boy snarled when Karkat reached for him. "I thought you were ok with this, with being a troll," Karkat said letting his hand fall and sat down a few feet away.

"I am," he whimpered. "Or at least I thought I was." He growled again when Karkat tried to approach. "Sometimes I see myself in the mirror and I don't like my refection. It's worse when I'm naked, I feel exposed and everything that's different stands out." John rested his head on his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs. "I don't like it sometimes. Some days I'm fine, some days I like being a troll. But there have been times like just now where I just sit and cry."

"How many times has this happened?" He asked quietly.

"A lot."

"How many?"

"I don't know."

This time when Karkat scooted closer to John he didn't growl or snarl. Karkat gently urged John out from under the counter and sink and pulled him to his feet. "Come on; let's get you back in the shower."

"But I'm already clean Karkat…"

He smiled a bit, "Sometimes it's better to just relax under the hot water. Come on, it'll make you feel better, I promise." Karkat sat down and let John lean against him. The blue troll moved to tuck his wings back into place but Karkat stopped him. "Leave them out this time, if you think you can."

"Yeah sure, whatever," John let them droop and Karkat started moving his hands up and down his Matesprit's back. "I don't know why you like the ugly things."

"Because they're beautiful," Karkat replied simply. "It's every trolls dream to get wings, that's why our god forms have them. If I ever obtained wings though…I don't know what I'd do. I'd have to hide them or cut them off or something."

"Why?"

"My blood. My wings would be my blood color. It wouldn't go over well," Karkat turned the faucet and the water poured down a bit hotter. "So you're lucky, there aren't a lot of trolls who are gifted with wings."

"Still doesn't mean I have to like them."

"That's true I guess. But you shouldn't fucking hate them. You shouldn't hate anything about yourself."

"Hypocrite."

"Hey I'm trying to make you feel better!"

John laughed leaned back so Karkat had to put his arms around the other trolls neck instead. "It's working Karkat, I already feel much better." He sat motionless and felt each small drop land on his skin. The air in the room was already fogging over again with steam and he was pleasantly warm. "I'm trying to get better Karkat, I really am."

"I know, you're trying so hard."

"It's just hard sometimes."

"Do you miss being a human?"

Without hesitation he answered, "Yes, of course." He paused and growled in frustration, "But I like being a troll too sometimes. It's confusing."

"I can tell," John elbowed him, "well, what do you like about being a troll?"

John thought about it for a while, "I like the new senses, and this Matesprit bond thing is awesome. And I like the way you can communicate with just simple noises, like growls and chirps and stuff. That's all really neat."

"And what don't you like?"

"The nightmares," he answered instantly. "I'm not too fond of the aggression either, that instinct can take a flying leap. Since I mentioned flying, these wings aren't cool at all; I guess I just don't like the things that remind me I'm different." John tilted his head back so he could look into Karkat's eyes, "Like when I see my eyes in the mirror or notice the skin on my arm is grey…well it reminds I'm not human and then I remember everything I've lost."

Karkat nodded and hugged him tighter, "We've all lost a lot…" He could feel John shiver, "I know we talked about this a few nights ago, but if you were ever given the chance, would you go back to being a human?"

"I…I don't know Karkat. I want to say I wouldn't, but sometimes I'm not that confident in myself. I can't answer that for sure. But Sollux said it was pretty impossible for me to revert back, so I'd rather not think about it."

John felt Karkat rest his head on his should and nuzzle his neck, "I hope you can find your peace soon. It hurts me to see you like this."

"I know, I can feel it in you," John fluttered his wings and sat up a bit, "We should probably get out of the water…haha we'll turn all wrinkly."

"What?"

"You mean trolls don't do that either?"

Karkat looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "What are you talking about?"

John laughed, "You know, like when you stay in water too long and your fingers get all wrinkly and feel gross?" Karkat shook his head, "Oh then I guess that's a human thing…" He said, voice lowering and eyes glancing downward.

Karkat grabbed him quickly and kissed his cheek, "Oh no you don't, you don't get to think about anything else sad today. I'm making it a fucking rule." John was frozen in his arms, "John, seriously… come on, I don't want to see you frown anymore." He could feel the other troll start to sob. "John…"

"Sorry Karkat, I-I didn't mean to. I just, fuck," he gripped Karkat and sobbed on his chest.

"Shhh, you're fine," Karkat ran a hand through John's hair. "It'll be ok John. You'll be ok." John's breathing was shaky at best. "Shhhh…" It was times like this where Karkat truly hated the actions that happened that one day weeks and weeks ago. The day that hurt his friend turned lover so badly. "I'm sorry you're like this John...So, so sorry."

"I-It's not your fault, it's mine too."

"There were so many times I could have stopped this from happening," he murmured, feeling John's breath catch between sobs and hiccups. He could see the dark blue tears swirl and mix with the clear water by the drain.

Eventually the sound of Karkat's calming noise drifted into John's ears. He closed his eyes and focused on the nice things in the moment. Like the hot water running down his back, and the sound of it hitting the shower wall and floor. Each drop that fell and combined with the water pooling around their bodies helped to relax the troll further. It reminded him of a rainstorm and all the times he'd listen to the rain outside his window. He focused in on Karkat, the best thing that had happened to him since becoming trapped on the asteroid. Slowly he relaxed and nuzzled back into Karkat. "Thanks," he whispered.

"Anytime," Karkat smiled when he heard John make a soft humming sound back. "Whenever you're feeling bad, or upset just come get me and we can do this. A hot shower always makes it better." He resumed rubbing John's back and focusing solely on him.

"That sounds like a good idea," John kissed Karkat softly, "I'm glad you're not a flailing rage monster like I thought you'd be."

Karkat paused and didn't know whether to laugh or be offended, "You thought I'd be a flailing rage monster?"

"Well, because you were so angry and shouty online!" John giggled and shifted so he was in a more comfortable position and wiped the remaining tears from his face.

"Yeah well you were so much more of an asshole online, so I'm glad you're not like that," he felt John's wings start vibrating causing a second humming sound to join with his voice. "You're much more bearable in person." Karkat raised an eyebrow and glanced at John's wings, "That's new."

"It's not new; you have just never seen it. It's one of those stupid 'I'm happy things' my body does," he replied with a relaxed sigh. John didn't mind that his wings were being weird this time; Karkat had calmed him down for what seemed like the millionth time. Grinning he stood up and pulled Karkat with him, "We should get dressed before the others think we drowned in here or something."

"Yeah right, I don't think those assholes have noticed we're gone. We disappear all the time, they never gave a fuck then, why would they suddenly now?"

John grabbed a towel and began drying himself off, "I dunno, maybe because we're getting ready to move soon?"

"Not for a few more weeks at least. There's so much we have to do still." Karkat stood behind John and carefully dried off his wings, "How do you dry these on your own?"

"I don't, I never get them wet," He responded and fluttered them effectively spraying Karkat with a mist of water. "You never told me much about the other parts of the lab. What's out there?"

While drying off the rest of the boys wings he answered, "It's not that much different from here. This space we've inhabited is probably one of the nicest parts. I think this area was previously used by Derse agents who were pretty high up in command. The rest of the lab is deserted and none of the area's we were in had separate bedroom like spaces or a bathroom with showers, not to mention the power was out in most of the hallways and larger rooms. My guess is before they abandoned the lab someone pulled a main breaker switch and turned most of it off. Sollux found a generator for this section before you guys arrived." Only when Karkat was satisfied that John's wings were dry did he let him fold them back in.

"How long have you been here?" John asked slipping his shirt back on over his now neatly retracted wings.

"I don't know. Months? Too long, that's for sure. We've actually moved our main location. Not too far, but we had to get out of our old main area of operation. You can still get to the olds parts we sectioned off for private rooms, but they aren't really room like, so we found something better."

"You left because of what happened right?"

Karkat nodded curtly, "The stench of death isn't pleasant." He watched John rub a clear spot in a mirror and brush his teeth and hair. "Are you ok?"

John stared long and hard at the troll reflection looking back at him, "Yeah, I'm good now. Don't worry." He gave Karkat a weak smile.

The other troll rested his head on John's shoulder, "Your breath is minty as fuck."

"I just brushed my teeth, what did you think it'd smell like ass?"

Karkat elbowed him and pulled him along to the door. "The rest of the story is as you know; we walked until we found a passage that leads to a completely different building on the asteroid. From what it looks like this area of the asteroid was used as a manufacturing and holding facility for all the monsters created to fight on the battlefield."

Stepping faster John caught up with Karkat and said, "Yeah that sounds about right, I mean, it makes sense. So if this is the manufacturing area, then what do you think the other part of the asteroid do?"

"That's anyone's fucking guess. We're all hoping it's a transport center. There could actually be some useful technology there." Karkat slowed his pace and his voice got lower and far more serious, "All I know is that we can't continue living here."

"Yeah…"

"It's not good to be unable to see the sky…breathing this stale air is getting tiresome. I'm sure we could last here for a while, but it's not living, it's just…surviving."

John nodded, adding, "I want a planet of our own again. A place we could call home, somewhere with a breeze and warm sunlight. I don't even care if it's filled with terrifying monsters, I just want a home."

"I think we all want a home by now," Karkat laughed dryly, "Hell I'd even take Alternia back."

"Was Alternia that bad?"

"Well it wasn't good…I mean I guess it wasn't horrible. Alternia was a planet where weakness killed and unless you could jump through every goddamn hoop the government put up and reach heights higher than the fucking mountains you were likely to be culled. Though blood works like money and high bloods often don't have to do much to guarantee their survival."

John walked alongside Karkat, "So what would happen to low bloods?"

"Most die. I mean their lives are pretty fucking short anyways, so the useful ones work aboard ships for the Empress until they die."

"What about you?"

"I…I would have made it until the adult registration process, then I would have been discovered and killed on the spot," Karkat answered darkly. "And before you ask, I guess I could have run away and lived maybe a half a sweep more, but the drones would have found me. I'd be dead before I hit puberty."

"And me?"

"You're a high blood, and you're borderline royalty, as far as land trolls go. As long as you weren't crippled and pass the tests you'd have no problem fitting in with the adults of troll society. No problems at all. And if you kept those wings of yours, fuck you'd go places John. Your future would be so damn bright Dave's stupid shades wouldn't do a thing."

"That's so not fair though, just because a troll's blood is a low color means they'll get nothing? How does that even work? Why hasn't anyone tried to stop this?" John knew things were rough on Alternia but he never thought they were that bad.

"Trolls have tried to stop it. There are rumors, legends that have been going around since before I hatched. These tales tell of a rebellion led by the low bloods for peace and equality. It's a good grubs tale, but it's obvious that it didn't do anything."

John's ears perked at that info, "You mean someone tried to stop a whole empire once? That's sounds really cool! I wonder if it ever happened?"

"I don't know nookwhiff. All reports related to it were supposed to be destroyed. Usually the stories were passed down through word of mouth…well if you were brave enough to talk about something like out loud."

"Why was it such a bad thing?" John asked. They were nearing the main sitting room now.

Karkat sat down on the longer couch and John sat across from him, "Well just think about it. It's not that hard to guess why. Our Empress was a power freak, she was back then and she probably is still now. Alternia was filled with the young. And you know as well as I do that young trolls are very impressionable. We learn our places from the first moments we struggle to take a breath, but what would happen if a story about leading a revolution was well traveled and everyone knew of it?"

"Oh, I get it. It was banned to discourage another uprising," John answered.

"Exactly. Even if the story isn't true, and it's just a fairy tale, well that's enough to spark a flame in young hearts that could be difficult to extinguish," Karkat added sullenly, "especially with the amount of low bloods that Alternia is, was, home to."

A calm voice entered the conversation, "What are you two talking about?"

Karkat's head swiveled and he eyed the newcomer, "Oh, Kanaya, I was just talking about Alternia, and what it was like for different members of the blood casts."

"And the rumors of a rebellion!" John added. "It's so interesting, nothing like on Earth."

"Is that so? Well I have a little piece of info about the 'rebellion' as well."

"Spill it Kanaya," Karkat and John both moved to make room for her, John taking a seat in Karkat's lap.

"You know that trolls are raised by lusii right John?"

He nodded, "Yeah, those big white monster things, Karkat showed me a few in a dream link recently."

"Dream link?"

Both Matesprits looked at each other before Karkat said, "Uh, never mind, it's too hard to explain."

"Ok…As I was saying, trolls are usually found by a lusus just after they emerge from the caverns and only after they have pupated and finished the trials. Well, I heard that the troll who started the rebellion was raised by another troll. And he was found as a grub and raised into adulthood by the same troll."

"So it was like he had regular parents? Or, uh, parent?" John smiled, "That's actually pretty cool. I bet it was awesome having something that wasn't all sharp and screechy."

"Fuck you Crabdad kicked ass."

"Yeah, your ass," John laughed.

Kanaya smiled, "Yes, I suppose it was like having a 'human parent'. Very much so I would think. I bet their bond was something special."

Karkat agreed, "But, how would an adult troll even find a grub? They can't wander out of the caverns, it's impossible. Unless…"

"I believe, and so do many others that hear the story, that the troll who found the little grub was a female jade blood, much like myself. She would have access to the caverns and their surrounding area."

"Oh wow, so it's like she saved a baby and ran away with it! That's pretty awesome! I hope it's true."

"I onthe heard that the group had a powerful thionic that traveled with them."

"Sollux stop inserting yourself into every conversation you blind asshole."

"Shut your fathe Vantath it'th true," he sat down on the adjacent couch. "Well, at leatht ath true ath all your other theories."

"And where'd you hear that? If you say the internet I'll smack you."

"No, my luthuth told me," he paused, "before he went all crazy, he uthed to tell me a lot of thingth."

John was drawn into this conversation, he knew so little about Alternia, and about the aliens he became friends with. He realized that he knew next to nothing about the species he had become. "Can we keep talking about stuff like this? It's really interesting."

"Of course John, I keep forgetting that this is all pretty new to you."

John smiled and asked, "So, if all these stories are true, who do you think the leader was? Not like names or anything, but what do you think his blood color was?"

"Hith name wath the Thignleth."

"What was that Captor?" Karkat teased.

"Fuck off and die KK."

"His name was the Signless," Karkat continued, "Or, depending on the story teller, "The Sufferer. It has been forbidden to talk about him or even write his name down for years. But the old Sea Bitch can't kill me now, so what's the problem? It was said he never had a sign. No one knows if he wasn't born with one, or if he abandoned it when he took up his crusade."

"You sure know a lot Karkat," Kanaya observed.

"I like history, that's all," he defended himself.

"I think the leader was a high blood personally," Sollux said, switching to Alternian to make speaking easier. "I think that only a high blood could have the resolve and command to lead that many people."

"Ah yes, but wouldn't a high blood be a very distrustful troll to follow? I doubt many low bloods would follow a blue or purple blood anywhere. Especially not into battle or in protest."

Karkat chimed in, "But you guys are forgetting that he didn't have a sign, he never showed his colors. It was anonyms, he could have been anything. I think that's why he was followed. He wasn't a high blood or a low blood, he was just a troll." He looked down and rested his head against John's briefly before continuing, "Which maybe makes me think he was different. In more than just ideals and dreams. Maybe the leader of the rebellion wasn't on the hemospectrum, maybe he didn't fit in. And because of that, he could see the damage and destruction it was creating clearer than anybody."

John leaned back against Karkat and buzzed in agreement, "That sounds like a great idea Karkat, I mean it makes sense. To me at least." He understood the value of Karkat's words more than the others, and the fact that Karkat was dropping some major hints about his own blood color were surprising to the young troll. He made sure to show Karkat he had his support.

Kanaya eyed Karkat carefully, "That sounds awfully like our own leader, doesn't it Sollux? Someone who doesn't show his colors, were you referring to anyone in particular Karkat?"

"Fuck no. Think about present time for a second. Do you honestly think a mutated troll would have a chance? Maybe back thousands of sweeps, but now? Impossible. The drones would kill it on sight. I'm surprised they let you slide Sollux, probably because of your psionics."

"It's because my mutation is actually useful you dumbfuck."

"How is having double everything useful in any way?"

"I could show you," Sollux smirked and raised an eyebrow suggestively, "in bed." John's low growl sounded and Sollux quickly apologized, "John, I didn't mean it. Jeeze."

Karkat laughed and kissed his Matesprit on the neck, "Calm down nookwhiff, the bifurcated asshole isn't worth it and you know it."

Kanaya cleared her throat and attempted to steer the conversation back on track. "I was raised by a virgin mother-grub, she never lived in the brooding caverns, but she told me many, many stories from ones who had. She was wise beyond her ages, and what she says correlates with your statement. A mutant troll could never escape the caverns alive. You were right; it was silly thinking on my part."

The mutant trolls snorted, "Of course it was silly. There's no way in hell someone an off the scale blood color could survive even if they got out of the caverns. There's no lusus set up for such an event, the young troll would just die."

"That's where you're wrong," Terezi said walking in. "In legend it was said that after the Signless's death there was still an underground following that supported him. And this underground following ensured that there would be a lusus for a troll born without a sign. The defense rests it's case."

"Terezi we weren't…never mind. So you say there was a following after his death?"

"Oh yes, a very large one that I believe continues even now!" She sat down next to Kanaya.

"How is that so?" The Jade blood asked, "All the trolls are dead, do you follow this 'cult'?"

"Do you honestly think we are the last Alternian trolls?" Terezi said seriously.

Karkat hesitated before answering, "No. I don't." He glanced at the others around him, "We are not the last. Just because we no longer have a matriorb does not mean our race is doomed to fail. Alternia spread its power through galaxies, throughout the universe. With an empire that large, there have to be some trolls still alive. There must be settlements of trolls that were too far away to report to the Empress directly."

"There is also the high chance that trolls left the service of the Empress and lived on planets they found that were far from the main influence of the Empire." Sollux offered.

"Or trolls that had problems with their ships," John added, "There could be some stranded on planets as well, right?"

"Exactly," Terezi beamed. "We're not a doomed race, just because Sollux said the outlook wasn't good, or that Feferi said the vast glub killed every returning ship, there had to be some that are still out there."

"Vast glub?" John questioned.

"It was a mental shockwave that Feferi's lusus could emit. It swept through our galaxy and killed every troll on Alterina that hadn't been blasted to bits by the meteors, and it wiped out all the returning ships that were trying to defend our home planet from the incoming meteors." Karkat clarified the best he could, "The night we played the game, my six wiggling day, I saw the ships. I thought they were here to pick up the new young adult trolls but," he paused, "They weren't. They were here to try to protect us from the chaos the game started. I saw the ships high in the night sky. I also saw the meteors and the devastation they brought with them. But I couldn't stay long, I was set to enter the medium and… and well, I was the leader so I couldn't show signs of weakness. I had more important things to do."

"Yeah like bitch at me for putting your toilet outside," Terezi laughed.

"Load gapers do not belong in the lawn ring Terezi and you know it!"

There was an awkward silence that hung in the air until Sollux spoke, "I was the last to make it in. And well, I didn't exactly make it in one piece…or even alive." Kanaya looked over at Sollux, "Yeah, only a hand full of trolls knew this, but I was dead on entry. Feferi revived my body with one of my dreamselves."

"Wait, you got more than one? Did you all get two?" John asked suddenly, "Aw man not fair! I want a do over; can I be on your team this time?"

Sollux chuckled, "I have two because I happen to be fucked up in the brain department and a second dream self is a fucking reward."

"Yeah John, no one else got a bonus dream self, you might want to stay with your own session."

"I dunno, yours had a lot less death…"

Growling erupted from Karkat this time, "Yeah, we had a fan-fucking-tastic time. I personally enjoyed the part where a dog monster tore apart our chance to live, a clown bludgeoned two of our friends to death, and a wannabe wizard killed one of my best friends, blinded the other and destroyed our only hope of rebuilding our race," he paused and took a breath through a snarl, "Oh and I can't forget the lovely discovery of finding said wizard wannabe sawed in half body and Tavros in a pool of his own blood. It was particularly pleasant to find Terezi standing over the corpse of Vriska! Oh and it was a fucking blast returning to that room to clean up the guts and try to put Feferi back together, do I need to mention the-"

"Karkat stop!" Terezi yelled.

Someone in the room was softly crying. "He's the one who as-"

"Is crying you moron!" She interrupted.

"You didn't have to s-show me Karkat," John choked out.

Instantly he switched from boiling over like an angry pot to was pulling John in tight, "Fuck, I didn't mean to, John I didn't mean to."

"I-I know, but you still did…"

"What happened?" Kanaya asked, "Why is John crying?"

Karkat growled in frustration, "It's part of our Matesprit bond. Our minds are linked, and I can show John stuff. When I went off back there I accidently opened the flood gates and let John see everything that I saw, including all the dead bodies…and when you know…had to dispose of the pieces…"

"Karkat stop!" John wailed again.

"Fuck, sorry John." He pet the poor trolls head and tried to sooth him. "We're not very good at the whole link thing yet. So we accidently show each other things we probably shouldn't."

John shivered and pulled back from Karkat, "I'm fine," he muttered. Addressing the other trolls he said, "I'm sorry for saying something so stupid. Sorry Karkat…I should have realized that you went through shit."

"No, John I shouldn't have yelled. It happened a long time ago, and you didn't know. I was just under a lot of pressure you know?"

"Yeah. I do." Pressing his shoulder against Karkat he breathed in and out, "I was a leader once too. I know." 

The conversation shifted away from the horrors of the past and back to the idea of the revolution on ancient Alternia. John laughed "It almost sounds like these guys could have been you. If you know, you lived a bunch of years ago."

"Oh god, do not even suggest they were our 'ancestors' or something foolish like that," Karkat said.

Terezi chimed in with a cackle, "We go enough of that from Vriska. She would talk your ear off about that stupid book she found. She said it was from her ancestor. We aren't even related to any other troll by blood anymore, it's all a slurry. Anyways, she said she had proof that her ancestor was a great pirate and whatever. I just thought it was a bunch of flarp nonsense."

"We don't have 'ancestors' not like you humans had."

John nodded and leaned back on Karkat, "Alternia must have been a really weird place."

"Compared to your placid Earth, yeah it was."

The rest of the time was spent talking about their former planet and old traditions. They spent time pouring over memoires and special occasions. Karkat helped John 'see' the events through their link as they talked. A few times the humans passed by, but quickly left when they realized the conversation was entirely in Alternian and wouldn't be switching to English anytime soon.

\---

After a long day of organizing supplies and taking inventory, all the boring bullshit that demands a leader's full attention, Karkat found himself wandering down the hall towards his room. Original intent was to find John and demand his company as he slept, but upon passing his doorway he froze. There standing before one of Karkat's mirrors was his Matesprit. But it wasn't the happy one he had always known; this one was once again glaring at the blue wings on his back and growling at his reflection. Quickly Karkat turned around and walked back towards Sollux's room.

A quick nock beckoned the blind programmer to answer the door. "What do you want KK?"

"Can I talk to you about something important?"

The look in Karkat's eyes made it impossible to say no.

\---

John stood outside Dave's door. There was always a nervous calm before the storm type feeling that the new troll had to face every time he prepared himself to enter. The Strider lived in a two part room divided by a wall and a small sliding door. The front half was where Dave slept and hung out; there was a couch and a mattress on the floor. He moved out of the group room shortly after the incident with Jade. John could always smell dirty laundry and the occasional old pizza box on the floor. He smiled, out of all the rooms in the asteroid, Dave's always reminded him of what a room was supposed to be. The second space was where he worked on his music. The farthest wall was lined with equipment he had no clue how to operate.

He knew Dave had a sparring space as well, but he was never sure if it was in the main room or his recording room as swords were tossed everywhere in a haphazard fashion. Eventually he mustered up the courage to actually knock and enter. His friend was in the back room recording or mixing or whatever so John waited by the door patiently. The young Strider was aware of John's presence the moment he took off his headset. "Oh, hey John, surprised me there," he walked over and put an awkward arm around his neck, "So how's my best troll bro doing?"

"I'm your only troll bro Dave," John pointed out, "And I'm fine."

"Oh man, that's not true, Vantas is a bro too."

John shrugged off Dave's arm and elbowed him gently, "The day you and Karkat get along will be the day miracles happen and we win this game no strings attached."

"Speaking of Karkat, how's your Meatsprit anyways?"

"It's Matesprit Dave and you know it."

"Yeah, I know it, doesn't mean I can't poke fun at it."

"You're an ass."

"So are you."

"Learned from the best." John flopped down on Dave's ratty couch. "So what have you been up to Dave?"

"Nothing much, just mixing some new music before the big move. I'm not sure how much of this shit I can take with me. Can't be clogging my inventory with my production equipment. I have to mix this shit before it's too late."

"Knowing you, when we get to the new planet, you'll invent music and the re-invent it over and over again."

Dave smirked, "Now that's an idea I can get behind." He took the seat next to John, "So, why'd you come over John? You need some schoolin' on how to be badass?"

"No, I'm fine, really. I just wanted to talk I guess. It's been a while."

Dave looked at him through his shades, "I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit."

"What? Why?" John leaned forward, "Do I need an excuse to talk to my friend?"

The blond shook his head, "No way man, but anyone can see you're not ok."

"But I am," he growled in frustration.

Dave watched his friend warily. The growling thing was still unsettling to him, not to mention the sharp teeth that were usually bared after it. He sighed and tried to knock those thoughts away, but it was hard when your best friend looks like something out of your nightmares. "I don't really think so. What's on your mind? I promise I won't go all psycho analysis whatever on you like Rose would."

John flopped back and flung his legs on Dave's lap and hung his head over the side of the couch, "Fine, since you are dying to know,' he sighed. "I'm just stressed out about the move and about everything. I mean, think for a second…we're all leaving the relative safety of this lab and heading out for the unknown. We're gonna be in danger again Dave. We'll have to fight again, and maybe one of us will die." John said a little softer, "How am I supposed to protect everyone? What if…what if we all die Dave? What then?"

"I don't know…But we'll figure it out. Come-on man, you're a god, you can't beat that." Dave lifted up one of John's hands, "And look, you have these wicked claws and all that pent up troll aggression. I feel sorry for whatever imp crosses your path."

"Yeah that's all stuff I might have, but you don't. You're just a weak human…"

Dave snorted, "Weak my ass John. Have you forgotten how strong you used to be? How strong we are? Before you became a god with annoying windy powers, before your skin turned grey and you became a good predator, before all that. Do you remember how much we rocked? We were like fucking super ninjas or some shit."

John raised an eyebrow, "Super ninjas?"

"Shut up, it's a work in progress, but you get what I'm saying." He folded his arms, "You don't have to worry about us, because we're awesome. Just keep being Eggdork and we'll be fine."

"Daaaave," he whined, "no more stupid nicknames."

"Eggbutt better?"

"Dave!" The troll sat up and playfully punched his friends shoulder. "Hey, thanks."

"No problem. Anything else been bothering you?"

"Too much, but this helped."

He frowned and pushed John back down on the couch, "Ok then, keep talking away. I'll put on my good listener ears and pretend you're my teacher or some shit, no wait, you're Bro, I always listened to him… mostly."

Smiling John said carefully, choosing his words so he wouldn't be misunderstood, "I have a lot of doubts about myself that are more than just if I'll be a good leader."

"Like…" Dave pressed for more.

"You know you aren't going to regain all your bro points in this one sitting right?"

"I'm not looking for bro points, spill," he glanced over at John, all straight face and serious brows.

Sighing again John tried to explain, "It's not your fault Dave, this doesn't have to do with what you said. I like being a troll, it's fun, but sometimes I don't like it. It's confusing and probably just a phase."

"Not sure if I follow," he commented.

"Argh, see? I knew this was stupid. Ok, like…So I'm a troll right?"

"Obviously," Dave answered.

"That was rhetorical or something," John muttered.

"Ohhhh big words, I'm impressed."

"Dave I thought you said you'd be the 'good listener'?" He nodded and stopped talking. "I'm a troll now. That can't be changed. It's fun, I like it…most of the time. Like I said before, it's not your fault, I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I just miss being a human. Not every day, hell not every week even, just occasionally."

"Sometimes you look at yourself and see someone else? And that scares you right?"

"Yeah, it does…it's also a reminder of what I've lost…"

Dave furrowed his brows and said quietly, "Everything reminds us of something we lost. But that's part of life bro, that's what your heart beat and your breath mean. They mean you've lost something but gained something too." His red eyes searched John for understanding, "These shades remind me of you, of a time when we only talked through text and sent packages for our birthdays. And this shirt, this symbol, there was a time where I shit you not, Bro fucking cut the record on my shirt in half. I'm not going to stop wearing it because he's dead. I wouldn't dishonor him like that."

"But it's not the same-"

"Don't you fucking dare tell me it's not the same. Your skin color is like my shirt, it's changed, but it doesn't stop being the same thing it always was. It's different, but it's proof you lived. It's like a record that you spin and scratch, each time it goes around it changes in some small way, but it still remains the same." Once again he paused to gauge John's reaction, "Please don't make me use another shitty metaphor."

"Thanks Dave." John rolled over so he faced the cushions. "So you honestly think we'll be ok?"

"No. But we'll make it through sheer stubbornness and willpower. I doubt Vantas wants to see anymore dead bodies in his lifetime and I'm sick and tired of going back to change a future that ended in corpses."

That put a thought into John's head. It was small and didn't occur to him before. "Dave," he started quietly, "did you ever think about going back in time and stopping this from happening?"

"I…" he swallowed, "the thought…it didn't, I mean of course I thought about it. But I never…it wasn't threatening our lives…you turning into a troll wouldn't cause a doomed timeline, if it ever did, yeah I'd go back in a heartbeat. But I didn't do something that would change your life just because I didn't like it. That's not how time travel works." He ran a hand through his hair uneasily, and gave a half smile. "So yeah, I thought about it, but I'd never do something like that."

"Ok, I was just wondering."

"Well wonder no more," Dave shifted John's legs from his lap and pulled the troll off the couch. "Come on, let's make some grub, I'm starving. I'll even let you feed me some of that gross ass troll food you guys eat." John followed him out the door, "Seriously how do you guys eat that stuff? It always looks like it's freshly dead, still pumping blood and shit. Like you just cooked that poor cow alive and ate it moving."

"Dave what the hell have you been watching? A horror movie?" John opened the door and proceeded down the hall, "We do not eat food still moving."

As John continued to babble about all the new food he'd tried Dave couldn't help but notice that John used "us" and "we" to refer to the other trolls. It hurt to be right, to know that John was considering himself part of their world and not his, but at the same time he was proud of the troll. He was changing, but staying the same, just like he said and just like John promised. "Dude are you going to sit here and talk forever or we going to start some sick fires and make wicked treats or something."

\---

Karkat once again found himself standing outside his own door. This time the reason he didn't enter had nothing to do with a blue blood troll being inside but everything to do with the lack of said blue troll. "Where could he be? It's late and the heaters are set to slow soon…" He backtracked quickly entered the main room. "Hey have any of you losers seen John?"

"Karkat? I thought John was with you," Kanaya answered.

"If he was I clearly wouldn't be asking," he growled back.

"Calm down Karkat he'll turn up," Terezi said from across the room.

He left muttering, "Maybe he's with his friends…" a quick knock on the human's doors revealed that John hadn't stopped by to visit any of them. Frustrated he went to Sollux but even his Moirail didn't have a clue where he was.

"Thorry KK, why don't you jutht uthe your mind link?"

"Oh shit…I didn't even fucking think about that," he left Sollux and walked back to his room. The odd thing was that he couldn't feel John at all. Usually there was always a constant feeling of his Matesprit, it hung in the back of his mind, not always making itself known, but taking up enough space to let Karkat know that he was never truly alone. But this time there was almost no trace of John, anywhere.

And it petrified Karkat to his very core.

He picked up his pace and called out to John in his mind. All at once he got blasted by the feeling of ice water being dumped down his back and icicles scraping at his skin like claws. Legs buckled and he stared at the wall, paralyzed on the ground with panic and crippling cold. It was John, that much was clear. As soon as the arctic blast hit it receded. Karkat struggled to his feet and followed the tiny spark of John that ignited in his brain. It was faint and flickered in and out like a dying flame, but it was all he had to go on.

Karkat ended up facing the door to the showers. Water was running, that much was obvious and clear. What was hard to catch, even for his sensitive troll ears was the sound of breathing. "John?" Karkat asked before bursting in anyways, it's not like there were any other subjects it could be. Water was pooling in one of the shower stalls and he could see a small piece of blue grey troll flesh. "John fuck!" He bolted and lifted the troll upright. He was still clothed and soaked to the bone with cold water. "You moron! You'll freeze to death!"

The first thing Karkat did was pull John from the icy water's grasp and start wrapping him towels. "John! John! Can you hear me?" In his arms John was unresponsive and looked dead. It never helped that his blood was blue so he couldn't tell how much was from cold or his blood underneath. "John, fuck, John come one talk to me."

An eye opened halfway, "Karkat?" The reply was quiet and breathy.

"Fuck, John, what were you thinking?" He rubbed the troll's skin vigorously and tried to warm him up. His Matesprit felt like a block of ice and it almost stung to touch him. "By all standards you should be dead right now." Hastily he threw aside damp towels and replaced with them fresh dry ones. "Why would you do this?"

"I-I didn't try to…" He managed to reply. "You told me to sit in the shower when I felt bad…and I felt bad."

"Don't sit in the damn thing until it run colds idiot! You'll die!"

"Do you think," he said softly, his eyes blinking in and out of consciousness, "do you think Dad would be proud of me?"

Before Karkat could answer John's eyelids fell back and his head slumps limply to the side. His heart was still beating and breath came from his parted lips so Karkat quickly scooped him up and returned to their room. He stripped the boy of all of his clothes and did the same for himself. Then he buried the troll deep in blankets and curled around him.

Trolls have always been highly susceptible to being cold, it's probably their only weakness and Karkat was really afraid for John. He wasn't shivering, he was still, and he was so cold. Karkat tried his best to share his body heat with him and keep the blankets completely covering them. After ten tense minutes passed John began to stir again. "John?" Karkat asked softly.

"Hey Karkat," he smiled weakly, "did I do something stupid again?"

"Oh thank god," he pulled him tight and purred into his neck. "Don't fucking do that again, understand?"

"Do what exactly?" He blinked a few times and tried to recall. All he could remember was Karkat calling his name and he was cold. Deathly cold.

"You were in the showers, but the water was ice. Were you trying to kill yourself?"

"N-No! Of course not! I'd never…" he paused, "I wouldn't do that, right?"

Karkat pressed him closer to his body and said softly, "I don't know, I hope not."

"I miss my dad." John said suddenly.

"You mentioned that before," Karkat stated, "right before you passed out."

Struggling to remember John tore himself out of Karkat's embrace and burrowed into the blankets, "I was depressed, or something, I don't know. And I remember you told me to go take a hot shower whenever I felt bad, so I did. But then I never left? It got cold really fast, and my body stopped working? I don't know how, then I remember you came." He glanced back over at Karkat who, inside the blanket pile, was reduced to two glowing yellow orbs. "I don't think I wanted to end up like that."

"I don't think you did either," Karkat carefully rubbed John's back and noticed his wings were still frozen. He lifted the top few layers of blankets off and instructed John to beat his wings. "You asked me if your dad would be proud of you. Do you remember that?"

"…I dunno," John complied and started to flutter his stiff wings, "that seems like something I'd ask." His face returned to the pile of blankets and he started crying. "I just wonder if he's proud of me, or if he'd be proud of me…considering everything that has happened."

Karkat placed a hand on John's back, between vibrating wings and slowly moved John's face back into his chest. "Shhhhh, I can't say for sure, because I'm not him John, but I'm proud of you. Will that be enough for you right now?"

He shook his head and hiccuped, "But it helped."

"Next time you try to take one of your stress relief showers, come get me ok?"

"I can do that," he replied through quiet sobs.

Karkat cradled him until he was asleep and then promptly fell asleep as well. 'We need to hurry…' he thought right before drifting into unconsciousness.

\---

"KK!" Sollux's voice sounded from the other side of the metal door. "KK!" He pounded his fists this time. "KK I know you're in there!" The yellow troll raised his voice a bit. "KK!"

Karkat peeled himself away from John to answer the door. "What the fuck do you want Sollux? You always interrupt me when I'm trying to fucking sleep. This better be worth it." He opened the door to find his Moirail in tears, "Oh not you too. What the hell is it?"

"Aradia," he said breathlessly, "Aradia visited me in a dream."


	10. Chapter 10

“Aradia?” Karkat asked, “You’re sure. You’re absolutely sure it was her?”

“How could I possibly mistake her?” His voice seemed hostile at the very thought of not recognizing her. He was visibly shaken, it wasn’t certain if that was from excitement or something else.

John stirred in the bed and whimpered at Karkat’s missing warmth, “What’s going on?” He rubbed his eyes and sat up, “Sollux? What are you doing here?”

The blind troll ignored John, “She had something very important to tell me. But I fucking woke up before she could say anything. I’m so worthless, fuck.”

“No you’re not Sollux. At least we know she’s alive out there.”

A voice from across the room chimed in, “Who’s Aradia?”

“Our time player,” Karkat answered, he pulled Sollux back to the bed so he could sit down. “Do you remember anything else from the dream?”

“She’th godtier, I believe. I don’t know how else she could have thpoke to me. She knew about stuff KK, she knew about our situation and she knows about what’s going to come next. I think…I think she wath trying to warn me of something. But I don’t know what.”

“Maybe try sleeping again!” John suggested. He moved closer to Karkat and nuzzled against him and yawned. “Because that’s what I’m going to do.”

“John this is fucking serious, knock it off.”

The blue troll growled in frustration and bared his teeth, “But I’m tired. Karkat.”

“Seeing Aradia could mean something huge fuckwit. It could change all of our lives.”

John was still half asleep and mumbled, “I don’t see what’s so cool, Dave’s a time player too.”

Karkat sighed and ran a hand through John’s hair, “But Dave isn’t a fully realized time player.” He pulled the blankets over John and kissed his neck, “You go back to bed, your thinkpan isn’t working yet, I’ll join you soon.”

“K,” John yawned again slipping back into sleep.

“KK, we were in a dream bubble, if that helps.”

The leader nodded, “So it’s entirely possible that a field of them are entering the area?”

“Possibly. It could have been a freak accident too. I’m not sure.”

Karkat patted the other troll’s back, “We’ll talk more in the morning, with the full group ok?”

“Yes, of course. Thanks for listening KK, I didn’t know who else to turn to.”

Karkat hugged Sollux tightly, “I’m your Moirail dumb-ass, you can come to me for anything.”

\---

When John opened his eyes something felt different. It was wrong, yet so very right. His hands moved along the smooth railing as he descended the stairs to his own living room. The smell of baked goods drifted in from the kitchen. “I can’t believe I’m in my house again…and there aren’t any imps, or destruction…it’s like the game never happened.” He walked into the study quickly spotting the piano along the wall.

Smooth ivory keys rang clear throughout the room. John flinched as the perfect illusion was shattered by grey skin. “Dream bubbles,” John sighed, “I guess an illusion is better than nothing.” He sat down at the piano and carefully as well as a bit hesitantly pressed down on a few keys once more. The song was every bit as confused and emotional as the player was. ‘Whose dream bubble is this anyways?’ He thought as the beginnings of “Showtime” echoed through the room and down the hall. ‘It has to be mine, who else would dream up my house?’ He laughed and let his fingers grow more confident.

However the song froze and crashed to the ground with the uttering of one word.

“Son?”

John sat as frozen as his song as the last harsh misplayed notes faded. He didn’t want to turn around. He couldn’t turn around. Instead he stared down at the piano like it was the most interesting thing on the planet. He heard his dad ask again, this time a hint of fear in his voice. ‘Oh shit, I’m a troll, I’m not “John” I’m…I’m like a monster or something…’ His brain was working overtime and weakly he turned around to face his dad.

“…Hi, Dad…” He said softly, “I’m sorry.”

He let out a surprised yelp when his dad scooped him up into a bear hug, “What are you sorry about John?”

“That I’m all grey and sharp, that I let you die, that I didn’t save anyone, that I’m an alien now,” words poured from John as fast as apologies did.

His father shooshed him and held him closer, “It’s not your fault. You’re thirteen, I’m forty-two, I should be able to take care of myself.” He put his son down and examined him, “You’re eyes…they aren’t white…that means you’re a real John right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m alpha John, as far as I know anyway…”

“Good,” His dad hugged him again. “I’ve had to say good bye to too many dead sons.”

“Dad,” John choked out, finally losing it, “I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too,” he rubbed the boys back and sat him down on the piano bench. “So uh, can I ask…how you became as you put it, ‘grey and pointy’?”

John sniffed and rubbed his eyes, “Uh, yeah. So there are these aliens, and they helped us, but I accidentally turned myself into one of them. Karkat and I were messing around with game equipment; I touched something I shouldn’t have.”

“Karkat?”

“My Matesprit.”

“Mate…sprit?” Confusion and surprise were heavy in his voice.

“Oh shit, uh boyfriend…” John laughed uneasily.

“So…boyfriend…alien…ok.”

“Ok?” John questioned, “You’re just ok?”

“It all seems pretty impossible, but hey I’m dead…If you’re telling me you’re a gay alien now, then I have to believe you.”

John snorted and laughed some more, “I’m not gay dad.”

“I always thought you had a thing for that Dave boy.”

“Dad!” He elbowed him playfully, “I did not have a thing for Dave. Also trolls, which is what I am now, don’t really have genders…well they do, but not like for relationships. So I’m not really anything I guess.”

“But you have a boyfriend?”

He smiled, “Yeah…maybe you’ll meet him someday?”

“I’d love to.”

Resting his hands on the piano he began to play again. His dad watched him for a while before speaking, “I find most of the John’s through this piano. They all seem to gravitate towards it and play.”

“Besides you, it’s the thing I’ve missed most about this house, about my home,” he wanted to focus on playing instead of the memories that would be dug up and left exposed. Quickly he asked, “How many alternate timeline versions have you met?”

“Too many,” his dad’s voice was distant and pained. “Some were burned, others cut or missing limbs. It’s been like a gruesome trick or Halloween every time I meet one.”

“I’m sorry. The game doesn’t have any mercy.” John’s hands continued to play the same song over and over again, “Sburb was something I never should have played. But at the same time, if I hadn’t, we’d all be dead back home.”

“What do you mean?”

Once again John had to explain something that he didn’t want to ever, “Well…those meteors…they destroyed everything. All of humanity was wiped off the earth.” He added bitterly, “We didn’t save anything. Nothing. I wanted so badly to save the world; I was devastated when I found out.”

“So what’s the point of this then?” His dad gestured to everything around them. “What’s the point of this world? These never ending dreams?”

“I wish I knew.” John shrugged. “I think Rose said they were something designed by the horror terrors of the outer ring to give us a place to communicate with the dead. Karkat said another troll helped with their creation.” He took a few breaths, “And Karkat said the game’s purpose is to create a new universe to live in. But I’m just not sure anymore.” His hands slowed and stopped playing. “I just want things to be the way they were. If that’s impossible, then I just want to not be afraid.”

“You’ve done a lot of growing up,” his dad said quietly. “I’m very proud of you.”

\---

Dave Strider stood on the roof of his apartment complex. The same blistering, festering, and burning red sun beat down upon his body. Warm, heavy air greeted his lungs and he eagerly inhaled it all. He had been here before. This same situation was one he had grown used to. Crows scattered, dropping black feathers and leaving their voices ringing in Dave’s ears.

Staring up at the birds he whispered softly, “Into the sun you fly, burning your wings as you die.”

This was a dream bubble. Prior knowledge told him this. Once he stood on this same roof with Rose. That was back when they were trying to figure out if they were dead or sleeping. The memory wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant either. Dream bubbles gave off a different feel than regular dreams.

Occurrences in dreams felt fake, they were designed so you knew what they were from the moment your false eyes opened. In a dream bubble, everything was real. Nothing felt artificial, from the smog rising into the air to the sound his feet made on the roof. Only one mystery remained. Was this his dream bubble or someone else’s?

Bro. That was the first thought that sprang to the boy’s head. No one else would know this place. No one else would be able to recreate so much of his home without being there; unless this was all his dream bubble. Deep within himself though, he knew that wasn’t the case.

Descending the steps was like increasing the gravity. Each foot fell slower and slower. He dreaded opening that door and facing his brother. He had not seen him since that day. His last image was of frozen skin and a scarlet lukewarm pool. Even after all those days, weeks, and months he still got shivers from remembering that scene.

There was no telling how long his hand rested on the door to his apartment. After a short eternity the handle moved and he stepped inside. “Bro?” He called out cautiously. “Hey, bro you here?” He remained rooted in the kitchen. Stuck like a seed, forced to lay down roots where his feet stopped. Facing his brother was now a scary ordeal. Losing it would be the only natural reaction if he walked around the corner with a sword sticking through his chest, or the gory hole still visible.

But the roots on his feet were severed when he noticed something else. Orange feathers dotted the floor and seemed to move towards the hallway to his room. As expected they went exactly to the door to his room, nowhere else. Grimly Dave noticed spattering’s of long since dried neon sprite blood. When he opened the door his room stood before him. In the same condition it was in before this whole mess started. No broken window, no spilled apple juice, and the perfect amount of clothes and pictures scattered on the floor. His attention turned to his bed where he found a familiar orange figure curled up against the wall.

His wings were battered, worn, and dull. He wrapped them protectively around his body and his tail curled in too. This wasn’t Dave’s dream, it was his.

“Dave…sprite…”

The battle worn construct didn’t move, he didn’t even flinch at the sound of his name. There was no proof that he was even alive. “Hey…are you alive over there?”

“Idontknow.”

Dave struggled to hear what the other figure was saying. “Hey man, you ok?”

His wings flared out and his face was removed from his knees, “Do I look ok to you?”

“I-“

“Spoiler alert Dave, I’m not ok. I haven’t been ok for two years.”

“Two…years…? That doesn’t make sense.”

Davesprite replied darkly, “Nothing makes sense anymore. Up, down, alive, dead, what does it matter?”

Slowly Dave approached the wounded sprite. “What happened to you?”

Davesprite looked up at the perfect reflection of himself. Only this one wasn’t orange and mixed with a dead bird. “What happened? Everything happened. Nothing happened. It doesn’t matter anymore.” Slowly he unfurled his wings again and uncurled from his defensive posture. “I was floating around for a long time. Then something happened, I don’t’ know what. The game never gave me data on this. Whatever you did…whatever it was it took me out of the equation.”

Dave reached for his duplicate's shades, “Can I?” The sprite didn’t say no. “What…?” He removed the shades and was greeted with one orange eye and one blank white one.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m dead or alive. The game doesn’t even know what to do with me. Am I a player? A construct? Who the hell knows?” The feathers around his neck fluffed. “You guys could have given me some warning before you fucked everything up.”

“We didn’t have any warning ourselves. Things happened so fast…” Dave scooted closer to Davesprite, “Davesprite, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to be forgotten. Not like this.”

“David.”

“What?”

“Don’t call me Davesprite, call me David.” Dave looked at him confused, “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. Don’t call me Davesprite, it’s dehumanizing. And I can’t go by Dave anymore, my own name, because people get confused. So David it is. Don’t argue.”

“I…Davespr-David…I’ve always wondered what happened to you. You never made it to the veil with us. I had assumed you were dead, or didn’t exist due to your sprite status. I never imagined you’d be here somewhere.”

A harsh laugh escaped from the other boy, “Of course not. No one has. I’ve been floating in these dumb dream bubbles for two years. I’ve been alone for two years.” His tone shifted and his wings drooped. “I’m tired of being alone. I was alone in my session, then in yours, now in this pitiful existence.”

Dave nodded. He wasn’t sure what he could say or do to help. “So, are you trapped here? In this dream bubble?”

“I don’t know. I’m not entirely sure where I would wake up at. I can’t feel your session anymore. Do you know what the scratch did?”

“Honestly, I left all that to Rose.”

“Figures. We weren’t really good at this shit.”

“Not arguing there. From what I understood, it was going to reset our game and give us another chance to win. But it could erase us in the process, so we escaped to the troll’s session.”

“But that’s a dead session.”

“I know.”

“So what’s the point?”

“Maybe the point is, like you, I wanted to live. We all did. So we escaped somewhere, you to this dream bubble, and us to the trolls' session.”

David nodded and floated up, flying to the middle of his room. “We all just want to live. Motivation like that is hard to ignore.” He paused, like he was looking at something that the other Dave couldn’t see. “I thought we didn’t like trolls.”

“We don’t. They’re still creepy as fuck,” Dave stood up and joined the sprite. “John’s…John’s one of them,” he confessed.

“What do you mean?”

“A troll. He accidentally turned himself into one of them. It’s not reversible.”

David turned on him, “How could you let this happen? You’re the damn knight protect him you moron!”

Dave back up a bit, “Hey he’s happy, why should it matter? I can’t be there for everything.”

“That’s obvious. If you could I wouldn’t be here.”

Grabbing David’s arm he pulled him down to eye level, “Listen here, I know you’re depressed and feel worthless and all that shit. But you are me, asshole. We didn’t save John that time. Don’t pin what happened to you on me. No one made you save our timeline.”

“What else was I supposed to do? Do you suggest I should have stayed in my rotting session? And give up the idea that I could make a difference?”

Dave shook his head, “Of course not, there’s nothing more important than saving our friends. But we can’t be there every time. What happened to John wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was an accident.”

David sighed and moved away from Dave, “I just…I can’t believe he’s not human anymore. He’s a monster like the one who killed him and doomed my life. How am I supposed to just move past that?”

“By doing what I did. Realizing that it’s still John in there.” Hesitantly he placed a hand on David’s shoulder. “He’s not dead, and he’s not in danger. Can that be good enough?”

“No,” he said bitterly.

“You’re not even human yourself! Look at you!”

“I have looked at me! Do you think I don’t know? Do you think I don’t notice that my brain feels like it wants to explode from all the data it got injected with, or that I’m orange, or I shed feathers, and I don’t even have any fucking legs? Do you think I want to be like this? It has to be the hardest thing anyone can do, look into the mirror and see something that isn’t you staring back.” David slumped to the floor. “I can’t imagine what John had to go through.” His wings created another barrier between himself and the outside world. “It must have been similar to me. When the dust settled and I was left alone…well I don’t want to talk about it.”

“David…” He knelt down again and tried to pry the wings apart. “I know you loved John.”

“What?”

“I’m not stupid, you’re me. Which means we felt the same at one point. And I know you wouldn’t have done this to yourself unless you had a strong enough reason. So I guess I can understand why you’d be upset that the John you saved, and the John you loved ended up as the race of things that doomed him.”

“There isn’t a ‘loved’ Dave, I still do. I never stopped.”

Dave moved so his back was against David’s. “Bro I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault we’re idiots.”

He chuckled and looked up at the ceiling, “If I had known this would have happened to John, I would have kept a better eye on him. But I also realized that it was time for me to move on. I can’t be his protector forever. He’s got Karkat for that.”

“Is he still an ass?”

“Yup.”

“Good.”

“They’re dating, him and John.”

David sighed, “I always knew he was a homo.”

“You know he still clings to the idea he isn’t.”

“Denial, it’s not just a river in Africa.”

“Oh my god that was lame.”

“Shut up, I haven’t spoken to anyone in two years, give me a break.” David leaned back, putting more weight on Dave, “I didn’t think someone would find me here.”

“It was odd,” Dave grabbed a handful of photos off the floor and flipped through them. “When I woke up on the roof, I thought this had to be Bro’s dream bubble. But it wasn’t. I didn’t think it’d be yours.”

“I haven’t seen Bro,” David admitted. “I’m not sure if he got a dream bubble or not.”

“I’d like to think he did. Maybe he’s just too great to stay in one.” Dave froze when he felt the scene shift and they were suddenly back in the Land of Wind and Shade. “David…?”

“I’ll show you what happened, if you want. I was there, when he died. I saw all of it.”

His throat went dry and he barely choked out the frightened answer. “Yes…show me.” 

“Alright.” The sprite grabbed both of Dave’s hands and closed his eyes.

~~~

Green flames sprung up everywhere. The heat was intense. Unlike the Land of Heat and Clockwork it was chokingly hot. The sharp sting of burning oil met his nose as he flew over the raging landscape. On a circular platform he found his brother. He swooped down, sword out and ready.

“Hey there little man, glad you could join me.” His brother didn’t ask questions. He didn’t even seem to notice that he was now sporting wings and had sword jutting from his chest. “Come on; show him what I taught you.”

Dave nodded and spread his wings wide in a threatening gesture before flying up into the air where he turned and plummeted back down. His sword connected with a metallic twang and he dove out of the way the retaliation strike. Bro was right behind him and parried another shot before taking one of his own.

The monster they faced, Dave knew him as Jack. The information the game supplied him with stated that this was an important player. An NPC like no other. In some sessions the players can get him on their side, and use his insider information to overthrow the Black Queen. However, this Jack is different. He’s spiraling down a path of death and destruction. He’s gone beyond the point of his amazing programing and is now a threat to everything they know.

“He wasn’t supposed to get that ring!” Dave called to his brother. “It’s the source of his powers, take it from him and he’ll go back to being a regular pawn.”

Bro dodged another potentially fatal blow and nodded, “How do you know all of this?”

“I’m a sprite now, a game construct, I know a lot. These wings and useless tail aren’t for looks you know!” He lunged at Jack again this time grazing the hard carapace shell with his sword. He had just enough time to swerve out of the way of one of his tentacles and circle back in the air. From the air he could see how dire the situation looked. Fire was closing in from all angles and he dove back down to warn his brother. “Bro, the flames are getting closer, if we stay here much longer we’ll die.”

“We can’t let this guy win. He’s bad news.”

“I know he is, but we have to find shelter!” Another round of blows was exchanged and Dave could feel the sharp sting of a blade passing through flesh. “I guess I can bleed,” he muttered to himself and returned to the air.

“This is that John kid’s planet right?” Bro yelled up to Dave who circled above waiting for an opening, “We can’t let this monster roam here, that poor boy will be slaughtered.” Dave dive-bombed Jack and knocked him to the ground. Unfortunately the pawn turned king flung Dave off and regained his feet before Bro could deal any serious damage. “None of your friends have the training that you do. They would be dead within minutes. If we let him escape then your friends will die!”

Dave wiped the blood from his chin, “You’re right, but why do you care?”

“I’m hurt little bro. Any friend you have is as good as family to me.” He ran back to help Dave up, “Striders protect Striders. End of story.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“What kind of brother would I be if I left my little bird bro hanging?” He smirked and you could see the amusement behind his shades. “Nice look by the way,” he ruffled the feathers around his neck causing a very surprised and embarrassed squawk to leave Dave’s mouth, “oh an added bonus. You make sounds too.”

“Bro!” Dave was going to protest but instead dove in and blocked another hit by a tentacle while bro had Jack’s sword pinned to the floor.

“You’re interrupting a quality brother brother moment asshole, get lost.” Bro placed a foot on the monster’s chest and kicked him to the ground. Next he tossed the sword far away. “I’d appreciate it if you’d hand over that little ring of yours now.”

Dave watched Jack’s face; it was still twisted in anger and murder lust. “Bro!” Dave shoved his brother out of the way just in time to avoid a painful blow from Jack’s remaining tentacle. He couldn’t help screaming out when he felt bones breaking and the hard ground met his body. “Sh-Shit.”

“Dave are you ok?”

“I’ll live,” he wheezed out.

Jack took full advantage of the distraction and whipped his other tentacle around grabbing the sword that was tossed far away, but not far enough. “Dave, what broke?”

“N-Nothing.”

“Bullshit I heard it,” Bro replied and helped his little brother to ‘stand’. “Where?”

“My ribs,” he flexed his wings up and away painfully, “right below my lungs.” Bro glanced back at Jack who was licking his wounds as well. It appeared they were at a standoff.

Bro lifted Dave’s shirt up and tried to get a better idea of how badly he was hurt. “You have extra muscles,” He murmured.

“Came from the bird I was merged with,” Dave flexed his wings again wincing when pain shot through his nerves. “I think the bone might have punctured a muscle. More specifically the extra muscles I now have.”

Bro carefully felt around his torso, “You might be right. But let’s hope you’re wrong, we’d have to do surgery to remove the bone fragments and as you already know, I’m not a surgeon.”

“Yeah,” Dave grabbed his sword and floated a bit steadier, “come-on, we have a fight to win.”

Bro smiled and lifted his blade as well. “You’re going down Jack.”

The carapace grinned, pulling back his lips to reveal sharp, bloodied, teeth. He hissed, “I don’t think so.” The ring on his finger began to glow again. Both Striders watched as the pawn before them morphed again. Wings curled in and tentacles retracted before bursting forth again. This time his face changed, it elongated and pointed dog ears sprang up from his head as fur spread across his chest and neck. Jack growled low in his throat when the transformation was complete. His body felt like it was on fire. Everything had changed, this wasn’t like the multiple other times he had morphed due to the ring. This time there was something more powerful than he could have even imagined.

It was animalistic and unpredictable, the feelings that coursed through his being. His body was taken over by power and it felt good, more than good it felt orgasmic. He could drown in the power, fall into the energy and never surface. And he was just fine with that.

“Oh shit, Bro, this is crazy.”

“Come on little man, there’s nothing we can’t beat,” Bro started walking towards Jack and broke into a run. Dave followed behind.

Agonizingly he spread his wings again and took to the skies. Only this time Jack followed him. “Fuck,” Dave blocked a blow and tried to steady himself. Every down beat felt like a stab to the chest, but he didn’t give up. Forcing his wings to beat faster and stronger he pushed Jack back, “You don’t belong in the sky,” he spit out as he overpowered the carapace and sent him hurtling to the ground. “Bro! Heads up!”

Bro was already running to the impact site sword poised and ready to strike. At the last second he dived away and took out his rocket board. Jack had regained his composure and was now aiming his body and angling his wings to pursue the older Strider. Bro was good with his board though, and was able to outmaneuver Jack easily. What he didn’t anticipate was the tentacle that wrapped itself firmly around Bro’s leg. He moved to cut it, but the hard shell like skin was tough to break. That’s when Dave landed fist first onto Jack’s back, his sword tucked back in his chest.

“Let go of him!” The sprites force was enough to pull Jack back to earth and release his grip on Bro. Dave watched his brother fail to take back control of his board and crash to the ground. “Bro!” What he didn’t see was that his brother had flash stepped to his side and had his sword on Jack once again. Growling their adversary leapt to his feet and went on the offensive.

Bro and Dave had to struggle to keep their swords up and the enemies’ blade away from their organs. Bro was sharp, the sharpest person Dave had ever known, but ever since becoming a sprite he’s had an advantage. His senses were better and there was an edge that the game gave him that was almost like cheating. “Bro!” Dave could predict some of Jack’s movements, but unfortunately so could he. Dave saw one particularly bad blow happen to Bro, before it could land Dave grabbed Bro under the arms and pulled him into the air.

The extra weight caused him to hiss in pain as he flew up higher. “Dave, let me down you’re hurting yourself more.”

Dave shook his head, “No I have to get far enough away where those fucking tentacles won’t reach.” He swooped down and deposited his brother before collapsing on the ground.

“Dave? Dave get up,” He knelt down and moved one of the heavy wings aside. “Dave?”

“Sorry bro,” He grinned weakly, “It hurts, haha.” Dave forced himself up and leaned on one arm. “I’ll be good, give me a sec.”

“How did you know that Jack was going to attack?”

“We’re both game constructs, I can sorta cheat and sometimes sense patterns of attack.” Dave’s head whipped up and he used his sprite tail to knock bro out of the way again, “Bro move now! Behind him!”

His brother was one step ahead of him and had his sword planted firmly in Jack’s back. The beast flung Bro off his body in a snarling fit of rage. His sword was tossed on the ground. It skittered across the earth and landed not far from where Dave was lying. “Shit,” Dave noticed that Jack’s attention was not focused solely on him.

The monster they were facing was no longer just Jack Noir. It was something different. Dave dragged himself across the floor. It was Jack, but it wasn’t. It was like every shred of common sense was swapped out with the primeval desire to kill. And the dog had its sights on the bird. Dave realized all too late that this enemy wasn’t like anything else the game had spit out.

Dave managed to grab Bro’s sword as well as his own and pushed himself from the ground, wings unfolding wide to catch the wind and knock him into his foe. He shoved both swords down Jack’s wings pinning him while he flew to Bro. “We can’t do this for much longer, we’re reaching our limits,” Dave panted. “If we don’t retreat we’ll die.”

Bro nodded and stood up, “Too bad it doesn’t look like we’ll have that option,” he pointed to Jack. “Looks like this dog has learned a few new tricks.” Dave saw it too, the way he was now flashing and pulsating a green aura.

It turned out that Jack did have a few more tricks in store, and the rapid teleportation had to be one of his new favorites. He phase shifted himself out from the swords and charged the two foolish humans. Bro grabbed Dave’s arm and roughly thrust him in the air, “Up, move up now!”

Dave obeyed without question and forced his wings to beat and carry him further and further into the air. From his new vantage point he watched Bro and Jack fight. It was a battle between the flash step and atomic teleportation and neither side was gaining the upper hand. For his entire life Dave had grown up with the flash step. It was a move that Bro perfected and Dave learned. But as a sprite, the move was far from his reach. Growing up around inhuman speeds made it easier to track them, but even with his common knowledge and enhanced sprite senses he was having a hard time following the fight. His eyes darted around the circular arena and he lost track of Bro several times. The one thing that stayed constant was the sound of metal hitting metal.

He could see that Bro was tiring though, gasping for air with slower reactions. If this went on for much longer Bro would be finished. Bro knew it too, from the spasms in his muscles and the aching in his lungs he knew he couldn’t keep this pace. The edges of his vision blurred once, twice, and an unfortunate third time. A sharp sting greeted his side as a sword passed through the flimsy cloth of his shirt and thin skin. “Fuck,” he snapped himself out of the daze and returned a blow. It surprised him how tough the skin on this monster was. It was seemingly impossible to land an attack that did any real damage. He knew his brother was in rough shape too. The poor kid was hardly keeping his body in the air. He could see the strain behind those shades, if anything, he had to make sure his brother had a chance of making it out alive. As grim as that sounded to him, he knew that was the new priority.

“Dave!” His brother folded his wings and swooped down heading straight for his sword that was still stuck in the ground. He banked hard shoved his sword deep into Jack’s wing. That wasn’t the target he was hoping for and he pushed back with his wings to dislodge the sword and tried for another attack.

However he wasn’t prepared for how fast Jack moved. Instinct told him to flash step, but he couldn’t. A downbeat with his wings allowed him to avoid one strike but the second he wasn’t so lucky. The sword hit his tail and cut deeply. He cried out and slashed back. Jack jumped away and went for Bro. He was easily able to dodge and prepare a counter strike. Dave tried to get back into the fray but was promptly knocked aside by Bro. “Watch yourself! Don’t attack carelessly Dave!”

“I’m trying!”

“Try harder!”

Dave smirked despite the desperate situation, “Always have the best advice bro!”

Bro went for another hit when he noticed that Jack was distracted. The former chess piece seemed to be transfixed on the orange blood dripping from his brother’s wound. “Over here cur!” He shouted trying to get its attention again. When that failed he shouted to Dave. “Run! Dave now! Fly away!”

“What?” Dave looked up to see a green pulse and red blood.

It happened so fast. One second they were shouting and being assholes like normal. The next second Dave was screaming and crying. He shouted and swung his sword wide forcing Jack back. “Bro!” He dropped his weapon and fell to his brother’s side. “Bro, no, Bro, fuck.” His hands were shaking when he pressed them to gushing crimson surrounding the sword.

He was stopped when his hands moved to pull the blade out, “Don’t,” Bro wheezed. “Taking it out will probably kill me faster.”

“Bro, no, Bro listen to me, you’re going to make it,” tears cascaded down his face. “Bro you can’t die, not here, not because of me. No. Not here, Bro not here!”

Bro looked up at the kid he had raised. He remembered everything that had happened, from his first steps to their first strife. He smiled and reached up to wipe the tears from his face, but only succeeded in smearing blood on his cheek, “Hey little man, don’t cry. Be strong.” He tried to quiet him and weakly offered another smile, blood trickled from the corner of his mouth and he coughed harshly. Dave was screaming his name over and over again. “Dave, shhhh, it’s ok. You’ll be fine,” he tried to calm the only family member he had known. He had grown so much, from a baby to teenager, it didn’t matter to him that he was part bird now, he was at peace knowing he died to protect his only little brother. “Dave listen to me,” he coughed again, “fly away Dave. Use those wings of yours and get out of here.” He pulled down on Dave’s shirt, “Don’t cry for me. Striders don’t cry remember?” Even as he spoke he could feel his own tears slide down his face, “You have to live on Dave, please.” Dave nodded and tried to wipe the tears from his face with bloody hands. “Hey, little man, give me a smile.” His brother pulled his lips up in a tear streaked grin. “There you go kiddo. See ya later.”

Dave felt his brother’s arm go limp and his eyes glaze over. “No! Bro! Bro! Bro! No! Fuck, shit, Bro!” He screamed and pounded the ground with his fists. He tossed himself over his brother’s body and cried. He shouted over and over again until his voice went raw.

“Little bird, little bird, where will you fly?” Growling came from behind him. “I should put you out of your misery.”

It was the first words Dave had heard from Jack all day. “It’s pathetic. Seeing you cry like that. People die kid, this is war.”

“That was my brother!” He screamed through his tears and struck out blindly with his sword. Jack easily avoided such a reckless and messy attack. Dave took to the sky and attempted to dive bomb Jack again. But the devil dog chess piece was on his tail and easily overtook the weakened sprite.

His sword cut straight through Dave’s right wing and he watched the boy crash to the ground. Jack landed and walked calmly over to the younger Strider who was scraping at the ground to get away. “He can’t protect you anymore. And it seems your time has come to end yourself.” He roughly kicked Dave over. “I have no clue how you sprites work, but it seems the blood loss from your wing should be enough to kill you. I’m disappointed. I thought you would have put up more of a fight.”

“You bastard,” Dave croaked.

“Consider it a mercy killing,” he said as he turned his back on the boy and picked up a few spoils from the battle.

Dave’s vision went blurry as he watched the black figure fly off through the raging flames.

~~

David opened his eyes after showing everything to Dave, only to find his alternate-self had disappeared.

\---

“Bro!” Dave screamed as he shot awake safely in the veil. He turned and vomited almost instantly. Sweat plastered his hair to his face and his breath escaped in gasps. More tears streamed from his face and he wiped them away with a quivering hand. He could still see all the blood. He could still taste the iron in his mouth and feel the pain of his death. Seeing Bro’s dead corpse was different than experiencing the moment of death himself. “Holy shit.” He placed both hands over his face and cried.

\---

“John,” Karkat nudged his Matesprit. “John wake up. Come on.”

The troll rolled over in the soft blankets and looked up at Karkat, “Hey Karkat. I had the most amazing dream you wouldn’t believe it.”

“Dream bubble?”

“Yeah,” he rubbed his eye and sat up, “how’d you know?”

“Last night I suggested to Sollux that we may be going through a belt of them, or at least the bubbles are going through us. I’m still pretty sure that we’re orbiting Skaia.” Karkat ruffled John’s hair, “I couldn’t see into this dream, but I could feel your overwhelming happiness emanating from it.”

John smiled, “Yeah, my dad was there. It was great.” He stood up and threw on fresh clothes. “We talked about a lot of stuff, him and I.” Karkat joined him at the door, “I told him you’d have to meet him next time. Well…if there’ll be a next time. I don’t know.”

“There will be, I assume these conditions will continue for a few days.”

“So,” John started as they walked through the hall, “Are we calling a meeting?”

“Yeah,” Karkat seated himself in the main room. “I have to inform the others of the new findings, and also prepare them for who they might meet.”

“What do you mean?”

Karkat replied darkly, “Well, not everyone has a loving father on the other side.”

One by one the others trickled into the room after receiving a message from Karkat. Dave came first. His face was pale and he was still shaking. He sat down on a couch opposite the trolls and curled into himself in the most protective state John had ever seen him in. “Dave? Dave are you ok?”

“No. I’m not fucking ok.”

Instantly John got up and put an arm around Dave, “Who…who did you meet?”

“Davesprite,” he answered. “He…he showed me things. Things I’m not repeating.”

“Bro…right? He showed you your brother?” Dave nodded and closed his eyes tight. John only just now noticed he didn’t even have his shades on.

Others filed in after Dave, no one else seemed to be surprised or in bad shape.

“Ok nookwhiffs, Sollux has informed me as of last night, that Aradia is alive.” The humans didn’t have much of a reaction to this information, but the trolls did. “That’s not all; I believe a field of dream bubbles are passing through. I can see that some of you have experienced them already. For those of you who haven’t, prepare yourself. Anything can lurk beyond the furthest ring, and anything can be inside those bubbles.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter twelve is in the story boarding phase. So don't expect it any time soon.   
> This chapter is already double what I normally do as far as page length is concerned.   
> A more important note is that the first around seven or eight chapters of Still the Same are getting a face lift in the coming months. This will help iron out those odd OOC moments and plot holes. As well as make the story flow better, since I've been writing it for two years now.  
> Anyways enough of my rambling, enjoy.

“Hey Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Do you ever think about what it would have been like if you hadn’t died?”

“John…” His breath was released slowly and he turned around to face his son in the other room.

John rolled over on the couch and looked towards the kitchen where his dad was making something in the oven, “No really, answer.”

“Well I suppose I’d be with you, where ever you ended up.” He looked over at his son, watching him with blank eyes. “You said you were on a meteor right?”

“Yeah, we’re living with the trolls right now, me Dave, Jade, and Rose. We’re all together, it’s great.”

“That’s where I’d be then, with you.” Carefully he pulled out a cake and set it on the stove.

Instead of accepting that answer John pressed further. “But through the whole game we were never in the same place. How can you be sure you’d end up with us and the others?”

“Because I’m your father, and a father will always protect their son, no matter the distance.” He stopped and dug around in the kitchen for nothing in particular, he was just trying to think of a topic to shift to. “So a troll… that’s what you are now, correct?” John nodded and yawned, his pointed teeth catching his father’s eye. “Exactly what…are you? What is a troll?”

“I believe Karkat said that Alternian Trolls come from a planet called Alternia, which is pretty obvious given our name. We are a humanoid species, but we start off as grubs, and I dunno pupate into this human form? Karkat said that we traveled the universe and conquered many planets. We are a proud race, and Karkat said that there is none more respectable than ours.”

“This Karkat guy says a lot of stuff, it seems,” his dad observed.

“Well, I don’t really know much about them. Since I wasn’t born a troll, obviously,” he sighed and grabbed a picture frame from the table beside the couch. A claw traced the outline of himself and his father. “All I have is what Karkat and the other trolls tell me. There’s so much I don’t know…it’s really weird actually, to think I’m a different species…” he mumbled, “Must be weirder for you though…”

“What do you think about trolls?” Dad asked.

“What do I think?” John hesitated and swallowed. “I dunno,” he gave a nervous laugh, “I think being a troll is really weird. And scary.” He sat up and glanced at his father. “Like, not just the sharp claws and teeth, or the enhanced predatory senses I have, but the emotional stuff. That is the stuff that creeps me out, the desire to hunt, or kill is really strong.” Dad began to back away a few steps. “And there’s a swirl of feelings that we have to deal with, and instincts that I have no clue how to work.” John saw his dad backing away and leaned against the couch sighing. He drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, “Relax. I’m not going to kill you, or hunt you. Don’t worry I’m over most of it, or can control it.” Resting his head on his knees he continued. “Besides…I don’t even think I can kill you, since you’re dead. And what would be the point? You’re my father; I could never do anything to you. I love you.”

“Do you like it? Being an alien?” Gently Dad put a hand his son’s shoulder. “I want to know if my boy is happy.”

A sharp laugh escaped John’s lungs and he answered, “Now, yeah, I’m happy. Haven’t been happier. But if you had asked me a week ago, I would have said I was the most miserable excuse for life in paradox space.”

“What happened?”

“My friends, Dave, Jade, and Rose…they are all still humans. A while back the trolls and humans had to separate; the two species weren’t living well together…but I couldn’t choose which side I wanted to follow, so I stayed behind. It wasn’t fun. I was actually pretty miserable. Karkat came back to save me from myself,” he laughed quietly, “If it wasn’t for him, I’d probably still be curled up somewhere waiting for death.”

“And Karkat…that’s your boyfriend right? The one that is telling you all this information about aliens?” All this information was piling up in the adults brain. Processing it would take a while.

“Yeah,” John smiled, “he saved me. He was also the one who taught me how to deal with being a troll. Things would have been so much worse if he was gone. We’ve had arguments, I mean what friend hasn’t? But he really helped me. And I care about him so much.”

Dad nodded in approval. “I see. Then I am happy for you. And I’m glad you found your peace.”

“Have I?” John looked glanced at the picture by his side, then down to the floor, “I’m not so sure yet.”

“I’m still proud of you.”

“I know. Thanks,” John got up and hugged his dad.

\---

“Hey David?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever think about what it would have been like if you hadn’t died?”

“Dave don’t.” David fluffed his neck feathers and looked over at his other self.

“No I want to know.” Dave asked again, “What do you think it would have been like if you hadn’t died?”

“I’m dead?” David asked back. “Do you count being a sprite as being dead?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “What would it have been like if I hadn’t gone back? It would have been hell.” He saw Dave give him a puzzled look. “Well, my world had fallen apart. Without John, or Jade we couldn’t beat our game. It was dead. Everything was dead and there was no point. Rose was off her rocker and everything was shit. I went back to make sure you didn’t meet that fate.”

“Though I suppose where we are now could easily be considered a dead and void session like the one you ran from.”

“I didn’t run!” David hissed quietly. “Don’t say it like that. Running is for cowards. I left to find hope.”

Dave was silent for a while, carefully leafing through old photographs. “Did you ever find it?”

“Hope? No, I found you guys.”

Dave laughed and walked to the window; he stared out over the sun baked streets and felt the boiling evening atmosphere. “Yeah, what a train wreck we turned out to be.” As his eyes drifted across the city he asked calmly, “David? Do you really think our session is done?”

“Well…” Carefully he stretched his wings and floated over to where Dave was standing. “I don’t know. You have many of the pieces still intact.”

“But the trolls already won, they beat the game and were issued a prize, they just couldn’t claim it. Is there anything left after that?”

David was quiet for a while before speaking, “Do you remember when we’d play those dungeon crawlers? Or the RPG games?” Dave nodded. “Ok so after you beat the boss, and the credits roll, there’s sometimes stuff afterwards. Like bonus floors, hidden levels, stuff like that.”

“So maybe we just have to find the bonus track of this disc…sounds believable. A game this huge has got to have more than a few secrets. Can you shed any light on them?”

Spreading his wings wide again David crossed his arms and smirked, “I could. I know pretty much all there is to know about this game, but do you really want me to tell you?”

“I-“ Dave hesitated. “I…yeah…not really. Can you just tell me one thing? Can we win? Is there a way?”

“Yes. There is a backdoor way to win. It’s deep in my coding, I can feel it.”

Dave’s smile matched David’s, “Well then, we better get our asses in gear. I bet your ghost butt could come in handy. We need to get you out of here.”

“Don’t focus on me; make sure the others are ok before thinking about me. I’ll be fine.”

He wanted to protest but he knew arguing wouldn’t do any good at this point, so Dave turned back to the hot Texan world seen through the window. “What where you up to…you know, after Bro died?”

“That part of the story? Well, if someone hadn’t woken up in a panic they would have seen.”

“Shut up, show me.” The scene shifted again, back to the Land of Wind of Shade.

“Don’t look behind you,” David warned and started moving down the path.

The smell of rot was already setting in, and the sick smell of blood saturated ground was heavy in the air. Dave knew what was behind him. And he didn’t need to look to feel like vomiting. “Where are we going to go?” He took a few steps before the smell eventually did make him lose his lunch. “Why the fuck can dream-selves vomit? It doesn’t make any functional sense,” he said wiping his mouth and standing up. “I didn’t even eat anything,” he complained and followed David down the path at a quicker pace.

“How do you think I felt waking up next to that? And covered in my own blood and gaping wounds. Not the definition of a great nap, or fun. To answer your first question, we’re going into a cave in this land. I need to show you something very important.”

As they walked David allowed pieces of his memory play in looping motions, Dave watched a wounded Davesprite collapse in a river, and neon orange blood pooled and flowed downstream. He then saw the sprite struggle to stop the bleeding the from his missing wing and stomach hole. Together they made their way up the side of a mountain, every so often passing a Davesprite that clawed desperately at the ground trying to move forward. “This is what I needed to show you,” David said quietly. “This is a cave, like many on this planet and on the others. In these caves and dungeons there are instructions. These are critical to your survival and successful completion of the game. You skipped many of them during your session. Not you personally, but your teammates. Especially John. Out of all of you, his world lays the most unexplored.”

Hesitantly Dave entered, following David through the sparsely light tunnel. He had to remove his shades to avoid tripping over his own feet. “Is there any light in this damn place, or do I have to lick and smell my way around?”

David laughed and moved to the side, allowing Dave to see further ahead, there were the same blue mushrooms that populated the planet growing in small clumps. Each clump was dispersed roughly ten feet away from the others. “The light is well hidden, so that you have to make an active effort to discover the secrets of these planets.” Once they were in the lit area their pace was allowed to quicken. The tunnel became very narrow forcing David to fold his wings in tight against his back and float to continue. “Now, we’re going to enter a room up ahead, and I want you to memorize everything that you see. Not the details, but what a room like this looks like, what it contains, the types of riddles or pictures. There are plenty of fakes, paths designed to lead you astray. But seeing a genuine artifact for yourself first will help.”

“What will this be useful for?”

“To find the backdoor Dave,” David answered, “the key to your success will be in finding the information stored in these planets. You have to put the pieces together.”

He nodded and began looking around the room. It was still dark; the center of the room was almost pitch black. But all along the walls were the mushrooms; they gave everything a faint blue tint. A memory Davesprite could be seen picking up a mushroom and using it like a torch. Dave did the same and held it up to the wall. There were symbols carved deep into the rock. Wavy lines that dipped and flowed into the next. Intricate patterns the turned into pictures depicting events the player must complete. Dave easily recognized John’s windy symbol used several times throughout the piece. “What does this say? What does any of this mean?”

“See that’s the problem…” David flew over and settled by Dave’s side. “These carvings are only legible to the player who is connected to this world. John is the only one who can read them. He’ll see words and understand their meaning without realizing it’s a different language all together.”

“Then how did you-“

“Sprite…I cheated,” David laughed. “But it’s important to know this shit. This room talks all about how the Heir helps the Knight obtain the legendary sword the Royal Deringer from their Denizen. When I awoke from fighting with Jack I decided to go look for it. We have a nasty habit of breaking swords, so I wanted to make sure this one stayed unbroken. In theory it’s a very important sword, but I was never able to get it to you before the scratch wiped me from existence.”

“I see…” Dave ran his hand over the smooth walls and felt the carvings under his finger. “So when you said I need to put the pieces together you really mean I need to make sure my friends find these places?” David nodded an affirmative. “You think somewhere in these dungeons are the instructions on a back door victory?” David nodded again. “Ok, then we should get to work.”

“Not so fast,” David paused. “Where are your planets now?”

“I…we actually don’t know. Last I knew, we ditched them when we created the rift in the scratch. I’m not sure what happened to them.”

Crossing his arms David frowned and thought for a minute. “This could be very, very, problematic. I’ll go looking for answers; you should wake up and get back to your friends. Tell them what I’ve told you.”

“I’ll catch you next time I go to sleep,” Dave said as his dream world fell apart and the real world came into focus. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Shit those dreams never let me actually get rested.” He stumbled out of bed and into some clothes then out the door. He paused at the kitchen and watched John and Karkat argue over what to eat for breakfast before moving to the alchemiter and making something for himself. “Hey Vantas, we need to organize a group meeting,” he said sitting down at a table not too far away. “Big shit just went down. Make sure to tell everyone to be there.”

“Yeah sure, I’ll send the message out after I’m done eating, we’ll meet in an hour,” Karkat replied quickly and hastily finished his dinner. He stood up and made straight for his room.

“Karkat! Wait up!” John ditched his food on the table and ran after his Matesprit. “I wasn’t done telling you about my dream!” He caught up and noticed the way Karkat’s brows were pulled together and his eyes searching desperately for answers he couldn’t find. “Karkat…it’s ok, I’ll tell you later. What’s up? You seem really bothered.”

“Of course I’m bothered, could you not see how shaken Dave was?” John shook his head, “Ok, well trust me; he was fucking terrified of something.”

“Maybe he saw his dead brother again?”

Karkat shook his head, “No he wouldn’t bother telling me to assemble everybody just to give him group therapy. Something is up, and he wants to wait till we’re all together to say something.” Karkat opened the door to their room and grabbed his husktop and sat down on their bed. John was right behind him and sat with his arms draped around Karkat’s neck.

??carcinoGeneticist [??CG] [error data corrupt] opened public transtimeline bulletin board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CCG 6:12 RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.  
CCG: GOD I SHOULD REALLY CHANGE THE DAMN BOARD ON THIS THING. ADORABLOODTHIRSTY IS FUCKING ANCIENT HISTORY.  
CCG: OH WELL WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK?  
CCG: ANYWAYS I’M INVITING AND OPENING A MEMO SO I DON’T HAVE TO TYPE ALL THIS SHIT A MILLION FUCKING TIMES TILL MY FINGERS BLEED OFF AND DEGRADE INTO TINY BLOODY STUMPS.  
CCG: GRAPHIC I KNOW.  
CCG: LETS GET DOWN TO FUCKING BUISNESS.  
CCG: DAVE ASKED ME TO GATHER YOU IDIOTS TOGETHER FOR A GROUP MEETING.  
CCG: IT’S IMPORTANT SO DON’T SKIP.  
CCG: I KNOW FULL WELL YOU ASSHOLES DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.  
CCG: THE MEETING IS IN ONE HOUR. THAT GIVES YOU PLENTY OF TIME TO DO “MORING STUFF” OR WHATEVER.  
CCG: MEET IN THE MAIN ROOM.  
CCG: I ALSO HAVE SOME THINGS TO DISCUSS.  
CCG: AND PERHAPS IT WOULD BE GOOD TO A QUICK REPORT ON HOW WELL WE ARE RESTED AND WHEN WE’LL BE MAKING THE NEXT MOVE.

CCG closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That should do it,” Karkat said closing the computer.

John giggled, “Dude you’re still an asshole online. I can’t believe it.”

Karkat fell back, neatly pinning John behind him, “Well I can’t change who I am, so why bother? Besides, think of how freaked out everyone would be if was suddenly nice.”

“Oh yeah dude, that would actually be really funny! Next time you go online try to be all smiles and politeness. It’ll trip everyone up!”

Karkat rolled over and rested his head on John’s shoulder. “I think that might kill a few dumbasses.” He felt John laugh under him; he kissed him softly and sat up. “Come on, we have work to do.”

“Damn, can’t we just lie around forever?”

“No, come on,” he tossed a shirt to John and a towel.

John scrambled to get up, “Karkat! This is your shirt! Is this from the floor?” He sniffed it, “Oh gross it’s from sparing night!” The shirt returned the floor and John rolled out of bed and went to his closet. “Don’t throw your dirty laundry at me, that’s gross!”

“Oh come on John, you were just up a fucking minute ago. You can’t be instantaneously tired after hitting the bed for five seconds.” He grinned and watched John struggle with a pair of pants caught on a hanger then groan and follow him out. “Showering will be top priority, then getting our thoughts together for the meeting.”

The water was warm like normal, and Karkat’s touch was soothing. John relaxed and tried to break into a casual conversation. But the casualness ended immediately at the mention of dream bubbles. “So… I saw my dad again.”

Karkat sensed the instant tension in his Matesprit’s shoulders; he massaged them and asked, “How was that?”

“He’s scared of me,” John answered a bit bitterly.

“Can’t blame him,” he caught John looking back at the lightly fogged mirror, he knew the boy was over analyzing his appearance again. “Stop it.” He pulled John’s head away, “You’re fine. Just different, your dad should understand.”

John sighed again, “He seems to have gotten over it, mostly. He still flinches when I smile…like Dave did.” He himself flinched when Karkat tugged on his wings, “Karkat not now, I hate those, why do you keep forcing me to see them?”

“Because we shower together every day and you haven’t washed them for three,” Karkat pulled on the thin membrane and John extended it letting him wash it out. “Just because you don’t use these doesn’t mean they don’t need to be cleaned. It’s a body part too.” John nodded. “I want you to take care of yourself, that’s all.”

“I know you care, sorry Karkat.” John flexed his wings then let them droop. “Hey, Dad wanted to meet you. Do you think that’s possible?”

“I don’t know. We could always give it a shot; our link is really strong I might be able to follow you into another dream bubble.” Karkat finished washing off John’s wings and gave him another small kiss, “I need you to be strong for me though, these dream bubbles…something’s not right.”

“I’ve gotten that feeling too, actually.”

“Elaborate,” Karkat demanded, a bit harsher than he intended.

“They seem…fake,” John admitted. “Like, I don’t know, this is probably stupid, but I don’t think they are to be trusted completely.” John ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I love seeing my father, it’s better than I could have ever hoped. But it still doesn’t seem right, it seems…almost forced, these dreams.”

“I’m concerned…I’m concerned that these dreams might be more appealing than reality.”

“You mean…they could pick dreams instead of reality? Is that even possible Karkat?”

Karkat shrugged, “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s a possibility we have to be aware of. Dave was worried; maybe he’s caught on as well…”

John shut the water off and grabbed a towel, “Seems like a silly thing to worry about…getting lost in our dreams.”

Karkat growled softly, “I know, but I’ve seen the way you wake up after a dream, you’re so happy, and the others, they are filled with the same peacefulness moments after they wake up. It lingers in the group for hours sometimes. I don’t know if you can feel it too. Probably not, but it’s worrying me. I might even put another sleep ban into effect.”

“But you have to meet my dad first!” John said as he followed Karkat out of the bathroom. “It’s very important to me…”

“I know, we’ll figure out a way to get in, don’t worry. Come on, put your game face on, we have a meeting to attend and I need my co-friend-leader to be on top of things.” Karkat was reassured by John’s sudden switch to a serious mood. They entered the main room and sat down. Soon they were joined by Dave and Rose. Kanaya, Sollux, and Terezi were the last to enter.

“What are we all here for Karkat?”

“Well…Dave actually had the idea for this meeting, so I’ll let him start. I’ll be saying something after him.”

All eyes turned to Dave. “Ok, so…I met with David again.” He got a few questioning looks, “Uh, Davesprite. He told me something very important. These dream bubbles, if you’re in yours you can get to your planet. Everyone knows they can shift that shit right?” He got confirming nods, “Ok, so when you shift to your planets…there are things we have to do. Missions we need to complete.”

“What?” Karkat interrupted, “That doesn’t make any goddamn sense, how can dead planets-“

“Shut up and let me finish Karkat.” Dave could tell the troll was confused and so were the others. “Ok let me back up and take a fresh spin at this shit. I’ll start with a statement; there are two ways to beat the game.”

“What?” Everyone started talking nervously to one another.

“Yes, David confirmed it; there is a secret “back door” way to beat the game. A failsafe mechanism for doomed session or failing sessions, well, provided the players can all stay alive. The problem is that the directions and information are hidden within each player’s planet. It’s like a puzzle,” Dave tried to explain. “It’s a puzzle that everyone has to work together on, and since we don’t have actual planets anymore, the dream bubbles will have to act as their stand in.”

Rose took everything in and started processing all the information, “So will the dream bubbles even work? I doubt they are a complete proxy for the planets naturally coded in this game. How will anything we do in there affect reality?”

“I’m not sure ok? This was all David told me. Even he said not having our original planets is concerning. He said to start with the dream bubbles, he’ll look for more info and get back to me,” Dave answered with a grim look on his face. “I have a hard time believing it either, especially since dream bubbles aren’t even a natural occurring event according to the trolls.”

“Yeah,” Karkat confirmed, “Feferi was the one responsible. Jade told me, then Feferi herself a little while ago.”

“You’ve had contact with CC? Since when? KK?”

“Two nights ago, I figured I wouldn’t bother you with it Sollux, she came to tell me about a few things concerning the dream bubbles.”

“Bother me with it? Bother me with it?” Sollux stood up angrily, “You know I woke up to her dead body right? You know I never got to see her again after the accident? The accident that was pretty much all my fucking fault! If I didn’t have thuch a hot head she never would have died!”

“Sollux enough!” Karkat glared right into the dead holes behind the colored lenses, “We’ll talk about this later. We have more important things to discuss than your past friendships and relationships.”

John gripped Karkat’s shoulder and hissed, “Karkat that’s a little harsh…”

“I didn’t call everyone here so they could listen to me and Sollux bicker,” Karkat brushed off John’s concern and focused back and Dave, “Strider, you said that we have to finish the missions we previously skipped in order to move forward, correct?”

“Not exactly, it’s not about finishing the side quests you skipped; it’s about finding the ones that matter, the ones that deep down hold the secrets and keys to unlock the doors of the game. That’s what David told me to tell you guys to look for.”

It was overwhelming, everything was overwhelming to John. He had never heard his friends talk this seriously about anything. Dave hadn’t even made an obscure reference or gone off on a tangent. It was a harsh reminder that even though their life now was peaceful, they were still in a game that was hell-bent on killing them all. He was reminded that even though he didn’t want to be a leader, he’ll have to be, and he’ll have to do it soon.

“I wish,” John spoke up, “I wish there was a way to wake up in the dream bubbles you want, because I’ve only been dreaming of my dad, and that’s not a help.”

Rose agreed, “Yes I’ve noticed that as well. My dreams only show me my past, before the game, no matter how hard I try to think of something different.”

“Damn it,” Karkat swore under his breathe, “I didn’t even want to rely on these dreams…”

“Why Karkat?” Kanaya asked, “It seems they are nothing more than dreams, what could be the problem?”

“The problem is simple; they might pose an escape from reality.”

“Karkat that’s stu-“

“It’s not stupid, it’s logical. Eventually the dreams might start posing a better life than this shitty asteroid. We’ve all felt how real they seem.”

Rose calmly interjected, “But we can’t possibly stay alive outside the dream, our bodies still need food and water, even if our minds are stated.”

“Rose is right,” Kanaya added, “I don’t think we have anything to worry about.”

Karkat growled under his breath, “Fine, whatever. It’s not like we have a choice anyway. Just…be careful ok? I don’t want anyone getting hurt, or lost.”

Everyone nodded and left to go about their daily activities. John walked up beside Karkat, “Weren’t you going to ask about the progress everyone was making for the big move?”

“Shit…” Karkat looked around and noticed that nobody seemed to be close, “It doesn’t matter, I’ll address that next team meeting. We’re still a long ways off from the other lab anyways.”

“Doesn’t this seem silly now?”

“What does?”

John hesitated before speaking, “You know, the current plan? Doesn’t it seem like finding the lab won’t be necessary if we only have to work inside the dream bubbles?”

“We don’t know if the dreams will work, John. We have to keep moving forward, we’ll search both worlds for an answer, here and there.” Karkat excused himself from John and went wandering down the lab. “We have to keep moving, we can’t fucking stop…”

\---   
Eventually his feet led him to a room far from the others; he knocked softly and entered, “Sollux? You in here?”

“Where else would I be?”

Karkat laughed uneasily, “Yeah, true…” He sat down next to the other troll and hesitantly stated, “So I’m going to go out on a fucking limb and guess you’re pissed at me.”

“Wow, what made you think that?” Sollux had his back to Karkat.

“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Feferi, I thought she’d find you. I honestly believed that. Besides it’s not like we can control who we meet in these stupid things.”

A large sigh left Sollux and he slumped against Karkat, “I know, I know. I’m still pithed though. You could have at least said something.” After a while Sollux spoke up again, “So how’s John?”

“I don’t know, fine for the moment,” Karkat answered while grabbing a spare screwdriver and undoing a hatch. “He’s stable right now, but I don’t know when he’ll have another episode, it’s best to finish this as soon as possible.”

Sollux nodded, “I understand. You know,” he turned his attention to the wires Karkat was pulling out; “I’ve been pulling all nighterth thince you asked me to do thith for you.”

“I’m aware, thank you Sollux.” He offered his Moirail a weak smile he knew he couldn’t see. “I’m really thankful for your help; I doubt I could do this on my own.”

“That’s right; you’d fuck this up in five minutes flat,” he chuckled and focused on what his hands were doing. “KK what color is thith wire?”

“Blue.”

“And thith one?”

Karkat shifted easily into the role of being Sollux’s eyes. He answered quickly and helped as much as he could. It was always amazing working next to Sollux; the troll overcame most of the struggles that come with being blind quickly. It was remarkable how much he had progressed. Karkat joked, “So I guess you can’t smell colors huh?”

“No KK, that shit ith impossible, I don’t know how Terezi did it,” he grabbed a soldering iron and started fusing connections on a few wires. “KK thith is the right wires correct?”

“Y-Yeah, you’re fine,” Karkat watched as Sollux’s psionic powers flared up briefly and he made the connection. “You’re getting better at that,” Karkat commented.

“Yeah, I found if I use it in small bursts I can see for a lot longer than one continuous wave,” Sollux explained letting his psionics dwindle and his world go dark again. “It’s annoying, not being able to see. You don’t notice how much you miss theeing until you can’t.”

“I couldn’t imagine something like that Sollux, I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and grabbed a circuit board. All the tiny details became clear for about three seconds, enough time for Sollux to memorize what it was and start putting the correct wires in place. “It wathn’t your fault KK. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I deserved what happened. We both got what wath coming to us. “

“You’ve told me this, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel at least partly responsible. If I was a better leader and maybe kept things under control…” He scratched his head and growled, “I don’t know. Fuck it. Everything happened so fast that day. It’s really remarkable actually, that so much went wrong so quickly.”

“Yeah it wath thomething else. I’m surprised we lived, actually.” He gave the circuit board to Karkat and pointed to where it needed to be attached. “But we did, tho that’th good.” Sollux rested a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “You are a good leader KK; we still follow you, that should be proof enough.”

“Thanks,” Karkat pulled Sollux up and they admired their work. “When will it be done?”

“Give me two more days. Maybe tomorrow if you come down and help me again.”

“Thank you, again. This means a lot.”

Sollux gave Karkat a little push towards the door, “Don’t mention it, just make sure your Matesprit is ok. You’re the first pair we’ve ever seen.”

“I will. And Sollux?” The blind troll looked his way, “Please be careful in these dream bubbles. I know the reunions are great, but there’s something I just can’t shake about them. It’s bothering me.”

“Don’t worry KK, they’re only dreams,” he could tell that answers wasn’t good enough so he added, “I’ll watch myself. I’ll also report to you if anything odd happens.”

Karkat seemed satisfied with that answer and left Sollux alone. He didn’t let his mind wander too much as he made his way back to the bedroom. The hallways were growing cold again and Karkat briefly wondered if the heaters were failing or if something was seriously wrong. The hallways had always been cold during the evening cycles of the meteor, but it was getting dangerous. Individual rooms had better heating than others, especially rooms that were filled with electronics.

“Karkat!” He looked up and saw John standing by the door to their room. “Hey do you have a minute?”

“Of course,” Karkat pulled John into a hug, “I always have time for you.”

“Great,” he pulled Karkat into their bedroom and pushed him on the bed. John flopped down beside Karkat and looked into his eyes. “So…I think we should try to see my dad tonight. But I don’t know how to do it…”

Karkat gave John a quick smile and said softly, “Don’t worry about it, we’ll figure it out. I’m thinking we just have to make sure we’re connected when we go to sleep.”

“Can we…can we try now?”

He hesitated in answering, “It’s still a bit early, I don’t want to waste so much of my day sleeping.” John’s eyes fell and he mumbled something that Karkat thought sounded like “Ok, whatever…” “John…you have to understand that I have stuff I need to do, I’m a leader John, same with you.”

“I know…it’s just this is really important to me.” John sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, his back to Karkat. “I don’t want to miss this opportunity. I just want dad’s approval, for all of this. I want him to tell me that it’s ok and that I’m doing the right thing. I want him to see me and you and be happy with me.”

“You should know better than anyone else here that he loves you, and after all you’ve told me, he probably has hundreds of those ‘I’m proud of you’ notes ready to go.”

A small laugh escaped John’s mouth and smiled, “Y-yeah you’re right. I’m just…I don’t know Karkat, I guess I just don’t want to miss any chances of being with him.”

“John…” Feelings were in turmoil over what to do, part of Karkat wanted to drop everything and help his Matesprit, but the other part of him told him to hold off and wait until he checked in with the others. “Listen; just let me do one round ok? I just want to talk with everyone once. It’s almost the end of day so I can gather reports fairly quickly.”

Just as he was about to leave Karkat turned back to John, “Oh and put on a jacket or blanket or something. I don’t like how cold the halls have been getting. I’m going to have to check out the heaters with Sollux tomorrow.”

“Yeah sure…I’ll do that,” his voice didn’t really have the spirit it normally had, and Karkat noticed. “Come back soon,” he offered.

“Of course.”

The door shut behind him and John fell back on the bed, “Alone again, huh?” He rolled over and closed his eyes. It’s not like he couldn’t feel Karkat, but there was a difference between feeling the air that moved from his lungs, and actually being there beside him. “I could just go follow him, but I don’t want to feel like a lost puppy…” Instead he closed his eyes and allowed himself to take a quick nap.

“Dave! Have you seen Kanaya around?”

The human flinched ever so slightly before turning and replying smoothly, “No man, last I heard she was in her room with Rose.”

“Thanks,” Karkat grumbled and heading down the hall leading to the other troll rooms.

“Hey Vantas?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you need her for?” Groaning he quickly explained he was doing a progress check but once again before he could leave he was interrupted by Dave, “And why do you live so far from the other trolls?”

“That’s…really fucking personal and I’m not going to explain it to you. Not now at least, and probably not ever actually.”

Dave threw his hands up, “Hey man that’s just fine, a guy’s gotta have his personal space. Everyone has secrets.”

“More than you probably know,” He remarked quietly and tried to leave once more.

“Karkat! Hold up,” Dave swung his legs gracefully over the couch and approached him, “I know I’ve been an ass, I get it. And I know forgiveness isn’t easy to earn. But I just feel like…sometimes I see myself in you, and I wonder how things would have been if I wasn’t a complete asshole. I think we could have been bros or something.”

“Maybe in some alternate timeline we are, you never know.”

Dave laughed uneasily, “Yeah maybe. Anyways,” He rubbed the back of his head uneasily, “you go do your leader stuff, sorry I held you up.”

There was an awkward air of loneliness that hung in the room and Karkat was pretty sure he was going to regret the next things that came out of his mouth. “Strider, do you want to come with?”

The other froze and turned around slowly in disbelief. “You’re serious right now, aren’t you?” He asked, trying to hide his shock, “You’re not fucking with me?” Karkat nodded, “After all that shit, you’re going to actually invite me to go with you on your leader business shit?”

Karkat nodded again, “Listen asshole, the human peace offering symbol of an olive branch has to be extended somehow. I don’t have the silly tree, so a hand will have to do as a stand in.” Cool grey eyes watched hot crimson ones as he extended a hand, “I’m the knight of blood, it’s a protector class, like yours, only mine is about bonds, friendships…and right now…” he sighed, “Well our team is pretty fractured. I’ll man up and put my big boy pants on and make the first damn move. So, what do you say? Want to come with while I make my rounds?”

“S-Sure, yeah bro, no problem,” Dave shuffled into step beside Karkat. The awkward air never disappeared. “So…is John better?”

“Depends on what you mean by better. He stopped thinking he’s a raging monstrous animal, but he still hates himself, so yeah, he’s ok, but not at the same time.”

“I noticed that…the body issues I mean,” Dave didn’t know how much he could talk about John in front of his Matesprit so he treaded lightly. “He came and talked to me a few days ago…are you going to do anything about it?”

“What exactly can I do? If you have any suggestions I’d love to fucking hear them.”

“I…well shit Karkat I don’t know. All this technology garbage goes right over my head. Rose tried explaining the process to me once, but I lost her at the mention of DNA molecules.”

Sighing Karkat placed a cautious hand on Dave’s shoulder, the other human still flinched but didn’t move away, “I’m working on it, don’t worry. I’ll do anything I can to make John truly happy. You have my word.”

They approached Rose’s door and Dave knocked softly, “Hey Rose, you there?”

“Dave? Yeah I’m here, do you require my services? I told you that you’d finally need counseling after this adventure.”

“Ugh! No, Rose, I don’t need your creepy mind evaluation services. Jegus fuck Lalonde, Karkat just wants to talk to you.”

Karkat stepped forward, “And Kanaya if she’s in there by chance.”

The door opened and the smaller female walked out, “Yeah I’m here, Kanaya just left to the bathroom, she’ll return momentarily. So, is it your brain that needs picking?” 

He dismissed the idea with a wave and invited himself in. “No, I’m just doing some checkups on you two. I need to know your progress with the evacuation duties.”

Rose smiled smoothly; Dave caught the slight disappointment in her features at the loss of a potential patient. “Well that makes more sense, a leader doing his leader-y duties. How may I be of service?”

“I told you and Kanaya to prepare food stores and the various specialized equipment that we’d need for the move. What is the status of that?”

There was a slight moment of hesitation before Rose replied,” Well,” she tried to articulate smoothly, “you see there is a slight difference between you trolls think is a natural and healthy diet in emergencies and what we believe the same thing is, as humans. As it turns out the way you guys live would probably kill us. So…I mean no disrespect, but we can’t risk us dying while conforming to your diets. Kanaya and I are trying to sort everything out between the two groups as quickly as possible. However…” she paused again, “there is just only so much we can do.” 

This was something that Karkat hadn’t thought about, he had assumed the differences between the two species were mild enough to conserve on packing by eating many of the same foods. He thought for a second then came up with an idea, “You said that the differences between trolls and humans is the problem correct?” Rose nodded, “What if I assigned, I mean, asked John to help you out?”

“Oh,” Rose’s eyes widened a bit at the realization, “that would work splendidly. His knowledge of both species would speed things ahead much faster as I would not have to explain to him the differences in human biology like I do with Kanaya. Fantastic idea Karkat.”

“I have my moments,” he grumbled and moved the topic on, “What about the device management?”

“That…is a bit more complicated than diet plans,” Rose admitted. “Last time we ventured into the great unknown of the asteroid lab facilities we took nothing with us. This was a regrettable decision as their usefulness was immediately missed. But…”

“But?” Dave pressed, feeling left out of the conversation.

“But,” a smoother voice continued from the doorway, “most of these objects are far too large to captchalogue even with the most versatile sylladex combination.” Kanaya frowned slightly before adding, “Which is distressing news, it means that we are limited to what we can store in our sylladexes and what we can carry on our backs.”

Karkat cursed and stared down at the floor thinking hard. “Then the most reasonable answer is to use the sylladex system to carry our food stores and anything heavy, then our clothes or shelter gear will be carried by hand.”

“Yo hold up guys,” Dave burst back into the conversation. “Ok so like, remember when John was fucking with his deck?” The question was directed towards Rose, but Karkat nodded too, “Besides being as embarrassing as hell, he also brought up something of mild interest. So he did some pretty silly shit, but in that silliness he did show that combination of items is something that is not only useful, but easy to do as well.” Dave straightened up, “I purpose that we combine as many as our items together as we can, and well, please…can everyone get a deck that allows for easy access to their items? If I have to watch y’all struggle with your fucking ‘dexes I might blow my brains out with Jade’s gun.” He watched as everyone seemed to nod in unison.

“I’ll make sure everyone is using something helpful,” Karkat took out a small computer device and jotted down a few notes.

Dave said a bit curious, “Speaking of Jade…where is she? I haven’t seen her around in ages…”

“Oh fuck…now that you mention it, I haven’t seen her either…”

Rose shook her head as Kanaya confirmed that she hadn’t seen the girl either. “Well,” Dave said a bit hastily, “I’m going to go look for her, I’ll leave all the leader shit to you Vantas.”

Before Karkat could say anything to interject or encourage, Strider had already flash-stepped out of the room and was gone. And before Karkat could leave the room as well Rose asked him a question. “What was Dave doing with you anyways? I thought the two of you didn’t get along?”

“I was extending an offer of peace, I guess. Friendship is what you guys call it.” Karkat’s hand rested on the button to close the door, “I figure if the leader can’t even make peace then I have no business being a leader, right?” He didn’t wait for a confirmation, “I’ll send John down to help you guys as soon as possible. He’s going through something, so it’ll probably be tomorrow…Thanks for the update you two,” he added before leaving them to their thoughts.

\---

“Jade!” Dave called down the darkened halls of the lab. “Jade!” He started routinely checking all closed doors. Some of them were shut more quickly than others, the sights behind were much too gruesome. “Fuck someone should really throw out the rotting meat from those failed ecto tanks. Holy shit.” He held his nose and moved down the hallway in a quickened pace. He didn’t really know how far away Harley had gotten, or if she had even left the main area. The girl had a habit of disappearing then reappearing when least expected. He retraced his memories and realized that she hadn’t come to the group meeting early that day. “Damn it Jade you better be ok…”

\---

When Karkat opened the door to his room he found John lying face down on the bed. Quietly he moved towards his sleeping partner and sat down next to him. Gently he brushed some stray hairs from his face and nuzzled his neck. He could hear John’s quiet giggle and the other turned over and looked up at Karkat. “H-Hey Karkat,” he said with a yawn.

“Took a nap I see,” Karkat gave him a small smile and scooted so his back was against the wall.

John yawned again and replied, “Yeah, there wasn’t much else to do.” He noted the worry in Karkat’s emotions and was quick to add, “Don’t worry, I’m still being careful, I didn’t even go into a dream bubble Karkat. Trust me. Hahaha it was just your average troll dreams, you know, blood, gore, conquering unknown planets. The usual.”

Karkat relaxed slightly and motioned for John to sit up and join him. “I’m paranoid, what can I say? Just…ah fuck it, you’re fine. Just don’t use sleeping as a crutch is all I’m getting at.”

John rolled out of bed and stretched. “Hey Karkat how’d everything go with the planning preparations?”

“Fine, things are moving at an ok pace,” Karkat decided to keep the status of his missing sister secret for the time being. John didn’t need any added stress, especially from something that might not even be a cause for concern. The human girl could have easily overslept and missed the meeting or simply forgot. “Kanaya and Rose need your help though, so I said you would help out tomorrow.”

“Oh?” John said, his curiosity waking up. “What do they need help with?”

“Figuring out food plans for the move. Apparently human and troll emergency diets are vastly different and Rose expressed her interest in having someone who is well versed in both human and troll biology to help out.” Karkat watched John make a pouty face and let out a huff. “Shoosh. You’re the best fucking option we have here. I sure as hell don’t know anything about the goddamn pink monkeys. You were one for your whole life; it makes the most sense to send you so don’t grumble.”

“But Karkat,” John whined, “I thought it was going to be something cool…and besides what if I don’t know as much about troll stuff?”

Dismissing John’s complaining Karkat moved on, “Kanaya will be there to back you up, you’ll be fine. They just need an extra head in the planning is all.” Karkat stopped talking and watched John, “What are you doing?”

“Oh? I’m stretching! I dunno I feel really pent up lately. Like I need to move more or something.”

“It’s probably from sleeping so much dumbass. Come on,” he got up and grabbed John’s hand, “We’ll take a run or something.”

\---

“Jade!” Dave called once more into the hall. “Goddamn it, Jade weren’t you raised by a dog? You should come when fucking called.”

“Rude!” Came a shout in reply. It sounded from a room around the corner; Dave eagerly pushed the door open. “You shouldn’t make fun of someone’s heritage Dave, it’s not nice. Want me to start squawking at you? Or how about I throw some ramen noodles at you when I think you need to be fed?”

“Wow Jade way to be appreciative that someone bothered to come all the way down here to find you,” he said ducking under some fallen cables. “What are you doing halfway to hell anyways?”

She turned around and removed a set of heavy goggles, “Unlike some people here, I’m actually trying to make life better instead of bickering and running around like chickens with their heads cut off.”

“I don’t follow…”

“Of course not,” she stood up and dusted herself off. “I’m fixing a lot of these machines down here. Did you know the heater core had been broken for days? Not to mention the idiotic problem you guys are having upstairs with the important gadgets being too large to transport. Did anyone think of, I don’t know making them smaller by chance?”

Dave rubbed his head, “Ah, no. I guess we didn’t think about that stuff.”

“The lab is organized in a way that each floor is identical to the floor above it, at least that is true from the four floors I had been on. So I can experiment with these machines without ruining the ones we’re using upstairs.” She smiled a bit to herself, “It’s really simple silly!” Pulling Dave further into the room she explained some more about the things she was fixing. She already made a modified version of their Alchemiter. “It’s a work in progress,” she explained, “there are still a few bugs, but it’s a start.”

“Jade this shit’s amazing; you should really go talk to that creepy computer troll…”

“Oh I have. Sollux has been really helpful, actually. He knows I’m down here; it’s hard for him to make it this far into the lab without help. So much of it looks the same, and with his blindness…well I don’t think anyone wants to risk a team member getting hurt.”

Dave picked up a few electronic devices, “How did you figure all this out? Harley this is awesome.” He pressed a button and the machine made a little beeping sound, “What does this one do?”

“I swear to god you’re as bad as John,” she snatched the device from Dave’s hand and turned it off. “That one scans for live wires, it’s not dangerous, but some of these others might.” She put it down and turned back to what she was working on when Dave burst in. “I know this stuff because I’m good at it. Programming, robotics, I’m pretty talented with anything electronic or motorized.”

“What’s this one?”

It was a large assortment of wires and components that resembled the guts of a computer. Nothing was shielded and all the inner workings were exposed. “This is a transporter. Or at least, it’s the guts of one. I’ve stripped it to try to figure it out, but it’s not going so good.” She held a hand up to the wires and dragged a finger down the parts, “It’s so complex,” she said slowly in awe. “I’ve never seen anything like it, not even in my own house.”

His element…well it wasn’t here, Dave realized standing up. “This kinda stuff goes way over my head Harley; sorry I don’t really catch on. If this was a mixer, or you needed a new track whipped up I could totally be your man. But this stuff, it just flies over my head.” He headed towards the door, “If you need any sword training let me know, I’m also your guy for that.” Dave disappeared down the hall. “Oh,” he said popping his head back in the door, “could you find it in your super mega busy day to check in for dinner or something? A lot of us thought you vanished from existence.”

She dismissed him with a wave, “Yeah Dave no problem, I’ll check in.” Jade laughed and smiled at Dave. “Thanks for checking on me though, it was sweet of you.”

\---

“Feel…better?” Karkat asked when they finally reached the showers. They were both breathing hard after their run.

“Yeah, much actually,” John panted besides him.

“Good,” Karkat smiled, “I thought an hour would be too much for you, but it seems it was almost too fucking much for myself.”

Dave spotted John and Karkat when he rounded the corner, “Sup fearless leaders,” he greeted as he walked by. “I just caught up with Jade.”

“Is she ok?” Karkat asked?

“More than ok, she’s fucking brilliant. Next time she’s around ask her what she’s been up to. You’ll be amazed bro, totally amazed. She probably like solved all of our problems without even trying.”

“What? Strider no get back here!”

John held a hand out to stop Karkat, “Wait! What was up with my sister?”

“N-Nothing John, it was fine, everything’s fine.”

Dave smirked as he headed off laughing silently as John drilled Karkat for information.

“I told you it’s fine John, nothing happened.”

John growled low under his breath, “Next time let me know if something happens to my sister. I don’t like being kept in the dark about that kind of thing.”

“Yeah yeah,” Karkat replied, “Sorry John.” He ran a towel through his hair and threw it at his Matesprit. “I’ll tell you what; I’ll buy you dinner to make up for it.”

“Kaaarkaaaat, we don’t pay for dinner!” He elbowed him and pulled grabbed his hand, “But it’s a nice sentiment.”

Much later that night when everyone else was probably fast asleep John and Karkat sat facing each other. Hesitantly Karkat took John’s hand in his, “Do you want to try?”

John’s eager grin was more than enough of an answer, “Yeah of course I do!”

“Settle down moron, you can’t sleep if you’re a ball of energy.” John nodded and flopped down on his pillow, taking Karkat with him. “Shhhh,” he made the quiet relaxing sound that lulled John to sleep so many times before. Gently they pressed their heads together and John drifted off to sleep, Karkat right behind him.

Nothing went as planned. Everything fell apart around them. There was fire and inhuman screeching from all around, not to mention the rain of blood and smell of death.

John awoke screaming and Karkat gasped awake as well. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know Karkat, I don’t know!” Their hearts were both beating faster than they were comfortable with.

“Shit, I think it was me,” Karkat admitted. “I probably wasn’t focusing enough.” He fell back in bed and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry you had to see that, fucking hell.”

John fell back too, “I thought it would be waaaaay easier than that Karkat. I mean Dave has shared dreams with Davesprite all the time it seems. Plus a few times I’ve shared dreams with the others when I got knocked out in my old session.”

“I don’t know John, the dream bubbles I was in always had a center controller of the dream, maybe that’s where we went wrong?” There wasn’t enough time for an answer from John’s part, “Sorry you had to see that stuff…my dreams are rather…violent.”

“Oh, I…no it’s ok Karkat, I know you didn’t try to have an army of trolls burn down my house and then string you up and uh…yeah, not your fault.” He rested his head on Karkat’s shoulder. “Your troll dreams suck more than mine.”

“I’ve had more years to practice,” Karkat replied resting his head on John’s. “I don’t really want to sleep, how about we watch some shitty movie? We haven’t done that in a while.”

“Sure Karkat, I’ll even let you pick.”

“We’ll try again tomorrow,” Karkat offered.

John smiled and felt a little sick, “Uh, sure…or we could just forget the whole meet my dad thing…”

Karkat felt pang of regret and disappointment run through him, “No we can’t give up, this meant a lot to you. We’ll find your dad, and I’ll do all the customary human greetings and it’ll be fan-fucking-tastic. You just take the lead next time, I’ll follow.”

“Yeah, sure, we can try…” John trailed off when Karkat put in the movie. His eyes weren’t really watching the movie though, they were replying the vision of his house burning to the ground, and amongst the blood and smell of death, the even sicker smell of baked goods burning surrounded his memories.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF YOU FOLLOW MY DA THIS IS AN OLD CHAPTER UPDATE. Nothing is different between the DA version and the cross post here.  
> I apologize for not updating this chapter here on AO3 and only releasing it on my DA.  
> I was attempting to do major revisions to the earlier chapters of this story before posting the more recent update so that any new readers wouldn't have to deal with out of character writing and plot holes that are present in the first parts.   
> Sorry about that.
> 
> As a note for future updates: Still the Same has not been abandoned, I'm just working on a lot of other projects at the same time as this one and haven't found the time to dedicate to making this fic great. I'm also re-working the ending because the original ending didn't take in any of the new canon information we have now. This will always be a veilstuck AU, I won't be changing that, but I need to think about how I'm going to deal with the endgame plot in more detail than "they unbreak the game".   
> I thank every single reader of mine who has stuck with this story from the start. I'm amazed that people still follow it at all, given there was almost a year without any updates. You guys rock.

John sleeps a lot these days. More than what Karkat deemed healthy. With a weary smile John would assure his Matesprit over and over that he is perfectly fine. Rose says it might be a small form of depression and that she should be alerted to any changes in his behavior. But, in the end, what does she know? They’re all just children. 

Thoughts drifted in Karkat’s mind; they fell on another breath player who loved to dream. The connections between the two seemed to be strengthening over the weeks before their scheduled move. Their foolish, almost unrealistic, ideals of lighthearted fun, both were once perused by a devilish spider troll, and their love for the sky reached beyond their shared aspect. Tavros wasn’t one that Karkat wanted John to imitate. His reasoning was heavily biased, but he couldn’t change his opinions of his fallen friend. 

He was a great team player, but he didn’t exactly emulate the strength and confidence that the Alternian race was known for. And there was his constant state of dreaming that still picked at Karkat’s brain. It never seemed harmful, but at the same time it hadn’t benefited anyone either. The cripple used it as a way to escape his pain. This only made Karkat wonder for hours what John was escaping from. What pain was John experiencing that he kept hidden away from their combined thoughts?

There wasn’t anything Karkat could do about though, no matter how much hoping or wishing he did. Instead he focused on the other problems of his teammates. John didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger. Compared to the previous months stuck on the frozen rock, it has been rather peaceful. The lack of death was an amazing relaxing point for Karkat. He could concentrate on what needed to be done, and not on whether this would be his last breath. 

The only problem was the lurking fear that Bec Noir could come crashing through the door at any moment. But they’ve stayed relatively hidden away in a maze of corridors and sterilized experimentation rooms. Apparently dogs don’t like the chemical wash that was sprayed over the facility. Trolls don’t like it either, but sacrifices had to be made for survival. The sickly smell could be ignored or covered up after enough time had passed. Right now it acted as one more veil to hide behind. 

\---

“Stop taking pictures of the sun, you’re wasting film.”

Dave laughed and lowered the camera. He was lying on his back facing the brilliant blue sky of Texas. For once it wasn’t swollen and red. “Yeah wasting film you can make more of.” 

David was spread out next to him, “I’m not actually sure if I can make more, this dream bubble garbage is very hypothetical.”

“Well,” Dave said, “couldn’t you just hypothetically go buy some more at the corner store?”

“Do you honestly think they’ll sell anything to a bird monster?” David said half hurt half amused at the idea.

Dave shrugged and snapped another picture of the sky before putting the camera down. “What’s it like to fly?”

“Flying?” David stared at the sky and flexed his wings involuntarily. “It feels like true freedom. Cliché as hell right? But it’s so goddamn true.” Clouds drifted by slowly blotting out the sun occasionally. “It’s this weird feeling,” David continued. “Like, you stop thinking of the world as just what you can walk on. Open spaces become places you can go. Empty air is suddenly yours to claim. It’s hard to explain and I’m probably doing a shit job of it.” A gentle breeze picked and moved the feathers on David’s chest. “There’s just something amazing about seeing something and not thinking, ‘damn I sure wish I could reach that’ and instead saying ‘fuck that noise, let’s go get it.’” 

“Sounds like haven to me,” Dave commented. 

“It is. Probably the one cool sprite thing that happened.”

There was another awkward pause in the conversation before Dave finally asked, “Did it…you know, hurt? When you became a sprite? We never really got to talk much, and I mean, I suppose it didn’t hurt, you went straight for pesterchum after turning into one I suppose if it did hurt you would have screamed or somethin, or maybe your poker face was just on another level than mine, or maybe there just wasn’t enough time to react, it all boils down to time doesn’t it? Like our whole lives and shit are about time and seconds and counting the days and…aw shit I’m fuck’n rambling again.” 

“It didn’t hurt.” David replied calmly. “So don’t worry. And my brain completely overrode the bird’s. Unlike what happened to Jade or that troll girl.”

“What troll girl?”

“I dunno, she’s shown up a few times here. It’s the one with the ram horns, she one of yours?”

Dave shook his head, “I don’t recall, she might have been a dead one.”

“No,” David disagreed, “She had her eyes.”

“Huh,” he thought for a moment, “maybe it was that Aradian girl or something? I can’t keep their names straight when I don’t care. Karkat was all in a huff over some dead girl apparently not being dead. She’s been dream bubble hopping so maybe it was her you saw?”

“Possibly, it doesn’t matter; the point is that I’m almost exactly the same as I was before. Only my brain got hijacked by the game for a bit and I have all this knowledge about the inner workings of the game and it’s mechanics. I try not to think about it to avoid a headache.” David’s voice dropped a bit, “Sometimes though, I miss my old body. Like legs, man legs would kick so much ass, you have no idea how much you miss having legs until you don’t have legs anymore.”

“So…” Dave said sitting up, “this is a dream bubble, more specifically; it’s your dream bubble. Haven’t you ever thought of, I dunno, changing your appearance? I’m sure you could give yourself legs, or use a version of you that was before the sprite transformation.”

“I’ve tried, trust me I’ve tried.” David stretched his wings out again, “I can manipulate the background, scenes and memories, but I cannot make my appearance any different. I’m pretty sure it’s because of the fact I’m now coding too, but I’m not sure.”

Dave sighed, “And you don’t think I’ll be able to change your appearance? If somehow you ended up in like my dream bubble or something?”

“No, probably not. Chances are I’m stuck as a sprite, and it’s not that big of a deal anymore. I made a choice, now I’m living with the consequences.”

“Living is a subject of debate with you as well…” 

David noted the quietness of Dave’s voice in that last statement. He nodded and removed his shades again, “I’m not sure what to make of myself, my existence right now.” The wind blew stronger across the roof and David sat up and spread his wings wide, catching the drifting air and gently rising in the air. Dave became swiftly smaller as he rode the current further up. “Argh I need some time to think,” he muttered to himself.

Everything had become messed up since Dave came back into his life(?). In fact, he realized that everything became significantly more fucked up when something had come into his useless existence. As a sprite he thought he had the answers to everything. He had always assumed that he knew everything there was to know about the game and its inner workings. This time however, reality had thrown him for a loop. He didn’t have the answers, and he didn’t know what to do. The situation had changed beyond what David was comfortable with admitting. Also, deep down, he feared being forgotten and useless once again. 

“I don’t want to be forgotten, not again,” he said to himself, bitterness rising in his voice. “I lost too much to be thrown aside.” He tilted his wings down and darted towards the earth. The only thing that made his life somewhat bearable was the ability to fly. But he couldn’t fly away from his problems so with a heavy heart he angled back to the apartment building. “Hey,” he said quietly landing beside Dave.

“Sup?” He asked without expecting an answer. “Is your head clear?” This time he did want one.

“Yeah, I’m better.” He looked out over the city and said quietly, “Listen, Dave…I have to stay here, and you have to leave, that much is clear. I want you to, well I want you to keep me in mind, ok? I’m going to work hard and try to figure out a way to save you. But in case I fail-“

“You won’t,” Dave interrupted.

“In case I fail,” David continued, “I want you to put your faith, all your faith in your team. I made the mistake and paid a heavy price for it. Your survival will be at the hands of your friends, and whatever ideas they have.”

“David?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t disappear.”

“I won’t.” His back was now turned and Dave couldn’t see his face. “I’ll contact you again if something comes up. For now…well just focus on keeping everyone you care about alive.” 

“I will…” Dave said with a certainty he hadn’t had in a long time. His vision blurred as the dream ended and the grey ceilings of the veil came into view.

“David…” He murmured. “I won’t forget you, you won’t be useless either.”

\---

The sun was still blazing bright when David took to the sky again. He was full of a lot of uncertainty, he wasn’t sure of the future; he couldn’t calculate it and it bothered him to no end. It was like every feather was out of place and he couldn’t straighten any of them out. His wings lifted his body further and further into the sky, he could see the entire town, he knew he was just running by flying away. He was well aware of his fears, but he had no idea how to confront them. “What am I supposed to do?” 

“Keep on living silly,” A voice answered. 

“Holy fucking shit,” David turned his head to see a cheery looking girl at his side. “How the fuck are you…” It was then he saw bright red butterfly wings fluttering behind her. 

“Hello,” she continued, “I’m Aradia, and you’re Dave right?”

“It’s not Dave anymore,” David responded quickly. “And not –sprite ether. It’s David.”

She laughed, and it felt so surreal, another person had entered his bubble, and was actually speaking to him. “I’ve been trying to reach you for a while now David. We have much to discuss.”

\---

“Ok, so humans need to eat at least twice a day.”

“That is so annoying,” Kanaya sighed and started re-portioning food stores.

“Yeah I know, but it’s better that they keep their energy up instead of dying,” John was sitting with Kanaya as she and Rose sorted and documented food. “I’d say that we should prioritize energizing foods over anything else. And for like…vegetables and stuff…I don’t know, what do trolls need again?”

“We can eat anything; our race is built for hardships and weeks without food. It’s you humans that are becoming the annoying problem.” 

“Kanaya dear that was rude,” Rose nudged her side, “we do the best we can.”

“Can we just use vitamin supplements?” John asked, “That way we can cut down on the amount of fresh or dried food we’d have to try to drag along.” 

“That should work, we won’t like it, but there’s not much else we can do.” Rose packed a few boxes and capatchlagued them. They had discovered that they could store much more food by placing large boxes of it in their inventory instead of individual groups of food. “I think the main problem will be water. Our group will go through it like crazy.”

“Yes, even trolls need a decent supply or we lose strength faster,” Kanaya didn’t even have a guess at how much they’d need. 

John tossed a card on the pile, “That’s, uh my dad’s old sylledex. It can store a lot on it, he had a whole car in there, we could use this for water storage and food. It would free up a lot of space.” 

“It would,” Rose agreed, “but, I think we should use that for the electronic devices as well.”

“I think both would fit,” John shrugged, “it has a lot of space. It’s worth a shot. I’d feel better if the water could be packed in bulk using one sylledex.” John shifted nervously, “I’m uh, I’m a god so…I don’t actually think I need to eat, actually. So if things ever get bad…or we misjudged, I can go without eating. I think. I mean, I’m sorta immortal and all that, I haven’t actually been hungry since ascending so…” 

“That’s very thoughtful of you John, but we’ll pack for you as well.” Rose could see John thinking through things, she could see the doubt in his face. He was actually thinking of the problems they faced ahead, and not just of himself. It seemed he was finally stepping up as a leader. Rose was rather proud. “So John, you said trolls don’t require as much food correct?” 

Both he and Kanaya nodded, “Yeah we need about half of what humans do. If I remember right Karkat was telling me how back on Alternia he would go weeks without access to food or water. We go into some sort of emergency conservation mode?”

“Correct,” Kanaya explained, “I often found myself in that situation because I lived in the desert. Our bodies are capable of expanding very little energy, however if it continues for more than a month or so we risk entering a “hibernation” mode, so to speak. We become mostly immobile and our body shuts down most of the unimportant functions until the environment changes. It’s actually quite amazing how quickly we can come out of this mode as well, in a matter of minutes our bodies will be fully functional and ready to take down any food items. But it would be best if we could avoid pushing ourselves that far.” 

“Amazing,” Rose murmured, “If we go without food or water for two weeks we die. Your species really is more advanced than ours.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Kanaya commented, “I don’t necessarily think we are more advanced, just more durable.” 

John grabbed the notes Rose was writing and looked them over, “Most of this looks ok to me,” he said. “I think, to be safe, if we have enough space, add another ten servings of meat to the troll’s side. We process that better than any of the other food groups.” He handed the notes back to Rose, “Other than that, I think we should be good. I’m not sure what you needed me for, but I’m glad I could be of some help.” 

“It’s been having your company John, it’s always a pleasure. And you did help, don’t worry.” Rose waved as John left the room. 

“He’s thinking like a leader,” She told Kanaya. 

“I noticed, I guess Karkat is rubbing off on him.”

She smiled, “It’s good, I don’t think Dave could handle another extended round of leading.”

\---

“Strider!” 

“This better be important Karkat,” Dave set down his headphones, “I was in the middle of recording.”

“Yeah it’s important. I needed to talk to you about Davesprite.”

“David,” Dave corrected automatically. “He goes by David now.” He turned off his equipment and walked over to a couch. “What did you need?”

Karkat followed Dave’s lead and sat down as well. “You said that David had a backdoor way of beating the game right?” 

“Yeah, that’s correct. Do you want me to elaborate?” Karkat nodded, “Ok so from what he showed me, there is extra coding in the game, it provides each session with a second way to win if the first way was compromised. Much like what happened here. So if we can invoke that secondary ending we can still win.”

“This involves our planets?”

Dave nodded and continued glumly, “Unfortunately. And that’s where David thinks there’ll be problems.”

“Why?” Though Karkat already had a pretty good idea what the answer was going to be. 

“Well, for starters we don’t have any of your planets to begin with; they are all intergalactic solar dust by now. Secondly, we don’t even have our planets, we don’t have anything. Thirdly, I’m not sure if our planets will work as a stand in for yours, even if we could get them into this session somehow.”

“What if we all found a way into your session? Couldn’t we just use your planets there and get the second ending?”

“I…I don’t know Vantas. I’ll ask David…I’m not even sure what has become of our session after the scratch. It was supposed to be a hard reset, but I’m not sure what that did exactly. I can’t…I can’t feel it’s time, like I could before.” 

“You can feel time?”

He laughed, “Sure, like you feel emotions, I feel time. It’s because of my aspect, but I can’t feel the time of our old session, like I’m not connected to it anymore. So I’m really hesitant to say we should go back. There might not be anything there. Or there could be something completely new with different versions of ourselves, I just don’t know.”

“Ask David, pick his sprite brain for everything it’s worth.” 

Dave nodded and sighed. “I will, but I don’t like doing it. David’s been through enough as it is. I hate using him for just information.”

“I know, even I think it’s cruel and I’ve never even met the guy. We just need to know these things. I’m still planning on using our session to its fullest and that means finding and understanding what is in this lab.” 

Dave crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch, “So,” he asked slowly, “when are we planning are leaving?”

Karkat hesitated in his answer; a lot of things were weighing heavy on his mind. John came to the forefront of his thoughts. The troll wasn’t ready for a move just yet; he was too unstable, no matter how much he tried to say he wasn’t. They also didn’t have their machinery ready for travel. “Honestly, not soon enough for me. But there are things that still need prepping, and while I don’t like it, it’s what we have to deal with.” Karkat stared down at the floor, his eyes in a place far away, “It’s a big jump, this move. It’s the only thing so far in this game that I’ve actually had to think about. For the whole duration of our game we never had time to think. This time though, I’ve had time to debate this.”

“It’s a big deal,” Dave agreed. “Here in this part of the lab, we have everything we need. We have fuckin showers, and couches and food and goddamn Karkat I have fucking turntables in my room. It’s the lap of luxury as far as hiding from a god like monster in an abandoned rock goes.”

Karkat growled softly, “And that’s why I’m scared. What if this move isn’t the best option? What if we die the minute we step out of this building? Right now we have it fine, everyone is living and things are at least brighter than they have been in weeks, hell even months. I don’t want to fuck this up for everyone.”

Very slowly Dave rested his hand on Karkat’s shoulder, “I…I think you’re doing the right thing. Our game, our session, we didn’t think either. We just went with whatever happened, and hell most of the time we were following orders from one of you guys.” He stopped and took a breath, “But I do think moving is the best option. We’re not doing anything here Vantas. Alive? Sure. But our existence isn’t meaning a whole hell of a lot. I’d like to die knowing I did more than just waste away with a rock.” He stood up and moved back to his turntables, “The peace is great,” he said. “But it’s been peaceful long enough. I’ll pick David for more info, you keep on with the preparations for the move. Let me know if I need to help out with anything.” 

Karkat moved for the door but stopped when Dave added, “John may be our friendleader, but Karkat, I’m perfectly fine with calling you our leader.”

The troll nodded. He understood what that meant, given Dave’s overall opinion of trolls. “Thanks.”

It wasn’t even night yet and Karkat was exhausted. He hadn’t even done anything physically taxing. Most of it was emotional drain. His brain had been working overtime with both plans of escape. Dream bubbles still bothered Karkat, they didn’t seem like the way to go, but the original idea he had didn’t help quell his mind either. As soon as they left their safety here all bets were off. Karkat didn’t know if Jack would be waiting for them at the exit, or if they’d die of the elements. Perhaps they would just move to a new portion of a new lab and be right back to where they were. 

The one thing that bothered and made him the most uncomfortable was knowing that these meteors where not stable. That any one of them go could go crashing into the battle field. Their game was over, but the mechanics were still in place and meteors were still hurtling into portals surrounding a Skaia that wasn’t there. Sollux said he was studying the rate at which they left orbit but hadn’t come up with anything . He gave Karkat the estimate of anywhere from a sweep to a matter of days.

He needed to lie down.

What he didn’t need was John instantly on him the moment he entered the room. His Matesprit didn’t mean to smother Karkat, but it happened anyway. Almost instantly he was asking to try the link again while dreaming. 

“John I don’t think it’s a very good idea,” he closed his eyes breathing out then breathing in. “I need to relax for a moment and just think. I can’t be concerned with meeting someone like your father, not right now.”

It was clear that John was upset, Karkat could feel it. “Ok,” he said dejected. 

“John-“

“No, I get it, it’s ok.” He smiled weakly, “You need time for your batteries to recharge. It’s understandable, I’ve been pushing too much.”

“Ugh, fuck. John, no that’s not…damn it all.” Karkat grabbed for John’s hand and ran a few fingers over his knuckles, “Listen, I really want to meet your old man, ok? I really do. It’s important to me because it’s important to you. But right now we’re getting ready for the biggest event of the past few months. My mind isn’t in a good place right now. I don’t want to meet someone this important when I look and feel like a sleep deprived lunatic.” 

John nodded at Karkat’s explanation. “I’m just…I’m worked up too, never mind.” He flopped down next to Karkat and rolled into his side. 

“So how it’d go with Kanaya and Rose?”

“Good, great actually,” John said into Karkat’s side. “We figured out the portions of food for everyone and made a meal chart. I think we’ll be just fine. Also, I gave them my dad’s old card…I think it could benefit the group more than just myself.”

“That was very thoughtful of you, I know how much his keepsakes must mean to you.” Karkat placed a small kiss on John’s forehead, “And I’m glad to see that the situation with food is sorted out. You really are a leader.” John mumbled something into Karkat’s shirt. “What was that?”

“Friend,” John said again, “I’m a friend not a leader. There’s a difference.” 

Karkat chuckled, “So you’ve said over and over.”

“Someday you’ll believe me,” John added.

“And someday you’ll listen to me.”

“I listen plenty,” John huffed.

In response Karkat just ruffled his hair and rubbed the skin near John’s horns. “I’m going to take a nap now, I don’t care what you do, but it should probably involve getting out of this room for a while. You spend too much time holed up in here.”

John sighed and watched Karkat fall asleep, “Too much time huh?” He glanced at the bedside clock that read three in the afternoon, a time that was purely artificial as the day and night cycle meant nothing in the veil. “What’s another hour or so going to do?” 

\---

Everything was normal. Once again, like nothing had happened. His house was immaculate and not a thing out of balance. John awoke in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. When he rolled over there was no graffiti on his walls and no ruined posters. He reached out to touch one of them, that’s when he recoiled slightly. The skin on his arm was pale and the nails on his fingers were blunt and clear. “What?” John sat up and examined his hands more carefully; no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get them to turn grey. He couldn’t feel his horns or his fangs. “What is going on?” 

This had to be a dream; it was the only thing that made logical sense. He was here, in his room, with his old posters, and his old body and he couldn’t manipulate any of it. So either this was a dream bubble or everything he had experienced with Karkat and the others was the dream. That couldn’t be the case…could it? John’s heart beat a bit faster. “What if…oh my god what if it was all a twisted dream?” He got up and looked at the calendar on his wall; it was still April, just like before, only this time... “The sBURB Beta launch is missing…I didn’t write it down. Impossible I was waiting ages for that game.” Bewildered he looked through the most current issue of Game Bro Magazine, the very same one that had torn apart the game in its review. But the article was missing; it was like all traces were gone. 

“This isn’t right, nothing about this is right,” he slid onto his desk chair and booted up his computer. Pesterchum flashed into action on his desktop. It was a friendly reminder and a welcome sight for a world missing a few parts. If there was one person who would know about the game and why it’s suddenly missing from reality…well that person would be rose. As John recalled, she was possibly more obsessed with the beta than he ever was. Her chumhandle was lit up and he pestered her without hesitation. 

\-- ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  at 10:12 --

GT: rose! rose! rose!   
GT: come on…  
GT: you’re always on, rose this is important!   
TT: My, my, someone is a bit impatient this morning.  
TT: Whatever could be the matter?  
GT: sburb!  
TT: What?  
GT: sburb, you remember don’t you?  
TT: John I don’t recall discussing suburban life with you recently. What exactly is it that you’d like me to recall?  
GT: no, no, no, not suburban, sburb! the game!  
TT: You are going to have to forgive me, my memory seems a bit foggy. When did we talk about this?  
TT: You know I love a good game or two, and I’d never purposefully forget a subject that a friend seems so invested in. But my memory seems quite blank. Are you certain you didn’t talk with Dave and not me?  
GT: of course i’m sure! you were obsessed with it! more so than I was…so you’re sure then, that this doesn’t ring any bells?  
TT: Quite so.   
TT: John? What’s bothering you?   
GT: i don’t…i don’t know any more rose.   
GT: i had this dream, i mean, it must have been a dream…it couldn’t have been real.  
TT: Dream?   
GT: yeah, we played this game, sburb, all of us did. and it destroyed the world but it’s ok because we escaped to somewhere else. we all got planets and powers and it was great!  
GT: until…  
TT: Until?   
GT: until it wasn’t. people started dying. you died, our parents died. pretty much our whole game died. but we escaped again. we left and lived with our new friends…who just happened to be aliens.  
TT: This is quite the dream John.  
GT: i know, i know. we lived with them and it was pretty cool. it all took place on an asteroid with an abandoned lab in it. a lot of things happened, eventually i got turned into one of them…  
TT: You got turned into an alien? Interesting.  
GT: argh! rose no, this isn’t the time for your psychobabble nonsense. i got turned into one of them and i was pretty distressed. but it’s ok because karkat  
TT: Karkat? John are you alright? You’ve been silent for some time now.  
GT: i gotta go.  
GT: sorry rose we’ll talk more later. 

\-- ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:32 --

John slowly backed away from the computer. Even his chumhandle was reverted back to what it was before any contact with trolls had been made. He checked his calendar one more time, it was the correct year, this wasn’t the distant past or far away future. It was now. 

None of it made sense. “If this is a dream then it’s a pretty shitty one!” He considered the idea again that this could be a dream bubble. Carefully he made his way downstairs, not a thing was out of place. It was just like the last time he dreamed of home. “Maybe it’s dad’s dreambubble? That could explain why I can’t manipulate anything…” Though even that idea wasn’t the most solid. 

He didn’t want to think about the possibility of imagining the whole thing. Briefly uttering Karkat’s name caused enough pain to drive him back under the covers and pray that sleep would take this reality away. It was almost comical, in a dark way. Having everything back to normal was what he so often prayed for, but he didn’t want it to happen like this. Never like this.

The sweet smell of rising dough entered his nose when he made it to the living room, he could see his dad through the entryway to the kitchen. He took a deep breath and walked in. His father was humming away, standing at the counter by the cutting board. Without thinking John rushed forward and embraced him.

Dad seemed a little shocked, “J-John? Son, is something the matter?”

“Nothing,” he said, fighting back tears. “Nothing. I’m just…so happy to see you.” Even if this was a dream, even if it was fake, there wasn’t anything that could quell the pure joy of seeing his father alive and well. Even if he was doomed to dream a thousand, perfect, dreams he would still run to hug his father. John didn’t think that any amount of hugs would ever make up for the one’s he missed during the game…or dream? He really needed to get that sorted out.

He excused himself from the kitchen and took a walk outside. He hoped to clear his head, and also reach the edge of the bubble. “If there is an edge,” he muttered. The familiar emptiness of Fir Drive where he lived in Washington was oddly comforting. If he had seen people out and about it would be more unnerving. He hardly ever saw his neighbors, he wasn’t exactly sure why, perhaps they were just busy with work. Dad never talked about the lack of other people, so John always assumed it was normal. 

Taking a right on 216th Avenue he walked in the direction of Pipe Lake. Rarely did his walks actually end at the lake. Typically he got bored or tired and turned back. Today he wanted to go all the way. How much time it took didn’t really matter. One thing he did care about was the absence of his wind powers. They would have come in handy, especially when he had to hop fences and jog across lawns. 216th didn’t lead directly to the waterfront, there were a few other smaller roads that he had to cross to get closer to the lake.

The sun was high in the sky when he finally did reach the water’s edge. It was a calm day, hardly a cloud to be seen and no hint of a breeze. Water lapped lazily at the rocky shore and John could smell the strong scent of lake weeds and fertilizer from the local country club on the air. This all seemed real. The warmth from the sun on his skin felt real, the way the wind touched his hair ever so slightly and feeling of his own burning muscles, it was all too real. 

“Maybe this is reality…maybe that all was a dream. A really truly honest to god real feeling dream.” 

He sat down and hugged his knees to his chest. “If it were true…then that would mean that so much happened that never happened.” John thought about Karkat, he thought about Sollux and Terezi and Kanaya and their lives on the meteor. There was his planet and the moons and the skies of Skaia with their clouds that showed everything. “There’s no way that could have been fake…right?”

But as John stared out across the water he couldn’t stop the feeling of dread that washed over him like the waves of the lake. Deep down there was a part of him that was beginning to believe that none of it happened. 

Days had passed and John was still no closer to figuring out if he was in a dream bubble or not. Sometimes the other bubbles had felt this incredibly real and the only way out was to trigger a memory strong enough to break the illusion. But no matter how hard he tried escaped eluded him. 

John woke up in the morning, ate breakfast with his father, hugged him goodbye and caught the bus to school. He would come home from class and goof around on the computer before dinner, a shower, and homework. It was all too easy to slip back into the monotonous patterns of his own life. He was shocked and scared at how easily he adjusted to life as a human and life without his god powers.

But the days seemed like a blur if he tried to focus in on them for too long. It was as if he was going through the motions but not connecting them to actual events. This feeling he held onto like a life preserver. It kept his head above the water. The week felt like a dream, so it had to be a dream. It was the only logical explanation.

The worst of it all wasn’t the loss of his powers, his planet, his friends, but the loss of Karkat. There was a dull ache that reminded him every moment of every day that something was missing and something was wrong. He thought that Karkat would be the key to solving his problems, he believed that if he just focused on Karkat hard enough the bubble would crack and he’d be able to wake up. Every night he would focus just on his Matesprit but every morning he’d wake up crying when he was still in his bed.

John stared outside at the trees that swayed in the wind. “Do I not love him enough? Is that was this is about? Am I just not trying enough?” He was so frustrated and confused. If that had happened weeks ago he would have been overjoyed. This was the life he missed, this was what he wanted. But not anymore. Now he’d give anything to be back on the frozen rock with all of his friends, not just the human ones. 

\---

“Rose what the fuck is wrong with him?”

“Karkat I couldn’t begin to tell you,” She was just as puzzled as the rest of the team.

Everyone was gathered in Karkat and John’s shared bedroom. They were standing around John who was still asleep. The troll hadn’t woken up from his nap and no matter what Karkat tried he couldn’t wake him. 

Dave spoke up, “Do you think he’s in a coma?”

“I don’t know,” Rose murmured. “Karkat was John acting strange at all when you last talked to him?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “No, nothing. He was perfectly fine. I can’t…I can’t feel him. Matesprits are supposed to be able to feel each other, we have a connection and I can’t feel John. He’s right fucking there and I can’t feel him. Something’s wrong.” 

Kanaya rested a hand on his shoulder. “Perhaps he’s just exhausted. He’s the Godtier in our group, maybe he has different energy patterns than us. There’s a chance he’s just recharging.” 

“Maybe,” Karkat said softly, but he didn’t really buy it. 

“Come on,” she said, “there’s nothing we can do for him now. You need something to eat. We can figure this out, all we need is a bit of time.” 

Over dinner Karkat got Dave to agree to seeing David again that night. He wanted to know if the sprite had any ideas to why John wasn’t waking up. His worst fear was that something was very wrong with the game and it was now claiming players in their sleep. 

If that was the case, than sleeping just became more dangerous than being awake. 

Karkat didn’t sleep well that night. He wasn’t going to even try sleeping but there was the slim chance he could find John through his own dreams so he closed his eyes and drifted off. However, instead of finding a familiar dream bubble he was faced with something different.

The sight of a fallen friend.

Aradia.

“Welcome Karkat.”

“A…Aradia, shit is it really you?”

She laughed, “It’s really me. And that’s really you.” She didn’t step forward, she flew. Her red wings glittered behind her as they flapped and she circled Karkat. “I haven’t got much time, I need to make this quick. I come with a warning Karkat. Beware of the sleeping truths and the dreaming lies.”

“Beware the what? Aradia that doesn’t fucking help me at all.”

“I’m sorry. I would love to give you a more concrete clue, but I cannot. You have to work this out yourself. You know what they say about time players; we can’t go and tell you the future. That’s for you to discover.” She was about to leave when she stopped. “Can you…can you tell Sollux something for me?” He nodded. “Great, tell him I’m happy, I’m alive, and we’ll be meeting up soon.” 

“How soon?”

“That’s entirely up to you, Karkat.” 

Then she vanished and Karkat was left with more questions than answers. “Shit, I thought we were done with the prophecy bullshit when we beat the game.” He hadn’t woken up though, he was still in a dream. But something felt different, something felt wrong. There wasn’t anything around him, he was floating in inky darkness. But if he focused hard enough he could hear something deep in the void. 

It was a voice. A very familiar voice. And it was calling to him.

Before he could reach the voice he found something else. Blood. A sea of it stretched out as far as he could see. There were things floating in it. Karkat dared to step as close to the blood as he could. He almost jumped back in shock, bodies were floating face down. He flipped one over with his sickle. It was an adult human male. He didn’t recognize the face or the clothes. This human was unknown to him. But there were more bodies.

Karkat walked along the edge and flipped over more corpses. They all revealed the same face that Karkat couldn’t recognize. He didn’t understand this dream. The red blood reminded him of his own nightmares, and the bodies weren’t too far off from normal troll dreams. But never were they the same victim over and over again. And it was unsettling that the only bodies he could see where humans. Trolls hadn’t conquered humanity as far as Karkat knew. These couldn’t be cursed dreams from his ancestors, so what was this?

In the center of it all he could still hear that voice. It was far more panicked and cried out desperately for help. Something told him that he needed to reach that voice, to save it. Karkat broke into a run and started looking for any way to get to the center of the blood. But there was nothing, no rocks, no bridge, he couldn’t even use the bodies as grotesque stepping stones. The voice was getting louder and pounded in his ears like a drum that wouldn’t stop. 

Eventually he was left with no choice and he plunged into the blood. Instead of being able to swim he sunk. Karkat kicked out with his legs and clawed the liquid to get out. But it was no use, it was like something had an iron grip on his body and was pulling him down into the darkness. Drowning wasn’t the worst of it though. That honor went to the screaming voice. It exploded in his head as soon as he hit the blood and it felt like it was coming from his own mind. It yelled his name over and over again. Karkat could do nothing but listen as it screeched.

When he opened his mouth to call back it was filled with blood and he choked. Coper aftertaste burned in his throat and he could see way out. He felt his pulse quicken and his eyes draw wide in panic. “Is this what Aradia was trying to warn me of?” Karkat thought as he fell deeper and deeper down. 

His body felt no resistance if he angled it downward and swam towards the bottom. He assumed he was supposed to go away from the surface. The voice crying out grew louder still.

There was something resting at the bottom. A murky light that shown through the blood. As Karkat neared he could begin to make out what it was it was. There was a troll. Karkat swam closer and had to hold back a gasp. 

John.

He found him. 

The other boy looked like he was sleeping. His limbs were tucked in and he was curled in on himself with eyes shut tight. His voice screamed out but his mouth wasn’t open. Karkat reached out to touch him, to grab him and never let go. But when his hand grazed his mate’s body his eyes opened and his mouth bared his fangs.

Karkat was thrust back into reality in a dizzy haze. Before his eyes could focus his other senses started firing off. The first one being pain. Instinctively he kicked out and felt a weight lift from his chest. The next sense was hearing. There was a low growl in the room, one that Karkat instantly recognized as a troll. Then finally was sight. His eyes cleared and he could see John picking himself up from the floor. 

“John?” Karkat said sitting up. But the other gave no response, just feral snarls. “Sleep rage? But we’re linked, he shouldn’t attack me…” Karkat didn’t have time to think things through before John fell upon him again. Without hesitation his sickles appeared in his hands and he thrust the handle of one of them into John’s mouth, stopping his teeth from tearing a hole in his neck. “John snap out of it!”

To Karkat’s horror he saw nothing of his Matesprit in the eyes that stared down at him. They were a burning red, like Gamzee’s were when he lost it. The same red that Karkat watched dull when he killed the berserk troll. “Fuck, come back to me John, don’t make me…” He didn’t get to finish because John snapped the handle of the sickle between his jaws and head-butted Karkat. 

He was able to throw John off again and bail out of bed. Once upright he had seconds to grab hold of John’s wrists before he was slammed against the wall and teeth sunk into his shoulder. John was still growling but now there words that dripped from his mouth with Karkat’s blood. 

“You killed him! You killed him!”

“Killed who?” Karkat grunted and pried John off. 

“You killed him!” 

Karkat could hear footsteps fast approaching from the hall. “KK! We heard shouting, what’s going on in there?” 

John’s head whipped to the door. “Monsters! All of you!” 

“Shit,” Karkat swore and swept John’s feet out from under him in one fluid movement. He ran to the door and pushed Sollux roughly away. “Sleep rage, bad, I can handle it. Don’t come in here.”

“Like hell I’m not going to help KK. And what do you mean? He’s your Matesprit he shouldn’t be able-“ The door slammed down cutting off Sollux’s words. “Do you think closing the door is going to stop me? I’m blind not stupid!” He paused when he heard the sound of a keypad from the other side. “KK don’t you dare hit the manual override.” 

“Too late,” Karkat said while stepping back from the control panel by his door.

John was quick to fall upon him again slamming his face into the wall. “Murders! Liars! You killed him!” 

Karkat raised his voice to a growl. “You’re going to have to start making some sense here John, I can’t help you if I don’t know what the fuck happened.” He knew he didn’t have a lot of time before Sollux would get the door open. By then he was sure the whole meteor would be there ready to jump in. Karkat was pressed firmly against the wall, held fast by John’s superior strength. 

But John didn’t have the training that Karkat had. John might have the advantage in sheer strength but without skill to direct it it was basically useless. Karkat snapped his head back hard crashing into John’s face. While the other troll was stunned Karkat turned and kicked, planting his foot square in the other troll’s chest. With the wind knocked out of him John stumbled back.

In a hand to hand fight against trolls the goal was always to get to the base of the horn first. Whoever could trigger the paralyzing response first would be the winner. Karkat couldn’t count how many times he had practiced this in drills during school feeding. John wasn’t even a remote threat once Karkat had a chance to concentrate. With deadly efficiency Karkat moved in on John. He dodged a swipe of sharp claws and let John’s fangs bury themselves into one of his arms, while he reached for John’s horns with the other. His hands slid smoothly down the horn and found the base with ease. He pressed firmly down and watched as John fell to the floor limp.

He was still snarling but he couldn’t move. Karkat knelt down and rubbed the hair between each horn. “Sorry John, I had to.” The Red hadn’t left his eyes. “I know you can’t hear me, but I know you’re in there. Come on back now.” 

It took five minutes before the growling stopped and was replaced by a whimper. “K-Karkat?” 

“There you are, welcome back.” 

“My head,” John groaned and tried to sit up.

“You might want to rest a bit,” Karkat said. “We got into a fight, I had to make sure you couldn’t do any more damage.” 

“Fight? But Karkat, that’s impossible we’re Matesp…oh god.” His eyes caught sight of the blood dripping from Karkat’s arm and neck. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Karkat helped John to a sitting position. “What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know, Karkat I don’t know. All I remember is falling asleep next to you.” 

Karkat got up and headed for the store of bandages before sitting back down. He took a cloth and started blotting out blood. John helped. “You were asleep for two days, John we were really worried.” 

“I was?” He gingerly applied antiseptic to Karkat’s neck. “I had a dream, but it wasn’t anything bad. It was just my old life, my human life. But it…it felt real. It felt too real. I even doubted if this reality had even happened.” 

Karkat realized that something must have went wrong in that dream, something happened that pushed John so far that he forgot they were connected. “Did anything bad happen? In that dream, did something happen?”

“N-No. It was nice. I don’t…Karkat everything was fine.” 

“When you were attacking me you kept saying that we killed him. We were monsters and liars and we killed him. Who is him? John?”

He shook his head, “I’m sorry Karkat, I just don’t know. I don’t remember. If something that bad happened than I’m blocking it out.” They captchalogued the bandages and soiled clothes. John said, “Karkat you should really just tell them your blood color, by now it shouldn’t matter.” 

“No, not now. I’ll make that decision on my own.” He moved over to the control panel and started pressing buttons. “Sollux stop freaking out over there, I’m opening the door.” John hadn’t even noticed the steady stream of curses coming from the hall. “Thanks by the way,” Karkat said to John. “You didn’t freak out this time after you came out of the sleep rage. You’re easier to handle when you don’t go into shock and needs hours of comforting.” 

John shrugged, “To be honest, it was a blur. I don’t really feel like I did anything, I mean, I know I did, those fang marks didn’t appear out of nowhere. But it’s like…I don’t know aggression seems normal, almost natural. I am sorry though, you know I’d never hurt you on purpose Karkat!”

“I know,” he gave him a smile and hit the last button. The door opened up and their friends poured inside. 

“What happened in here? We heard screaming.” 

“It was nothing guys,” John said putting an arm around Karkat. “I just had a bit of a nightmare, that’s all.” 

Dave eyed him suspiciously, “You’re awake? That’s good. We were worried. Are you sure you’re ok though?” 

“Yeah, fine. Never better.” John’s stomach growled, “Let’s eat, haha.” 

Karkat hesitated before following everyone else out. There was still the bitter taste of blood in his mouth. But he couldn’t tell if it came from the fight, or that dream he had.

\---

“So I think it’s in everyone’s best interest if we hurried our plans along.” 

Kanaya nodded, “I agree. We’re not getting anywhere by sitting here.”

Jade spoke up, “The travel sized alchimiters are almost done. I just need to tweak a few things so they don’t overload their circuits when brought off the main power grid.” She elbowed Sollux in the side, “If Captor here would lend a hand it’d be done much quicker. He’s a genius I tell you!” 

“Great, Sollux when you’re done with what I asked you to do I want you to help Jade with anything she asks.”

“Yes, of course KK. I would love to hear what she figured out. There’s a wealth of knowledge to be gained from these machines.” 

Karkat turned to John, “And from here on out, I don’t want you sleeping.”

“What? Karkat that’s unfair! You can’t expect me to-“

“Trolls don’t need sleep for weeks. You’ll live. I can’t risk losing you again,” His voice was level but he was willing to raise it if he were challenged. “I was able to get you back last time, but there’s no telling what will happen the next time.” 

John was angry but agreed. “Fine, if that’s what you think will help.” 

“Sollux, one more thing, Aradia spoke to me in a dream, she had a message for you. She said that she’s happy and alive. She wanted me to let you know that you will meet again.”

He nodded. “Thank you, KK.” With Jade’s help he stood and exited the room. 

“That’s all I had planned to talk about today,” Karkat said. “I’m pleased with the progress that’s being made. Please stay wary of your surroundings. Trolls, I think we should all avoid sleep, humans exercise extreme caution. Something is going on, I don’t know what, but it can’t be good.” 

With the meeting over the only two left in the room were John and Karkat. John slumped over Karkat and said casually, “So if I can’t sleep anymore what should I do?”

“I don’t know, what did you do before the game?”

“Eh, played videogames and watched movies mostly. But that’s soooooo boring now.” John rested his head against Karkat’s back. “You said you’d help me find my dad, you wanted to meet him.”

“I still do,” Karkat said. “But something’s not right with your dreams. Even before you couldn’t wake up I thought you were spending far too much asleep.”

“You think there’s something wrong with my brain?”

“I don’t know.” 

“I think there’s something wrong with my brain.” 

Karkat didn’t say anything for a while. “Before you woke up I had a dream, it was a terrible one. I heard your voice calling for me, but it was coming from underneath a sea of blood.” Karkat decided to leave out the floating bodies. “I dove in and found you, but I couldn’t save you. John I don’t know what it means but it scared me.” 

“I wish I could remember what happened…I really do.”

\---

The apartment felt different to Dave. The walls were the same, the clothes on the floor unchanged and the weapons in the fridge were present as always. But there was something he couldn’t shake. “David?” He called out. There was no response. He wasn’t left alone in these dreams for long. “Bro?” He chanced the question that was never answered.

Unfazed he moved through the rest of the apartment to the staircase that lead to the roof. “David?” he said again when opened the hatch. No luck, the place was deserted. Even though it was his house, Dave was getting creeped out. He walked back down to the kitchen and sat at the table. It was perplexing; usually his dreams are more straightforward. Usually David is around to offer advice. 

Maybe it wasn’t a dream bubble, maybe this was just your average dream? That would make sense. “God my imagination is boring today.” Dave walked to the fridge and dodged a sword while grabbing the apple juice. He reached into the ice container instead of using the dispenser. Chances are it was still loaded with cherry bombs. Cherry bombs do not go good with a glass of AJ. 

He was just about to sit down when he heard a startled squawking sound from just behind him. When he turned he saw David floating in the doorway. His feathers were fluffed up around his neck and wings made him look twice as big. But most of all Dave noticed fear in his eyes that were uncharacteristically out in the open. “David?”

“You shouldn’t be here!” He said and rushed Dave covering him with his wings. “It’s not safe, you must leave now!” 

“Whoa David slow down. What?” 

But David just repeated himself, “It’s not safe here.” 

And Dave woke up.

\---

“Karkat where are we going? It’s late.” 

“I have something I want to show you.” 

John followed obediently behind Karkat. A few days had went by since he attacked Karkat. He kept true to his promise and didn’t sleep again. It was hard staying awake, the meteor was extremely boring when everyone else was dead to the world. Kanaya would sit up with him for most of the night. She didn’t like sleeping much. When he asked her why she didn’t give a clear response. She just said that something was bothering her. He didn’t press the issue. Everyone was feeling the strain of survival. He often wished that things could go back to how they were, it seemed simpler then.

“Karkat, really where are we going?”

“To see Sollux, geez do you have to want to ruin every surprise?” Karkat sounded confident but John could hear the slight tremor in his voice. They walked down the hall and entered a small room filled with wires and humming electronics. “Hey Captor I’m here, and I brought John. It’s ready right?”

“Yes KK, for the hundredth time today it’s done.”

“And you’ve tested it?”

“Of course.”

John cut in, “What is it? Test what?”

“KK told me to work on something…and we kept it a secret.”

“Karkat?” John didn’t like where this was going.

“I asked Sollux to repair the machine that turned you into a troll.”

Instantly outrage flared inside John but he bit back the anger. “What? Why? Karkat that doesn’t make any sense. I’m ok with being a troll now, why would you go through all this?”

“Because,” Karkat sighed, “because I’m worried about you. I’m worried about your mental state, and your aggression levels and I don’t think you’re happy.” 

“Karkat that’s…that’s idiotic, of course I’m happy. I like being a troll.” 

“I know,” Karkat stepped forward and hugged him. “I know. You gave up so much for me. But I’m worried. You shouldn’t have attacked me the other day, that shouldn’t have happened. I’m just… you’ve been sleeping so much, I think that you’re subconsciously happier as a human and-“ His voice trailed off and he stepped away from John. “I’m not forcing you to do anything.” His eyes traveled from John to the machine then back to John. “The choice is yours.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Still the Same - Animated Fancomic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/368023) by [ChibiEdo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiEdo/pseuds/ChibiEdo), [Tien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tien/pseuds/Tien)




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